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Thread: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

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    Featured Member txchick008's Avatar
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    Default Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    Here is my predicament. I have a very bright 6 year old daughter, who just started 1st grade.

    So far, all she knows is that I no longer work my "computer job", and that I work in a club/restaurant. I am not sure how long this story will hold up. She is VERY smart - and I suspect that she already knows something is not adding up.

    I am not going to tell her RIGHT NOW.....but she sees my heels & outfits and has overheard the term "dance" and "dancer" numerous times, so I know I will have to deal with this at some point.

    What do you tell your children (particularly your daughter or daughters), and at what age? I would assume the answer would be based on the child's maturity and readiness to handle the truth - but I am struggling with that.

    I am not looking for opinions on whether or not I should tell. I am looking more for personal experiences from other Mother's

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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    I don't have children, but as a child who was exposed to sexual things at an early age, I think it's best you don't tell her exactly what you do. I don't think she would be able to understand why men pay her mommy for lapdances.

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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    Could you give it to her in little pieces as she gets older? Like start out by saying something like "mommy dances on stage at a nightclub" and maybe get into more detail as you think she's ready for it?

    I don't have kids so maybe my advice is dumb, but I figured I'd put it out there anyway.
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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    I dont have kids either but if you tell her and she goes to school and mentions it people could say awful things and putting ideas into her head.

    My friend has a 4 year old son and he sees her clothes, shoes and sees her getting ready for work - putting bronzer on her body. She wont tell him. I can see how it would be harder with a 6 year old tho.
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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    I tell my kids the truth. They are 9 (girl) and 6 (boy). They know the name of the club, and that it is a bar for grown ups. They know that I dance there, but don't really get the idea of stripping yet. I will be honest and tell them EVERYTHING if they figure it out or when they are teenagers. OF course you don't have to go into great detail (like I rub on guys and try to give them a boner) but I would just say, "Well when you grow up, you get weird and start to really like to talk to boys/girls and also pay to see them naked"

    But I am weird and waaayy too honest with them.
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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    well, honestly i say stop talking about it at home if you don't want her to know. that way she won't be overhearing the words dancer and dancing

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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    My kiddos know I work in a bar. That's it, and that's all they need to know honestly.

    I have a locker at work with all my stuff in it, so I don't have a dance bag to take to and from work. When I bring my stuff home to wash, I wash it at night while she is sleeping, and have it dried and folded and put back in the car by the time she wakes up for school.

    When she is older (jr high/high school) I might tell her if she really wants to know and asks, but until then; "mom works in a bar" is good enough for us, lol.
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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by happygiggles View Post
    well, honestly i say stop talking about it at home if you don't want her to know. that way she won't be overhearing the words dancer and dancing
    Huh? HG, please read the post. Nowhere did I say that I "didn't want her to know". I was asking other Mother's how they explained their job to their children, and at what age.
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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    I'm amazed when I read on here that kids 6+ don't already know what a stripper is. I did. I played stripper with my friends. Your daughter hasn't ever overheard someone say "all these girls in music videos dance like strippers" or something along those lines? She probably already knows what one is, it's just a matter of telling her you're one because it is a pretty random job. It's not like if you worked in an office she'd one day figure out on her own your a financial consultant, ahah.

    I don't have kids though, so I can't really offer any advice at all, but I know be time I was her age I fully understood what a stripper was. If my mom told me she was one I probably would have thought she was the most bad ass person ever. Actually I'm starting to wonder, because she does have stripping shoes that I used to play with....she told me they where her dancing shoes because they made her tallllleeerrr......hmmm.....

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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    My son is 3, so he has no care or clue in the world what I do. As long as he's being fed and the toys are coming in a plenty.

    If my life continues as planned, I should retire from dancing when he's 8, and begin my career. In the mean while, I don't ever have any reason to discuss my line of work with him. I will never tell him, and God help me that he'll never find out. I don't parade around my house in stripper wear. Nor do I discuss work at home... unless I'm discussing my day job or my student-ing.

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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    I think it is up to the parent to decide when (if ever) a good time is to let their child know what exactly mom does for a living.

    My son is little but my 11 year old nephew thinks I work in a bar. Technically it is a bar. I don't think he needs to really know exactly what I do. He has seen my shoes and/or outfits laying around by accident but I just say I work in a bar. He doesn't ask specifics and I don't give them.

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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Havana View Post
    My son is 3, so he has no care or clue in the world what I do. As long as he's being fed and the toys are coming in a plenty.

    If my life continues as planned, I should retire from dancing when he's 8, and begin my career. In the mean while, I don't ever have any reason to discuss my line of work with him. I will never tell him, and God help me that he'll never find out. I don't parade around my house in stripper wear. Nor do I discuss work at home... unless I'm discussing my day job or my student-ing.
    I feel the same EXACT way. I would hate for my children to know that I am or once was a dancer. No offense to anyone else, but thats just something that I don't feel like they need to know. Anyway, I think that you should tell your daughter when you feel that she is mature enough to fully understand. My best friend's daughter is in first grade and her mom just tells her she works in a bar--I don't think that she would know or understand what a stripper is anyway.

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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by txchick008 View Post
    Huh? HG, please read the post. Nowhere did I say that I "didn't want her to know". I was asking other Mother's how they explained their job to their children, and at what age.
    My friend's son is 9 and I asked her if he knew she was a dancer. Its very easy. You work in a bar and don't talk about dancing in front of her. When she's like, 10, maybe it'll be worth explaining but a 6 year old doesn't need to be told about the exact details of stripping. Just my HO.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rockell View Post
    I feel the same EXACT way. I would hate for my children to know that I am or once was a dancer. No offense to anyone else, but thats just something that I don't feel like they need to know. Anyway, I think that you should tell your daughter when you feel that she is mature enough to fully understand. My best friend's daughter is in first grade and her mom just tells her she works in a bar--I don't think that she would know or understand what a stripper is anyway.
    This is my sentiment, exactly.

    What parent does for a living, how they behave, etc... has a tremendous effect on a child's psychological well being, self esteem, self worth & view of the world. As you said, not intending to offend anyone else, but shaking my ass for cash, and my son knowing about it... is a lose/lose situation IMO.

    As he got older, if he knew, he would then encounter the typical opinion of others about the industry, thus forming a complex about his own mother. A parent is a protector, a provider, a nurturer (<--?)... a healthy child needs to have faith in the parents that they are doing the right thing, individually and socially.

    & I know this is the biggest hypocrisy ever, but I'd die if my son ever brought home a stripper girlfriend. Just die. Eh.

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    Veteran Member Rockell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Havana View Post

    What parent does for a living, how they behave, etc... has a tremendous effect on a child's psychological well being, self esteem, self worth & view of the world. As you said, not intending to offend anyone else, but shaking my ass for cash, and my son knowing about it... is a lose/lose situation IMO.

    As he got older, if he knew, he would then encounter the typical opinion of others about the industry, thus forming a complex about his own mother. A parent is a protector, a provider, a nurturer (<--?)... a healthy child needs to have faith in the parents that they are doing the right thing, individually and socially.
    Yes and Yes. My parents (mom especially) are pretty conservative. I don't want to come across as hypocritical, but I would be devastated if I found out that my mother was once a dancer, even though I know and understand the business well. I could only imagine what a young child would think after all the negative images and stereotypes of strippers were put into his head. As I have said in other posts, I would dance until I was 35 if I didn't have children, but since I do, I will turn in my stripper heels for a lower paying job by the time my oldest is in kindergarden. I would do anything to keep them from finding out. But, to each their own.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hot4ablackchick View Post
    I tell my kids the truth. They are 9 (girl) and 6 (boy). They know the name of the club, and that it is a bar for grown ups. They know that I dance there, but don't really get the idea of stripping yet. I will be honest and tell them EVERYTHING if they figure it out or when they are teenagers. OF course you don't have to go into great detail (like I rub on guys and try to give them a boner) but I would just say, "Well when you grow up, you get weird and start to really like to talk to boys/girls and also pay to see them naked"

    But I am weird and waaayy too honest with them.

    i would do the same if i had kids. i would also tell them that it was up to them if they wanted to tell their friends if their friends asked, if not they could say i was a waitress or something.

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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    I've told my nieces that Auntie works at a bar where woman like to dance around without clothing. They think it's funny.

    But, I will ask around at work tonight and see what the other girls say. I know of at least 4 other girls who have 6 year old kids, and one who used to work in Texas as well, so I'll ask her what she says!
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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    my kids age 11 and 6 both girls know what mom does for a living, obviously the 11 knows more than the 6, I DO NOT LIE to my kids ever.

    I started out the same way as a poster above with the adult bar talk, then as my oldest got older she has asked small questions. I answer. She asked if I had sex for money, society put that idea there. I responded with the only person mommy has sex with is your step dad. she now understands society makes judgements on people based on their job, ancestry, race, religion, gender. we discussed stereo types during that talk too.

    sterotyping was easier for her to get since we are Wiccan and she has had to watch me deal with people based on that, and she has too.

    Yes my daughter thinks I'm cool, but strict as hell. She also thinks I work harder than most of her friends parents....she sees the bruises from floor work, has watched me nurse sprained ankles, pulled tendons, broke ribs.

    She has a very adult view of money as well. Understands that to make it comes from hard work and often bases asking for stuff on how our finances are doing.

    She has on the down side defended me to judgemental types in her school, and gotten sent to the principal's office for writing an assignment for class that was about what your parents do for a living. She was very candid in describing mom and dad's job leaving out the nudity part. She also wrote more than once how loved she is, how we are always available, even on short notice to stay home and help her with stuff. She also told the teacher that it wasn't her place to judge her parents, and that our jobs didn't make us evil, dirty or immoral. A few talks later with the teacher and principal and Autumn's school has no more issues with us or her.

    On the plus side my kid is a coool little person, she has figured out at age 11 what took me my whole life to get....you cut the haters out and concentrate on the people that accept you as you are. You don't tolerate people putting you down or talking about you behind your back, her sense of self is very high.

    All of her friends and her are going through puberty, she is the only one not grossed out by her changing body, the only one not thinking she is fat, the only one that is comfortable in her own skin. I credit the candidness and honesty in our household, the positive female imagery and body talk she has heard from me and the few friends I have that are also dancers being in her life.

    The 6 year old is showing signs of the same traits as well. She is chubby and gets teased for being so, her response to them is that she eats right, excersizes and is toned despite being chubby. she thinks she is beautiful as is and no one can tease her into tears over her weight. She sees the positive side of being female.
    Both of my girls do.

    Both have always had unflinching honesty from me on all the questions their minds can come up with.

    Autumn has already been offered weed in 6th grade. She told me she was offered and declined. Real talk, I don't have to snoop or pry, they talk to me because I talk to them.

    Honesty is the way to go.

    Hiding things from them, no matter how painful isn't condusive to a real relationship that can help them navigate the world we live in.
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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    ^^

    Very inspiring!! Thank you for sharing winterrose.
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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    Winterrose, you sound like an awesome mom!!

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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    winterrose- you do sound like a great mom, and that advice is very genuine and inspiring. It's good to know there are parents out there who are completely honest and deal with the hard stuff instead of avoiding it.
    "Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I've walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it, and above."

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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by winterrose View Post
    She has on the down side defended me to judgemental types in her school, and gotten sent to the principal's office for writing an assignment for class that was about what your parents do for a living. She was very candid in describing mom and dad's job leaving out the nudity part. She also wrote more than once how loved she is, how we are always available, even on short notice to stay home and help her with stuff. She also told the teacher that it wasn't her place to judge her parents, and that our jobs didn't make us evil, dirty or immoral. A few talks later with the teacher and principal and Autumn's school has no more issues with us or her.

    On the plus side my kid is a coool little person, she has figured out at age 11 what took me my whole life to get....you cut the haters out and concentrate on the people that accept you as you are. You don't tolerate people putting you down or talking about you behind your back, her sense of self is very high.

    All of her friends and her are going through puberty, she is the only one not grossed out by her changing body, the only one not thinking she is fat, the only one that is comfortable in her own skin. I credit the candidness and honesty in our household, the positive female imagery and body talk she has heard from me and the few friends I have that are also dancers being in her life.

    The 6 year old is showing signs of the same traits as well. She is chubby and gets teased for being so, her response to them is that she eats right, excersizes and is toned despite being chubby. she thinks she is beautiful as is and no one can tease her into tears over her weight. She sees the positive side of being female.
    Both of my girls do.

    Both have always had unflinching honesty from me on all the questions their minds can come up with.

    Autumn has already been offered weed in 6th grade. She told me she was offered and declined. Real talk, I don't have to snoop or pry, they talk to me because I talk to them.

    Honesty is the way to go.

    Hiding things from them, no matter how painful isn't condusive to a real relationship that can help them navigate the world we live in.

    this is exactly how i want to raise my kids. i grew up in a hypocritical, judgemental household where my parents lied to me & then expected me not to lie, & i have vowed to be honest with my future kids so we can communicate openly. they sound like they are going to be critical thinkers & know exactly who they are & what they stand for.

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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by txchick008 View Post
    What do you tell your children (particularly your daughter or daughters), and at what age? I would assume the answer would be based on the child's maturity and readiness to handle the truth - but I am struggling with that.Thanks ladies!
    I have a 7 year old boy. I told him that Mommy works at a club. A club is a place where grownups go to have fun.

    Mommy's job is to make sure people are enjoying themselves. I am to make them laugh and relax. I also dance up on a stage and it's very pretty.

    Me: People pay me to dance in front of them.

    Him: They give you money?

    Me:Yeah.

    Him: Well that's good!

    LOL!

    I didn't throw all this at him at once though. Just a bit at a time. I keep my heels/outfits in my trunk/at work, so he doesn't see any of this, and I don't call myself a "dancer" in front of him. But he has seen me counting my money. Then he'll ask me to put him to work so that he can make some money too!! LOL!

    Whatever you do, be very positive when explaining this to your kid. If you are uncomfortable, they'll pick up on it and think that you are doing something wrong.

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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    ^^ Oh yeah and I left the "naked" part out. I figure that can wait til he is a little older.

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    Default Re: Moms: What Do You Tell Your Children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Havana View Post
    This is my sentiment, exactly.

    What parent does for a living, how they behave, etc... has a tremendous effect on a child's psychological well being, self esteem, self worth & view of the world.

    & I know this is the biggest hypocrisy ever, but I'd die if my son ever brought home a stripper girlfriend. Just die. Eh.
    Really? I can't possibly believe that. That statement greatly offends me. To immediately write off a girl because she stripped, would be just as offensive as someone saying "Gawd I'd die if my child ever bought home a black/asian/mexican/whatever." As long as the girl was nice, and treated him nicely with mutual respect, then I wouldn't give a damn what she did for a living. (So long as it was legal) My hubby's ex is a total fuckin loser. She doesn't visit with her own kids, she doesn't pay child support, she keeps switching low paying jobs, and is 30 and doesn't have shit. But some people would just assume that she is a better person or would be a better "catch" for their child simply because she works as a waitress and does not take her clothes off for money. Although she is a loser/alcoholic that cares more about hangin in the bar, than spending time w/her own children. That is ignorant and angers the shit out of me. I would rather my kid bring home a stripper, than some bitch like that who is not doing anything with her life. You have to teach your kids the stereotypes of the world and teach them to think outside the box. I tell my kids that what is popular, is not always right or even true. It is just me being naked, I guess I fail to see what the big deal is. Its not as if I'm out dealing crack. I think when you are ashamed of yourself, then of course you are not going to believe that others will not be ashamed.
    CARMEN IS HOTT 4 A BLACK CHICK!!!!!!!!

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