Ok so here's my story. I stopped dancing in mid-July to switch to a "normal" job as a server at an upscale restaurant. And while that started out fine, over the last several weeks I haven't made any money, was reprimanded heavily for calling in sick once when I had a 102.6 fever, and have been scheduled to work back to back doubles leading me to not seeing my kid. I am completely miserable every time I drive to work especially when I think back to the days I was on my own schedule without listening to a manager with a severe Napoleon complex rattle on about doing something miniscule a certain way (and then making me feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world for not knowing the difference). I can take constructive criticism very well, especially when I'm still learning, but when I'm made to feel like I'm not even capable of writing my own name, it makes me feel like less of the independent, self-sufficient woman I know I am. And I don't need to drive 45 minutes to put up with that shit.
The problem is I'm scared. I'm scared to quit my job and go back to dancing. While I'm miserable where I am right now, I don't know how lucrative I can make my time at the club because I'm afraid I've lost my "mojo". I would do almost anything to have more time at home with my son which was possible when I danced. I'm just worried. I hate quitting a job without a 2 week notice but my anxiety attacks are so bad when driving to work that I have to force myself to continue on to the restaurant instead of U-turning back home. In this economy I don't know if something more like a "regular" job is smarter than going back to the club. I thought about cutting my hours back and dancing on the side. But I'm almost confident that because tourist season is on the horizon they won't allow me to.
I really miss being a stay at home mom with heaps of cash. I miss my girls and the club. Most of all I miss running my own life. I know I sound pathetic and dramatic, but I had to let it out in the place I really feel I could. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this. Advice/comments/"been there done that"s are appreciated, but mainly I want to give a big thank you for just listening. I have to say I feel better than I have in a while just getting it off my chest.
Peace and Love



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Thanks so much for your encouraging words! I'm so excited to go back to dancing, I've decided that's the best decision for me right now. Just thinking about it makes my normal job go by much smoother since I have a new plan now. I've settled on working Sat-Tues afternoons at the restaurant (which is a possibility of 7 shifts and I'm sure I won't be scheduled every one of them) so that leaves Tues nights-Friday nights open for the club, and if they don't like my new availability they can learn how to deal with it when I won't work there period. F*ck it. I'm going to tell them on Thursday which gives them another week and a half to watch me stand around 40+ hours and make nothing. Whooo, I may just go out and buy a new dance outfit for the occasion



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