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Thread: sorry, another rant

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    Default sorry, another rant

    I have a female regular who is nothing like most female customers described on this board. She sits quietly, behaves, and buys dances. She recently had an experience that made her uncomfortable. She was visiting the club with a male friend of 10 years and his roomate. There is absolutely NO sexual attraction between any of them.

    A dancer hustled her and my regular told her she would like a dance from her. She stood up to go to the dance room. Instead of walking upstairs with her, the dancer stayed put and asked the guys "who is paying?" One of them offered up and handed over $20. The dancer then proceeded to ask him if he would like to come watch.

    She told me it made her very uncomfortable that the dancer didn't just trust her to make payment arrangements and that she invited one of her male friends to watch without her permission.

    What the hell???

    Sorry, this is my second negative post in the last hour. I'm just sick of other dancers making my regulars uncomfortable because it makes them less enthusiastic to come back on a regular basis and it messes with my income!!!

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: sorry, another rant

    Maybe she wasn't sure how to handle the situation. I know when I've danced for girls who are with a group of guys I have asked if im dancing just for the girl or if the guys are going to come too.

    I have seen some things like the guys start to feel the girl up during it.
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    Default Re: sorry, another rant

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    Maybe she wasn't sure how to handle the situation. I know when I've danced for girls who are with a group of guys I have asked if im dancing just for the girl or if the guys are going to come too.
    I can understand requesting clarification if you are not sure of the arrangement they want. What irks me is that my customers said she wanted a dance and stood up to go to the dance room without the guys. I don't see any reason why the dancer wouldn't just go up.

    I do understand that some dancers aren't sure of how to deal with female customers and it could be that I'm being too hard on her but what it comes down to to me is that it messes with my income and it pisses me off!

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    Default Re: sorry, another rant

    Yeh that's understandable.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Default Re: sorry, another rant

    Yeah I could understand clarifying if it is just her who is going to get the dance...but IMO she went too far.

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    Default Re: sorry, another rant

    I would be pissed too! One of my cousin's ex-girlfriends come in all the time. She is super sweet and awesome to hang out and talk to - she tips well, buys drinks, and loves table dances. Sometimes she DOES come in with a group of guys, in which case I usually ask her if it will be just her or if she is bringing one of her friends along. However, we have had similar instances, since my regular is a lesbian. Sometimes the other girls try to hustle her and ask her to bring her boyfriend/husband along. Very awkward moments ensue.

    If I were you, I'd politely tell the dancer. Say something like "hey my friend was in here the other night and LOVED the dance she got from you but she was just really uncomfortable with a guy watching. She does come in here a lot, so I'm just letting you know for the next time!"
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    Default Re: sorry, another rant

    I think the female custie should have told the guy not to pay/watch or spoke up before the dance happened. If I'm wanna dance-ing, and see two guys and a chick I'd probably assume she's dating one of them. If another guy paid for the dance then I'd REALLY think that they are dating and when the guy get's up to go watch then...I mean come on. All the chick had to do was say "oh know those are just my friends, I'm paying for my own dance" or "I prefer not having people watch". SPEAK UP!

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    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: sorry, another rant

    Meh, I think it's being blown out of proportion.

    We, as dancers, have to make educated guesses about customers. Sometimes you get a bulls-eye and other times it's a complete miss.

    Usually, when mixed gender groups of friends come to the club there are more than 3 people, they tend to be younger, and the guys (from my experience certainly) treat the girls in the group to dances, pay for their drinks, and give them money to tip the dancers. Girls in a strip club assume a certain "guest of honor" role, similar to a bachelor at his bachelor party. They don't pay... why I don't know, but it's just how it is.

    It was not uncommon for the guy friend to want to watch the lap dance. I never asked if they wanted to watch... but I have been asked and agreed to such an arrangement.

    A small, friendly outing like the one you described is considerably rarer.

    I have danced for a number of years and the majority of the time when a woman comes in to my club with a man, she is his wife, girlfriend, mistress, etc. Unless it is expressly stated "we're just friends/roommates/coworkers/cousins (lol), " or something similarly descriptive my assumption is that these people are in my club to get turned on by nude and semi-nude women in a sensual setting... and then finish off the night with some frisky sexin'. I assume that because most of the time that is the case, from my experience at least.

    I think we can all agree that female custies are not the norm in most places. When one comes to the club, I go on prior info (usually a spouse of some sort unless otherwise stated, to be treated as special guest, often first time in a strip club/this strip club, female receiving dance from other female seen as a novelty... friend/boyfriend might want to watch).


    Could I fathom a chick getting it on with two dudes... sure why the hell not? Maybe they came to scope out some eye candy for Mr. Third Wheel. Maybe they come to strip clubs to attempt to pick up dancers. Who the heck knows, I mean.... I meet dozens of people every night. For a customer, especially a female customer, to *expect* a specific protocol from me (the dancer) is asking too much.


    It's not a tremendous disaster for a friend to front $20 when everyone is out for a night on the town. After the first dance, the female customer could have clarified with the dancer "I'll be paying for the rest of the dances"... or something to that effect.

    That's no reason to become uncomfortable.... shit, that's a free dance for her, what's the problem?

    Now, asking the male friend to watch the dance was another strike. From what you posted, it doesn't seem he took her up on the offer. So again, not a huge deal. If I were in that woman's shoes I would laugh it off, explain the misunderstanding to the dancer, and go on with enjoying myself. Why she would kvetch and moan to you, NewMoon, is beyond me.

    In the club, I go on the information offered to me. This goes for custies of any sex. I ask general questions to get a feel for the person and to build a connection, I allow them to fill in the blanks, but I never pry for more information than what is offered... I rarely ask for specifics. I gauge reactions, body language, how much or how little they elaborate on a topic, how long they pause before speaking, and many many more things. I know only what they tell me.

    It seems that somewhere along the way, there was a misunderstanding... and I'm guessing that since most dancer's don't want to make a faux pas on purpose and shoot themselves in the foot (sales-wise), that the customer wasn't exactly clear on what she wanted, how she wanted it done, who the guys were in relation to her, and who was going to be paying.

    Next time she's at the club she might wanna pipe up a little and put her ducks in a row so as to avoid any future "discomfort".
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: sorry, another rant

    ^^

    Wut she said.

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    Default Re: sorry, another rant

    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    I can understand requesting clarification if you are not sure of the arrangement they want. What irks me is that my customers said she wanted a dance and stood up to go to the dance room without the guys. I don't see any reason why the dancer wouldn't just go up.
    Why would she go upstairs without the dancer??? The dancer is her ticket into the dance room. I never, ever allow a customer into a dance room or VIP without me. I either hold their arm, we hold hands all cutesy-like, or I have the customer follow me into the room.. I mean follow me in directly.... not in a few minutes, not in a few songs. We go in TOGETHER. In most clubs a customer of any gender is not allowed to go into the dance area unescorted.

    The dancer didn't go up because it's very common for guys to treat a lady friend (platonic or otherwise) to dances in a strip club. She wasn't trying to undermine the woman's independence or ability to pay. I have no idea why this took such a weird convoluted spin.


    Quote Originally Posted by NewMoon View Post
    I do understand that some dancers aren't sure of how to deal with female customers and it could be that I'm being too hard on her but what it comes down to to me is that it messes with my income and it pisses me off!
    Why on earth would you be pissed? The customer is your regular... I doubt she'll be spending any more of her money on the dancer in question. More for you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
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    Default Re: sorry, another rant

    Quote Originally Posted by Aubreyyy View Post
    ^^

    Wut she said.
    Yep, yep.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: sorry, another rant

    Not a big deal IMO. I don't see how this can push someone over the edge and make them feel uncomfortable enough to not come back and spend money. I think most of us assume that the girl is "with" one of the guys when she is there with men. The dancer probably assumed that the guy who offered to pay was her BF, therefore asking him if he'd like to come. Since the vast majority of female custies are NOT lesbians (at least at my club they are not), she probably assumed she could make more if she invited what she thought was her BF to join, since guys like to watch their GF. "Who's Paying" was not meant to make your regular feel like a loser. If she would have answered, "I am paying," then the dancer probably would NOT have invited her male friend to watch. I don't understand why she didn't speak up. Yeah, I would have just taken the girl for a dance, but I can see it from the dancer's view too.
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    Default Re: sorry, another rant

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Why would she go upstairs without the dancer??? The dancer is her ticket into the dance room. I never, ever allow a customer into a dance room or VIP without me. I either hold their arm, we hold hands all cutesy-like, or I have the customer follow me into the room.. I mean follow me in directly.... not in a few minutes, not in a few songs. We go in TOGETHER. In most clubs a customer of any gender is not allowed to go into the dance area unescorted.

    The dancer didn't go up because it's very common for guys to treat a lady friend (platonic or otherwise) to dances in a strip club. She wasn't trying to undermine the woman's independence or ability to pay. I have no idea why this took such a weird convoluted spin.




    Why on earth would you be pissed? The customer is your regular... I doubt she'll be spending any more of her money on the dancer in question. More for you.

    ^^

    Again. Everything she said.

    I do understand how the male/female thing can be confusing though. The first (and only) couple I've dealt with so far were very odd.

    It was one of those situations where I wasn't sure what was going on. The female was supposedly the man's boss.....she seemed like the dominant one, but as far as who was going to pay and what exactly they wanted - they were hard to read. It was a back and forth....Afterwards, I figured they were probably having an affair or something (just a guess). It seemed that way.
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    Default Re: sorry, another rant

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Why on earth would you be pissed? The customer is your regular... I doubt she'll be spending any more of her money on the dancer in question. More for you.
    Partly because I was in a pissy mood this morning and partly because she comes less often when she is uncomfortable which means less money for me. Sucks a lil but nothing to get my panties in a bunch over

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    Default Re: sorry, another rant

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Why would she go upstairs without the dancer???
    If you are standing and ask a person for a dance, they say they want a dance and stand up, I think they are assuming that you are going upstairs or wherever, together. Sorry if that was unclear.

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