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Thread: How do you make friends?

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    Featured Member keira0304's Avatar
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    Default How do you make friends?

    I think I have really lost all sense of human interaction since my horrible experience with my abusive, isolating ex-boyfriend. I didn't have this problem when I first moved to pdx last year- the first couple months that I was there I met a lot of people and was pretty social, unfortunately when I met my boyfriend I was stupid and gave up on looking for my own friends, and just met his circle and the people we met together... thus I never really made any lasting connections with people while in pdx... because of him. He isolated me and never let me go anywhere by myself except work and I fucking hate him for it, and i hate myself for letting him do that to me.

    Now, I'm out of the relationship, single and in ANOTHER new town, and this town is not as friendly as pdx... not in the slightest. I had no problem meeting people in pdx in parks or on the street or in stores or coffeeshops... but here- I do those same things and I can't meet anyone!?!! Besides those internet meetup groups for special interests and barring ALL internet communication- what are some things I can do IRL to meet people??

    I am getting really sad and lonely and depressed out here, especially because Im sick right now and havent been able to leave the house to do anything "fun" in SIX days. I think I'm getting better now, and as soon as my health is 100%, I'm going to go out there and try to make friends, I'm sick of being lonely.

    What should I do? Where should i go? What should I say?

    I feel like if I were living in pdx right now this wouldn't be a problem i think a small portion of my difficulty in meeting friends is my location... not taking the blame off me, I just think that location has some part in it. I'm also kind of picky when it comes to people I'd like to be friends with. I'm not really interested in going to parties, drinking, smoking, doing typical college-aged stuff... Im more interested in poetry readings, hiking, going on bike rides, having conversations at cool coffeehouses.. etc.

    *still contemplating moving back to pdx, btw*
    "Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I've walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it, and above."

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    Veteran Member winterrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    I made friends by going to places I enjoyed alone. somehow or another when people see you having fun all by yourself they eventually start to talk to you.

    you like hiking...so take a hike by yourself and look for a small group and ask if you can join them. explain you are new to the area and don't want to hike alone for safety reasons.

    find a crowded coffeehouse and ask to join some folks that already have a table going that seems friendly. sort of like going to a new school and at lunch having to find a place to sit . think of it that way.

    don't let the age of the group or people be the sole determining factor. sometimes the best of friends will come from all age groups.

    try posting a notice at the local bike repair shop to get a group started of other bike riders interested in long rides in packs.

    The thing is to be approachable and open. but most of all be able to enjoy doing these things solo until you get your feet under you.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "I'm gonna have a drink and walk around, I got a lot to think about, oh yeah"---Concrete Blonde

  3. #3
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    You've got to get out of the house. Even if you aren't feeling 100%, go do something leisurely, like walk around a downtown shopping district or visit a farmers market or something. If you are alone, you won't feel pressured to stay for any amount of time. So when you feel tired, you can just go back home.

    Find a coffee shop that you like, and make a habit of going there regularly. I met my best friend in the world that way. She worked at a pizza restaurant that was near my work, and I would go in around 2-3 in the afternoon before work. It was a very slow time of the day, and she would chat with me or take a break when I came in and had lunch together. We started hanging out shortly after that, then we got our first apartment together. We are still great friends almost 20 years later.

    Go to a 24 hour coffee shop/restaurant near campus, late at night. Just bring a book or a personal video game or whatever. Treat yourself to a piece of pie or dessert while hanging out. Wear something unusual (like a unique hat or glasses) and someone will approach you and strike up a conversation. Even if you find that person annoying, he/she may have some cool friends that you click with. Ask if you can join him/her at their table. If it is not to your liking, just look at your watch and say "Gotta go". Return to the same place again. You will see the same people, and will meet more of that circle. Yo should find at least one or two people that you click with.

    I don't recommend bars. That is too much a meat market type of a situation, and you are vulnerable right now. Stay out of bars alone for a while. Once you have established a clique then go out with the group.


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    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    doing what you like is the best way to find like-minded people.

    press off and out you go.

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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    I actually found that it is easy to make friends where you are at. Give it a chance!

    I make my friends very slowly. I've learned to do that the hard way.

  6. #6
    Featured Member keira0304's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris View Post
    You've got to get out of the house. Even if you aren't feeling 100%, go do something leisurely, like walk around a downtown shopping district or visit a farmers market or something. If you are alone, you won't feel pressured to stay for any amount of time. So when you feel tired, you can just go back home.

    Find a coffee shop that you like, and make a habit of going there regularly. I met my best friend in the world that way. She worked at a pizza restaurant that was near my work, and I would go in around 2-3 in the afternoon before work. It was a very slow time of the day, and she would chat with me or take a break when I came in and had lunch together. We started hanging out shortly after that, then we got our first apartment together. We are still great friends almost 20 years later.

    Go to a 24 hour coffee shop/restaurant near campus, late at night. Just bring a book or a personal video game or whatever. Treat yourself to a piece of pie or dessert while hanging out. Wear something unusual (like a unique hat or glasses) and someone will approach you and strike up a conversation. Even if you find that person annoying, he/she may have some cool friends that you click with. Ask if you can join him/her at their table. If it is not to your liking, just look at your watch and say "Gotta go". Return to the same place again. You will see the same people, and will meet more of that circle. Yo should find at least one or two people that you click with.

    I don't recommend bars. That is too much a meat market type of a situation, and you are vulnerable right now. Stay out of bars alone for a while. Once you have established a clique then go out with the group.
    erm.... I've got a fever and feel like I'm on the verge of fainting when I'm not lying down.... there is no way i can make myself get out of the house right now- I'm too sick. I look and feel miserable.

    I'm not 21 so bars aren't an option right now unfortunately. There aren't any 24-hour coffee places around here... i think the latest one is open until 12.

    so.... i'm going to go get some interesting books and a watch.
    "Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I've walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it, and above."

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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    Maybe there is a poetry club, perhaps associated with Barnes & Nobles or Borders. May be easier than trying to find one already populated by close friends. How about an existing biking club looking for members?
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    alcohol is a great friend-maker! (no, seriously... get out and join a club! threlayer has a good idea! motorcycles brought me so many friends... why not try a biking/walking/jogging/yoga/vegan club???)

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    Senior Member DarkMoon08's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by ColetteCalahan View Post
    alcohol is a great friend-maker! (no, seriously... get out and join a club! threlayer has a good idea! motorcycles brought me so many friends... why not try a biking/walking/jogging/yoga/vegan club???)
    What she said. Connecting with like minded individuals is a great way to get to know people in a new city.
    If life sucks...change it.

  10. #10
    goldengrl69
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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    friends are over rated. I hang with people that share the same interests as me.

    I enjoy working out. So I have made two friends at the gym that I go to. But thats all we do together except for some farmer market outings.

    What Im trying to say is that I meet associates according to my needs.

    Some are my bar buddies.

    Some book club buddies.

    You get the point.

  11. #11
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by keira0304 View Post
    I'm also kind of picky when it comes to people I'd like to be friends with. I'm not really interested in going to parties, drinking, smoking, doing typical college-aged stuff... Im more interested in poetry readings, hiking, going on bike rides, having conversations at cool coffeehouses.. etc.
    So go to poetry readings, go hiking, go on bike rides, go to cool coffeehouses and strike up a conversation. I'm a firm believer in the idea that you will not enjoy time spent with anyone else until you can learn to love your own company. Once you can be happy alone, THAT's when you can branch out and meet people, and it stands to reason that those people will be out doing the same things you want to do.

    And anyway I thought you were leaving? You know, so you wouldn't die? Whatever happened to that?

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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    Yeah weren't you planning on going back to you-know-where?

    I know of some cool coffee houses...

    Brillig Works (On the Hill)

    Buchannan's (On the Hill)

    Starbucks (I know, I know...)

    Maybe a part-time day job at a book store would help you make friends. I used to work at a head shop and I made a lot of friends there.

    Why not go to one of the live music theaters and check it out? You don't have to booze.
    The one thing about where you're at is that there is always a lot of good live music going on.

    I used to just SIT on the Hill or Pearl street just to people watch and I'd wind up talking to tons of people.

    There is a Barnes & Noble in the area too.

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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    Whenever I went to that coffee shop that shares a parking lot with Lucky's Market I met ten gazillion people. If you smile and look like you're having fun people will want to talk to you.



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    God/dess anomar's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by StarryEyes View Post
    Maybe a part-time day job at a book store would help you make friends. I used to work at a head shop and I made a lot of friends there.
    .
    This seems like the best suggestion (though maybe not a head shop). Try working at another health food store or something. That way you don't get the sensation of slowly dying that you do at the club, and you'll meet lots of like minded people. Obviously the money isn't as good but you probably don't need to be spending 8 hrs a day in a bar.

    But if you can't leave the house and your making friends is contingent on that, then don't stress out about things you can't do (like get out of the house). Go look at pictures of kittehs til you feel better...

    Otherwise... join a sorority.

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by keira0304 View Post
    erm.... I've got a fever and feel like I'm on the verge of fainting when I'm not lying down.... there is no way i can make myself get out of the house right now- I'm too sick. I look and feel miserable.
    This is alarming. How long has this been going on? You may have an infection, especially considering your recent medical procedure. Get to Urgent care ASAP!

    A fever that lasts 6 days is a major problem. Get in to the Dr. NOW!


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  16. #16
    God/dess anomar's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    Oh yeah. Don't you live in an apartment building? Get to know at least 2 or 3 of your neighbors. It's one of the best things you can possibly do for your safety health and sense of community.

  17. #17
    Featured Member keira0304's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    I haven't had the fever all 6 days... it started around the 3rd or 4th day. It only got to 99.8, a low grade fever, and I have the classic symptoms of a sinus infection. I'm starting to feel better today... my only symptoms are a cough, a raspy voice and in the morning when I first get up I have a sinus headache, but it goes away when i use my neti pot and take tylenol... I'm fine.. no worries. I just got checked out at the ob-gyn 4 weeks ago and everything was fine.

    I went to the grocery store today and met two people.....but they were guys. I don't want to meet guys!!! I know my 2 downstairs neighbors, they're girls and we're planning on going to yoga every thursday together.
    "Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I've walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it, and above."

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    Veteran Member MissDewdrop's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    Maybe try craigslist under the platonic section. Screen carefully, of course, but there's nothing wrong with seeing if others want an activity partner. Hang out with some people and see if a friendship evolves.

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    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    I have met most of my friends through running. I am a part of a group here, and thn I also see all the same folks at the races. It takes time.

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    Default Re: How do you make friends?

    You just need to get more involved with things. Join a club, do some volunteer work, go places where people usually go alone.

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