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Thread: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

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    Member SunnySingh's Avatar
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    Default Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    First off: sorry if this thread has been done a million times before but I'm desperate for advice and this seems to be the best place to ask.

    Basically, I'm a 20 year old University student from London and I'm dating a 22 year old Stripper. We met about 10 weeks or so ago and have been properly dating exclusively for about 2 months. We get along great; are really attracted to each other; have a lot in common; share interests etc. etc. but I can't help but feel like my girlfriend doesn't really dig me as much as I like her and it's getting in the way of me enjoying our relationship and I don't know what to do anymore.

    She just doesn't seem to want to open up and when she does she seems to chastise herself for it and go cold on me for a period of time before being trusting again at some random time in the future when she decides to contact me...

    I'm not trying to buy her affection because I'm at University and don't even have the money to and I'm not dating her for the kudos from my friends but because I really like this girl and I think I can see a future with her despite her being older and this being my first real relationship... but I don't know if a relationship should be this hard given that it's my first- is it because she's a Stripper? Do Strippers find it tough to trust men given the nature of their work? Am I asking too much?

    What should I do? Will she ever really trust me or should I just forget about ever having a real relationship with her and move on?

    This is driving me nuts!!!!!

    Please help

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    Honey, I know you're worried, but I honestly don't think it's because she's a stripper. She sounds a lot like me. I'm sure she knows what she's doing and hates herself for it. Perhaps you should sit down and talk with her about it?

    My bet is she's had a really hard life and is afraid you'll hurt her because she likes you so she backs off.


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    Featured Member glitzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    i think it has nothing to do with her job.
    i'm really detatched because i have been hurt in the past, & it's hard for me to open up to people & trust them without spending a lottt of time together first.

    being a dancer has made me appreciate good men & good PEOPLE more, & i think that her agreeing to be exclusive with you in the first place means she is really into you.

    my advice would be to surprise her & take her out on an adventure/date, then really talk about how you feel. if you come at it the right way she won't be mad at you.

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    Senior Member Joy to the world's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    I am going to just say one main thing (and I am not trying to be mean), while yes, dancing as a career sometimes can bring along with it more issues than other jobs, it is just that a job like any other job....
    ....your age and experience show (IN MY OPINION) when you begin to jump to the conclusion that her job is prob. the cause of relationship issues.....
    .....Every person has there own unique issues that they bring to a relationship, you have to be patient and work through them if you want it to work
    Joy to the world

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    God/dess LuckyOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    All you can do is be there for her so she LEARNS to trust you. Not being mean- just trying to give you helpful advice. Good luck!

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    Featured Member glitzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy to the world View Post
    I am going to just say one main thing (and I am not trying to be mean), while yes, dancing as a career sometimes can bring along with it more issues than other jobs, it is just that a job like any other job....
    ....your age and experience show (IN MY OPINION) when you begin to jump to the conclusion that her job is prob. the cause of relationship issues.....
    .....Every person has there own unique issues that they bring to a relationship, you have to be patient and work through them if you want it to work

    yeah, i agree with this.
    your thinking that it is her job & seeing her as a dancer first and foremost (or at least attributing the relationship/her personal problems with dancing) is a problem in & of itself that could cause more problems.

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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    Just FYI, this thread should be in Customer Conversation. Please don't post in this section!
    I agree with the above advice, and would like to also add that two months is NOT a very long time. I think you are jumping ahead of yourself here. If you think she is not opening up to you, then maybe you need to talk to HER about it, instead of finding a forum and asking random girls for advice. We can't tell you what the problem is, not all dancers are the same. Every person is different. Talk to HER about it, it will get you a lot farther, trust me!

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    Member SunnySingh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    Well thanks for the replies but I think I'll decide to break it off.

    I know she's had it tough in the past but so have a lot of people including myself so for her to act like this shows she won't ever trust me.

    Oh well.

    Bye.

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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    Quote Originally Posted by SunnySingh View Post
    Well thanks for the replies but I think I'll decide to break it off.

    I know she's had it tough in the past but so have a lot of people including myself so for her to act like this shows she won't ever trust me.

    Oh well.

    Bye.
    You gave her two months to trust you. Two friggen months.


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    Member SunnySingh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    Well what do I do?

    How do you make someone trust you when you've done all you can?

    I don't even want to have to make her trust me because I've never done anything to suggest I'm untrustworthy anyway!

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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    Time. You give her time. Don't 'do all you can'. Just be your honest self and she'll come out of her shell.

    I'm sure her biggest fear is she'll get comfortable with you and then get hurt again. So she needs time to slowly let down her guard.

    Be patient.


    Look like a woman
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    Member SunnySingh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    I've only ever been my honest self because that's all I've got and I'm not a great actor so lying isn't my forte.

    It just seems a one-way relationship when it should involve 2 people.

    It's not like she's the only one out of us two who's been hurt so I don't get why she can't see that I'm only ever going to do what's right for us.

    I don't think she can differentiate between perverts in the club she works at and real men which is a damn shame.

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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Time. You give her time. Don't 'do all you can'. Just be your honest self and she'll come out of her shell.

    I'm sure her biggest fear is she'll get comfortable with you and then get hurt again. So she needs time to slowly let down her guard.

    Be patient.
    This is good advice if he loves her and wants the relationship to work. But to be quite frank, if a guy I was dating had major issues 8 weeks into the relationship, I'd probably just call it off.
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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    Quote Originally Posted by SunnySingh View Post
    I've only ever been my honest self because that's all I've got and I'm not a great actor so lying isn't my forte.

    It just seems a one-way relationship when it should involve 2 people.

    It's not like she's the only one out of us two who's been hurt so I don't get why she can't see that I'm only ever going to do what's right for us.

    I don't think she can differentiate between perverts in the club she works at and real men which is a damn shame.
    Oh good lord. Impatient, aren't you?

    Yeah, you've been hurt. Whatever. She's not going to come out because you TELL her to.

    For Christ sakes every time I heard a guy say 'It's okay, you can trust me' I WENT FURTHER IN MY SHELL. because all the guys that said that ended up hurting me.

    TIME.

    But dude... man, I wouldn't want to date you either, you can't separate the stripper from the girl.


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    Member SunnySingh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    But it's not me: it's her! She even admits she has issues but I can't seem to win.

    I don't have the energy to battle to make this work because the only thing getting in the way is her not trusting me and quite frankly, it makes me feel like shit.

    I know she's gorgeous and has tons of guys slobbering over her in a club but that doesn't mean that all men will: I didn't! So why she's so hot and cold with me is a mystery.

    I don't know if I love her yet but I certainly could if she'd just open up and whether or not I'd make her happy, I don't know, but I'd dam sure make a good go of it but she won't let me.

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    Member SunnySingh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    I can: I totally understand that Stripping is just a way to make a quick buck. I used to model but that doesn't mean I'm some kind of idiot in the same way that she's no slut. I know she's not the person she is on stage when she's with me but when she's with me I'd appreciate it if she treated me like a boyfriend.

    But dude... man, I wouldn't want to date you either, you can't separate the stripper from the girl.
    And ouch... lol

    Man, Strippers really know how to knock your confidence.

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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    Quote Originally Posted by Brendita View Post
    Just FYI, this thread should be in Customer Conversation. Please don't post in this section!
    *pops in*

    I thought that at first, but realized, he's not a customer and this isn't a customer topic.

    Maybe The Lounge?

    *pops out*

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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    well like everyone here said, you just need to give her time. if you really like her as much as you say you do, then you will put in the effort to make it work. relationships aren't effortless. they take work. only you know if you are willing to stick it out. you know, everyone has some type of emotional baggage IE:old hurts from previous relationships. if you truly care about her, you will give her all the space and time she needs. you cannot, i repeat, CANNOT, make someone trust you. Trust takes time to develop.

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    Member SunnySingh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    Sorry Everyman, I only intended to ask for some advice: I shan't be here any longer than necessary.

    I appreciate that, Summer, but it sucks that she has these issues because I thought I made it clear to her that she has nothing to worry about.

    Ah screw it, I'm going to drown my sorrows with the guys.

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    Featured Member echomadison's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    Quote Originally Posted by SunnySingh View Post
    Man, Strippers really know how to knock your confidence.
    That sentence in general seems to sum up the majority of your problems with her.

    Strippers? NO, WOMEN really know how to knock your confidence...In the end we are just women and cant be lumped into one category or generalization.

    But really what do we expect from a 20 year old college student? Shouldnt you be practicising your beer bonging skills?

    Doesnt feel good to be stereotyped huh?

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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    My bad: it's not because she's a Stripper but her having trust issues might be down to her being a Stripper?

    I have 4 sisters so I know never to put women on pedestals because they're just human too but even when I do that with her she doesn't seem to appreciate that I like her for her and not because of anything else. I'm the idiot between the rock and a hard place.

    FYI I'm a whisky guy.

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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    Quote Originally Posted by SunnySingh View Post
    Sorry Everyman, I only intended to ask for some advice: I shan't be here any longer than necessary.

    I appreciate that, Summer, but it sucks that she has these issues because I thought I made it clear to her that she has nothing to worry about.

    Ah screw it, I'm going to drown my sorrows with the guys.
    What did I tell you? If you 'make it clear' it scares a girl. Don't bring it the eff up or she'll wonder wtf you want from her.. which scares her more.


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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    I mean to say I make it clear through my intentions and actions: not words. For example, I didn't just try to jump her bones after the first date and didn't ever try to buy her affection.

    She even thanked me for pointing out when she was being a brat in a restaurant once because other guys haven't been honest with her like that and called her on things because they're too spineless to.

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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    Quote Originally Posted by SunnySingh View Post
    But it's not me: it's her! She even admits she has issues but I can't seem to win.

    I don't have the energy to battle to make this work because the only thing getting in the way is her not trusting me and quite frankly, it makes me feel like shit.
    You say it's her, then say you don't have the energy. My Epitome and Love is a stripper and told you this:

    But really what do we expect from a 20 year old college student? Shouldnt you be practicising your beer bonging skills?

    Doesnt feel good to be stereotyped huh?
    And it's true. To me it seems you're stereotyping her into having previous bad experiences and will NEVER be able to get over them (I don't know why you're worried about her being a stripper, EVERYONE can fall into this category from time to time). That thought process is entirely untrue. Having the energy to stick with it, and the patience to prove that you care and that she can trust you will win out. A mere 2 Months normally isn't long enough to suffice to get that trust either.

    You'll just have to sit back and think it over. Do you like the person enough to put up with whatever, stick it out until you can get to the point of each accepting the other for whom they are?

    Also, don't let your own insecurities topple your relationship either. You didn't really mention any, but just skip over that whole debacle before it happens, FYI.

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    Default Re: Stripper Girlfriend Issues

    But it's her issues that are holding our relationship back.

    It's not her being a Stripper that bothers me at all because I'm fine with it but she does have issues from her life that stop her being comfortable in our relationship.

    I guess I don't know if she likes me as much as I like her and if I'm even the right guy for her. Her being a Stripper contributes to the problem but isn't the cause because she seems to think that all men are only after one thing when the only reason we got together was because she spoke to me about Philosophy when we met.

    Aside from her being gorgeous, of course.

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