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Thread: I Need Help.

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    Default I Need Help.

    I need advice and some words of support, REALLY, really bad. Harsh words, means words, whatever... any means to help me out, please.

    In 19 days I- and my three year old, will be essentially homeless unless I find some resources fast.

    I literally have no where to go and no one to talk to or ask for help as far as family or friends are concerned. I'm taking a break right now from looking up my local resources online as far as emergency shelter, housing assistance, etc. I'm going to fax over my application for rental assistant today, but I know all in all that takes, sigh, time. I really don't want to go into emergency shelter or a women's shelter, I've been one before & it was hell for me.

    I have NO money. Zero. Nada. I recently quit my day job as I would be starting school again & had planned on dancing again when school started. But, with my current circumstances, it doesn't look like any of this will be happening.

    I feel beat down and fucking worthless. Wondering how I got here. I'm not a drug addict, I work, go to school, take care of my child without anyone's help and yet I still get fucked. I want to cry and curl up in a ball and just die, and it's taking every ounce of my sanity not too, and of course the little life that I'm soley responisble for.

    Just some words of encouragment, tough love, advice... etc. Please.

  2. #2
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    You're not worthless. I don't have any advice but you can get through this, and you are not worthless at all; you are of enormous worth to your child. You're just in a difficult spot.

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    Featured Member Miss_Luscious's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    What exactly is the reason you can't dance right now?

    I have been exactly where you are before except I was 17 and I had a newborn. I had to go to the women's shelter and it did suck BAD so I understand your apprehension about returning to one. If you can find any way to dance, do so. At least you can make enough to get a hotel room every night until you get back on your feet. It's harder with a child but you may want to check out Craigslist to see if you can find someone to watch your young one while you work at the club at night. You can pay them cash when you get home. Lots of college students look for opportunites like this as well as stay-at-home moms. Where are you located? I have the ability to look into various resources in various locations so I may be able to help you a little better. You can PM me if you want.
    "A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand." - Bertrand Russell

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    Where is your child's father? Is there help there?

    Can you fill us in on your family? Why is there no help there?

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    Banned MissTaylor's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    Where there's a will, there's a way.

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    Veteran Member happygiggles's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde View Post
    Where is your child's father? Is there help there?

    Can you fill us in on your family? Why is there no help there?

    obviously the child's father isn't around.

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    Featured Member Sveta's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    I'm so sorry. I wish I had something helpful to say, but I'm in the exact same situation (minus the child). Will keep you in my prayers though.
    ~'A Seven Nation Army Couldn't Hold Me Back'~

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    Featured Member *Iris*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    Try craigslist some women post ads like watch my child I'll watch yours type of ads that way you can go to work for a few nights or so.

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    Featured Member Sinder's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    Don't ever lose hope. You are not worthless because of your situation. Its the tough times that make us stronger. Where are you from? You can PM me if you want your location private. There are a great number of people here, and trust me....very supportive.

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    This is going to sound harsh, but you need to do what you need to do. If that means extras in the club, then that's what you have to do. Get drunk, take pills, get high whatever it takes to get some money to cover your expenses.

    I don't say this cavalierly. I've been in that spot, and have performed extras to get the cash I needed to get the hell away from the state I was stuck in. I went back to the dancer condo crying my eyes out every night, but in 3 days I was able to pay off my debt to the club and buy a plane ticket home for myself and for another dancer that wanted to leave. You can make a shit-ton of money if you are willing to give extras.

    You don't have the luxury of sticking to your principles right now. It won't be fun, but it will be vastly better than living on the streets.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    God/dess Polekitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    I'm so sorry this is happening to you hon. The only advice I can give is the same as so many other peoples here, find a way you can dance a few nights to get yourslf enough cash to get a roof over your head.

    I sort of assume you would have though of this solution already, is there some reason that you absolutely cannot dance?



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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde View Post
    Where is your child's father? Is there help there?

    Can you fill us in on your family? Why is there no help there?
    My child's father is an abusive alcoholic who if he found me, would kill me. There is no help there. We haven't been together for a year, but for the four years we were together, he made sure we were always very well taken care of, money was never an issue. But he's a psycho. So nope.

    My family, well here lies the real issue, I was and currently am staying with my mom & stepdad. However, my stepdad can't stand me or my son, and well... my mom finally had to make a choice. And of course, since I have two younger sisters, and that's their dad... she did what was best for her "family." God forbid my sisters turn out like me, growing up without a dad. *gasp.*

    No, I am not disrespectful. Yes, I clean up after myself and everyone else. I respect their rules. I watch their kids, do everything a gracious twenty one year old living at home with a child can do... but my stepdad is just pissed because my mom kicked him out a month ago for having an affair, she let him come back but I don't have any respect for him anymore. We argue ALL the time. So last night, my mom said: twenty days.

    I'm very hurt, but I refuse to let them see it. So... here I am. PRAYING.

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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Luscious View Post
    What exactly is the reason you can't dance right now?

    I have been exactly where you are before except I was 17 and I had a newborn. I had to go to the women's shelter and it did suck BAD so I understand your apprehension about returning to one. If you can find any way to dance, do so. At least you can make enough to get a hotel room every night until you get back on your feet. It's harder with a child but you may want to check out Craigslist to see if you can find someone to watch your young one while you work at the club at night. You can pay them cash when you get home. Lots of college students look for opportunites like this as well as stay-at-home moms. Where are you located? I have the ability to look into various resources in various locations so I may be able to help you a little better. You can PM me if you want.
    I will PM you after this post.

    I can dance in hopefully two weeks, I fractured my ankle and it's healing well, but I really can't be trotting around in stripper mode for at least two weeks at the soonest says my Doc... but in two weeks, I'll be t minus 5 days. I called my day job and my boss said I can start working on Friday. It's sitting down, 10 hour shifts and $11.00 an hour and we get paid once a week. So that's a start.....

    I'm really thinking fuck my ankle at this point... What I'd make in a week at that job I could make in one night dancing.

  14. #14
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    Can you not talk to your mom about just making sure your kid is fed and alive at night? Tell her that her grandchilds life depends on her just making sure he stays alive while he sleeps and you bust your ass at night to work? Would she see that as too much to ask? What time does he go to bed at night? Do you have a car or reliable transportation?

    This is kindda random but around my town (college town) people who work for the apartments live in them for half rent (or some kind of discount plus pay). Depending on how the office is set up your kid could play in yalls place or make a toy room in the office. Now's the time to try to get that job though if it's possible sense everyone is s coming back from school.

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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    Good for you for taking initiative. Do you have a babysitter or family member than can watch your child?
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  16. #16
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    I didn't see the thing about your ankle. Does your club have cr/vip rooms? Could you skip stage? Honestly I would risk my ankle and just go for dancing if possible.

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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    Quote Originally Posted by Joplin View Post
    I didn't see the thing about your ankle. Does your club have cr/vip rooms? Could you skip stage? Honestly I would risk my ankle and just go for dancing if possible.
    Adding on or what about dancing in lower heeled shoes? Ballet flats even?

    Just thinking out loud maybe these can be options for you.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  18. #18
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    Good for you for taking initiative. Do you have a babysitter or family member than can watch your child?
    I do, I have an aunt who would more than likely let me stay with her, but she's already helping somebody else out by letting them live there... but I'm sure she'd help me with child care. I also have two babysitters I've used off & on for the past few years that charge on $3 - 3.50 an hour, so child care won't be an issue once I start working and making money.
    Quote Originally Posted by Joplin View Post
    I didn't see the thing about your ankle. Does your club have cr/vip rooms? Could you skip stage? Honestly I would risk my ankle and just go for dancing if possible.
    The only club making any money in this city is a stage only club, has a vip room but I couldn't get away with not going on stage here. && I'm seriously considering risking my ankle...

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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris View Post
    This is going to sound harsh, but you need to do what you need to do. If that means extras in the club, then that's what you have to do. Get drunk, take pills, get high whatever it takes to get some money to cover your expenses.

    I don't say this cavalierly. I've been in that spot, and have performed extras to get the cash I needed to get the hell away from the state I was stuck in. I went back to the dancer condo crying my eyes out every night, but in 3 days I was able to pay off my debt to the club and buy a plane ticket home for myself and for another dancer that wanted to leave. You can make a shit-ton of money if you are willing to give extras.

    You don't have the luxury of sticking to your principles right now. It won't be fun, but it will be vastly better than living on the streets.
    I'm not willing to do extras. Period. I already have major issue with myself being a stripper. I'm not going to push my sanity off the edge by doing something that disturbs me so. I understand I don't have the luxury of being picky, choosy... but that's just not even an option for me.

  20. #20
    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    Wait... Your in PDX right?
    I'm curious to hear which club you mentioned.

    At any rate, I bet you oculdwork in ballet slippers at a smaller club. Do a lot of floorwork, that's not putting weight on your ankle.

    Break down your situation bit by bit. It seems daunting when its in a whole chunk, but you've already started, in finding childcare options.

    So, the way I see it,
    Get in touch with your aunt, or your babysitters,

    Figure out which clubs would be easiest to work at, FAST, and would have a lax enough dress code to allow you to not wear heels.

    Audition, ask them to put you "on call" for any shifts where someone doesn't turn up, in addition to your schedule there.

    Take care of yourself, particularly that ankle, when you get off work. Take anti inflamatories to reduce swelling, epsom salt soaks, etc.

    Anyways, good luck! Let us know how it is going
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    Veteran Member Persona's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    I'd say wrap up your ankle, take an anti-inflammatory like acetominophen, ice it periodically throughout your shift and work your ass off. I'm so sorry you're going through this but it's a great chance to show yourself how strong you really are.

  22. #22
    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    id let you stay in my spare bedroom for a week or 2, but i have no idea where you are.

  23. #23
    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    I'd say ask your mom for more time with the agreement that you will make life for your stepfather very easy...swallow your pride, let him win any argument (in fact, do not even engage him in arguments), start saving your cash (as others have said, do what you need to do, extras, whatever). You can regain your pride later once you're established on your own...for now, you need to make sure your child is taken care of.

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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    If you wrap up your ankle really well, take anti-inflammatories and be really careful, chances are your ankle will be fine. You can always wear boots or socks to cover the bandages.

    I've gotta say, good for you for sticking by your guns and refusing to do extras. Some girls might think I'm crazy but I could never lower my boundaries no matter how desperste I got. The though of letting a guy touch me or kiss me for cash really makes me feel sick. I think you can still make good money without having to lower your standards.

    Good luck sweetheart, keep us updated on how things are going.



    "I don't take a piss without getting paid for it." - Harlan Ellison

    Life is movement, movement is life.
    To live is to move, to move is to be alive.
    - Mirka Knaster


    Quote Originally Posted by pixierocksonthepole View Post
    "tampons are proof that God exsists."

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    Default Re: I Need Help.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde View Post
    I'd say ask your mom for more time with the agreement that you will make life for your stepfather very easy...swallow your pride, let him win any argument (in fact, do not even engage him in arguments), start saving your cash (as others have said, do what you need to do, extras, whatever). You can regain your pride later once you're established on your own...for now, you need to make sure your child is taken care of.
    I have swallowed my pride so many times. They are so incredibly disrespectful to me, calling me all sorts of names, accusing me of being this & that... and I always bit my tongue. But with the whole thing with my stepdad, and him still having the audacity to condescend me... I feel like dying. I suppose this happened for a reason, as I was so misreble living here anyways, I'm guessing that this is the little extra kick God gave me to actually get up and go. I love my mom dearly, but right now... she is not the help I need.
    Quote Originally Posted by needtodance View Post
    Wait... Your in PDX right?
    I'm curious to hear which club you mentioned.

    At any rate, I bet you oculdwork in ballet slippers at a smaller club. Do a lot of floorwork, that's not putting weight on your ankle.

    Anyways, good luck! Let us know how it is going
    I was referring to 205, I have contacts in multiple clubs, & this is the only one where money is consistant & good. I also may waitress for the next two weeks there... I'm going to talk to the manager tonight.
    Quote Originally Posted by i.breathe.in View Post
    id let you stay in my spare bedroom for a week or 2, but i have no idea where you are.
    Thank you! Though, I'm in Portland... it means a lot.
    Quote Originally Posted by Polekitten View Post

    I've gotta say, good for you for sticking by your guns and refusing to do extras. Some girls might think I'm crazy but I could never lower my boundaries no matter how desperste I got. The though of letting a guy touch me or kiss me for cash really makes me feel sick. I think you can still make good money without having to lower your standards.

    Good luck sweetheart, keep us updated on how things are going.
    I agree. & I'm just hoping I'll get through this. I'm trying to be as proactive as possible without losing myself. Thank You.

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