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Thread: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

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    Default Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    My mom who i am not very close to is having a big deal surgery in the next couple of weeks while i am in New york. (not life or death, just invasive)

    Should i fly back for the day to see her (5 hour flight there and 5 hr flight back) and a cost of 350 for the flight?

    She kind of guilted me and got mad when i told her of my NY plans. I did want to be by her side but totally blanked out when it came to my NY plans interfering with her surgery.

    Would you do it? Out of guilt or? Am i cold for even contemplating this?

    If it was my dad, he wouldn't even have to ask and I would be there. Then again, he probably wouldn't ask or guilt me.

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    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    Yep. I'd go... and I would stay for longer than a day, too.
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    ^What Sophia said.
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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    id say family is a bit more important.....depending on how close you are.

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    Quote Originally Posted by i.breathe.in View Post
    id say family is a bit more important.....depending on how close you are.
    Thats the thing, we are really not close at all. She was not good to my father too, and I also think I hold a bit of resentment there. When I found out her diagnosis, I did get a bit emotional and good thoughts of my childhood came rushing back. So, I don't know?

    I guess if she didn't guilt me the way she did I would have less of a problem getting the tickets.

    I'm going on vacation up north, but its to see the other side of my family.

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    i guess i cant imagine this because i'm relatively close with both my parents.

    however. i would probably throw a hissy fit about my plans being ruined because i can be very selfish sometimes, and i feel incredibly guilty over it.

    go. just because your mom was bad to your dad doesnt make her a bad person. you didnt say she was bad to you.

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    Featured Member dangerousdiva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    It's hard for me to say because I'm extremely close with my parents.

    My dad took me on a remote scuba diving trip to Micronesia. Once there he drops the bomb that 8 days after we come home he's having a quadruple bypass. I worried the rest of the trip for his health and because I was also starting school the same week we got back.

    On the way home my flight terminated at LAX and he went on to fly home. I cried my eyes out but he didn't want me coming home with him, he wanted me back in school.

    It's up to you and if you think this might bring you two closer and how manipulative or selfish your mom is.


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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    go. just because your mom was bad to your dad doesnt make her a bad person. you didnt say she was bad to you.
    Definitely. What went on between your parents has nothing to do with you. Remember you were a kid looking out, you don't know for sure what all went down between them. They knew each other way before you were born remember

    I don't know what your relationship is like with your mother, but I am assuming it isn't that bad if you are even considering going out there.

    Go. It's the right thing to do.

    (Now if there's something I don't know and your mom was wicked or abusive towards you, then you shouldnt feel obligated to go. But if she was reasonably cool to you then yes you really should go. Esp. If you're an only child)
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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    I did not get along very well with my mother, but I was glad I was there to hold her hand while she died.

    Go. If the worst happens (which it probably won't) you will lay a worse guilt trip on yourself than your mother ever did. New York will be there later.

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    I say go too. It's a small chunk of time out of your life. $ is just $. But if she has a hard time after you will be glad you are there.

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    If its not life or death, I would just send some flowers. I'm not close to my mom either and she uses the guilt trip. I just don't sign up for the ride.

    It really ends up being an hour or two in the hospital fumbling around for something to say.

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    she really didn't treat me well AT ALL after about a certain age when the family was breaking apart but there were times in my early chilhood that were good.

    JRA, i agree about it being an hr or two fumbling around the hospital. She will be pretty messed up for a while.

    It is not life or death... I am still on the edge about this. I told her I was coming but I just don't know?

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    the longer i wait....the more the tickets are going to cost.

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Yep. I'd go... and I would stay for longer than a day, too.
    Me too







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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    if you told her you were coming, you need to go. that's my opinion, at least.

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    if something went wrong, would you feel at fault for not being by her side?

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    Quote Originally Posted by LoveComesFromWithin View Post
    if something went wrong, would you feel at fault for not being by her side?

    It is a masdectomy. I am really not familiar with the surgery. Anyone know the possible complications of this?

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    Yes, you should go. Like unless you are willing to say "Mum, your health, well being and the wholeness of your body are not important to me" you should go whether you are close to her or not.
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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    Quote Originally Posted by head turner View Post
    It is a masdectomy. I am really not familiar with the surgery. Anyone know the possible complications of this?
    If she's having a mastectomy I'm guessing it's because she has breast cancer. So, really, she's going through a lot more than just the surgery. I would definitely go if it were my mom, I wouldn't even have to think about it.
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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    A mastectomy is an emotional surgery. It's not like she's getting a bunion removed. I would go and be as supportive as possible and look at this as an opportunity to maybe bring you two closer, especially because she wants you there.

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    My mom went through a double about 3 weeks ago. It is not a dangerous surgery in itself, but there can be life threatening concequences with any surgery. For the 1st couple of weeks my mom couldn't reach up to use the micro, get in the freezer, do laundry, or cook. She still is a few weeks away from driving. She takes a darvasat every 5 hours. I hope your mom has someone there with her 24/7 for a couple of weeks. Aside from the medical aspect of things, as mentioned before it is a devastating emotional loss to a woman which as a guy I can't begin to fully comprehend.

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    B/c of the type of surgery, I'd go. Its a little horrific for a woman to have her boob chopped off and she'll need all the support she can get.

    Think about it this way- do you want her going into surgery calm and relaxed, or angry b/c you aren't there?

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    I would definetely go. She is your mother, she carried you for 9 months and gave you life.. go be with her during her surgery.

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    ^ not everyone understands what it's like to be obligated to someone because they carried you 9 months of your life... but then they physically and emotionally abused you for the rest of it. How much is someone allowed to do to you before you say "Fuck you" and move on with life, leaving that obligation behind?

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    I wouldn't go. You have to draw the line somewhere.

    She will wake up after the surgery and you'll have plenty time to see her then and help her out while she's recovering. Holding her hand and telling her everything is going to be all right sounds really cute and all, but please. Its not like she's going to die.

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    Default Re: Would you do this? yes or no. HELP :

    To me, keeping my word is my most important value. If I had said I would go, I would go, and the only thing that could stop me would be something that made it impossilbe, like being in the hospital myself.

    Consider this: Just the fact that you are asking (and still asking) means that you think you should go, but you don't want to go. If you are worried about it now, think how you will be later. Either some remote, serious thing will happen and you will regret your choice, or nothing will happen and your mom will be holding it over you and making your life miserable for the rest of your life.

    On the other hand, if you do go, you will be there if you need to be, and if nothing happens, you will have the high ground for the rest of your life. "Remember when you were having surgery and I gave up my trip to New York to be with you?" It sounds to me that such a tool might be helpful to you in your relationship with your mother.

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