Results 1 to 20 of 20

Thread: How did you become whole again?

  1. #1
    Veteran Member MichelleJade's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    271
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 13 Times in 5 Posts

    Default How did you become whole again?

    I've been dating a guy for a year and a half. I'll leave out all of the details, but he's screwed up more times than I should allow. I always coped with the situation by telling myself, 'this will make me a stronger person in the end'. That may be the truth, but right now I'm weaker than I have ever been.

    I can't even leave the house during the day without him. We take all of our classes together so things can't be awkward. (At this point, I have to, it's the only way I'll go to class). I can't work, or go out with friends, because I keep thinking how much I suck and how much people won't want to be around me. It's irrational... plus I've become a total submissive. I'll say stuff like 'well, at least I'm being useful' when I'm doing things I really don't want to do... I am such a strong person and always have been, so I'm just really, really beating myself up over this. Which doesn't help.

    Regardless of what happens to our relationship, I just want to be whole again, and not reliant on a guy who messes up, because it's a real self-esteem killer.
    So my question to you, SWers... how did you recover from losing yourself in a relationship? I don't know where to start.
    There's only so much you can learn in one place...
    The longer you wait, the more time that you waste.

  2. #2
    God/dess
    Joined
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Temporary Lurkmode...
    Posts
    12,609
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 79 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    For now stop putting yourself down. You're not weak. You just need to find yourself again. I actually think its common to temporarily lose yourself in a relationship because we are so enamored with the other person.

    Suggestions:
    Start going out with friends without him.
    Reserve away from him time like nails, spa, shopping, errands, etc.
    Get some hobbies that you alone like.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  3. #3
    Featured Member echomadison's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    850
    Thanks
    15
    Thanked 35 Times in 22 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    Do we ever actually become whole again?

  4. #4
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    892
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    Just pretend and one day it will be true! honestly its soooooo lame, but time heals.....
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    Veteran Member MichelleJade's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    271
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 13 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    TM, you have some good ideas, but that's the problem. I can't get away from him. Last week I made plans with two gay guys to go out to a club, and he still invited himself along. I have some different interests than him, but he still always ends up going somehow, and usually not having a good time.
    One time I went to the mall with a friend, and he threw a fit because he wanted to go to the mall and ended up driving himself out there and meeting up with us.
    Another time I said screw it, got up and left for Tampa for a few days, and he... well, let's just say I didn't do that again.

    That's why I don't know where to start...
    There's only so much you can learn in one place...
    The longer you wait, the more time that you waste.

  6. #6
    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Location
    ohio
    Posts
    4,967
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    Quote Originally Posted by echomadison View Post
    Do we ever actually become whole again?
    exactly. my situation that burned me so bad was where i feel i screwed everything up and 3 years of trying to get back with him and he ended up marrying his ex, i had to let go. he was a dick in our relationship but i wasnt much bette.r i wanted to fix things so badly, but all i did was come off as stalker material.

    sometimes all you can do is just go on about your life. theres no formula to getting over things sometimes.

    im still not over him but ive moved on. maybe thats all you can do.

  7. #7
    Featured Member
    Joined
    May 2007
    Posts
    1,599
    Thanks
    52
    Thanked 57 Times in 48 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    Quote Originally Posted by i.breathe.in View Post
    exactly. my situation that burned me so bad was where i feel i screwed everything up and 3 years of trying to get back with him and he ended up marrying his ex, i had to let go. he was a dick in our relationship but i wasnt much bette.r i wanted to fix things so badly, but all i did was come off as stalker material.

    sometimes all you can do is just go on about your life. theres no formula to getting over things sometimes.

    im still not over him but ive moved on. maybe thats all you can do.
    This is no lie.. it's TOUGH, that emotional dependency and pain of being so wrapped up in someone else. Not to mention dealing with their fuck-up'ed-ness. One step at a time. Breath in and out.

    Perhaps you can take some yoga classes or just do something that you like to do and makes you happy. Finish something that you started for yourself and put down.. This sounds dumb ( so don't laugh ) I cross-stitch. It's just relaxing to me and it's a mindless repetition action ( once I get started ) that lets me unclench my mind from that fist-like knot.

    xoxox

  8. #8
    God/dess VegasPrincess's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2006
    Location
    MKE
    Posts
    4,660
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 182 Times in 40 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    You know, The Law of Attraction really does work. This means we get what we put out....so....if you focus on thinking ," I'm bad, nobody wants to be around me, etc" that's the end result. (Not that people REALLY dont want to be around you but that's what YOU end up believing, got me?)

    When you start having a negative self thought, or a thought about what you DON'T want to happen, flip it into a positive.

    An example from my own life, and I have really bad anxiety BTW and this has helped

    Old thought "I can't drive over that bridge I am afraid that I am going to have a panic attack what would happen if that happened would I crash and die?"

    New thought "I can't wait to get over this bridge! I am going to feel so excited and good about myself plus I can check out the beautiful view while I am up there."

    Old thought (and by the way I did gain a lot of weight at the time I started having these thoughts) "I'm fat. I'm disgusting. What if I get fatter? I can't be a stripper if I'm fat? My life will be over? I do NOT want to get fat."

    New thought "I really value my body, and looking my best rewards me with money. It's important for me to look good to feel good, and I want to eat healthy and take care of myself because I deserve to have the thing body I desire."

    Google The law of Attraction. Also read the secret.
    Last edited by VegasPrincess; 08-07-2008 at 02:46 PM. Reason: I spelled bridge bride, which umm, totally changes the meaning of my post. LOL
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

  9. #9
    Featured Member Kaiyla's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2003
    Location
    California
    Posts
    1,478
    Thanks
    14
    Thanked 19 Times in 4 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    Time. It "heals all wounds." Well..most of them anyhow

  10. #10
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    6,345
    Thanks
    168
    Thanked 801 Times in 419 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    Quote Originally Posted by MichelleJade View Post
    TM, you have some good ideas, but that's the problem. I can't get away from him. Last week I made plans with two gay guys to go out to a club, and he still invited himself along. I have some different interests than him, but he still always ends up going somehow, and usually not having a good time.
    One time I went to the mall with a friend, and he threw a fit because he wanted to go to the mall and ended up driving himself out there and meeting up with us.
    Another time I said screw it, got up and left for Tampa for a few days, and he... well, let's just say I didn't do that again.

    That's why I don't know where to start...
    What's wrong with him? Why does he need to be near you constantly? That just seems odd to me...


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  11. #11
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Cocoa Beach, FL
    Posts
    10,220
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 52 Times in 37 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    I have a feeling that us = roommates will help. We can help each other get whole.
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
    *******************************

    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

    Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."

  12. #12
    Veteran Member MichelleJade's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    271
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 13 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    Yeah Paris, I don't really get it either. I'm guessing it's some form of insecurity - either he's afraid I'm going to pick up some guy, or doesn't like to be alone... who knows.

    Oh yes, I really cannot wait. I just need to start over, without quitting school and moving to Guam... yes, this is a better choice.
    There's only so much you can learn in one place...
    The longer you wait, the more time that you waste.

  13. #13
    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2004
    Location
    House of Aion
    Posts
    8,074
    Thanks
    7,881
    Thanked 5,705 Times in 2,127 Posts
    My Mood
    In Love

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    You need some heartless bitch in your life! www.heartless-bitches.com
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

  14. #14
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    4,183
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 14 Times in 12 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    Time and distance will help. It'll hurt at first but as time progresses you'll find yourself again and maybe even more. Experiences like this can actually make us grow as a person.

  15. #15
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Cocoa Beach, FL
    Posts
    10,220
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 52 Times in 37 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    Michelle! One of these days, soon, we should just go out. To a park, to the beach, anywhere. Just to go.
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
    *******************************

    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

    Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."

  16. #16
    Veteran Member MichelleJade's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    271
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 13 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    Thanks green, when the others were saying that I might not ever be whole again, phew. I really hope that isn't the case.

    I'm already doing a little bit better... I managed to do laundry today, and go to Walmart alone (at night, of course). It doesn't sound like much, but trust me, the way I've been it was huge.

    Haha, heartless bitches? Nice, really. I admit to agreeing with a lot of that site.

    I need to change my thought pattern too, I've been way too negative, but I'm sure everyone's like that sometimes.

    Oh hey, sorry Paige, just saw it... I'm up for it, for sure. As long as you don't mind someone's who totally depressive/social anxiety at the moment... getting me out of the house can be a battle!
    There's only so much you can learn in one place...
    The longer you wait, the more time that you waste.

  17. #17
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Cocoa Beach, FL
    Posts
    10,220
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 52 Times in 37 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    My personality is The Protector, The Guardian. The Healer. I am always up for helping someone through stuff.
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
    *******************************

    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

    Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."

  18. #18
    Featured Member echomadison's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    850
    Thanks
    15
    Thanked 35 Times in 22 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    Quote Originally Posted by MichelleJade View Post
    Thanks green, when the others were saying that I might not ever be whole again, phew. I really hope that isn't the case.
    I didnt really mean it as in you will never feel happy again or never experience love and all that. I just meant that in MY experience with REAL love, when it ends they take a part of you whether you want it or not. Thus saying, you will never be truly "whole" again if you were really in love because they will always have a piece of your heart.

  19. #19
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Location
    The VIP room
    Posts
    3,621
    Thanks
    47
    Thanked 187 Times in 58 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    I don't buy into the idea that you aren't whole if you had your heart broken. Yes, it's painful and difficult to go through, but you will get through it. And you will most likely end up with someone you love even more (eventually). Don't give that person the power to "take" part of you. That's something that is up to you.
    Check out my new eBay auctions.......

  20. #20
    Veteran Member MichelleJade's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    271
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 13 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: How did you become whole again?

    Yeah echo, I totally understand what you're saying, I've been there before. I'm just hoping it's not happening again... love is like vodka, and there's only so many shotglasses I can pour into. (I'm feeling silly)

    Unfortunately, I did let someone take a part of me, and it was my fault. It's my fault for relying on another person for happiness. I'm sure I'll do it again, though. I find I have to hit a really low point to pick myself up and starting changing things.

    Oh, I'm tired... rambling...
    There's only so much you can learn in one place...
    The longer you wait, the more time that you waste.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •