Results 1 to 22 of 22

Thread: being a stripper and custody battle

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Nov 2006
    Location
    tx
    Posts
    88
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default being a stripper and custody battle

    Im 7 months pregnant and the father says he wants full custody. he said hes going to prove im a unfit mother. im unfit in no way,the only thing that would make me look bad would be me being a dancer. i quit dancing when i was 4 months pregnant,but still plan on dancing after the baby is born. if im not doing drugs,drinking,prostitution,etc how would the judge make it where he lets the father gets custody right because im a dancer? i go to work to support me and my son,and soon to be here son. what am i doing bad?

  2. #2
    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Livingston, NJ
    Posts
    1,576
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    if he's taking you to court at the moment, he's either stupid or his lawyer sucks. the picture of a pregnant woman waddling into court while the father claims she's unfit just "because" (unless you're a drug addict) is not going to get him a sympathy vote at all.

    the stripping thing will be the only thing he has going for him (unless there's other issues) because that's how society is unfortunately.

    but two things he's missing the point of is that he's going to pay child support (if you retain custody) and he willingly entered into a relationship while you were already a dancer with the intent of making you a mother again (that's what sex does). so now that you will be a mother (again!), that's suddenly no good?!? hypocrite.

    added to all that, you were already a mother. that son sounds fine so far. was he a parent previously?

    if not, he's even dumber than i first thought. at least you have experience. the last experience he probably has was his own mommy wiping his ass for him.

    if he does have kids already (they better be living with him or he's already lost again), then the picture levels out a bit. but the hypocritical aspect still stands imo.

  3. #3
    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Southeast Texas
    Posts
    4,735
    Thanks
    10
    Thanked 35 Times in 20 Posts
    My Mood
    Brooding

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    if i were EVER in this predicament, i would calmly tell the judge that what you do for a living is not illegal, and you can provide the child with a wonderful life. with love, finances, and all the things that matter most.

    bottom line. you can support your child and if stripping is the only negative thing he's got on you, you're alright

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Nov 2006
    Location
    tx
    Posts
    88
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    heres the full story...i met him at work,he had a girlfriend who he did not tell me about until i found out i was pregnant. he said i had to get a abortion because he has a girlfriend who just found out she may have cancer. i said no way in hell am i getting a abortion. laterhe said she doesnt have cancer but has something to where she will need surgery,that and she has no job no money no car and nowhere to go(shes living with him) months go by and he still doesnt want anything to do with the baby,doesnt want to be a dad,or anything. he told me a week ago,he wanted to give up his parental rights when the baby is born. i ened up telling the girlfriend what was going on a week ago,he called me bitching me out i told him he should have not hid her from me or me from her,and that she needs to know your about to have a child. shes staying with him after all of this,and now there saying they want full custody,and there going to try to prove im unfit. but like i said in no way am i unfit. he has alot of money his own buisness etc,now there tyring to say he doesnt have any money and she has all the money. so if i go through the state to get child support i wont get that much. and now they plan on getting married before the child is born which is in 3 months. i think there trying to do that to make them look good ( im a single mom,and there married) right how do you think your going to look infront of the judge..you cheated on your girlfriend,got a stripper pregnant,told her you wanted her to get a abortion wanted to have nothing to do with it,your girlfriend finds out what you did she pats you on the back and says thats ok hunny we will just get custody and get married and be a perfect little family. he does drugs,drinks,cheats on her wants nothing to do with the baby,and now that she finds out,he said he doesnt drink anymore,drugs,and wants the baby and the girfriend who he said he hated despised and wanted to leave her,he wants to now marry her and keep this baby!! i have done pot once when i was 16 and only once,i dont drink,hell i dont even smoke. i never hang out with friends,i go to work 3 days a week come home and make my son my top priority. i have no legal record the only time i have ever got in trouble with the law all has to do with tickets,dealing with speeding,or not wearing a seat belt. im 21,hes 37 and the girfriends 49. shes has 2 kids that are grown and out of the house. he has never had kids.

  5. #5
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    It sounds like you have the high ground, but don't describe yourself as a stripper or mention any pot use. Anything that happened before you were 18 never happened at all, and certainly not if you were never caught.

    Make sure you fight for full custody, and waive child support if you really want this jackass out of your life. I think it would be worth losing the money if he can claim he doesn't have any anyway; it doesn't sound like he'll pay, and this guy isn't anyone you want in your children's lives. So just go, fight for total custody, and once you get it just bugger off and forget him.

  6. #6
    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Livingston, NJ
    Posts
    1,576
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    well, i don't think you're in as bad a position as HE wants you to think you are.

    his history will definitely be brought up but i'm not going to kid you that the courts look neutrally upon dancers. i'm sure there are many dancers here that can give you firsthand opinions on their experiences with the courts and their job.

    but your parental experience will also help you greatly.

    imo, the only thing you have to worry about is having that asshat father around for the next 18+ years. you can only hope he really does give up his parental rights and leaves you and the new baby alone.

  7. #7
    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Livingston, NJ
    Posts
    1,576
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    yek and i are in the same zone today!

    yeah, you're a "dancer" not a "stripper". semantics but we're talking about bloodsucking lawyers here.

  8. #8
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    Yeah, and my point about that was that you don't want to paint him as a bad guy because he "got a stripper pregnant" - because hello, you're asking a judge to give sole custody of a child to that "stripper." Don't use your own job title as a pejorative against him.

  9. #9
    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Southeast Texas
    Posts
    4,735
    Thanks
    10
    Thanked 35 Times in 20 Posts
    My Mood
    Brooding

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    i would def tell the judge that he didn't even want the baby until now.

  10. #10
    God/dess
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Your imagination
    Posts
    2,875
    Thanks
    19
    Thanked 174 Times in 119 Posts

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    you're young and a stripper with legal problems (even traffic tickets count in this kind of circumstance) and pregnant. i don't know what state you're in, but in some that in itself is enough to lose you custody (esp. any mention of drug use).

    it is pretty uncommon for women to not get custody, but sexwork and/or drugs will do it, even if 'it's not a job that's illegal'. find a good attorney.

    him being married before pursuing custody is a win for him. judges have pretty specific stereotypes about single moms, and you don't fit them in a legally beneficial way, so it will help to have legal representation arguing your side of things.

  11. #11
    God/dess VegasPrincess's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2006
    Location
    MKE
    Posts
    4,660
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 182 Times in 40 Posts

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    If being a stripper was grounds to take away a baby, nobody would have kids and dance.

    He's trying to scare you. If you must go to court (and I highly doubt he really filed with a lawyer as of now....the only time that would be viable is if you were doing something to immediately harm the baby and even then, its iffy) then calmly explain the situation.

    The main thing about court is just to act calm. NEVER get upset, just state that you love your baby, and this is what you do for a living. Make sure that you have day care or a baby sitter provided for the times when you will be at work. Make a little schedule of your childs day : From such and such time she will be with me, from such and such time with a sitter while I am at work, ETC.

    ALSO, he has very limited rights if he did not make an effort to provide for you and the baby during your pregnancy. to top it all of, his home life doesn't sound like its peaches and cream.

    All this aside, the odds that he really wants to take full time care of this child with another woman aren't that great....trust me, you'll be fine. Even if you have to get a public defender, this case is a lot more open and shut then you think it is.

    BTW congragulations on the bundle of joy!
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

  12. #12
    God/dess VegasPrincess's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2006
    Location
    MKE
    Posts
    4,660
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 182 Times in 40 Posts

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    Quote Originally Posted by miabella View Post
    you're young and a stripper with legal problems (even traffic tickets count in this kind of circumstance) and pregnant. i don't know what state you're in, but in some that in itself is enough to lose you custody (esp. any mention of drug use).

    it is pretty uncommon for women to not get custody, but sexwork and/or drugs will do it, even if 'it's not a job that's illegal'. find a good attorney.

    him being married before pursuing custody is a win for him. judges have pretty specific stereotypes about single moms, and you don't fit them in a legally beneficial way, so it will help to have legal representation arguing your side of things.
    Miabella, this is TOTALLY not true stop scaring her! In this day and age over 30% of babies are born to single mothers. Him being married to ANOTHER woman BEFORE the baby is born isn't going to help his case any. Traffic tickets and municipal tickets are not criminal offenses and have no bearing on a mother's case. Also any cases that happen before you were 18 or were exponged are not admissable in a court case.
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

  13. #13
    Featured Member Perry's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Margaritaville
    Posts
    1,168
    Thanks
    43
    Thanked 105 Times in 54 Posts

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    I would contact a lawyer, but stop stressing after that. This guy sounds like a flake. Doesn't want the baby to desperately needs full custody? He'll probably fade out to feeling indifferent before it's born, and drop the non-sense.

    And almost no judge will take a child away from it's mother.

  14. #14
    God/dess
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Your imagination
    Posts
    2,875
    Thanks
    19
    Thanked 174 Times in 119 Posts

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    Quote Originally Posted by VegasPrincess View Post
    Miabella, this is TOTALLY not true stop scaring her! In this day and age over 30% of babies are born to single mothers. Him being married to ANOTHER woman BEFORE the baby is born isn't going to help his case any. Traffic tickets and municipal tickets are not criminal offenses and have no bearing on a mother's case. Also any cases that happen before you were 18 or were exponged are not admissable in a court case.
    custody cases get nasty very, very easily. there are women who claim the husband sexually abused the children when that's not true to get custody as well, as one example of women just twisting stuff to suit themselves.

    i lived in a fairly conservative state, and knew plenty of strippers who'd lost custody over their jobs. if you'd read my actual post, i did say that the STATE the OP is in matters, and that being a sexworker (including stripper) affects custody in SOME states, not all. and in some states, him being married will carry more weight in a positive way for him, so she just needs to be prepared for worst-case scenarios by having a good lawyer. it's child custody, and if you want custody, a good lawyer is just common sense.

    mothers can no longer assume that they'll get custody by default, and that's also important to keep in mind.

  15. #15
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    471
    Thanks
    21
    Thanked 173 Times in 84 Posts

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    You know what he's trying to do? He's trying to make you run off and disappear, so that he doesn't end up on the hook for child support. You'll think you're getting away from him, but actually, he's getting away from you.

  16. #16
    Veteran Member winterrose's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2008
    Location
    mississippi
    Posts
    394
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 14 Times in 8 Posts

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    Please get a lawyer now! a good lawyer.

    4 years ago, I was on my regular active duty 2 week drill for the Navy, gearing up to support our brother infantry unit that was going into Afghanistan.

    My kids were with their Godparents for the 2 weeks, like they had been for every drill weekend for 2 years previous. I was in college when not doing the military thing, danced 5 nights a month to supplement our income.

    On the first Sunday they were there, my mother came to their house and got my kids. I was no where near a phone or them....I was onboard ship.
    She had an emergency protective order to take my kids. A hearing was held while I was still out serving my country. No way to defend myself, thinking my kids were still where they were supposed to be.

    2 weeks later I get home go to get my kids....no girls. the story unfolds....my mom...

    I hire a lawyer, withdraw from school, get my reserve status deferred to Inactive to prevent being forced to go to Afghanistan so I can prove to a judge that I am close and an active participant in my children's lives.

    To date, I have spent $35,000. on a lawyer I have visitation and in 1 year will get my oldest back....court orders.

    Had my lawyer been a better one I feel none of this would've happened.

    Dancing was dragged through one end of the court documents to the other. My military service record, numerous letters from superior officers both from active and reserve time apparently did not weigh as much in the judges mind as the fact that I am a dancer.

    Get a lawyer now. A good lawyer.
    If you can afford it, a private detective to follow him around and get dirt that will not be in his best interest to see the light of day in a court.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "I'm gonna have a drink and walk around, I got a lot to think about, oh yeah"---Concrete Blonde

  17. #17
    Veteran Member ultra_manic's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2007
    Location
    A Mile High
    Posts
    275
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    If you don't want this losers money and don't want him in the kids life just tell him he's not the father, there's no case if you plead a hoe lol. I don't know the full situation or if you even want this douche in your sons life (sounds like your baby would be better off without those kinds of people around) just tell him that then don't talk to him.
    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    what's the difference between aspirin and a stripper's boyfriend?
    Aspirin works.
    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.
    A text I got:
    When a guy talks dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment, when a woman talks dirty to a man it's $3.95 a minute!


  18. #18
    Featured Member txchick008's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Dallas, TX
    Posts
    1,101
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 15 Times in 9 Posts

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    Quote Originally Posted by Perry View Post
    I would contact a lawyer, but stop stressing after that. This guy sounds like a flake. Doesn't want the baby to desperately needs full custody? He'll probably fade out to feeling indifferent before it's born, and drop the non-sense.

    And almost no judge will take a child away from it's mother.
    ^^^ 100% correct. Unless you are about to go to jail, or a crackhead....no judge is going to take your baby. He's trying to scare you.
    Kamryn
    Add me on MySpace:
    Check out my newbie blog:


  19. #19
    Featured Member Sveta's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2008
    Location
    here, there and everywhere
    Posts
    894
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    Quote Originally Posted by Clara_M View Post
    You know what he's trying to do? He's trying to make you run off and disappear, so that he doesn't end up on the hook for child support. You'll think you're getting away from him, but actually, he's getting away from you.
    good point! No one's thought of that.
    ~'A Seven Nation Army Couldn't Hold Me Back'~

  20. #20
    Banned Melonie's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2002
    Location
    way south of the border
    Posts
    25,932
    Thanks
    612
    Thanked 10,563 Times in 4,646 Posts
    Blog Entries
    3
    My Mood
    Cynical

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    it is pretty uncommon for women to not get custody, but sexwork and/or drugs will do it, even if 'it's not a job that's illegal'. find a good attorney.

    him being married before pursuing custody is a win for him. judges have pretty specific stereotypes about single moms, and you don't fit them in a legally beneficial way, so it will help to have legal representation arguing your side of things.
    i lived in a fairly conservative state, and knew plenty of strippers who'd lost custody over their jobs. if you'd read my actual post, i did say that the STATE the OP is in matters, and that being a sexworker (including stripper) affects custody in SOME states, not all. and in some states, him being married will carry more weight in a positive way for him, so she just needs to be prepared for worst-case scenarios by having a good lawyer. it's child custody, and if you want custody, a good lawyer is just common sense.

    mothers can no longer assume that they'll get custody by default, and that's also important to keep in mind.
    I've spent some time in family court myself. Unlike criminal court, family court does not require proof of wrongdoing. All it requires is a judge's evaluation as to what's best for the child, and the judge deciding in a way that does not blatantly violate the rights of the mother or father.

    Hard facts on your side of the equation ...

    - you're young
    - you're currently unemployed
    - you're single i.e. child care + work will be an issue
    - you're a 'stripper' who isn't qualified for other high paying jobs

    Hard facts on his side of the equation ...

    - he's middle-aged
    - he owns a successful business
    - he has a home and a girlfriend / wife i.e. child care plus work will NOT be an issue

    Potential assumptions and suppositions going through the mind of the judge (prompted by this guy's attorney no doubt) ...

    - in order to support this child it will be necessary for you to return to 'stripping'
    - if you chose to have sex with one middle-aged guy you met in a strip club, you may have made similar choices in the past or may make similar choices in the future
    - a single mom who is a 'stripper' does not provide the best possible environment in which to raise a child
    - the guy is trying to do the 'right thing' by stepping forward to assert his role as father as soon as he was made aware that he IS the father

    Now it is true that it will be virtually impossible for this guy to prove that you are an 'unfit mother' from a legal standpoint. But that doesn't guarantee that the judge couldn't decide against you. The guy does have parental rights, which the judge cannot arbitrarily dismiss or terminate.

    As Miabella already pointed out, much will depend on the 'attitude' of the state you live in. For example, in a New York or California family court, providing there is no evidence of drug use, prostitution etc. on your part the judge probably wouldn't hold your occupation as a 'stripper' against you - thus your odds of retaining custody would be very good. But in states closer to the 'bible belt', the judge may very well decide in favor of the father on the basis of 'a more suitable home environment'.

    Other factors that may hurt or help you will be your credit rating, your net worth, any previous rap sheet (including traffic tickets), your family background, willingness of your family members to 'help out', etc.

    Also keep in mind that anything you attempt to introduce in court in the way of the guy being a drug user, a heavy drinker, a womanizer etc. does not legally constitute hard evidence (unless of course you do have actual hard evidence i.e. hospital admission for a drug OD, DUI charges, private detective reports etc. to back up your claims about this guy). As such, the credibility of the source (you ... the 'stripper') will always be a factor. Similarly, the father could also potentially make claims in court that you use drugs, are a heavy drinker, have sex for money with club customers or God knows what else that you have no way of disproving only denying. And in any 'he said, she said' situation, if the 'she' is a stripper a judge will tend to give more weight to the 'he' whether that 'he' is a cop or a middle-aged father who owns a business.

    Unfortunately this is the result of the Hollywood Stereotype that all strippers are lying, thieving, drug addicted whores who will say or do anything in their own self-interest. Even if none of that applies in your case, the possibility will still be rattling around the back of the judge's mind.

    I also advise that if you are serious about keeping this child, and if you want to provide for this child's future in the best way possible, you need to get a competent family court attorney involved on your behalf from the minute this guy takes any 'official' action in regard to future custody. You also need to forget about any 'private agreements' with this guy because he appears to be too flaky to be trusted. You also need to think twice about any arrangements either in or out of family court that involve waiving this guy's child support payment obligations.

    ~
    Last edited by Melonie; 08-30-2008 at 10:32 AM.

  21. #21
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Nov 2006
    Location
    tx
    Posts
    88
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    let me add more about me. i live with my ex who i have a 19 months old with,ive been living wiht him for 5 years,i live in a stable home. my sons father is a clinical director and counselor of a drug and alcohol treatment center. my ex knows im a damn good mom,and that my job is just to support me and my son and go to school,im in cosmetology school,and when i graduate i plan on owning my own day spa/salon. i have plans and goals,im not planning on staying in dancing it is helping me get through school,take care of me and my son and still have plenty of time with my son. im getting my tubes tied in the hospital after i have my son. yes i made a poor desicion having sex with this man i met at work,but there was a attraction,and we clicked. he did not tell me he had a girlfriend fromt he get go. this man made me believe that he wanted to be with me and he even mentioned he would marry me. i certainly wouldnt jump into marriage,but he made me feel like he wanetd to be with me just as much as i wanted to be with him. it was his choice to let me be single. as soon as he finds out about this baby,he tells me hes cant be with me and has a girlfriend,and that he was never going to let her find out about this. he basically threw me to the curb and said now i dont want anything to do with you and the baby. so if he tries to say will judge shes a single mom,what will the judge think? if the judge doesnt see that it was up to the guy for me to be single then i give up. i ahve no hard evidence of him doing drugs,etc but i do have evidence that i do not do anything illegal. my ex would drug test me twice a week,we still have the test and the dates of them that he keeps at work. he knows im would never do those kind of things but we do have a child together and he told me the first time he caught me on drugs he would take my son away,as he knows being a stripper does have its bad rep.and wanted to make sure i never fell into the habits.

  22. #22
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Another Country
    Posts
    18,664
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 148 Times in 100 Posts

    Default Re: being a stripper and custody battle

    If you don't put his name on the birth certificate when the child is born, I think his case may be a bit harder.


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

Similar Threads

  1. 50/50 custody of a newborn?
    By Tzbabygirl4321 in forum Life Support
    Replies: 46
    Last Post: 06-23-2011, 03:52 AM
  2. Former stripper and strip club manager nasty custody battle
    By Kellydancer in forum Industry Insight
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 02-07-2011, 12:56 PM
  3. Replies: 5
    Last Post: 10-03-2007, 05:11 AM
  4. custody issues...
    By IACali in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 02-02-2004, 02:14 PM
  5. Child Custody
    By Destiny in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 10-07-2003, 03:55 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •