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  1. #1
    Member Jinx_Removing's Avatar
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    Default letting them hurt you

    i'm so annoyed with myself.

    had the worst night last night because i was constantly letting the guys mean remarks and actions get under my skin and hurt my feelings.
    i wish i could block them out.
    the nights i'm able to do this i make really great money.

    i have tried taking 5-htp to put me in a good mood, caffeine drinks to make me hyper and bubbly and even the odd drink to try and lift my spirits a little. i know it's my own fault that i have nights when i'm so sensitive... i wish i could just turn on and off like the other girls.

    it's frustrating seeing certain girls do well because they are totally drunk or on drugs. that's a good way to not let the guys get at you... but not something i wanna do.

    any advice or tips are appreciated... i hate feeling bad about myself, i'm usually so confident, moreso in real life though.

    it was so bad last night, when i woke up today i was STILL upset about it. really, really upset.

    please help!

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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Gawd, I wish I could have great advice to give you but I'm in the same boat a lot. I'm currently working dayshift and making less money because I can't stand the rough late-night crowd at the moment.

    I just try to remind myself that there are evil people in the world who would love to hurt me and whether or not I allow myself to be exposed to them, they exist.

    Also, stand up for yourself briefly (like a one-liner). I feel better when I do.

    Another thing is walk away. I used to stay and spend a few minutes trying to put them in their place and it only made me feel worse.

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    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    What do you mean when you say they were being mean to you? Like saying no to dances or making fun of you? I don't quite understand. If you are working in a club where people are regularly mean to you, then I think there's a bigger problem here.
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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    btw, I believe you will grow thick skin and it takes time. I worked in a call centre calling people to do surveys and people were so mean to me but it really helped prepare me for stripping!

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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    What do you mean when you say they were being mean to you? Like saying no to dances or making fun of you? I don't quite understand. If you are working in a club where people are regularly mean to you, then I think there's a bigger problem here.
    I don't really know what is normal or not but on Friday or Saturday nights, I'll have at least one guy be downright rude to me.

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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    I don't really know what is normal or not but on Friday or Saturday nights, I'll have at least one guy be downright rude to me.
    Lol, maybe this is where my thick skin comes into play. I never think of that as them being "mean." Jackasses are part of the job, they aren't even a blip on my radar.
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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    Lol, maybe this is where my thick skin comes into play. I never think of that as them being "mean." Jackasses are part of the job, they aren't even a blip on my radar.
    Thick skin is definitely a useful thing to have! It sounds so silly but I'm very grateful for having worked at a call centre to prepare for stripping.

    Maybe you have some tips to share with us?

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    Featured Member txchick008's Avatar
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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    I don't really know what is normal or not but on Friday or Saturday nights, I'll have at least one guy be downright rude to me.
    How so?
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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    -I'll ask them how their evening is going and they'll say "no thanks, I don't want dances from you" quite rudely
    -I'll have guys lie about stuff and try and trick me and then laugh at me.
    -Guys will repeatedly try and touch my kitty or lick/suck/kiss me which is sexual assault.
    -Try and make me feel not worth it: "$20 for a dance?? That is really expensive. Are you going to make me cum?"
    -Insult my intelligence "I don't believe you have a degree." "If you are smart and have a degree, why can't you get a real job?"

    ^^^This doesn't happen very often but about 1-2 times per Fri/Sat night. Most of the guys that are at my club are great but when you talk to 20-30 drunk guys a night, at least 1-2 are boung to be jackasses.

    Daytime or early evening it's VERY rare anyone is rude to me. Too bad it's not as much money.

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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Like NewMoon said, you definitely have to have thick skin. It's just the nature of the business. You're gonna be judged by alot of people; some will have awesome things to say about you and some will be straight assholes...you just have to ignore it and continue to be strong...

    I've had guys tell me everything from my performance sucked to me being a slut because I'm a stripper. I just ignore it...what I tell guys who tell me things like that is basically that they don't have to look at me, or better yet can just shut the fuck because they knew what kind of place they were stepping into before they even walked through the door.

    It's tough to hear, but you have to ignore it and keep it moving.

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    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Maybe you're being too nice. You have to be confident, with an edge. You can say anything you want if you do it with a smile. You'd be suprised at some of the shit I've pulled out.

    One of my favorites is to step back and say to the douchebag's friends, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize he was "special." You guys should have warned me!" Then talk to douchebag like a little child. It's fucking funny and the friends always laugh.
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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    i'm willing to bet that nearly all of us, even those with the toughest skin, feel this way from time to time. every once in awhile a day is just tremendously taxing or you get an asshole that says just the right most hurtful thing possible.

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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    Maybe you're being too nice. You have to be confident, with an edge. You can say anything you want if you do it with a smile. You'd be suprised at some of the shit I've pulled out.

    One of my favorites is to step back and say to the douchebag's friends, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize he was "special." You guys should have warned me!" Then talk to douchebag like a little child. It's fucking funny and the friends always laugh.
    Thanks for the tip! I like that one and will use it

    One of my faves that works only in some cases is: "You don't have a lot of experience with women, do you?" shake my head and walk away....

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    Featured Member txchick008's Avatar
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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    -I'll ask them how their evening is going and they'll say "no thanks, I don't want dances from you" quite rudely
    -I'll have guys lie about stuff and try and trick me and then laugh at me.
    -Guys will repeatedly try and touch my kitty or lick/suck/kiss me which is sexual assault.
    -Try and make me feel not worth it: "$20 for a dance?? That is really expensive. Are you going to make me cum?"

    ^^^This doesn't happen very often but about 1-2 times per Fri/Sat night. Most of the guys that are at my club are great but when you talk to 20-30 drunk guys a night, at least 1-2 are boung to be jackasses.

    Daytime or early evening it's VERY rare anyone is rude to me. Too bad it's not as much money.
    I'm sorry girl

    In my limited experience, I have also had a few guys joke around and feed me a BS story...then laugh with their friends. I just laugh with them, maybe playfully slap them on the shoulder, etc. I'll get the last laugh anyhow, when I take their $$$!!
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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    ^^^The guys who do this never spend. At soon as I realize they are trying to pull shit on me, I'm outta there.

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    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Penny View Post
    i'm willing to bet that nearly all of us, even those with the toughest skin, feel this way from time to time. every once in awhile a day is just tremendously taxing or you get an asshole that says just the right most hurtful thing possible.
    Well sure, it happens occasionally, but you can certainly take steps to make sure it doesn't happen every day.
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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    -I'll ask them how their evening is going and they'll say "no thanks, I don't want dances from you" quite rudely
    Walk away, don't waste any more time. If you feel like being a smartass, say, "Aw, I was gonna tell you you won the free blowjob lottery, but now I'll have to find someone else."

    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    -I'll have guys lie about stuff and try and trick me and then laugh at me.
    1) Always assume they are full of shit while 2) simultaneuously believing everything they say. It will make your night more entertaining and profitable. Feel free to share this philosophy with them if they try to be all "Gotcha!"


    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    -Guys will repeatedly try and touch my kitty or lick/suck/kiss me which is sexual assault.
    When they begin with this behavior, start your defensive dancing, both physically and verbally. There are some excellent threads on how to handle the inappropriately grabby.

    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    -Try and make me feel not worth it: "$20 for a dance?? That is really expensive. Are you going to make me cum?"
    "Wow, coming in your pants is something you want to do? Ew." Walk away.

    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    -Insult my intelligence "I don't believe you have a degree." "If you are smart and have a degree, why can't you get a real job?"
    Why are you telling them about your degree in the first place? They don't care or need to know. Save it for the custies for whom that's attractive.


    None of this has anything to do with you, it's just guys being assholes in that environment. Do you think they have any basis for or right to judge you? Of course not! You are an object to them. When there is truly nasty behavior I think a verbal reprimand is fine, but do not argue with or waste time with these people. Move along and IGNORE THEM. What they want more than anything is FREE ATTENTION, even or especially if it's negative. Deprive them of that. Let them keep talking to your ass as it moves along.

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    Veteran Member SnakeBabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    -...Are you going to make me cum?".
    Don’t you need MEN to make you do that?

    I probably don’t go though half of what you girls do but I just consider the source.
    They don’t know you
    They are drunk
    They are Male
    Consider the source and keep you eye on the bottom line…$$$.
    It’s not the perfect answer but it helps.
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  19. #19
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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Great advice, Susan! Thanks! I wish I had known these things earlier in my dancing career! I think my biggest mistake was not walking away. Now I give them a one-liner and then I bounce. Feels great!

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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan Wayward View Post
    Walk away, don't waste any more time. If you feel like being a smartass, say, "Aw, I was gonna tell you you won the free blowjob lottery, but now I'll have to find someone else."
    I like that!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan Wayward View Post
    When they begin with this behavior, start your defensive dancing, both physically and verbally. There are some excellent threads on how to handle the inappropriately grabby.
    I do but it still bothers me. Even if they don't touch the kitty, it still bugs the hell out of me that they think it's okay to try.

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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    Tell them that, then. In similar words. "It's not OK to try to touch us where we've told you not to. At the very least you should ask before potentially sexually assaulting someone." There might be places or dancers that have allowed that, but assuming it's okay to touch someone's genitalia without an express OK is sexual assault and I think it's fine to make them feel like assholes about it.

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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    ^^^That is pretty much what I've been doing. I say to them sternly "When a woman tells you not to touch her, you don't touch her. You are sexually assaulting me and you must stop right now."

    It actually works wonders! The guys stop and I'm paid in full.

    Believe it or not but the last guy I said this to actually almost started crying...... it was weird.

    I feel a bit better but it still bugs me..... I guess I will just have to continue to grow thick skin.

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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    I got comments every now and then. I'd even get comments where I was called fat and ugly. I started telling off guys when they'd do that. I'd tell them they can't get a girl if they come into a club. I'd insult their intelligence, looks, weight, etc. Most of the time that worked. I ended up developing a thick skin and told myself they didn't know the real me (which is true). It was almost like I became a different person the minute I walked in the club. I had to so I could keep my sanity.

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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    I work in frickin asshole city. Most of the time over (guesstimating here...) 75% of the customers I dance for are assholes in one way or another and about 90% of the ones I hustle are assholes or have asshole potential. Like you said, you just need to find a way to NOT let them get to you. You will grow a thick skin, but it takes time. I've become sort of emotionally numb towards certain responses/actions because they happen so often. I have at least one guy everytime I work that tries to touch my pussy (I work topless) and usually RIGHT after I sit down with hm or start dancing (on the floor, and for $5 LD). I now expect it from most of the custys so when I'm with one I am CONSTANTLY watching their hands and have my guard up. It doesnt even phase me anymore- they try to grab, i block them, tell them i will punish them for bad behaviour. Obviously the best course of action regarding assault is to defend yourself and walk away. Remove yourself from any situation that makes you uncomfortable. But sometimes the choices for customer 'types' just sucks.
    For physically related assholishness I dance/act defensively and if they understand theyre wrong I continue to dance and shower them with attention, if not, I finsih dancing (airdance) then walk away.
    For verbally related assholes I laugh and walk away. Also, if theyre response is so severe that it really hits you deep down dont let them win by upsetting you. After they throw their snarky comment into the air just smile, thnk of bunnies or something that makes you happy and giggly(anything to immediately change you state of mind), and walk away. Do not give them the satisfaction of hurting you (emotionally/physically). Good example (prob the worst verbal asshole Ive met yet): I appraoch " Hi my names blah blah I'd love to dance for you" dude: "I cant get a dance from you (mumbles something about getting me pregnant) ...then I'd have to FUCKIN KILL YOU!" I got up thought of my goofy cat and walked away. Remember that you're there to make money, not get into a debate/argument/fight. They say these things to upset you - don't let them win!

    Bottom line: The best thing you can do foryourself in most situations is to walk away.

  25. #25
    Featured Member Victoryx0x0's Avatar
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    Default Re: letting them hurt you

    LAUGH AT THEM and walk away!!! they are pathetic and dont deserve ur presence.

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