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Thread: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

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    Default Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    Reposted to start the thread....

    Am I too nice? Or am i just too professional to a fault? At work, even if I know I will be stiffed for a tip, or tipped offensively, I still am on my best behavior and provide my top notch customer service. If it's not even worth it, why do I bother? I am often like this in everyday life. Even if the person is an asshole, I'll usually be silent or still try to be polite. Why? These people don't deserve that.


    Anybody feel like they're nice to a fault? I feel like a doormat. How do you get out of this habit, or how did you?
    Last edited by UltraViolet; 10-01-2008 at 07:51 PM.

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    nope, im not nice enough apparently lol.

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    Quote Originally Posted by UltraViolet View Post
    Yep. In a way I fucking envy you.
    ha dont, it comes from years of being walked on, and hurt. ive got a hard outer shell and as a result i have few close friends, and constantly want to anniahlate someone.

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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    Quote Originally Posted by i.breathe.in View Post
    ha dont, it comes from years of being walked on, and hurt. ive got a hard outer shell and as a result i have few close friends, and constantly want to anniahlate someone.
    Hey, that's me to a "T"!

    Seriously though, I lived almost 3 decades trying not to hurt anyone's feelings. Now I realize how counter-productive all of that was...Now people might not like me (a lot, LOL) but they respect me.

    A huge part of being effective and not a doormat is to know What to say to Who and How and WHEN- timing is everything in Life.

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    Quote Originally Posted by UltraViolet View Post
    Now how does that work? Because I too only have few close friends and am too nice. Guess you need a medium, but hell if i can find it.

    I must get this from my father. He is too nice and giving, and gets walked on a lot. Now my mom is the opposite; why couldn't I have gotten THAT trait from her?
    i dont know try being mean just for one day. its kind of liberating saying all the things you used to hold back. but beware its addictive.

    now i dont go out of my way to be mean to people by any means, but if someones rude, they get it right back.

    im just a fighter. honestly and this is the most deep thing anyone will ever get out of me on ehre but i think it started with this pivital moment in my life:

    my mom and step dad who raised me as his own (even though he was abusive) were just about to get a divorce. i was 14. he was screaming at my mom and i and i was very proctective of her. i had finally had enough, and i went after him to attack him and my mom held me back and put her hand over my mouth and i was screaming and crying and telling him everything i had wanted to say to him for years, but he never heard any of it through my mothers hands. the whole time he just told me how much he hated me.

    so thats where it all came from, years of putting up with shit, and finally boiling over and now im a mean, mouthy person. its a hell of a lot better then getting walked on though.

    wow. thats deff the deepest thing ive ever wrote here aside form the story of my real dads death.

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    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    Quote Originally Posted by UltraViolet View Post
    Am I too nice? Or am i just too professional to a fault? At work, even if I know I will be stiffed for a tip, or tipped offensively, I still am on my best behavior and provide my top notch customer service. If it's not even worth it, why do I bother? I am often like this in everyday life. Even if the person is an asshole, I'll usually be silent or still try to be polite. Why? These people don't deserve that.

    Anybody feel like they're nice to a fault? I feel like a doormat. How do you get out of this habit, or how did you?
    That's me. Wish I had some advice... I struggle with this too.
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    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    I am guilty of this, although not at the strip club thankfully.

    I have been unassertive for years in former jobs. Then one day I'd loose it coz I was sick of being walked all over and I'd end up exploding and getting fired.
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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    Same here. Then I just got fed up with the pain in my body from my actions and just had to stand for myself no matter how hard it is, or how afraid I was.

    The most important part in my routine is to use reasoning and 6th sense a lot. The 6th sense tells me exactly what will happen, and every time I deviate from that, I get in trouble. I guess if it wasn't for the constant pushing I would carry on this self-destructive behaviour.

    I believe that the opposite is as self destructive as well. The issue has nothing to do with other people really, it's not their fault that I don't stand for myself and let them abuse me or self-lye: "Caring for them" - they aren't infants you know.

    But, let me tell you, it was very hard. Basically I used the reasoning that I already had, when it comes to arguing, instead of giving up and agreeing, I just did not give up. Just this alone increased my success, and then if I still get in the corner from my own words, which happens, or just because I actually was wrong about something - cause that happens also :-) - it became less of a big deal to me. I tried being aggressive - that's just not me. Doesn't feel good for me to be this way. But it doesn't feel good as well to just say that everybody is right (and that I am wrong). It takes time, for some ppl it's more natural, but it is hard for everybody. Small consistent efforts over a longer period of time and logical reasoning does bring in the fruits. The border is not to switch to hate. And then again, use reasoning, if you know or feel they won't give you tips, don't serve them. You know, nobody will compensate you for it. Find a place where they will give it to you easily. So that's adaptation, Ok. Instead of thinking of myself as a "pharaon" - as I call it jokingly, I know I am not, and I can't change ppl. So, let them go.

    I run IT business and it's the same thing. You've got to stand for yourself and refuse to serve ppl who you know will not give you what you want. Nobody will compensate your efforts otherwise. Basically the mantra is "No, it costs that much or I will not do it". Works like a charm. If you give an opening for them to strike, they will be striking it until you close it and that's for your own good really, because if they don't, you won't budge and make an effort. Ironic but true, looks like lazyness in a sense...

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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    i'm the nice one while my best friend is the mean one. but that's probably why we work so well together. when i feel like i'm being taken advantage of, i pretend that i'm her and i would say something that she would say if she was in my situation. usually works

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    God/dess phillyvixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    I think i'm a pretty good happy medium with a hint of too niceness.
    Especially since getting married, I feel like i've been nice a lot more when i would rather be mean or rude (not necessarily to my husband more to his friends and customers and occasionally family)

    I guess part of it is that i feel like an extension of him in some ways (especially when it comes to his customers) and he is ALWAYS SOOO super nice (to peoples faces) even when they are awful to him, so i try and be nice to even when i don't want to be.

    The hardest for me is being nice to one of his friends, who i just think is a complete scumbag and hubby knows this but just expects me to play nice. I would expect the same thing from him if the tables were turned but it just irks the hell out of me.

    In a lot of ways i feel like i've lost my spunk. I used to me more outgoing and outspoken, never afraid of confrontation. Now i avoid it at all costs. Even when strangers deserve my sass i don't usually give it to them anymore...I don't know, maybe thats maturity....



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    Senior Member Luke34's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    Not in my work environment, I have a really good balance there. I completely switch off after work. I often think it would be good if I was less nice and a little more ruthless and calculating in my fun time. I also think too nice is a far worse characteristic to have as a male v. a female.

    The question I have is "does too nice get interpreted as needy?"

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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    Quote Originally Posted by i.breathe.in View Post
    ha dont, it comes from years of being walked on, and hurt. ive got a hard outer shell and as a result i have few close friends, and constantly want to anniahlate someone.
    Man, how do I get like that..I'm wayyyy to nice. People constantly take my kindness for weakness. And I know they are, yet I continue to let them. I'm to nice, I put everyone first before myself. That's why I have all these issues now.







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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    when i worked in a normal job enviroment i was too nice to the people that tried to dick me over. but after i started dancing ive become comfortable with being more assertive :-)

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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    I liked your post MrX, but unfortunately for me, I can't choose to not serve a customer. I deliver to people who ordered from my store. My store can only enforce payment in full of of food, not driver tip. And I can't refuse to deliver either.

    I read that the middle ground is apparently assertiveness. Right between doormat passive and aggressive. Hmm. Tough, because when I'm annoyed at being too passive and people take advantage, I can get VERY aggressive. It just takes a lot.

    And Philly, I SO understand the whole use to be more outgoing, now I'm getting older and I avoid confrontation.

    Edit again: CK: YES!

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    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    ^ I'd just say " It's xx$ and whatever tip you feel is appropriate " . I guess I'm not " too" nice....nope.

    You've danced ..... you could probably hustle tips better than anyone you currently work with because you have experience in this !

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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    Ha! If that was allowed, you bet! But with delivery drivers with chain restaurants like I work, there's rules. We are NOT allowed to "solicit" for a tip. You as a driver can get in very big trouble with your store, and possibly fired, because the customer can (and sometimes has) caused a shitstorm and demanded action against the driver taken. Hell, my last driver job with a deli, some woman called after I delivered and told my manager I asked her for a tip and I almost got fired! The reality was that I had paused after the money for the food was given because it had appeared that she was not finished giving me money. So I politely said " Is this the correct amount you wanted to give me?" because like I said, she still visibly looked like she was getting more money, and she said "we're done here!". So I left and she called my manager.


    The most I can do is either ask them that they bring the total on the receipt all the way down (so that they have to write either a tip or zero on the tip line), or if it's a delayed payment that has no tip line I can tell them if they would prefer to leave a tip, it is welcome. otherwise if it's on a CC slip, or any other method, I cannot ask.

    Oi!

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    Veteran Member renaissance's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    Yup. :/
    Conducting myself in a terribly sexy fashion on and

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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    Fucking headache! And you know they say never piss off the DD because they are alone with your food for 15 minutes? Yeah, my morals stand in the way of getting revenge like that

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    Default Re: Anybody Ever Feel TOO Nice?

    IMO, it seems a person must walk a tightrope in order to maintain a sense of dignity, self-worth and professionalism while dealing with the hordes of assholes that seemingly outnumber decent folk 6-to-1.

    "Stooping to their level" is not necessarily the best outcome, either. OTOH, by the time I've become pissed enough with an obnoxious person to abandon all diplomacy, I truly savor going radioactive on their sorry asses...


    P.S. I initially thought that this thread was about a sexual encounter with The Other Owner.

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