
Originally Posted by
spartaca
Forget this guy - it seems that you want him because he doesn't want you. He is evidently a bit of a 'bad boy' and you find that challenge attractive. But from the convo you posted he really just wants you to leave him alone because (and please don't take this the wrong way, just trying to give you his POV) you come across as an obsessed stalker prepared to spend $1500 to go all the way to see him. If you had come across more casual like 'oh, i'm dancing in Portland this winter, so you'd better keep your ass out of the local strip clubs', then it probably would have led to him asking to see you. But you come across as very full-on.
just clarfiying. i do understand what you are saying. maybe i should have inclused the other part of this convo. he did ask to see me. but this was before i told him i was a stripper and going to portland to strip. i just told him i was going to portland. And he is nowhere NEAR a freakin badboy. that shit doesn't turn me on in him (i could get that from a much sexier man where i am). he looks like a nerd and i don't find him the least bit attractive. I think what got him so upset and confused is that he thinks i want to see him to fall in love with him all over again. Part of me is still in love with him, yes. But i barely talk to him, i'm not a stalker, and i want to see him once just to chill, talk, and get closure....we talked for 45 mins before i told him the stripper part, so the casual convo and catching up and all that was left out
I'm not saying you can't fall for someone online but sometimes you meet people IRL and there is no chemistry, they're completely different to how you thought they'd be, sometimes people IRL are alot warmer and nicer than they appear online. Regardless, if you project yourself as wanting to get into something with people you've never met, then you can come across as desperate, needy, creepy and a whole host of negative things, which it seems to be the way he's perceiving you. (honestly, i don't mean for this to sound bitchy because you seem like a really nice girl)
we didn't meet online. we met at a conference in seattle. there was a lil bit of chemistry because i gave him my number or email address or whatever. but not much happened because i was interested in someone else. i fell in love with him after going home and then sharing lengthy phone calls with him
And if you have bf at the moment then i really think you need to take a long hard look at how you feel. Do you feel that your bf is 'too nice' and that's why you hanker after this 'bad boy'? Those 'bad boys' who turn good for their woman, treating them like queens at the centre of their world are rarer than hen's teeth. And you don't really know this guy enough to know what he is really like at all. Plus, your bf must be feeling devastated. Put aside this fantasy of a guy in Portland and maybe take some time to be on your own and figure out what you want out of a relationship.
i don't hanker (lol @ the word hanker) for bad boys. what i loved (or maybe love) about him is that he was extremely sweet and he wrote some of the moste thoughtful and caring things i have ever heard in my life. i don't know where that whole tough guy shit came from but i think he is goin through a rough patch in his life because when i met him and fell for him, he was a virgin who didn't drink or smoke. lol. he just went to school (a good school) and ran track and wrote poetry. where smokin crack and takin e and gettin into fights came from....i have no clue. which is why he keeps tellin me "i've changed"...and also why when i think i meet him again, i'll realize wht a PL he is and that the guy i fell for is no where to be found.... and i'll drop it
and i feel horrible doin this to my bf, but i sat him down and told him exactly whats goin on. And he understands and says i need closure before anything can progress between us
and your comment wasn't mean at all. thank you for being honest
Spar x
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