Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Exes as friends

  1. #1
    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Hamburg, Pennsylvania
    Posts
    10,607
    Thanks
    2,705
    Thanked 13,685 Times in 4,414 Posts
    Blog Entries
    5
    My Mood
    In Love

    Default Exes as friends

    I'm still friends with most of my exes but for some inexpilcabe reason I am furious if my current bf is friends with their ex. Hypocritcal I know. Anyone out there think its possible to be friends with an ex? I think if the breakup wasn't too bitter you can be. Any comments or disagreements?

  2. #2
    Banned MoetATL07's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    935
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Exes as friends

    I always heard you cant be friends with an x if you were never friends in the first place.

  3. #3
    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Hamburg, Pennsylvania
    Posts
    10,607
    Thanks
    2,705
    Thanked 13,685 Times in 4,414 Posts
    Blog Entries
    5
    My Mood
    In Love

    Default Re: Exes as friends

    I heard that too. Ironically the exes that I am on the best terms with were my friends before. The worst breakups were the ones where we rushed into things. its a crazy world.

  4. #4
    Banned MoetATL07's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    935
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Exes as friends

    Im not friends with any of my x's other than the my daughter's father. Were still cool but we did rush into things and when we broke up I could have killed him but it took us three years to get to were we are now.
    Last edited by MoetATL07; 11-18-2008 at 08:25 AM. Reason: Spelling

  5. #5
    Senior Member Danielle_4370's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Orange County
    Posts
    161
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 11 Times in 6 Posts

    Default Re: Exes as friends

    I think that what's important in the relationship is how open you are with your friendships to your bf, and vice versa. If he's secretive about the friendship, then hell ya, be jealous! He's probably thinking that, if he plays things right, he can still get something on the side. But if he's open about the friendship, to the point where you could read the IMs they exchange over his shoulder, I wouldn't worry.

    It's only when this open relationship isn't reciprocated that you become hypocritical, and should really take a long hard look at the current relationship you're in. I believe it's a symptom of distrust, and no relationship can handle that.

    That's not to say you can't put your foot down and say he can't see an ex. I'm saying that he should have the right to do the same thing.

    I guess I'm friends with one ex, but I think that's because we didn't really take the relationship very far before he decided the it wouldn't work out. Most of my other ex's I can't possibly be friends with. Too much drama.

  6. #6
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    May 2005
    Location
    England
    Posts
    598
    Thanks
    409
    Thanked 259 Times in 136 Posts

    Default Re: Exes as friends

    Danielle has pretty much hit the nail on the head, but this is my experience...

    The boyfriend before i met my fiance really messed with my feelings on this. Before i met him i had some exes that were friends - because we were friends before we got intimate and it seemed silly to lose our friendships. However, when i got with this guy his friendship with his ex changed my view and i developed the attitude that he shouldn't have anything to do with his exes - although the reason for this was that his 'ex' was an underaged girl and he actively cultivated unhealthy relationships with underaged girls and did lots of terrible things like leaving me to walk home in the dark and rain whilst he went to pick up an ex girlfriend in the car, so i felt like i really had to try to stamp down on him and it was just easier to be very black and white about things (during this period he isolated me from most of my friends anyway) so this attitude developed as a response to an unhealthy situation rather than out of how i really felt.

    Prior to this i had been in healthy loving and secure relationships whereby my boyfriends and i had been open and honest about our previous relationships and ensuing friendships and it wasn't a problem. It all comes down to security. I had one boyfriend whose ex was one of his closest friend and it wasn't a problem for him to see her or us to hang out together because i knew that i came first - that's really all i require in a relationship, if i know that i come first then he can be friends with whom he chooses.

    At present my fiance is friends with an ex girlfriend of his, she helped him get into the voluntary work that he does and she's a great girl who currently dates one of his friends. As i said, it's all about security and respect. I have an ex who is a friend whom i have known since school - we dated for about 6 months and it would be awful to throw away years of friendship just because we had a brief period of intimacy when we were very different people.

    And of course, if your ex is the mother/ father of your child then there is a need to maintain a relationship, preferably one that is civil and of course, the principles of openess and honesty still apply.
    Last edited by spartaca; 11-18-2008 at 09:55 AM. Reason: the bit about children

  7. #7
    Banned MoetATL07's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    935
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Exes as friends

    Quote Originally Posted by spartaca View Post
    And of course, if your ex is the mother/ father of your child then there is a need to maintain a relationship, preferably one that is civil and of course, the principles of openess and honesty still apply.
    I absolutely agree but some people forget that in the end its about your children and not about each other anymore.

  8. #8
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    293
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Exes as friends

    honestly? i prefer to let bygones be bygones and just move on- a clean break with no contact. i expect the same from my mate.

    less headaches and drama!

  9. #9
    Curious Guest
    Joined
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    4
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Exes as friends

    I definately believe that exes can be friends in any case as long as the ex respects the person you are with if your with someone new, and you respect the person they are with. Know your boundaries and just dont do any thing you would think was inappropriate if you s/o did it. Also never allow your ex to disrespect or belittle your partner or the relationship your in in any way. AND NEVER RUN CRYING TO THEM ABOUT PROBLEMS IN YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP!!! That is just cause for drama. There are just so many rules to this that only the strong can survive it!

Similar Threads

  1. When exes return
    By Kellydancer in forum Life Support
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 01-20-2011, 09:16 PM
  2. I should just kill all my exes
    By Hatshepsut in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 77
    Last Post: 06-26-2007, 11:29 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •