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Thread: getting a thicker skin?(rant included)

  1. #1
    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    getting a thicker skin?(rant included)

    How do y'all do it? FOr the most part, i'm pretty laid back, and easy to get along with. I'm good at shrugging past little annoyances, I dont' get passive agressive or catty very often(that i'm aware of)

    Lately, i've been REALLY irritable, and getting my feelings hurt about stupid things. Case in point.

    1. A photographer i've worked with for probably two years approaches me with another concept. We test some ideas for it, but don't get finished results, due to needing to fine tune some props/backdrops. I check his port a while after, and discover that literally the night after testing the concept with ME, he brings another model in, shoots it, and uses the shot with her in his portfolio and some minor ego competitions. He describes it as "their concept" to other photographers(one of whom, who told me this, I'm shooting with tomorrow-he had no idea that I had had so much input into it! He honestly thought SHE had been the one refining it and creating it)

    2. Another annoyance with the same photographer from 1. We've shot for two years, I recommend him highly and use several shots of his in his stuff. In the past few months he's started making little comments about my "weird poses", because I pose from DANCE, not from glamour. And for all of the time I've put in to working with him on HIS ideas, how many shots of me does he proudly show? None. He'll reocmmend me to friends for their projects, when they are mentioning looking for models, but he actually doesnt value any of our work enough to display it. Urck.

    3. And this one is REALLY stupid. I recently added an image of myself in a very difficult and unusual pose to my book. One of the communities has a function where you can compile "lists" of your favorite images and name them. I just discovered some asshat included it on a list marked "photographers with a unique eye". WTF? I adore the photographer all to hell, am in love with the poor unfortunate bastard as a matter of fact, but he had NOTHING to do with the pose. How is MY creativity HIM "having a unique eye" I feel stupid being offended at that, since its someone I don't even know, and i don't begrudge the photographer the attention. It just rankles, being treated like an idiot, on top of all of the other things.

    4. A model friend of mine recently visited. She did a shoot with the photographer from 3. and I, for a project him and i had been working with on a while(at least HE gives me proper credit and appreciates me, not like #1.) Anyways, I forwarded her the images, and she didn't even bother replying to say "thank you" let alone "those turned out better than i thought, though that shoot really pushed me outside my posing style" or something that acknowledges the time we put into them. WTF? there's other stuff about this situation, and her bitchiness posted here, but that one was the clincher that said "wait. WHY do i call you a friend?" Didn't mamma teach you any manners? Or am i just old fashioned.

    5. Feeling like i'm putting WAY too much time into trying to maintain friendships. I can't count hte amount of people I've tried calling, or emailing, who don't even bother responding with a "sorry i'm busy". I HATE being the one to constantly be trying to arrange things. If you honestly value my friendship, why don't you write me more often to see if i want to go out for coffee, instead of toying with the idea with me for WEEKS before you FINALLY find a space in your work schedule for it.

    Maybe its just my antisocial tendencies coming through strongly, more htan usual, but I really am wanting to withdraw/isolate myself from EVERYONE. Cut ties from everyone i haven't already worked with, stop contacting ANY friends, or trying to genuinely improve myself. Unfortunately, if i did do that, I have a feeling there's only one person who would survive the cut(the photographer from #3)

    How do you guys develop a thicker skin for stupid stuff like this? How do you preserve your sanity among so many flakes and having your contributions shrugged aside? Once you KNOW something is stupid to be hurt about, in your head, how do you actually stop FEELING it?
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  2. #2
    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting a thicker skin?(rant included)

    It's hard, and it's something that takes a lot of time to do. The fact that you know and don't want it to bother you is getting there! Difficult as it it, try and focus on the positive things about these relationships (if you want to keep these people in your life that is, sometimes it's much healthier and more liberating to just cut them out) rather than what's bothering you.

    If you're always feeling bothered by the same thing or even just a bunch of different things because of the same person over and over again, I would bring it up to them. These are people you either have a person/professional relationship with, so they should be open to it. They may not do anything to change, but sometimes just getting out those frustrations is enough to make you feel better.

  3. #3
    God/dess anomar's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting a thicker skin?(rant included)

    Definitely sounds like you are sensitive. I think maybe a lot of the frustrations one typically has with dancing might be bleeding over into your creative outlets too. Can you delete the comment from #3? Also, it sounds like you are not getting your voice heard enough, which is a bitch. So... start up! Start taking credit for things and letting people know the value of your input. Even little ways, like w/ the #3 tagger, going over to their profile & commenting "Thanks! Yeah, we worked really hard on that for a while and he got a brand new perspective by our collaboration." On your modeling profile, talk in your profile about how much your modeling is informed by your dance training. Make it a big selling point instead of something that photographers make you feel they're working around.

    Also, try to find more friends proactively, instead of poking the same slackers (sorry if I'm in that pile)? Try emailing interesting people from CL platonic or meetup.com? Most of the friends i have found I found from attending college; can you make friends through your dance classes? I also managed to make a couple friends in the club. if you guys really get along, try to do dinner before work or something!

  4. #4
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: getting a thicker skin?(rant included)

    Stuff piles up... I don't blame you.

    I hope I'm not included in #5... This show is a nightmare and I'm still stuck in Seattle. I thought I would be getting back to Portland so much more than I actually am. I do miss you and would love to catch up once I'm not getting flogged.

  5. #5
    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting a thicker skin?(rant included)

    No, anomar, and yek. You guys are OK. I know your both busy working and all that.

    anomar--I already do that. Its the first thing I say when discussing a project with someone "I pose from such and such dance and yoga training, cycle through 8 counts of movement, "rewind" for specific poses, etc" Its actually my strongest suit as a model, because I definitely don't have a figure for fashion/glamour work, and it really isn't comfy for me to try. Its simply THAT photographer, because the majority of what he shoots IS fashion/glamour(we originally started shooting with a bodypaint project of his that was much more in line with what I do. its simply when I try to shoot fashion for him that this oddness in our dynamic pops up. Its kinda to the point where i procrastinate on telling him my availability to shoot, since i don't like feeling "second best" in his talent/collaborative pool.

    My dance classes are one on one right now, so aside from flirting with other acrobats in the studio, that doesnt work as a meeting spot. I'd love to do MORE dance classes, the only time I'm really happy nowadays is when I'm dancing, or creating art with photographer #3.
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  6. #6
    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting a thicker skin?(rant included)

    im emotionally sensitive when it comes to guys and relationships and friends. if i feel like im not important or getting blown off by people i hold close i get very emotional and sensitive....

    everyone else gets the wrath of my meanness. lol. you have to find the happy medium i guess.

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