It's kinda complicated.
I haven't had sex yet (I'm 20 years old). I grew up in a house where sex was always a very medicalized topic. We always talked very openly about it, but it was never discussed as a pleasurable activity. I basically knew about STD's before I knew about sex (my mom is a doctor). I think this is why I've grown up so distanced from sexual contact.
When I think about having sex, it isn't enjoyable to me. I get myself off well and often, and I fantasize about sex, but it's hard for me to connect to people physically and really just let myself go in the real world.
Because of this, it's easier for me to feel things physically when I'm with someone I don't care very much about than if I'm with someone I love (I explain this like going on a rollercoaster ride. You get a much bigger 'thrill' if you can't see the drops in front of you than if you know they're coming. If you're allowed to think about it before it happens, then it's less physically intense.) So when I'm with someone I care about, I analyze the situation more, and it's less enjoyable.
I'm not really looking for other virgins out there. But do any of you have feelings of anxiety/reluctance when it comes to sexual contact? Problems letting yourself be in the moment? Etc.? Looking for any and all information/advice/anecdotes!



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