Hey everyone,
So I'm sitting in the kitchen with my boyfriend lying in bed in the other room and I have absolutely no idea what to do.
He is the kind of guy who hates talking about feelings, relationship issues, or anything personal about himself.
This morning, we were having breakfast when he made a comment that upset me. We were talking about this internship that I do to build up my resume. It's hard work, dull, and I don't enjoy it. I've told him this a few times before. He says, "Oh, I think you say you don't enjoy it but you really do. I'm sure you get something good out of it if you keep doing it."
This comment sounds pretty innocuous, right? But I felt frustrated that he brushed aside everything that I had actually told him and replaced it with this kind of conjecture. Of course, most of the frustration had roots in a bigger issue, which is that I feel like he does this a lot. Ignores things I tell him explicitly and decides that I "really meant" something else.
So I got upset and the rest of breakfast was pretty quiet, since there were people all around and I didn't feel like chit chatting but also didn't want them listening in to a serious talk. In the car, I tried to explain as I did above. However, he didn't buy it and kept protesting that he had just been trying to make conversation.
We get to his place, where I'm staying the weekend. He had plans with his friend and I had to study, so we both needed to go our separate ways. But he left without saying goodbye - came up, grabbed his bag, turned around and drove off.
I should explain that I have a pretty quick temper and mood swings, and he's suffered unfairly from these quite a few times and I know that they frustrate him. Although I told him that my anger was based in something real and not in my mood or temper, he may not have believed me. Even if he did, it probably still called up memories of all the times I've snapped at him and not really meant it.
At this point, I knew that he was mad that I was mad and that he would most likely be gone all day, come home, be super quiet, and not want to talk. So after several hours I decided to write him a letter explaining how I felt. I explained why I had gotten so upset over his comment and also stated that I was concerned about our lack of communication over important issues. I wrote that I thought we really needed to discuss problems that come up, or else we will never be able to fix them. I concluded by saying that I care about him a whole hell of a lot and I really hope that we can talk about things.
He came home late, we exchanged a couple of pleasantries, and he immediately popped in a movie. I thought, ok, I won't disturb him until he's settled in. So when the movie ended, I asked him if he would take a look at something. Showed him the letter on my laptop and went into the other room. He came in after a couple of minutes and started straightening things up, without saying a word.
Finally, I said, "If you want to talk, just let me know." He said, "Ok." More silence. I said, "Can you tell me anything about what you're thinking?" He said, "I'm not in the mood to talk right now."
Turns off the lights, gets in bed. I asked if I should leave and he told me that I didn't have to. Sat there for a few minutes feeling like I had absolutely no clue what to do, and then I remembered Stripperweb and thought that maybe someone with some skills in relationships could help me out.
My main problem is that right now I'm absolutely in the dark. I assume that he still thinks I was overreacting to the comment he made this morning, but I don't know for sure, and I have no idea what he thinks of my request for better communication. If I know him, he will MAYBE write a reply email sometime this week. More probably, though, he will call in the later part of the week, act as though nothing happened, and tell me about some event that's going on this weekend. Or hell, maybe he won't call for a while, because he might be super mad - I have no way of knowing.
So, can anyone help me with a fresh perspective? What should I do so that we can actually have a discussion?



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