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Thread: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

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    Default my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

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    Last edited by pumpkinpie; 12-09-2013 at 05:20 AM.
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  2. #2
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    Quote Originally Posted by pumpkinpie View Post
    How can I make him happy and at the same time not give up my job?
    You can't. You're just not compatible together. It happens sometimes. John Lennon was full of shit, you need a LOT more than love to make a relationship work! Compatibility is far more important. (Of course it's best if you find someone you love who you're also compatible with.)

    The only way you two can stay together is if one of you completely changes personality and fundamental values. Obviously that's not going to happen, and neither of you is happy with trying to force it. If he's ready to settle down and you're not, then it's time to let him go so he can find what he wants and so you can find what you want. There's nothing wrong with that and it doesn't mean that either of you is a bad person, it's just the way it is.

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    Senior Member CG's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    John Lennon was full of shit, you need a LOT more than love.
    ^ word
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    Senior Member Sam98_12's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    You can't. You're just not compatible together. It happens sometimes. John Lennon was full of shit, you need a LOT more than love to make a relationship work! Compatibility is far more important. (Of course it's best if you find someone you love who you're also compatible with.)

    The only way you two can stay together is if one of you completely changes personality and fundamental values. Obviously that's not going to happen, and neither of you is happy with trying to force it. If he's ready to settle down and you're not, then it's time to let him go so he can find what he wants and so you can find what you want. There's nothing wrong with that and it doesn't mean that either of you is a bad person, it's just the way it is.

    Agreed 100%
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    I'll agree with the above, but step out of character for me and say....you have to make a choice....

    Which will make you happier, leading a life with him but without the other things that make you happy, or leading the life you say you want, but without him?

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    God/dess Susan-Va's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    Never let a man hold you back.

    If he loved you he'd support you in anything you do.

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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    What gets me if when you say 'he won't ever leave me'. Honey that's YOUR choice. Break up with him and don't allow him to not 'let you' leav\e him!


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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    Quote Originally Posted by pumpkinpie View Post
    ...I tried breaking up with him a couple of times but he says he wont ever leave me! What should I do??
    Ordinarily I am a bit disturbed by the automatic screaming 'DUMP HIM!' whenever anyone posts that their boyfriend doesn't like them dancing, since very few men can handle it at all, and so many of those who can handle it are doing that for the wrong reasons.

    But if what you are saying above is true, there's something strange and a bit scary sounding about a guy who won't accept the fact that a woman is trying to break up with him.

    Also, while I do often sympathize with guys having trouble with the unique and very real stress dancing can bring into a relationship, I hate it when guys talk about 'settling down', or 'letting me take care of you', which smacks of the old atavistic 'wife as property' view.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan-Va View Post
    Never let a man hold you back.

    If he loved you he'd support you in anything you do.
    i am going to disagree.

    Just because he doesnt like her dancing doesnt mean that he is trying to "hold her back". Dancing is a hard thing for a LOT of men to handle. its a hard job which is both physically and psychologically demanding. injured knees, rude customers, etc etc. If your man worked a job where he came home sore and achy every day, telling you how a customer/boss/coworker physically abused/sexually harassed him every time he worked, encouraging him to get another job or try another line of work wouldnt be "holding him back" would it IYO? Also if you havent worked in a SC its very hard to understand th dynamics of the industry.

    Onto this guy specifically, the "refusing to be dumped" raises a few red flags with me for sure.
    Last edited by DJ Steve; 10-11-2008 at 04:26 PM.

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    Veteran Member Rockell's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    Did you start dancing before or after you got together? If you have been together since before you started, he is totally justified in feeling uncomfortable with the situation. If he knew you were a dancer before you got together, then he should have known what he was getting himself into and really doesn't have the right to decide all of the sudden that he doesn't like you working as a stripper. In the end, it all comes down to what YOU decide is more important, and if he really loved you, he would support your decision either way.

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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan-Va View Post
    Never let a man hold you back.

    If he loved you he'd support you in anything you do.

    I respect the hell out of you but that isn't necessarily true.

    If you love someone and you TRULY believe something is bad for them you aren't going to support them in doing that because you CARE about them and what happens to them.

    For instance, while I wouldn't have a problem supporting an S.O. of mine in dancing if that made her happy, I'd never support her taking up smoking crack.

    See my point?
    Fiat justitia, pereat mundus.


    BTW, while we are on the subject, is it needed to point out the obvious: That it is just possible that if you are willing to judge the worth of someone simply by what you read on a website about them it might say a whole hell of a lot more about you than it says about the person you are judging?

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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    You can't. You're just not compatible together. It happens sometimes. John Lennon was full of shit, you need a LOT more than love to make a relationship work! Compatibility is far more important. (Of course it's best if you find someone you love who you're also compatible with.)

    The only way you two can stay together is if one of you completely changes personality and fundamental values. Obviously that's not going to happen, and neither of you is happy with trying to force it. If he's ready to settle down and you're not, then it's time to let him go so he can find what he wants and so you can find what you want. There's nothing wrong with that and it doesn't mean that either of you is a bad person, it's just the way it is.
    BINGO~!
    Fiat justitia, pereat mundus.


    BTW, while we are on the subject, is it needed to point out the obvious: That it is just possible that if you are willing to judge the worth of someone simply by what you read on a website about them it might say a whole hell of a lot more about you than it says about the person you are judging?

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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    Quote Originally Posted by Golden_Rule View Post
    I respect the hell out of you but that isn't necessarily true.

    If you love someone and you TRULY believe something is bad for them you aren't going to support them in doing that because you CARE about them and what happens to them.

    For instance, while I wouldn't have a problem supporting an S.O. of mine in dancing if that made her happy, I'd never support her taking up smoking crack.

    See my point?
    I see your point but there's a big difference in dancing and smoking crack.

    And the OP didn't day that he wanted her to stop because dancing is bad for her, she said he just wanted her to stop. I know it takes a special kind of man to be with a dancer, and I'm very luck that I have one that supported me the entie time I danced.

    Maybe I should have been clearer (I'm at a weekend wedding and I've been drunk while on line). IMO he sounds like he wants her to stop just because he doesn't like it, and that's BS. She hasnt' given any other reason for his wanting her to stop.

    And thanks for respecting the hell outta me!

  14. #14
    Senior Member hazel_eyes's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    The thing that bothers me the most are guys the start dating a girl who is a dancer. They know she is a dancer, and they lie and say they are ok with it. Later on, when they want to get serious, they throw out the ulitimatum of quit dancing or quit me. If he knew you were a dancer when you started dating, remind him of that. Say, "You accepted my job then, why not now?"

    It isn't fair of him to try and change you. I've been through that with my husband, and we finally got passed it. He doesn't start fights about it anymore and will lend an ear when I've had a bad night.

    If he really loves you, he will let you decide when it's time to let go of stripping, if you ever decide to. If he refuses and keeps starting fights, obviously he is too insecure to handle it. If it's making you crazy, try counseling. Sometimes guys just need the reassurance that you are not doing it to meet/date/fuck guys, but that you truly love it and the money is good. If your relationship is worth it (it sounds like it is since you say it's good except when it comes to dancing) hopefully you guys can work it out.

    Relationships require compromise, but never compromise who you are or what makes you happy. You will resent him for it later. Tell him that, too.
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    Quote Originally Posted by hazel_eyes View Post
    The thing that bothers me the most are guys the start dating a girl who is a dancer. They know she is a dancer, and they lie and say they are ok with it. Later on, when they want to get serious, they throw out the ulitimatum of quit dancing or quit me. If he knew you were a dancer when you started dating, remind him of that. Say, "You accepted my job then, why not now?"

    i agree 100%.

    As the devils advocate though, i think their "acceptance" of it becomes a LOT different once their feelings/emotions get involved and the relationship gets beyond a mostly physical level.

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    Senior Member hazel_eyes's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    ^^ true, but I like to think of it this way:

    If I started dating an ob/gyn, I would never ask him to quit his job because he's looking at pussy all day. Some patients would be hot and charming (as some custies are) and some would be gross, smelly, old, fat, plain nasty (as some custies are). Some woman are very flirtatious with their doctors, and I would have no way of knowing how he would react to it.

    It would be silly of me to be jealous and ask him to quit! Granted, his job is not sexual, but he's still looking at and feeling pussy all day long. He would never date a patient because it's a job, not a place to meet people. I see stripping as the same thing : a job.

    I understand that it's not the same, but I use this analogy sometimes to show some perspective.
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    God/dess Golden_Rule's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan-Va View Post
    IAnd the OP didn't day that he wanted her to stop because dancing is bad for her, she said he just wanted her to stop.
    I hear ya.

    I wasn't responding to the OP though. Just commenting on the absolute nature of your statement. "If he loved you he'd support you in anything you do."

    I'm always leery of "never", "always", "anything", "all the time" statements as almost nothing every is.

    wishing well...
    Fiat justitia, pereat mundus.


    BTW, while we are on the subject, is it needed to point out the obvious: That it is just possible that if you are willing to judge the worth of someone simply by what you read on a website about them it might say a whole hell of a lot more about you than it says about the person you are judging?

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    Just make sure he doesn't read some of the threads in this forum, where some of the dancers who have boyfriends, husbands, etc., actually do fall for the custies, or are sorely tempted at the least.

    The vast majority of dancers regard the vast majority of custies as simply that. But even the veteran dancers of many years experience will sometimes meet someone who suddenly really gets them going, especially if their relationship is in a difficult phase.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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  19. #19
    Senior Member hazel_eyes's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend is standing in the way of my job! help

    ^ That's true of any work place. My ex was a dog groomer and cheated on me with a co-worker when we were in a rough spot.
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