This isn't strictly a "stripper" post. It just involves a stripper. And it's not another "does she like me" thread. More like, does she hate me.
Met her 2 years ago ITC and became her regular. Her hustle is "friends". We're "friends"...can text, email, call, after a while see each other OTC. So we did, and I liked her a lot, but always knew what was going on. And I never paid her for OTC.
Things changed. About 9 months in, I stopped going to the club to see her. She stopped being my stripper. No money, no naked. But we still emailed every day, talked about everything in our lives, saw each other every other week or so. Just regular friends, right?
This has been the status for the last year. During that time, I've helped her through two bad break ups and a hundred little emotional crises. Middle of the night type conversations. I also have heard about and witnessed some of the shitty things she has done -- lying, cheating, withdrawing emotionally from her partners. Like everyone else, I figure "but she won't be that way to me...we have a connection."
The connection. Like any man who gets a hot young thing half his age naked and then as a friend, I am more connected to her than she is to me. I always been up front (too up front) with exactly what the status of my feelings were at any given time. I have also told her 10 million times that feelings and actions are two different things -- I have never asked for "something more", and I am about as similar to the people she dates as I am to a moon rock.
But from time to time I do want to know "hey how do you see me? Good, bad, indifferent?" She won't engage in this conversation. Just avoidance and then continuing on with the "friendship" as it is. This should have been the first sign I am a fool.
Twice, during medium-depth conversations, she has told me she thinks I should not go to strip clubs, I become "too emotionally attached." This should have been the second sign I am a fool. But I assured her, it was only her, I have never sought nor had attachment, nor even regular status, with any other stripper (this is truth).
About 4 months ago I was pestering her to do things a different way when we see each other (I work better with a plan; she is spur of the moment "what are you doing right now?") She does not compromise on this nor does she discuss it. I bitched about it and we ended up not talking for a month, though I would email from time to time. Sign number 3 that I am a fool.
We started talking again. 2 weeks ago she has her 2nd hard break up. Emails me. "Help me." I help. Wisdom (sich as this fool has. Hand-holding. 4 am and 6 am calls and emails. Out of the ordinary. I make her smile, somewhat. She says she don't know how she would have made it without me.
A few days later, feeling close, I decide it is time to ask for a little reciprocity and ask again for a change in how we see each other. "Oh god not this bullshit again," says she. She goes silent again, for a week, when we had been talking every day for the past 2 weeks about her problems. Sign # 4 I am a fool.
Clearly, she is selfish. We are "close" as long as the topics are hers to choose.
Even more clearly, I am a fool. Just writing this has made me see that. I sound like a fucking high school girl.
I don't think I have a question any more. Other than the rhetorical, "what the fuck is wrong with people?"



Reply With Quote





Bookmarks