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Thread: tricky situation

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    Default tricky situation

    Hi everyone--I'm in a tricky situation and wanted to ask for wisdom from my stripperweb sisters and brothers. A friend of mine lost her husband, at a young age, to cancer about a month ago. He'd had a long bout with it; I hadn't been in contact with them in some years (we were all friends really only through business--I am an author and she is also in the literary world) and she contacted me to let me know he was dying--and he was gone very shortly afterward.

    My heart went out to her, because she is a good soul and I'd liked her husband, also; they had been together a long time and had a great marriage. I did the normal things you do--went to the service, offered any help I could give. She asked if I would come over to lunch and I did so. During the lunch, she seemed to be hinting that she wanted to spend more time with me. I had that feeling you get--that sense that someone wants a romantic attachment. I was uneasy about it; the timing of course felt odd and it was a completely new side of her I was seeing, and she was saying that she and her husband had discussed that she should begin seeing other people after he was gone. I felt put on the spot--and deep in my heart I also knew that even if the situation were much different I wouldn't want a relationship with her: we're just not the same type. Ever since, I've tried to avoid get-togethers (mostly because she lives a long distance from me, but also because I can see that she'll want to push me on this again). Tonight she sent a strange e-mail saying that she could see I wanted to just be a "superficial" friend...I e-mailed back right away explaining that I hoped I'd never given the wrong impression, but all I can promise is a normal friendship.

    What a situation! I feel like hell, because she's just lost the man she loves. Is it possible that I'm just a stand-in for him, a kind of life-raft in her grief until she comes out of this? That's what I've been telling myself, but the anger she's starting to display baffles me. As nearly as I can tell, I haven't done anything to suggest I wanted a relationship. Any ideas? Thank you in advance for reading through this, stripperweb family!
    Last edited by jhuka; 09-06-2008 at 08:26 PM.
    JK Jim

  2. #2
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    Default Re: tricky situation

    There is no way I would become involved with someone who just lost their spouse for so many reasons.

    If I were you, I would make it very clear you want to remain friends but that you will not become romantically involved.

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    Veteran Member ScarletPhoenix's Avatar
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    Default Re: tricky situation

    Do not become romantically involved with this woman. Hell, I'd be wary of being her friend, as she obviously wants to be more.

    REDFLAG REDFLAG REDFLAG REDFLAG

    I don't care if she's hot. In fact, this all goes double if she IS gorgeous.

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    Default Re: tricky situation

    Thanks for your responses, NewMoon and ScarletPhoenix: I will take your advice and make all of this clear. I'll keep the words "red flag" in my head as a good reminder. I appreciate your thoughts on this!
    JK Jim

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    Veteran Member Zia_Abq's Avatar
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    Default Re: tricky situation

    She is not ready for a serious romantic relationship and is still suffering the grief and anger stages of death. All you can do is offer support which it seems you have tried to do. I agree with the others. Pursuing more than a friendship is likely to turn out bad. For both of you.

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    Default Re: tricky situation

    Thank you, Zia--I agree. This is one of those cases where listening to your instincts is the best thing to do, and I have to just try and remain a friend and remember that she is going through a great deal after such a loss. Thank you for your response.
    JK Jim

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    Default Re: tricky situation

    She is probably not thinking clearly AT ALL right now. I would do exactly what everyone else has said...
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    Default Re: tricky situation

    That's been foremost in my mind, txchick--I think when you go through something like this you are capable of any reaction, and my job is to be a friend as best I can but be sure I'm clear about things. Many thanks.

    (On another note, I've written to you about the VIP billboard in Chicagoland--funny that you mentioned it! I wonder if it is still there?)
    JK Jim

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