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Thread: can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

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    Senior Member forevernaked's Avatar
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    Default can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

    *sigh* on the outside, I am confident, successful, & independent. not to mention educated, well-traveled, and I try to take good care of myself just to present a solid package. not even for anyone else--I take pride in my life's successes, including my decision to strip to finance my dreams.

    on the inside, I have been in love with this boy for almost 2 years. it started as a fling (he lives in ny, I'm in cali), a romantic, no-strings-attached weekend getaway. for him, it seems, that weekend (march 2007) was the end...for me it was the beginning!

    in the last year I have done so much--traveled overseas, learned a foreign language, all but finished my degree. I made so many awesome friends, had a few NEW tragic "love" affairs...yet in the back of my mind, my "new york boy" is still there.

    we ran into each other in july, I spent the night with him but we just cuddled (I knew if I slept with him it would only exacerbate the problem). he's coming back into town in november, and I'm sure I'll have the opportunity to see him again if my willpower doesn't hold (it never does). god if there was just ANYTHING I could do to make him feel the way I feel, I would do it! but my gut tells me there is no action or even combination of actions that will "make" someone love you if they just don't feel it.

    you might be wondering--what does this boy have that is making this girl so passionate? that he's good looking and successful goes without saying. but I've always held that looks & money come and go. this boy (well he's 29, and I'm 26 by the way), when we're together it is ON. we have great convo, lots of laughs, we seem to know what each other is thinking and be in tune with the other's wants & needs at any given moment. he remembers things I tell him, my likes & dislikes, the little things like always ordering sparkling water instead of flat (really little, I know...you either dig stuff like that or you don't I suppose).

    am I desperate? in a word, yes. but I'm so tired of stuffing my feelings down! I feel like we could make each other happy in the long-term. he's used the distance as an excuse before, coming & going in & out of life as he pleases. but after I graduate in june I will be able to relocate. in my mind I can see how everything would be perfect. I have aspirations for my life that extend far beyond the traditional home/marriage, yet if I could be with this boy, I would work hard every day to make him happy. I know that when he finds the right girl (me?) he would do the same.

    so what to do in november? I thought about inviting him to a romantic dinner. I know a lot of girls use him because he has money, so it would be a nice gesture for me to take HIM out for a change. I want him to know that as an independent woman I am fully capable of providing for myself, and if I want to be with him it's because I want to be with HIM, nothing more. but after dinner, what? drinks, then back to his hotel room for more cuddling. then he'll go back to new york and I'll be "out of sight, out of mind." meanwhile I'm here in california hoping, praying, plotting to capture his heart.

    WHERE WILL IT END?!

    thank you for listening. these are the true confessions of forevernaked.
    Last edited by forevernaked; 10-10-2008 at 05:25 PM.

  2. #2
    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

    May I recommend a book? I've read it, and it seems quite relevant to your dilemma:



    I Need Your Love-- Is That True: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead

    That's all I can offer. Good luck fn.

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    Default Re: can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

    May I recommend another book plus an accompanying kit?


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    Default Re: can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

    If all the "tumblers" don't click for this guy within a year or so, then him falling in love with you will probably never happen. It's been two years and the odds are slim.

    Sex and time together may make him care about you, but that may be the extent of it.

    The only way to get over him now is to totally get him out of your life. No phone calls, no cuddling. It may take a year or two to get over him, but you never will if you keep rekindling the flame.







    .

  5. #5
    Bianca O'Blivion
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    Default Re: can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

    Don't want to be harsh, but if it was meant to be it would have happened by now.

    Don't second-guess Fate. There's probably a good reason nothing has materialized. Think about it.

    Feelings are one thing and reality is another. & Women have a terrible tendency to project their desires on men......

    I feel kinda bad peeing on your love parade because I'm romancing someone right now....But I've been around the block so if nothing happens it's not the end of the world.

    Lots of fish in the sea. Keep it in mind......

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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

    Maybe it is just a distance thing. He wants to see someone on a more regular basis before making a serious decision. If you two can hold out till you graduate, maybe good things will have a better chance.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Veteran Member jessica_rabbit's Avatar
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    Default Re: can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

    I recommend honesty. The result will be either a swift blow that will ultimately heal quicker or the fairytale ending that you're hoping for. Try to keep the conversation as lighthearted as possible but don't joke around. Simply explain that you are in love with him and would like a future together. Tell him that you understand if he doesn't feel the same way and won't hold it against him. But insist that he give you a straight answer so that you can know what to do.

    I don't believe in playing games when it comes to these things. If he doesn't feel the same way he won't want to hurt your feelings. And if you don't bring up the subject he probably won't either. He might needlessly string you along if he likes you but doesn't see a future with you. That's why you need to make your intentions clear once your heart is involved. So he can let you off the hook for good. It's too painful otherwise.

    On a hopeful note, there is always the chance that he would like a future with you. By bringing up the subject you are throwing the ball in his court. Trust me, if he wants you he will let you know. A lot of girls worry that this will scare a guy off. They figure that they should just hang around long enough for the guy to take the initiative. I don't think that makes a lot of sense. You could drive yourself crazy and waste years of your life this way. Just be straightforward with him and he will most likely do the same for you.

    Whatever happens I wish you the best.

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    Senior Member forevernaked's Avatar
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    Default Re: can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

    Hey thanks to those of you who responded. I read everything you guys wrote. Sometimes it's hard to get good advice from people immediately around me because they care about me so much that their opinions aren't as neutral.

    Is it fair to say I find truth in all of your individual responses? With his visit coming soon, I think I am just going to see how this one goes. Who knows, maybe there won't even be anything between us anymore (I doubt it, but hey, chemistry fades). If things are going beautifully as usual, I am going to point out the fact that after graduation I will be a lot more mobile, i.e. more available to him. If the possibility of more time together doesn't entice him, well what can I do but wallow in my lovestruck misery until the wounds slowly, slowly slowly heal.

    I do want some sort of definitive answer soon, though, like within the next 6-12 months. Every time I see him the "get over him" clock restarts. It's ok for now but eventually I've got to let him go!

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    Veteran Member MixedBabe88's Avatar
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    Default Re: can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

    Quote Originally Posted by hockeybobby View Post
    May I recommend a book? I've read it, and it seems quite relevant to your dilemma:



    I Need Your Love-- Is That True: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead

    That's all I can offer. Good luck fn.
    Ooo new read time.
    I think (as simple as it is written) "He's Just Not That Into You" is a fantastic book.

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    Veteran Member sexysunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

    i think all the advice has been said already. but good-luck! and let us know how it goes!
    SEXY SUNNY

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    Default Re: can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

    Quote Originally Posted by Bianca O'Blivion View Post
    Don't want to be harsh, but if it was meant to be it would have happened by now.

    Don't second-guess Fate. There's probably a good reason nothing has materialized. Think about it.

    Feelings are one thing and reality is another. & Women have a terrible tendency to project their desires on men......

    I feel kinda bad peeing on your love parade because I'm romancing someone right now....But I've been around the block so if nothing happens it's not the end of the world.

    Lots of fish in the sea. Keep it in mind......
    great post!

  12. #12
    Senior Member forevernaked's Avatar
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    Default Re: can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

    Something revolutionary happened today.

    I sent him a text: "Happy Birthday! I hope you're having a great day & that you have an awesome year."

    He replied: "Thanks."

    And then I deleted his number, along with all our texts so I have no way to get a hold of him (well technically I could email him, but I never do; it's the text messages that are irresistible).

    I just kinda realized--if he was into me, he would call me. He never calls me. I'm tired of being stuck on him. I'm moving on.

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    God/dess PleasureVictim's Avatar
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    Default Re: can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

    Good for you! It will get easier with time. Now your energy can be directed elsewhere and you'll be available for someone who will feel the same way you do about them.
    Women of color:
    Shake your ass and preserve your heritage.
    Bang those fucking drums.
    Do it for the present and future generations.
    Have fun and stick it to the man at the same time.
    (bad-dominicana)

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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: can you make someone love you? excuse me while I pour my heart out

    ^^ Hell yeah girl!!! Way to go!! And good decision.

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