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Thread: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

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    Featured Member Sophia_Ashley's Avatar
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    Default Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    I'm completely overwhelmed, and so much so that I've spent a majority of the day crying into my cat's fur. She is not so pleased.

    On Friday I'll be moving into my new home. This is a huge deal (not that moving never is) I've been complaining since I sold my home in 2004 to move to Chicago. I left a 4,200 Sq ft home for a shabby 700 sq ft apartment in the city. I had to sell most of what I owned when i moved here, since it obviously wouldn't fit. Then when I moved into my apartment, the man I moved here for (yes I know) dumped me. Obviously things happen for a reason. I got into some issues with the IRS so they would have put a lein on the home and I met the man I'm with now. Either way, I missed the beauty of my place. Something I had to show all for all the years of sex work. When I got rid of it, I pretty much had nothing other than stories.

    Now, I have a 1800 sq ft place awaiting me. Granted I hate the colors, and those can change. I dont feel as happy as I think I should. And that is bothering me. On top of that, I have only a few people to help (which I am grateful for) so I have to sell off and get rid of many items that I have. I simply can't afford a moving company or the energy in moving bulky antiques down 3 flights of stairs. This is breaking my heart. the furniture I'm getting rid of was my grandmother and grandfathers wedding furniture. It's an art deco set that's a vanity and a dresser. She gave it to me 8 years ago, with a word of honor that I'd hold onto it. My grandmother used to sit at that vanity and apply her makeup and dream up how she'd become an actress and my grandfather kept his cufflinks in the top drawer. Now, some stranger will have these pieces and it breaks my heart.

    I'm getting rid of the kitchen table and chairs and our beds. The kids have a bunk bed in a box and two dressers also in a box (Ikea) but no mattresses once I give away the one that's in their room now. So I've been eagerly searching the net for any that seem clean enough.

    I've been working when I can and between moving costs and having to pay off utilities so I can move I am flat broke. I mean really broke. I have to make sure over a grand a month goes into my WAMU acct so the IRS can take it out. Right now, as we speak...I need 4200 to save my ass.

    Work has been dead. So I've been looking for alt. ways to earn cash. Modeling assignments, selling things in my home and seeking out lines of credit. None of which are truly panning out. Everyone is hurting right now due to the impending recession, but also my credit is gone. Thanks to the IRS.

    I'm working tomorrow thru Friday night. I have to take Saturday-Monday off to move my things and also to get the kids settled. They start home school Tuesday the 2nd.

    I still don't have their desks!

    On top of all this, my eldest of the brothers will have a son in 24 hours. I may very well never meet this little guy and it is killing me. I am the eldest of 5 and yet I feel virtually alone.

    And here in Chicago I pretty much am. Some of that is my own fault but I also made friends with some rather tacky ass people and when my lifestyle changed so did friendships. It's for the best but I miss the company.

    I know it's possible to earn that 4200 at work this week. I mean it's dead as fuck but if I really got lucky each night then yes it could very well happen.

    I still am worried about what my kids will sleep on, my plates for my car and well..that damn car payment!

    My anxiety is getting to me, so I'm just crying. I no longer believe in taking pharmies for issues and have turned to dealing with my problems rather than numbing them or avoiding them with xanax etc. It's a bit trying.

    I've read books ranging from Scientology to Zen. I'm searching for any and all ways to just give me hope. Not that I"m looking for religion, because I am not. But, I am looking for serenity.

    All I truly want ...is to know their desks, their beds and life will all be there and okay.

    What the hell do I do to motivate myself and quit crying? I don't know how to deal with it any other way. coping has never been a strong skill of mine.
    as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy I'm as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    im sorry your so overwhelmed. you dont need books on zen it seems you feel scattered and dont know where to start. you need organization and planning not buddah right now

    prioritize things you need to pay for right now, things you can put off buying and things you need to buy asap, write it all down things like this are easier for me on paper.

    i think you should take meds to get you through this rough patch, everyone needs help and if you genuinly need to take the meds to get through this i know its a tough pill to swallow (god what a horrid play on words there) but if your this stressed it may be for the best now. save other coping skills to be learned in a less stressful time.

    as for your kids desks and beds and all, they can do without for a week or 2 if they must. its just stuff, and youll be able to get more stuff soon enough. if worse coems to worse they can sleep on other furniture for a week or so.

    you will be fine moving is crazy and im sorry its stressing you out hun.

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    God/dess NinaDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    Well, which one do you truly want? Because though I can speak only for myself here, I'm capable of either.
    "She has written so well, and marvellously well, that I was completely ashamed of myself as a writer...But this girl, who is to my knowledge very unpleasant and we might even say a high-grade bitch, can write rings around all of us who consider ourselves as writers"

    Ernest Hemingway on writer, aviation pioneer and horse trainer Beryl Markham


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    Featured Member Sophia_Ashley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    I've done lists, so I know what needs to be done. What I would "like" comes to 8 grand. What I need to get taken care of comes to 4200.

    So I'm just like "shit one more worry"!

    As far as meds go, I out right refuse. Anytime I've taken depression meds it's made me worse for wear. And right now there's nothing I could take that would work immediately

    I wish I could meditate, or I could concentrate on one thing at a time. I really need a fucking hug and a damn coffee date!

    IBI thank you for the encouraging words girl, it means a lot.
    as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy I'm as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy

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    Featured Member Sophia_Ashley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    Quote Originally Posted by NinaDaisy View Post
    Well, which one do you truly want? Because though I can speak only for myself here, I'm capable of either.
    If a kick in the ass will kick me far enough out the door then go for it. Just don't leave a bruise lol

    Words of encouragement...give it to me.
    as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy I'm as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    what about xanax or ativan? works right when you need it. trust me i wouldnt reccomend it for everyone but when you got as much on your plate as you do i think a couple weeks of light medication would help.

    and we all know when you dont feel desperate to make money you make better money becuase your more relaxed

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    Featured Member Sophia_Ashley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    Yep that need for it usually is a death wish! I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking that. And for whatever reason I'm focusing more on what I look like! WTH.

    Yeah, I wont' do the xanax or ativan although it works wonders for me (but knocks me out!) It's a personal choice at this point. I have a script for xanax I haven't filled it since June. honestly I've not even thought of it. But, people did something before the magic pills came around. I guess the coped although I'm at a loss where to start.

    I feel if I just get up and go tomorrow that might help me considerably. I have a bad habit of being brain dead when I get overwhelmed. Catatonic almost. It's insane.
    as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy I'm as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    hmm well your stronger then i am then!

    itll work out i think once the ball starts rolling things will falll into place, the money hopefully too.

    as far as your grandparents furniture, is there no one who can hold onto it for you?

    and even if not im sure they wouldnt be mad for you having to let it go.

  9. #9
    rooster470
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    I have nothing to offer other than well wishes, but I hope everything works out for you. Something that helps me when I'm feeling down is to play with my pets. I find that animals have a great calming effect.

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    Featured Member Sophia_Ashley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    My grandmother has dementia...rather bad. She's in the care of my Aunt. I never met my grandfather, he passed away when my mother was 19. I wasn't born till 6 years later.

    There is NO one to hold onto it. I've tried. I asked my mother, etc. Nothing nadda .

    And I wouldn't say I'm "stronger" than you. Different strokes for different folks I've just go through life avoiding issues with medication. while most take it to deal with things, I took medication to avoid.

    I hope you don't think I'm tossing your advice out the window..I swearz I'm not
    as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy I'm as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy

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    Featured Member Sophia_Ashley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    Quote Originally Posted by rooster470 View Post
    I have nothing to offer other than well wishes, but I hope everything works out for you. Something that helps me when I'm feeling down is to play with my pets. I find that animals have a great calming effect.
    I agree! And thank you
    as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy I'm as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy

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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    I really wish i had some words of wisdom for you here. All I can say is when you're in doubt, look at your children's faces. They are depending on you to take care of them and THEY for all tense and purposes know you can do it. So you need to make sure to remind yourself that you can.

    Remind yourself that moping isn't the answer and it never solves a problem. You will look back on this time and know that it has made you stronger to get through. It has for me.

    Look, I know we have never been the best of friends here. But I have grown to respect you immensely and even like you a good deal and look forward to your posts. You are a strong woman and a good mother, and you WILL get through this. I know it, SW gals know it. And you know it. Time to buckle down girl, it's party time. Make it happen.

    As for meds, I mysef have found that after a bad time with prescriptions that natural remedies have worked well. Maybe try taking St. John's Wort or 5-HTP to keep you "together"?

    Oh, and here's what you asked for, virtual or not: And go have a coffee date with Hello_Kitty, she's fricken awesome.

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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    On the not-taking-meds front, can you do homeopathic? I've been living on my Hyland's Nerve Tonic to get through all the stuff that's been going on right now. There's stronger stuff too-Kava, valerian, etc. Keeps me from freaking the hell out.

    Also-go woman go! You can do it!

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    Featured Member Sophia_Ashley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    UV thank you thank you. That means a lot and ..well I just don't know what to say other than thank you.

    I'm attempting not to mope but shit I don't know how to avoid complaining! lol that's what's feeding this negative force and I know it.

    RLeigh. I am not opposed to natural remedies as long as I feel that I'm not depending on something other than myself to make things better. If that makes sense.

    I am going to get the Sam-e. I just want to be able to concentrate which is proving to be my root. I can't pick one thing and deal with it. I know right now it's work so I'm going to read this before I venture to work tomorrow afternoon.

    And Hello_Kitty is going to be hangin next weekend when I move so that is something I'm really looking forward to.
    as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy I'm as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy

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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    I know what you mean; I complain a LOT and I'm really trying to quit that! I have been going through a hell of a 2 years (just read my posts, haha), so I can totally relate. I'm surprised I've made it this far, and you will feel the same once you get over this roadbloack.

    If I was still living in Chicago I'd take you out for some coffee myself (that;s where I moved from to AZ). Maybe someday while I'm visiting family in MKE I'll look you up and you can tell me how much better you feel once you've gotten through this

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    Hey! I'll be in the city (or close to it) tomorrow...of course I'll have the little ones with me.

    If you need a pick-me-up...let me know...we can meet and you can unload if you need to.

    I just wanted to say, you don't have to get everything you need for your new place RIGHT when you move in. You get what you can afford/need now and then you just start adding as you can.

    My first place was bare for the first few months.

    If you need stuff like mattresses, etc...look on craigslist and freecycle. There are always people looking to give stuff away. You don't have to keep it forever, but it'll be something for now and you can always replace it when you can.

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    Banned MissTaylor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    You can heal your life by Louise Grey helped me a lot when I felt hopeless.

    Have you called to see how much it would be for movers to just take the few items you HAVE to have?

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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    Can you store your precious stuff? If will mean more to you as the years go by...

    One small bite at a time...sounds like you have a lot on your plate!

    Small lapdesks can be found at Walmart and will give them "space to work on" of their own.

    Happiness is knowing that your family is okay and that you are healthy...please take care of yourself and I hope the rest will fall into place...try to carve out a few minutes a day to just sit quietly and breathe.

    Start making a plan for your future: can you get the IRS to consolidate and lower your amount due? They suck.
    Little things you want to do to improve your lives...don't take on any more until you feel better if possible.

    Hoping things will improve!

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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    First of all...keep your stuff. It will be better in the long run to have the things that you love that were passed down in your family AND not have the stress of buying new stuff. I had to haul my shit down 3 flights of concrete stairs when we moved to FL....and NONE of our friends that were supposed to help showed up. BUT..5 teenagers in my apt. complex that I'd never met before saw us moving and offered to help! We gave them $20 each and all the stuff I wasnt taking...so one got a VCR, one got a stereo, one girl got my brown leather coat,etc..etc... They were VERY happy!!

    Put an ad on craigslist or something asking for help moving...offer the stuff you REALLY dont want and maybe lunch/beers whatever. If you say you are a hot stripper....you'll get guys that will be willing to help! Yeah,you'll have to deal with them ogling and hitting on you prob....but hey...you'll have your antiques!

    What about the bouncers at work? Would they be willing to come by for a cpl hours and help? Or maybe regs that you trust? If they just help get stuff into the truck and not unload at the new place....they wont even have to know where you live!

    Theres ALWAYS a way!Trust me...sometimes you just have to be a bit creative!

    Quote Originally Posted by lexilou View Post
    "I'll picklepunch you in your twatwaffle!"

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    Veteran Member MissDewdrop's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    Quote Originally Posted by CKXXX View Post
    First of all...keep your stuff. It will be better in the long run to have the things that you love that were passed down in your family AND not have the stress of buying new stuff. I had to haul my shit down 3 flights of concrete stairs when we moved to FL....and NONE of our friends that were supposed to help showed up. BUT..5 teenagers in my apt. complex that I'd never met before saw us moving and offered to help! We gave them $20 each and all the stuff I wasnt taking...so one got a VCR, one got a stereo, one girl got my brown leather coat,etc..etc... They were VERY happy!!

    Put an ad on craigslist or something asking for help moving...offer the stuff you REALLY dont want and maybe lunch/beers whatever. If you say you are a hot stripper....you'll get guys that will be willing to help! Yeah,you'll have to deal with them ogling and hitting on you prob....but hey...you'll have your antiques!

    What about the bouncers at work? Would they be willing to come by for a cpl hours and help? Or maybe regs that you trust? If they just help get stuff into the truck and not unload at the new place....they wont even have to know where you live!

    Theres ALWAYS a way!Trust me...sometimes you just have to be a bit creative!
    This is super great advice Keep the family stuff or it'll eat you up both now and later. Guilt and remorse are NOT good feelings to have when you're experiencing anxiety. It may instead feed those anxious feelings. I also second the homeopathic route. Try some kava or valerian, both of which are very inexpensive. It's one thing to use meds as a lifelong crutch. If you exploit the resources available to you, you're actually doing the smart thing. Make them work for you in the short term. I hope it all works out. I think you can most definitely do it, though, considering all the other things you've been through.

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    Bianca O'Blivion
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    Quote Originally Posted by CKXXX View Post
    I had to haul my shit down 3 flights of concrete stairs when we moved to FL....and NONE of our friends that were supposed to help showed up. BUT..5 teenagers in my apt. complex that I'd never met before saw us moving and offered to help!
    That's what happened to my friend a few weeks ago. Her movers bailed so me and another friend stepped in and her neighbor showed up when he saw us moving her possessions. There's always a way and people do want to help others move, even if just to alleviate boredom.

    My advice is to find a local person willing to lend the piece of money it takes to solve the immediate issues (or even a bank would be willing to lend a small loan with a piece of collateral, like a car) once you have part of the issue solved, work, work, work.

    Can you pawn anything? & I'd beg someone to hold onto the antique furniture- my friends are holding onto my stored items and it's no big deal to them, they have the space.

    Don't be afraid to ask. If you explain the situation, people will want to help.

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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    I'm so sorry to hear about all the stress and hope everything works out for you!

    Whenever I move I don't go throgh moving companies, but through Labor Ready. It's much cheaper!

    Best wishes for you and your family.

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    Featured Member Sophia_Ashley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    There's no one that can keep it. And putting it in storage, not an option since I can't physically move it down 3 flights of stairs.

    As far as pawning goes, I can with a few tv's. I have 2 now. I just donated one today. We shall see with that.

    I cannot get a loan of any kind. Virtually impossible with my current IRS issue. Trust me I looked into it.

    Going to work is my only option and like I said it can work out for me if I apply myself correctly and get lucky.

    I just feel insane right now. Today for example I couldn't find 1100 I had stashed here. I knew it was here, shit I just had seen half last night! I literally tore up my apt and found 580. I have no idea where the rest is, and sometimes I think I hide shit while I'm asleep. I don't get why I keep losing things.

    And the bouncers at work..eh that's a no go. I work in the suburbs and I don't even know them. I go to work and talk to no one. I'd feel a lil' rude asking strangers who I tend to ignore to help me.

    I've exhausted all efforts as far as help goes.

    On a side note... and it has nothing to do with this. Some crackhead woman was outside on the street screaming "sophia" for seriously...30 minutes. This isn't my real name and I have NO idea who it was. And then she's scream "does anyone know sophia?" w.t.f.
    as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy I'm as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy

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    God/dess CKXXX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    It isnt rude. You arent EXPECTING them to help...cant hurt to ask! Why not post a note in the DR...saying something like free food and alcohol if you can help me move a cpl things!!

    And try craigslist..again...cant hurt to ask. There are a TON of guys who would trip over themselves for the chance to show off how manly they are in front of a hot stripper!! If you cant check it and/or dont want to leave your email for them to contact you...feel free to use mine. I'll weed out the freaks for you and forward any that seem useful. PM me for my email addy if you want to.

    Quote Originally Posted by lexilou View Post
    "I'll picklepunch you in your twatwaffle!"

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    Featured Member Sophia_Ashley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Words of Encouragement or a kick in the ass. Help

    ^ Thank you. I'm weird asking for help. In case you can't tell

    Seriously if someone from here is outside screaming Sophia..you are starting to scare me. A woman has been outside screaming and pushing all the buzzer buttons for literally 30 minutes now. I want to leave and go to starbucks..and I'm scared.

    She seems pissed off!!! Anyone here that knows where I live knows my real name. Ladies, I have a stalker.
    as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy I'm as damp as a cellar. . . all mildewy

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