Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 33

Thread: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

  1. #1
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    1,688
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 26 Times in 19 Posts

    Default disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    Shes 4. She thinks shes the boss. I am trying to teach her manners..which when shes in a good mood she is well mannered. please,thank you, yes maam,no maam, excuse me. All good. Shes a sweet loving smart kid . But get her mad, about even the smallest things..whether i did it or she did it to herself... shes a monster. She screams like Im beating her. I put her in time out she bangs on the wall or whatever is near. She doesnt want to be in time out so she walks out and I have to go back and tell her get back in the corner..which is at the end of the hallway. I end up telling her get back in so many times that I pop her butt. Still doesnt work. Once she gets there she kicks the wall or door...im waiting for holes. i put her in her room..same thing...until she plays with her toys. stick her out on the patio the neighbors come running like shes abused and i dont touch her!!
    what do i do?? i dont want to give in to her, but i dont know what to do to teach her that losing her mind isnt working! i usually put her there when she hits her baby sister. i explain why she cant do so. or when she gets mad and throws something. her frrustration runs high, like mine. sometimes i feel like is it worth trying to discipline her? what am i doing wrong???

  2. #2
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    She wants a reaction from you and you're giving her one. Banging your own head into the wall and screaming becomes much less fun when no one notices. At the very first sign of a tantrum, calmly guide her to her bedroom and tell her that since she needs some alone-time to get ahold of herself you'll let her have it, and you'll be happy to see her again when she calms down. And then just ignore her. She can stay in her room and scream and rage all she wants, but she gets ZERO attention. When she calms down and she's ready to be civil again, then you can play with her some more. Oh, and any messes she makes while she's freaking out, make sure *she* cleans them up.

    The key is to remain calm, don't raise your voice or get upset or give her any satisfaction of having upset you. She'll get bored with her tantrum really quickly when no one pays any attention to it.

  3. #3
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2003
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    7,772
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 40 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    Have you told her doctor about this? It may be a discipline problem, but you may want to get her checked for any disorders as well.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  4. #4
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    1,688
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 26 Times in 19 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    i try the ignore thing. i know that works. the problem is...she wont stay! i can direct her to her room...and as i walk out, shes RIGHT BEHIND ME crying! so i take her back...she comes out again. if i ignore THAT she lands in the living room wanting TV. how do I KEEP her where shes supposed to be? aside from tyin her butt down?
    its not a problem that needs a doc. she doesnt do this with anyone but me. she listens to teachers, babysitters,her dad when she was with him. i whoop her butt till my hand stings...and she still runs out of the room! she doesnt take me seriously is the thing...

  5. #5
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    4,183
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 14 Times in 12 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    You can't give her any reinforcement for her undesired behaviors. When she wants to act ignore her. When she is doing what she is suppose to do praise her profusely. She'll learn how to get mommy's attention the right way.

  6. #6
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    4,183
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 14 Times in 12 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    Quote Originally Posted by Xiomara View Post
    i try the ignore thing. i know that works. the problem is...she wont stay! i can direct her to her room...and as i walk out, shes RIGHT BEHIND ME crying! so i take her back...she comes out again. if i ignore THAT she lands in the living room wanting TV. how do I KEEP her where shes supposed to be? aside from tyin her butt down?
    its not a problem that needs a doc. she doesnt do this with anyone but me. she listens to teachers, babysitters,her dad when she was with him. i whoop her butt till my hand stings...and she still runs out of the room! she doesnt take me seriously is the thing...
    I think you might have to see a family therapist together and get some advice.

  7. #7
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    892
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    Has she always been like this or is it a faze? My daughter was the monster from hell for a while when she was four. It was crazy!! She went in and out of being good, naughty, cyclically from about 2 upwards. Now at 5 1/2 she is sweet and well mannered nearly always. She has her moments, but overall she is really well behaved now.

    Just keep responding in a consistent way. It will pass. Is there other stresses in your home life or changes she may be responding too? I abhor physical disciplining, but my girl coped a couple of little smacks last year because I was at the absolute end of my tether. I'm not proud of it, but I think it is natural, and you have to except that you cant be perfect 24/7.

    Keep going with time out, try not to get angry just keep taking her back there.

    I found taking away tv time, sweets, or toys to be good as well. Give her one warning, if she does it again, bam no tv tonight, next time another warning, if she does it again, bam no sweets tonight, again warning then next time she doesnt get to play with her favourite toy for a day... etc etc.

    Hugs though and hang in there!

    ETA just read the whoop her butt to my hand stings line. IMO that does nothing but damage. They just learn to block it out, and by the time your hand stings her little butt is numb. and it undoes all your good work of discipline, because she sees you out of control and loses respect. better to let her be naughty than get that angry that you hit her. IMO.

    Luck.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #8
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    1,688
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 26 Times in 19 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    i hate whooping her and ive stopped since it seems not to work.
    there is stress for her shes been with her dad for like 2 years,visiting me every so often. now i have her so it has been a change for her.but she does so well with other people.
    i am not going to whoop her anymore and i will try taking things away like you said, we'll see how it works. my apartment is SO small that even when i try and walk away it seems like shes still right there!!
    thanks for the advice guys. i will try again tomorrow.

  9. #9
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    892
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    Good luck, I know how crazy and overwhelming it can get, take care of yourself. And try and remember that they do grow out of it!!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #10
    Veteran Member ultra_manic's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2007
    Location
    A Mile High
    Posts
    275
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    She wants a reaction from you and you're giving her one. Banging your own head into the wall and screaming becomes much less fun when no one notices. At the very first sign of a tantrum, calmly guide her to her bedroom and tell her that since she needs some alone-time to get ahold of herself you'll let her have it, and you'll be happy to see her again when she calms down. And then just ignore her. She can stay in her room and scream and rage all she wants, but she gets ZERO attention. When she calms down and she's ready to be civil again, then you can play with her some more. Oh, and any messes she makes while she's freaking out, make sure *she* cleans them up.

    The key is to remain calm, don't raise your voice or get upset or give her any satisfaction of having upset you. She'll get bored with her tantrum really quickly when no one pays any attention to it.
    Exactly but make sure when she is calm that you talk to her about the reason that she was upset in the first place and re-iterate why say hitting her baby sister will not be tolerated.
    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    what's the difference between aspirin and a stripper's boyfriend?
    Aspirin works.
    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.
    A text I got:
    When a guy talks dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment, when a woman talks dirty to a man it's $3.95 a minute!


  11. #11
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    6,345
    Thanks
    168
    Thanked 801 Times in 419 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    That's pretty normal for her age. Stand your ground and be consistent. If you think she is difficult now, it is nothing compared to a spoiled 12 year old.

    Be calm, be matter-of-fact and be consistent. Up until now, she has been given absolutely everything she has ever desired. Now she is getting older and her desires are getting more complicated, so she needs to learn how to be realistic about what people will and won't do for her.

    I honestly think the years between 3-7 are the hardest. So many people say teens are the hardest, but my stepson just turned 14 and he's never been better to live with.

    The main thing is to not let her know that you are going to give in to her tantrums. She responds that way because it has gotten her what she wanted in the past. It will probably take 3-4 weeks of consistent training, but she will stop throwing tantrums if you can stay calm and not give in.

    Make sure that you reward her lavishly for good behavior, too. For instance, if you say, "Honey, wash your hands." and she does it without argument, praise, praise and more praise at what a big girl she is, and how good she is etc. Give her hugs and kisses and maybe play and splash in the water with her for a minute, too.

    If you start praising her for simple things that she already enjoys doing, when you must deny her something she wants, she won't automatically assume that she won't ever get what she wants.

    Time-outs are important for tantrums, but praise for being good is more important for behavior modification.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  12. #12
    God/dess holiday's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    2,691
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 61 Times in 23 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    All great advice here. I really agree about staying calm and not giving her attention when she misbehaves but giving her lots of attention when she behaves. With my girl, if I feel like I've lost control I'll just say really firmly, but not loudly, "you are not doing what mommy says, you are making me very sad and angry and I'm going to leave you alone until you xyz" I think supernanny says putting them in there room and shutting the door, if you can't get them to stay somewhere for a time out. But you have to have a door that locks, you can't stand there holding the door handle on them, because that is still engaging them.

    And I just wanted to say I think the golden rule is the best rule. I absolutely hate when I hear some mother screaming at her child to stop screaming, or hitting her child because the child hit someone.

    There is always a dancer in the dressing room at my club screaming to her kids on the phone. Everynight it's the same damn thing, "you need to talk to your mother with some motherfucking respect!" I wonder why the children don't talk with respect...

    Anyway, I'm totally not saying that is you, but just wanted to share that.
    I'm confused, but the Chewbacca Truffle Shuffle cleared it up. - Emily

  13. #13
    God/dess kitana's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2004
    Location
    kentucky
    Posts
    3,582
    Thanks
    49
    Thanked 60 Times in 43 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    Spare the rod.......


    Anyway, stick her lil ass in the middle of the room and make her stand there at attention, no sitting down, nothing to lean on, and buy ear plugs to drown out her tantrum.

    If you had 2 kids, I would tell you to use the quarter when they are both bad, lol. (make em stand at attention with a quarter between their noses for 5 mins)
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    Feel like a damn salt lick at the goats petting zoo!
    <08SM>

  14. #14
    God/dess Lena's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2002
    Location
    On a sweet muddy river.
    Posts
    6,399
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 78 Times in 43 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    You can put her in a chair and, from behind, cross her arms across her chest and hold her hands to keep her in the chair, and otherwise ignore her. Or, instead of removing her for the time out you can remove yourself until she calms down.

    But, it sounds like she's just come to live with you, she's acting up and trying to get your attention, and you think a good solution is to woop her? I agree with the person who recommended family therapy.



  15. #15
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Location
    The VIP room
    Posts
    3,621
    Thanks
    47
    Thanked 187 Times in 58 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    I know spanking is unpopular, but sometimes it works better than trying to talk with a child that age. I think it's ok for kids to have a little bit of fear of their parents. Obviously I'm not advocating beating her, but a well-timed spanking will do what hours of talking can't.

    Edit: I just now saw that's she's just come to live with you. For that reason, I agree with Lena.
    Check out my new eBay auctions.......

  16. #16
    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Some Fat guys Lap!
    Posts
    9,647
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 90 Times in 67 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    Quote Originally Posted by kitana View Post
    Spare the rod.......


    Anyway, stick her lil ass in the middle of the room and make her stand there at attention, no sitting down, nothing to lean on, and buy ear plugs to drown out her tantrum.

    If you had 2 kids, I would tell you to use the quarter when they are both bad, lol. (make em stand at attention with a quarter between their noses for 5 mins)
    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    I know spanking is unpopular, but sometimes it works better than trying to talk with a child that age. I think it's ok for kids to have a little bit of fear of their parents. Obviously I'm not advocating beating her, but a well-timed spanking will do what hours of talking can't.

    Edit: I just now saw that's she's just come to live with you. For that reason, I agree with Lena.
    I agree with both of these. I'm not one for child abuse, but giving a child a whopping is a-ok in my book.

    Kitana: I never heard of the quarter system. That sounds hard...I like it

    Edit: Ok, I too just read that she just came to live with you. I 2ndly also agree w/ Lena







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


  17. #17
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    1,688
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 26 Times in 19 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    I also agree with no spanking. I always told my ex i dont want it done. Ive done it and Ive quit. Its not been effective, and I hate doing it,so Ive not done this in a while and I dont plan on it anymore. Time out seems to get under her skin a little better than spanking anyways.

  18. #18
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    13,598
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 28 Times in 23 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    It's a phase and it, too, shall pass...but only if you are consistent. Sounds like she's testing you (to see what she can and cannot do). If you are not consistent, it will only be worse when she's older.

    Makayla was like this. I thought I was going to lose my mind...but I kept up with the timeouts, etc. And I don't back down from them. Now, when she starts copping an attitude, I tell her "Go to your room and when you are feeling better, come back down and join us." She can always whine and scream about not wanting to go, but as long as she's screaming/tantruming/etc...she's off to her room.

    Adrian will actually stay in his time out chair...once you get him into it. Which is a whole other story.

    It's just the age...but you cannot say, "Oh, it'll pass" and not be consistently giving the same consequence and expecting it to improve.

    Just hang in there....it'll catch on soon.

  19. #19
    Banned
    Joined
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    734
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    Quote Originally Posted by holiday View Post
    All great advice here. I really agree about staying calm and not giving her attention when she misbehaves but giving her lots of attention when she behaves. With my girl, if I feel like I've lost control I'll just say really firmly, but not loudly, "you are not doing what mommy says, you are making me very sad and angry and I'm going to leave you alone until you xyz" I think supernanny says putting them in there room and shutting the door, if you can't get them to stay somewhere for a time out. But you have to have a door that locks, you can't stand there holding the door handle on them, because that is still engaging them.

    And I just wanted to say I think the golden rule is the best rule. I absolutely hate when I hear some mother screaming at her child to stop screaming, or hitting her child because the child hit someone.

    There is always a dancer in the dressing room at my club screaming to her kids on the phone. Everynight it's the same damn thing, "you need to talk to your mother with some motherfucking respect!" I wonder why the children don't talk with respect...

    Anyway, I'm totally not saying that is you, but just wanted to share that.
    As far as I've seen, she doesn't put them in a closed room. Usually it's a "naughty step" or "naughty chair" out in the open.

  20. #20
    Veteran Member wasfatboy's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2003
    Location
    minneapolis minnesota
    Posts
    219
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    people might think this is mean but you dont spank and i have found this works and you usually only have to do it once!

    keep a glass of ICE COLD water in your fridge. when she is having a tantrum, send her to her room and make her sit on her bed. they usually will start kicking and screaming and having a fit- let her do it -

    walk out of the room into the kitchen, do not say a word or acknowledge the tantrum. if she follows you into the kitchen screaming and yelling ignore her and go to the fridge. take the glass of water out of the fridge and while she is in the middle of screaming and yelling throw it in her face.

    this works awesome at this age. they are shocked at what you did, and there brain just sort of stops for a bit.

    at that point calmly say "now you have something to cry and tantrum about. would you like to stop or do you want more water?"

    you havent hit them and you have stayed calm and given them the desicion on how they want to act. my friends have done this with there kids and none of them have had to do this more than 1 time. and usually if the kid starts you ask if they want a glass of water and they stop.

    your stuck at a fun age 4, and you have the even more fun of being a single parent. she is going to test you and push you to the edge. just stay calm and when you feel like you cant take any more, just go into your room and take a time out. ignoring her is tougher on her than any spanking will ever be.

    you both will survive.......
    Baby&#039;s, the OTHER other white meat!

    I want my baby back, baby back, baby back.............................................r ibs.

    im damn sexy and you know you want me!

  21. #21
    God/dess holiday's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    2,691
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 61 Times in 23 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    Quote Originally Posted by UltraViolet View Post
    As far as I've seen, she doesn't put them in a closed room. Usually it's a "naughty step" or "naughty chair" out in the open.
    You're right, it was a different child rearing book I have about using the room. He suggested it because sometimes the child simply will not stay in a chair or a corner or wherever. He said to leave them in a room for five minutes or whatever for them to calm down. I've never tried it though.

    He also said to bring up the bad behavior at another time, when they are not misbehaving. Like tell them how they are not supposed to act like that, when they are calm, not try to reason with them in the middle of a tantrum.

    Good luck though, Xiomara. Sounds rough.
    I'm confused, but the Chewbacca Truffle Shuffle cleared it up. - Emily

  22. #22
    Veteran Member got2havespunk's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    341
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    With the little girls I watch they go in time out for one minute per year of age. Or, until they show me they've calmed down. They go on a step, unless they become completely unruly. The other day the youngest was challenging me. I've only been their nanny for 2 weeks, and she wanted her daddy (who isn't usually home, but was that afternoon and couldn't lie down with her). She threw a HUGE tantrum. First it was screaming...ignore. Then it was leaving her room and screaming...ignore. Then it was kicking the wall. She looked me SQUARE in the eyes and kicked the wall hoping it would make a hole. She looked at me, and did it again. I said "it's not my room, I don't have to look at it, and it's only going to upset your mum and dad. She stopped. Then screamed that she hated me and to get out of her room. I sat right down in the middle of the floor. She got a look of shock on her face. She gave in, and asked nicely to sit in my lap. She was still worked up so we practiced some deep breathing. This is something you can do as well. BEFORE you sit a fit of rage, hold her and tell her you love her. Then see if you can get her to take DEEP breaths and blow out so your hair moves. She LOVED that. Making my hair blow. That calmed her right down. She settled in and took her nap. It can be hard, but don't get mad and don't give in. Each child is looking for a certain reaction. Figure out what your daughter WANTS, and steer clear.
    Breathing seems to help, but you have to be watching for the moment BEFORE she hits/throws.
    I'm not who I say I am.

  23. #23
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    892
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    Quote Originally Posted by wasfatboy View Post
    people might think this is mean but you dont spank and i have found this works and you usually only have to do it once!

    keep a glass of ICE COLD water in your fridge. when she is having a tantrum, send her to her room and make her sit on her bed. they usually will start kicking and screaming and having a fit- let her do it -

    walk out of the room into the kitchen, do not say a word or acknowledge the tantrum. if she follows you into the kitchen screaming and yelling ignore her and go to the fridge. take the glass of water out of the fridge and while she is in the middle of screaming and yelling throw it in her face.

    this works awesome at this age. they are shocked at what you did, and there brain just sort of stops for a bit.

    at that point calmly say "now you have something to cry and tantrum about. would you like to stop or do you want more water?"

    Yeah I dunno about this, sounds like something for dogs that are fighting, not a child, she is only four. I really dont think it sounds kinder than spanking, sounds somewhat sadistic to me...
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  24. #24
    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2004
    Location
    House of Aion
    Posts
    8,074
    Thanks
    7,881
    Thanked 5,705 Times in 2,127 Posts
    My Mood
    In Love

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    That's exactly what I was thinking. Sounds like a good way to be vindictive and cause trauma.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

  25. #25
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    1,688
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 26 Times in 19 Posts

    Default Re: disciplining a 4yr.old Or the other way around?

    Yeah I dunno about the water thing.
    Well Im still working with the time out thing. Im having a problem with her kicking the walls and thin doors though. Yeah I could ignore her, but I have to deal with the bit*h downstairs complaining. And theres the chance she puts a hole in something.
    Im hanging in there though. She had a problem in school today also. When I notice her name tag all wrinkled up,like she does when shes angry she ruins things of hers, I asked " Did u get upset in school today?" She looked down and said nothing. Teacher called and said she didnt want to get in line.
    I hope this phase passes soon. Shes teaching zaia bad habits already, and shes always been the sweet baby. Ahrie had an attitude from day one! lol
    Thanks or the advice ...
    ps optimist is that u in avatar?

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Disciplining Children
    By kryssy in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 06-06-2004, 01:24 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •