I'm in for fun ride. I have 4 days until I am entirely homeless and carless. Matt is home cleaning out my car and packing my shit in boxes. I have less than $200 to my name. I dot have the money to get to california. i dont have a ar to get there. All I have is a few boxes ofshit, 3 animals and nowhere t go.I'm freaking the fuck out and just want to give up and see how much damagea bottle of nyquill and abottle of rum will do. He hates me so much and it kills me to feel such hatred comming rom soeone i have loved so much. Hethinks everythng is my fault. I fucked up so badly and I know i did. but im so screwed. I'm freaking out so bad. I know c=vaca was a bad idea, i needed to be at hoem handeling shit but i had to run away for a bit. i couldnt handle the shit at home. i cant handle the way he looks at me. i cant handle watchign my life go down the drain. im so scared to go home and face it. and with such uncretainty. I really have nowhere...i never thought id be in this situation again. i thought my life was stab;le and set up. i'm losing everything. my house, my car, my relationship, my life. 'm so scared and lost. i just wnt to give up. i need to find the pets a good home cause I cant tak care of them if i dont even know whre i can live. but if i findthm a home i have no reazson to keep trying anymore. i think this entire life was amistake. if i believed in reincarnation...i could just try again and start over a new life, cause this one was just a mistake. a big huge 27 year mistake. i hate myself and tat no matter how hard i ty and how good i do its neer good enough andit never gets me anywhere. fuck it all. i dont know what else to do. i'm just empty.


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*HUGS*
thank you guys, so much. Change freaks me out so bad and I'm terrified and freaking out..but it will be ok. I used to be a very strong and independant girl...I can find her again. Just gotta get over the hump.I can get through anythign with you guys behind me 
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