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Thread: Is this stress or the end??

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    Default Is this stress or the end??

    I know every time I talk about my man it's always wondering if he isn't interested in me anymore. Seriously, it's getting to the point lately where I'm ready to throw this engagement ring back in his face!


    So he says he's stressed. Everyday, all fucking day. We barely have sex (maybe 2 times A MONTH) he's always so detached. I'll lay by him while he's watching tv (which is ALL he does when he's home) and I'll kiss on him or rub him and he acts as though I'm not there. Doesn't look at me, doesn't smile, no reaction. So I just get up and huff out of the room. And he doesn't call me back to the room either. I could stand in front of him spread eagle and he'll tell me to move out of the way of the tv. I go to the store and remember something that he had wanted and buy it for him and all I get is a half ass "thanks." I get him food when he doesn't ask for it. In other words I do little things for him because I love him and want to please him. He doesn't even care. He basically ignores me. I don't fucking understand! He was like this before we got engaged too. He keeps saying he's stressed. When isn't he stressed??!! And to make things worse in my eyes is the fact that on the weekend we both work at the same club, well when we get home and he's drunk, that's when he'll get affectionate. Um, so he can only love me when he's trashed?? I'm so mad typing this right now.
    I found anabolic steroid pills in his drawer a few weeks ago. I didn't want to mention this because I didn't want his "stress" to be based around this. I was also going to ask this in the Blue because I wanted to honestly know if this is how you men act when you're done with a woman?? I'm thisclose to moving out. Opinions!!

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    Featured Member *Iris*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    Do you think he is cheating?

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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    I actually never thought of that. You'd think I would have! He works until 4:30, comes home and stays home. Of course I work 2 nights during the week when he could go out but I call every two hours, and I work literally 10 mins. down the road. I could come home at any time. So I don't think he is.

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    Featured Member *Iris*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    I don't know maybe you should talk to him and ask him what is going on and if he still wants to be in a realationship with you. I've been through that before and just didn't know what was going on it turned out he was tired of me .

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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    Doesn't sound good. You are a very good-looking woman, and quite charming from reading your posts. I think you deserve a lot more respect than what you are getting, from the sounds of it.

    I don't know anything about steroids as I won't mess with that shit, but it can't be helping with his mood. If he's taking the shit to be more attractive somehow it's obviously not benefiting you.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    Is he depressed? That is the way I act when I am super depressed. No energy, don't react much to others, can't take/give much affection, when I drink then I will be affectionate. I get depressed when I am super stressed out.
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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    Maybe he is depressed. What can I do about it though??

    And UltraViolet, every time I try and talk to him he freaks out. Like I'm ganging up on him. You guys are giving me great advice, I'm just so frustrated because I've pretty much done all of it. Maybe we need a break?? Maybe then he'll realize what he's got?? I'm just so insecure and afraid he'll think the break is for other reasons and hook up with someone else. I guess then that would def be the end becuase if he can't fuck me and fucks someone else....ooooh...that would be very bad!

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    Featured Member veronicachick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    who knows... maybe there is something deeper that is bothering him and he doesn't want to share... men tend to be like that alot of times. Whenever they have a problem, they start to act detached instead of just sharing and talking about it. I hate that because my ex would constantly act weird when something was bothering him and I like to attack an issue as soon as it arises. You gotta sit down with him and talk to him. i dont think it's just "stress"

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    Quote Originally Posted by kaiarose View Post
    Maybe he is depressed. What can I do about it though??

    And UltraViolet, every time I try and talk to him he freaks out. Like I'm ganging up on him. You guys are giving me great advice, I'm just so frustrated because I've pretty much done all of it. Maybe we need a break?? Maybe then he'll realize what he's got?? I'm just so insecure and afraid he'll think the break is for other reasons and hook up with someone else. I guess then that would def be the end becuase if he can't fuck me and fucks someone else....ooooh...that would be very bad!
    Yeah well you could fuck someone else, too. Stop thinking like this, like he's got something better than you do. Nobody's that good...
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    I'm not defending him, but, what is he stressed out about, work? I mean sometime I do bring issues home, but, I try not too; is there something going on there, layoffs, etc?

    honestly, it sounds like depression to me; the fact that he has "given-up" on things/people in his life....

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    Veteran Member MichelleJade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    If I only had a break from my s/o two times a week, and then he called me up every two hours during that break, I would probably be a little annoyed. But, I'm one of those people who needs my space. And if I just came home right after work and did nothing everyday, I would so be depressed.

    I think the steroids definitely don't help. And why is he taking it anyway?

    I definitely don't think it's you though. If nothing's changing... eh, you may want to question if you two are right for each other. You're supposed to be happy to see the other person.

    It sounds like depression, and definitely find out why. You have to really push guys to open up, but in my opinion it's worth it in the end, just having answers.
    There's only so much you can learn in one place...
    The longer you wait, the more time that you waste.

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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    You can stand spread eagle?


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You can stand spread eagle?

    Damn, thats what I'm saying

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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    When did you guys get engaged? Just recently? (just wondering, I dont think thats related lol)

    the steroids might have something to do with it. My ex got really weird and cold and distant to me when he started shooting them into his ass. they also killed his sex life...we had sex but it lasted like two minutes...

    you guys have been through a long long relationship, you have a cutie pie daughter allready....how long has this been doing on? I wouldn't give up yet. I have gone through three or four month periods of shitiness myself.
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    There are so many possibilities, but yes what is up with the steroids?

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    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? Why are you there?

    This is him before you got engaged. This is him afterward. He is not going to change after a wedding. He doesn't WANT to spend time with you or do nice things for you. He honestly doesn't give a shit. He wants you to feed him while he watches TV, and maybe fuck him if he ever feels like it. This whole relationship, on your part AND his, is 100% about what he feels like at the moment.

    If you're happy with that, fine, but it doesn't sound like you are. So I'm wondering why you're only just now starting to ask if there MIGHT be a problem. If it were me, I'd have declared the relationship over when he quit giving a shit about my half of it.

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    goldengrl69
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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    He's cheating with the steroids.

    No seriously, doesnt steroids make men hostile and non horny?

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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    Quote Originally Posted by goldengrl69 View Post
    He's cheating with the steroids.

    No seriously, doesnt steroids make men hostile and non horny?
    Sometimes. And sometimes it makes them very hostile and VERY horny.
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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    Ha! My husband is very similar. Some guys are JUST that way, honestly. (Of course, they don't show it in the beginning!)

    My advice is - don't try to change him. Either accept that he is the way he is, or move on. Took me several years to figure that out.

    I am betting that if you back away a bit, stop calling every 2 hrs, do your OWN thing and get busy with your own life (no more ksising on him and getting huffy if he ignores you)....things will take a turn for the better
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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    Quote Originally Posted by dollparts View Post
    I could have written your post (minus the steroid part), my boyfriend acts completely uninterested in me, except for maybe two times a month.

    It sucks, he says he's still interested in me and wants me but i definitely don't feel it. He says it's the hours and stress of his job as well.

    I guess i don't have any advice but i'm there with you, and it sucks majorly, i really hope you two can figure it out though. Good luck.
    I am really sorry, but ever since you posted about your boyfriend getting mad at you for not swimming in deeper surf and having fun on the beach correctly, I picture him as a serious asshole, and actually comical in an assholish way.

    Both you and the OP are extremely attractive women, you shouldn't settle for less than you deserve, which is more than being taken for granted...
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenna78 View Post
    Is he depressed? That is the way I act when I am super depressed. No energy, don't react much to others, can't take/give much affection, when I drink then I will be affectionate. I get depressed when I am super stressed out.

    Yeah, I thought he sounds depressed. Also, if he is on steroids that can be ALOT of it. My husband used to do them (not abuse them), and he went through phases of major depression. Has been off them for 4 years and not depressed once, except for when he didn't have a job.

    And steroids can make men non horny if they are taking it wrong and not on testosterone too. If he is on steroids , he should be taking testosterone too otherwise his will be depleated.

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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    About the steroids: He's a male dancer so he is very concerned about his appearance. I can tell he's not abusing them because he's not "incredible hulk'" looking! He's in construction and work has been slow. He does go through weeks where there's no work because of the economy.
    It's kind of weird because after I wrote this the other day he was all lovey dovey. Of course I was giving him the cold shoulder too. Maybe I'm just over reacting. I'm a very clingy girl. I like love, love, love. He's been really good the past few days. I don't want to give him up. We have a gorgeous daughter together, we have sooo much in common, he is the funniest guy I know. I love him. He's never hit me and he's never cheated on me. I just hope this phase passes.
    Thanks for everyone's opinions

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    Banned i.breathe.in's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    Quote Originally Posted by goldengrl69 View Post
    He's cheating with the steroids.

    No seriously, doesnt steroids make men hostile and non horny?
    exactly....

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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    Since you have a daughter together, you have a very important reason to work this out. If you can't work it out by talking it over, maybe you should look into some marital counseling. Yeah, I said marital, not premarital, because whether you are legally married or not you have been living together and have a child together, so that is the kind of counseling you need.

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    Default Re: Is this stress or the end??

    Stress over a job can be incredible and wreck havoc on a guys sex life. My hubby had a really unstable period at his company about 4 yrs ago and our sex-life went down the tubes. Once his job security returned so did our sex-life though.

    I figure the steroids are aggravating the situation as is the TV in the bedroom. That's always been one of my major No-No's. No TV in the bedroom EVER. I've heard from so many couples that it kills intimacy and your sex-life. When the hubby and I go to bed, we talk about our day or have sex, if we had a TV in there, I guarantee he would be focused on it and not on couple time.

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