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Thread: Dating older guys / co-workers

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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Dating older guys / co-workers

    So .... how wrong or weird is it to date a 42yr old co-worker? (I'm 28 ). I'm not talking serious dating ...I'm talking going on casual dates...possibly some sex involved eventually. We're going to a baseball game this weekend and I'm gonna play it cool just to see if he is trust-worthy. (Gossip spreads like wild-fire in my company)

    We don't work out of the same office and we're in different, but related departments. Although in the future we could very well having to work together, or I could even end up working FOR him....


    .....opinions?


    The oldest guy I've ever dated was 2-3 yrs older than me. And my dad is only 46, which creeps me out a bit about this guy. Also, he's divorced and has young kids.






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    God/dess ahmeerah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    28 and 42 isn't strange to me. If you were 22, THEN I'd say it was weird. There's a pretty big diference between a 22 and 28 yr old imo.

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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    I dont think its weird either he is only 14 years older than you...I'd be more concerned about things ending akwardly and having to deal with it at work....if this club is really important to you, I probably wouldnt do that...

    I dated a dj I worked with at a club I really liked and it ended up being AWFUL, a MAJOR disaster!!! I mean bad. And it started off as innocent hanging out fun! You just never know. I wouldnt do it again unless I had serious feelings for somebody and was willing to chance it, knowing that I might have to quit if the realtionship went sour.
    Sexy Jasmine after getting fucked over at work:

    God loves strippers and when guys do things like that its an automatic ticket to HELL!


    Quote Originally Posted by anomar View Post
    Perhaps you stopped spending money on her. Strippers need money to operate. They are like coin operated juke-boxes of love.

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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    Since my dad is so young it's just kinda weirds me out that I could be dating one of his friends or something. Does that make sense?

    All of my recent bf's and boy toys have all been 24-25, and it's all been quite shitty for the most part, so I decided to give this guy a chance.

    Mostly though, I really don't want anyone at work to find out about it. I just don't need that kind of drama and I'm not entirely sure he's trust-worthy. Even if he is ....what things go horribly wrong and we hate each other and he ends up being promoted into my department as my manager or something?

    Oh lordy, here I go over-analyzing everything....I'll just shut up now.

    Thanks ameerah.






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    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    I don't believe in dating any older man who is not gonna provide and take care of you. To me, that means they fail at being a real man.

  6. #6
    Bianca O'Blivion
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    I don't believe in dating any older man who is not gonna provide and take care of you. To me, that means they fail at being a real man.
    THIS^^^^^^^

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    Featured Member aviendha's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    I think it's weird that your dad had you when he was 18! That's a young dad.

    I've dated two people 10 years older than me (at the time, they were 41 and 43 respectively) and they both worked in the same area as me. One was actually on the same team, one was on a related but different team. The age difference wasn't a big deal because we were essentially peers in every way. Made roughly the same amount, worked at the same level (nobody was anyone's supervisor) and so on. So on that account, it worked fine.

    The warning against dating coworkers, though, HOO boy. The first one treated me rather poorly at the office itself (and it took a while for me to recognize it, because he wasn't malicious about it) and the second one was just a jackass--we only went out for like a month. And we still work on the same team, so really acrimonious breakup + teammate = horrible time at work.

    So be aware of it on that level. If you're worried about it not ending well, I would highly recommend just avoiding dating the guy altogether. That's a bell you can't unring, and I speak from a position of desperately wishing I COULD unring the same bell. In my case, we had a lot of bad feelings covered by a thin patina of excruciatingly correct professionalism, but eventually relaxed and became on better terms. Still, if I could make that decision all over again, I'd go with my gut and NOT do it. It was just a really bad choice on a number of levels.

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    God/dess CKXXX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    The age thing isnt a big deal to me (my parents are 13 yrs apart and have been married 35 years). But the working together might get sticky...

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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    I'd say nothing is wrong between consenting adults as long as it's legal. That being said, I wasn't even an adult when I had a boyfriend 21 years older than me (it was legal, though, as I was over 16 which is the age limit here).

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    Veteran Member StuartL's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    If it works, it works. What else is there to worry about?

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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    I dated a guy who was 45, and I'm 22. We matched up rather well, though we split because he moved away for a job (at Coach Leatherwear. I'm still waiting on purses to show up on my doorstep. XD)

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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    Quote Originally Posted by CKXXX View Post
    The age thing isnt a big deal to me (my parents are 13 yrs apart and have been married 35 years). But the working together might get sticky...
    I agree, it's more the work thing that would concern me. How much do you like this guy? How much could it screw things up for you at work if things were to end badly. How akward would it be if he did end up as your superior?



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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    Wow, thanks everyone for all of the input.

    Well, we are definitely going to a baseball game tomorrow and then dinner or drinks afterwards. From what I know of him, I like him as a person quite a bit. He seems like a really nice and funny guy. Dating-wise, I'm really not sure yet. Up until the past week, we've really only talked during meetings and stuff. He's always flirted, but I never really thought much of it until my entire group went out for drinks last week, and he and I got to talking on a more personal level.

    I really don't know what either of us is looking for, I figure I'll play it by ear. As far as the work thing goes, I would like to think that if things went really bad between us, that we'd be able to act like adults and just move on .... but I know that's easier said than done. At this current point in time, we only see each other at work about once a month....his office is like 40 miles away from mine, so I'm giving it a fair chance. No matter if things went good or bad, neitherof us would be in danger of losing our jobs, and that's the most important thing.


    My issues about the age thing are completely hypothetical and assuming we end up seriously dating ..... first, I would honestly feel weird about bringing him out with some of my younger friends. Second, I think my parents would freak out. and how awkward would that introduction be ...."Oh hey dad, this is my new boyfriend, I think you guys might have wrestled each other in high school"....

    Oh, and it turns out he's 43, not 42. No biggie at this point, what's another year?


    I really really appreciate everyone's responses. Thank you.






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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    Quote Originally Posted by Hello_Kitty27 View Post
    My issues about the age thing are completely hypothetical and assuming we end up seriously dating ..... first, I would honestly feel weird about bringing him out with some of my younger friends. Second, I think my parents would freak out. and how awkward would that introduction be ...."Oh hey dad, this is my new boyfriend, I think you guys might have wrestled each other in high school"....
    Those are very legitimate concerns. His age obviously isn't ideal for you, and you'll probably break his damn heart if you end up breaking up with him, but lol...he'll probably feel like he's on the top of the world as long as he's dating you.

  15. #15
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    Don't shit where you eat. Seriously. Office romance seldom ends well.

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    God/dess UtahMike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    I am eight years older than my wife. My father was fourteen years older than my mother.

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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    I am eight years older than my wife. My father was fourteen years older than my mother.
    Mormon? lol.

    Sorry, couldn't help myself since you are in Utah.

  18. #18
    Honey71783
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    Quote Originally Posted by Hello_Kitty27 View Post
    So .... how wrong or weird is it to date a 42yr old co-worker? (I'm 28 ). I'm not talking serious dating ...I'm talking going on casual dates...possibly some sex involved eventually. We're going to a baseball game this weekend and I'm gonna play it cool just to see if he is trust-worthy. (Gossip spreads like wild-fire in my company)

    We don't work out of the same office and we're in different, but related departments. Although in the future we could very well having to work together, or I could even end up working FOR him....


    .....opinions?


    The oldest guy I've ever dated was 2-3 yrs older than me. And my dad is only 46, which creeps me out a bit about this guy. Also, he's divorced and has young kids.

    "NEVER DIP YOUR PEN IN THE COMPANY INK!!!!"

    Learned it as an intern. Having a relationship at work is not a good idea. Some companies will actually want to supervise your relationship (after the find out about it) because they do not want to be responsible for a potential Sexual Harassment lawsuit. Oh goodness, and imagine if ya'll break up or word gets out? I work at a financial services company (global markets division (trading stocks, bonds, and mutual funds)) and it is dog-eat-dog. Having a coworker relationship is potential ammunition for my competition. I would say "No way!"

    And you already answered the question for yourself, "Gossip Spreads Like Wildfire In This Company." Are you looking for a new job?

    Now, establishing that this is a business/work relationship/friendship and not crossing those boundaries, Go For It.... But, I wouldn't take it past a business cohort relationship if I were you...

  19. #19
    God/dess UtahMike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    Quote Originally Posted by mranak View Post
    Mormon? lol.

    Sorry, couldn't help myself since you are in Utah.
    Lutheran.

  20. #20
    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    Don't shit where you eat. Seriously. Office romance seldom ends well.
    I've said that exact thing before, and I keep replaying that line in my head.

    The situation is this, we work for the same company, yes. We both are in sales. We are in a different department of sales, different territories, different management teams, etc. The only time we've interacted at work is during Annual Meetings, and if any special training come up that are company-wide.

    So *normally* that part of it wouldn't really bother me, as we're not really in a situation where we'd be shitting where we eat......BUT.....last month, his direct co-worker became my manager. So who's to say he would never be my manager? THAT is the part that concerns me.

    So....I finally get over the age thing, and then am bothered by the work thing. Just b/c with my company, you never know who they'll move where.

    We'll see what happens tomorrow. I know it's a "date", which is wrong in and of itself, but I had already decided I'm not getting physically involved tomorrow, primarily for reputation purposes (I'm one of the very few women there and refuse to be someone's conquest or whatever). (And even though I haven't had sex in AGES, I am sticking to my guns on this one....I am taking special precautions, such as not cleaning my house and not shaving my legs or anything!)






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    God/dess CKXXX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    I am eight years older than my wife. My father was fourteen years older than my mother.

    My dad is 13 yrs older then my mom and my husband is 5 years older then me. Even at 5 years we have slight differences....not many really until we reminisce about younger days! Considering that I was 11 when he was in high school and dating!!

    But we even went to the same college (5 years apart obviously...and we didnt meet until many years later!)

    Quote Originally Posted by lexilou View Post
    "I'll picklepunch you in your twatwaffle!"

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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    That's not weird. What's weird is that my 18 year old co-worker is dating our 48 year old boss. His son is older than her! It's disgusting. she just graduated highschool in June.

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    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    14 years can be a bit of a gap. My longest relationship had a big age gap ( 12 years ). We met when I was 23 and he was 35. He looked my age. No one guessed or assumed he was older than me when meeting both of us for the first time. When we played the " guess my age game", I guessed 27 and he lead me to beleive I was correct by saying " something like that". It still kind of upsets me. If I had known about the big gap up front, we probably wouldn't have dated ( who knows though ... maybe we would have ).

    If you end up going for a relationship, you'll want to proceed with caution . Our biggest issues that stemmed from the age gap was me still being in the " molding " part of my life. I was still figuring out what I wanted / trying to get it. He didn't want to hear about my travel plans or my desire to move out of state for a bit and try a new area.

    He was just really settled where he was. It felt impossible to move forward unless I was willing to give up my goals and just live in the suburbs ( which I TRIED hard unsuccesfully to do ). I guess those issues could happen with any age gap, but that's my experience.

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    God/dess UtahMike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    Actually, the biggest issue will come if you get married to someone a lot older than you. When my father died, my mother was 48 years old. She was a widow at a fairly young age. 22 years later, she remarried, again to a man who was older than she was, and she outlived him, too!

    Of course, this is not a problem for someone who is just casually dating someone older or younger, but casual dates sometimes end up in happy marriages.

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating older guys / co-workers

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    ...He looked my age. No one guessed or assumed he was older than me when meeting both of us for the first time. When we played the " guess my age game", I guessed 27 and he lead me to beleive I was correct by saying " something like that". It still kind of upsets me. If I had known about the big gap up front, we probably wouldn't have dated (who knows though ... maybe we would have).
    i've been getting this "issue" right recently. i was flirting with this girl at the gym and she was trying to guess my age. she's 25 (but looks late teens).

    she was a bit shocked and disappointed when she found out i was 38 and not 28. she figured i was early to mid-twenties although she said i looked late teens (just like how she's often mistaken for). so she was figuring close to her age group and giving me a couple of years.

    but the shock of the late thirties revelation really threw her for a loop. *sigh*

    but i understand the different life-views can really upset the relationship. my ex was 6-years younger and there definitely was a difference in thinking.

    what pisses me off is that i'm stuck in the middle. i'm 38 but i (often) look 18. "cougars" look at me and they like it but then they find out i'm often older than them and they're confused.

    too old for the younger girls and too "old" for the cougars.

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