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Thread: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

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    Default My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    My bf is really down because he has never made me cum in all the time we've been together.He thinks it's his fault and his ego is so hurt to the piont that he is really self consious during sex.soo much to the piont that he admitted not wanting to have sex with me for a while.but it's not his fault.The sex feels good but i can't cum.I can only cum when I play with my clit, not even when he does.the few times i have had an orgasm was by playing with my clit while he fucked me.But that's not acceptable to him anymore.he wants to make me cum on his "own."I know he has issues nut i still feel like it's my fault because i can't cum.Anyone else have as much trouble cumming as I do? help please?

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    I have the pickiest clit in the WORLD, I swear to God. I feel your pain. It's very difficult to explain to boys that when you say you "want more passion", it doesn't mean "harder and faster" (which can be good, don't get me wrong...)

    As far as the boyfriend goes, maybe sitting him down and explaining that pleasure is something you feel, not something you're given. I dunno, the whole "I wanna make you come all on my own" thing would just sorta make me feel like a conquest of some kind. I mean, it's a nice sentiment, he wants to make sure you're happy in bed, but if you're coming all over his cock, he ought to be happy, assistance or no.... Maybe some dirty talk, "Oh, baby! Your cock feels so good inside me, I just wanna come! Don't stop!"
    *** warning: I am no good at all at dirty talk unless there is money involved***

    ETA: It is absolutely NOT your fault. At all. You are in no way shape or form to blame for knowing what you like in bed. If only every woman had the same knowledge. He's the one with the insecurity. You're just being nice by pandering to it, instead of just telling him you'll be playing with your clit regardless, he might as well be there.
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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    you are not alone... there are plenty of women out there who cannot cum w.o a little help with some self rubbing. I was the same way... in order to catch a nut I'd have to rub my clit while my man penetrated me... but with time he learned how to do it on his own. Something we tried was I would take his hand and show him how... like my hand would be over his guiding him how to do it while he was rubbing it and eventually he got the gist of it.

    no other guy besides my ex can make me cum on their own... so no its not ur fault.

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    If he so so selfconscious... why not fake it? Seems simple enough... if you just don't wanna hurt his feelings. I think I would do the same thing, and I did with some exes!

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    If she fakes it, all she's doing is denying herself pleasure simply to save her bf's fragile ego. Doesn't seem like a fair trade-off to me!

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    I feel your pain. My husband will stay down on me for over an hour to get the job done. Sometimes his tongue will go numb before I cum. It can be so frustrating.

    Maybe a little more foreplay. Or sexy thoughts while he's down there. I had to tell my husband that if I'm not wet when he goes down on me, then he is just adding 20+ minutes.

    Good luck. How about a toy. A bullet or something external.

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    I have the same problem. It's so frustrating! Is this the only bf that has never been able to make you orgasm or the first? I've always prided myself on being able to have multiple orgasms, but for some reason with this guy I've only had an orgasm once (in 7 months) and that was with me doing all the work. Maybe it's the position that you're having sex. Are you turned on enough before you start having sex?
    "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone, just as wild, to run with." -Sex and the City

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    I'd have to agree with virgo- faking it just frustrates both parties. Sex should be something everyone involved enjoys. I mean, what if you end up married, and 30 years down the road? You'll resent him for being bad in bed, and since he thinks you're coming, he won't change a thing! Then you either have to keep faking it, hating every minute, or you have to come clean, which would probably make him WAY more insecure than a few weeks of Your Clit 101 now...

    Fantasies always help me, but it still takes a million years, and well, I just don't come as hard... But it's slowly getting better!

    Also- maybe try doing yourself in different ways? Getting yourself used to different types of stimulation sometimes helps.
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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    ^^ Good points... I guess I didn't care cuz I didn't see myself with those guys down the road...

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    Try getting on top and riding him.

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    You need to get him to understand that your clit NEEDS to be involved. This is how MOST women get off. There is nothing wrong with you. If more men understood this, the stereotypical gender gap of "women aren't horny enough" would close quickly.

    Try reading " the sex you want " or one of Ian Kerners books. There are also many articles on http://www.askmen.com

    It's not a creul trick that god (or evolution or whatever you are into ) is playing on you. If your clit was located inside you, the pain of natural childbirth would kill women. You can't have such a sensitive peice of equipment in the same place that a child comes through during labor.

    So basically ....... get him over the " she needs to come as a direct result of my weiner inside her " mentality and get him into " she is coming as a direct result of my awesome skills " and you'll be good.

    This is an issue I'm pretty passionate about.

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    'm young.... but a guy has never made me cum...

    my boyfriend gets fustrated too... but i don't know what to tell him to do to make me cum... we have tried a million positions... and after an hour... i get tired of even having sex because i feel like i'm never gonna cum... so i make the sad mistake of saying things like "hurry up already" or "cum now please"... and i think his ego gets hurt.... he will probably end up like your guy

    i'm the only one who can make myself cum (and its never intense)...

    if you find out anything new...or any special tricks... please let me kno





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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    Having an orgasm is as much mental as it is physical. If you are constantly stressing about cumming, then you are never going to.

    And carmen b is right. MOST women do not have orgasms through intercourse. If he truly want to please you then he will be open to the idea of different methods.

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    I am not Mr. Perfect; far from it. But i care on pleasing my girl (or any girl i am with at the time) before myself, that is what gives me pleasure. Cumming is overrated at least for me. 3 important things; Communication, communication, communication. Trial and error; In som cases it takes a bunch of attempts until you develop chemistry, tell him how and where to touch you, try 75% foreplay and 25% penetration. Everybody is different. My wife takes a while to come but if I ignore my jaw and tongue being numb after 30 min, but focus on her body's response to what I am doing, it gets the job done. No shame on telling each other "You are doing it wrong, come here lets try it this way instead"

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    Quote Originally Posted by jezebel17 View Post
    My bf is really down because he has never made me cum in all the time we've been together.He thinks it's his fault and his ego is so hurt to the piont that he is really self consious during sex.soo much to the piont that he admitted not wanting to have sex with me for a while.but it's not his fault.The sex feels good but i can't cum.I can only cum when I play with my clit, not even when he does.the few times i have had an orgasm was by playing with my clit while he fucked me.But that's not acceptable to him anymore.he wants to make me cum on his "own."I know he has issues nut i still feel like it's my fault because i can't cum.Anyone else have as much trouble cumming as I do? help please?
    There is a technique that will help you both. It is called the coital alignment technique. Basically ---------- ah hell I will just cut and paste from here Try, for example, having sex with the CAT. That's the "coital alignment technique", of course.

    We all know that a woman's clitoris may not get a lot of stimulation during sex in the basic man on top position - for one thing, neither partner can reach it that easily. But surely, you might say, it can be stimulated by the man's body pressing on it? And, yes, you'd be right, but to stimulate it in a way that helps her reach orgasm isn't as straightforward as you might think.

    Basically, the partners need to rock their bodies against each other in such a way that her clitoris is gently pressed against his body. This means no rampant thrusting: instead, after he has entered her, he moves his whole body upwards (in relation to hers) so that the base of his penis makes contact with the general area of her clitoris. Then they rock in a coordinated way, so that every time he moves up, she moves down. The idea is to produce a series of small bumps between her clitoris and the general area of the base of his penis, so that she gradually builds towards orgasm. If you want to know exactly how to do this, read about it here, from the guy who invented it, sex researcher Edward Eichel. (And good luck. I haven't met anyone yet who understand this procedure! But think of the fun you could have trying to work it out....)



    Good luck and happy sexins.

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    Smiley Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    Hi, this is my first post, and I don't know anyone here yet, but I do have experience with this issue, so here is my 2 cents:

    (1) Both of you need to get out of the "Blame Game" - it isn't anyone's fault, unless (a) you aren't telling him what feels good, or (b) he is ignoring you.

    (2) You need to become more familiar with what makes you come by masturbating in various ways. Then you can show him what works. It is also a weird fact that the more you have orgasms (no matter how), the easier it becomes to have them. Kinda like practice makes perfect.

    (3) Some women can only come with clitoral stimulation, some vaginal, some both. In a kind way, you need to educate your boyfriend that YOUR orgasms do not follow HIS (or any one else's) rules. Maybe you could tell him that your vagina is all for it, but your clit is deaf.

    (4) Try removing the pressure by making love, but NOT trying to come - just focus on making it feel good. That can include you rubbing your clit, him rubbing you clit, using a vibrator, and with or without intercourse. Remember, while doing this, the point is NOT to come - the point is just to feel good. If you keep that up for a few times, sooner or later, you will come by accident!

    (5) Communicate openly, honestly, and with kindness - but don't let him make you feel guilty or "less than" in any way.

    Good luck, and don't give up! Sorry if I went on too long or offended anyone.

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    Jezebel,

    Have you gotten off with other guys in the past? Can your boyfriend get you off with oral or hands? FWIW, I agree that faking it is only going to make things worse in the long run.

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    Quote Originally Posted by sshackt View Post
    Hi, this is my first post, and I don't know anyone here yet, but I do have experience with this issue, so here is my 2 cents:

    (1) Both of you need to get out of the "Blame Game" - it isn't anyone's fault, unless (a) you aren't telling him what feels good, or (b) he is ignoring you.

    (2) You need to become more familiar with what makes you come by masturbating in various ways. Then you can show him what works. It is also a weird fact that the more you have orgasms (no matter how), the easier it becomes to have them. Kinda like practice makes perfect.

    (3) Some women can only come with clitoral stimulation, some vaginal, some both. In a kind way, you need to educate your boyfriend that YOUR orgasms do not follow HIS (or any one else's) rules. Maybe you could tell him that your vagina is all for it, but your clit is deaf.

    (4) Try removing the pressure by making love, but NOT trying to come - just focus on making it feel good. That can include you rubbing your clit, him rubbing you clit, using a vibrator, and with or without intercourse. Remember, while doing this, the point is NOT to come - the point is just to feel good. If you keep that up for a few times, sooner or later, you will come by accident!

    (5) Communicate openly, honestly, and with kindness - but don't let him make you feel guilty or "less than" in any way.

    Good luck, and don't give up! Sorry if I went on too long or offended anyone.
    Great post!

    I'm really interested in this thread. I've never had sex, but it's my worst fear that one day I'll resent my boyfriend for not being able to help me to orgasm through intercourse (if we start having sex). Yikes. I wish I had advice, but I really really understand where you're coming from OP.

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    Veteran Member MissAlethea's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    It may be that you're simply not aroused enough to start off with- I know hubby and I had to have some long, awkward talks about "Hey, I know your evolution says to hop on as quickly as possible, but could you maybe not dive straight for my genitals? I feel like a life support system for a vagina. In fact, the longer you can spend on the rest of me, the better."

    Men's arousal is generally centered almost entirely on their genitals, and most people touch the way they like to be touched. Maybe he's just trying to do you like he *thinks* you want to be done, because that's what feels best to him. DH (Dear Husband) and I played a game for a while where we would trade back and forth, and Person A (for instance, me), would focus totally on him for that night, but I'd do all the things to him that I'd want done to me, exactly the way I'd want them. Pacing, pressure, everything. I want him to kiss me more, we'd make out like high schoolers in a drive in, stuff like that. Helped a lot in getting a feel for the other person's sexuality.

    Actually, there's all kinds of games you can play, and if you're both relaxed and not stressing about it, approaching it in a "Okay, this'll probably be silly and not at all porno-quality, and we might not even come." kind of way, it's actually a lot of fun, and like sschakt said, you end up coming by accident! Another good one is to put it in stages, like on Monday, you're only allowed to kiss and touch non-sexual parts (arms, waist, etc.), Tuesday you can do light petting, Wed, heavier, but over clothes, and so on, until it's been a week (or 5 days, or 10 days, or whatever you decide) and you've had all this build up and you finally get to come! (Make sure on that last day you can play with your own clit- otherwise you have a week's worth of frustration! Also, no masturbating during the week! Ruins all the fun- the point is to rile yourself up completely. Same goes for him.)

    Again, a lot of this is predicated on both of you being open and honest and communicative with each other. There might be some resentment or macho posturing on his part, and you might find yourself being angry too. I know it was really hard for me to learn to wrap my head around the fact that I had "special needs" sexually, especially since modern culture portrays women as either walking cocksockets (sorry to be crude) with no needs of their own, or perpetually horny nymphs who get off by the mere thought of a penis. I felt almost defective is some way, but it turns out that's completely normal.

    Sorry so long, this is just sort of a topic that's near and dear to my heart...
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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    ^^ Great post!!

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    Thanks for all of the replies. I have so much to say in response to everyone. I hope this is not too long.let me warn and apologize for all of the spelling mistakes in advance lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by MissAlethea View Post
    ETA: It is absolutely NOT your fault. At all. You are in no way shape or form to blame for knowing what you like in bed. If only every woman had the same knowledge. He's the one with the insecurity. You're just being nice by pandering to it, instead of just telling him you'll be playing with your clit regardless, he might as well be there.
    That last line is so funny lol.Deep indisde i know it's not my fault but I can't help but feel like it is, because if I could esily cum i wouldn't be having this problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by CarlyMIA View Post
    If he so so selfconscious... why not fake it? Seems simple enough... if you just don't wanna hurt his feelings. I think I would do the same thing, and I did with some exes!
    Believe me I have thought about doing this as soon as he mentioned this problem long ago.Sounds simple enough.But like many said on this thread I don't what to fake it and make him think he's doing me right when he's not, because I will be the one to suffer in the long run.

    [quote=Butrcup98;1760870]I feel your pain. My husband will stay down on me for over an hour to get the job done. Sometimes his tongue will go numb before I cum. It can be so frustrating.
    Maybe a little more foreplay. Or sexy thoughts while he's down there. I had to tell my husband that if I'm not wet when he goes down on me, then he is just adding 20+ minutes.quote]

    Now that you mention it I think not enough foreplay may be the problem.When you said your husband goes down for over an hour I was like is that even possible lol.My bf goes down for 5 minutes tops. Then he thinks Im good to go.He's not very experienced in the oral department.

    [quote=tennisqt;1760887]I have the same problem. It's so frustrating! Is this the only bf that has never been able to make you orgasm or the first? quote]

    He is my first and only sex partner.I lost my virginity to him.

    Quote Originally Posted by MoetATL07 View Post
    Try getting on top and riding him.
    Ive tried all kinds of positions, but I will admitt I do feel closer to cumming while Im ontop.

    [quote=carmen_b;1760991]You need to get him to understand that your clit NEEDS to be involved.quote]

    I have told him that my clit needs to be involved, but he thinks I have the ability to cum with only penetration regardless. I think it's all the porn he watches and the stories that his friends tell him that have him brainwashed.I relize he needs to grow up and get out of the unrealistic mind set that he has about sex.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Mia Roberts View Post
    and after an hour... i get tired of even having sex because i feel like i'm never gonna cum... so i make the sad mistake of saying things like "hurry up already" or "cum now please"... and i think his ego gets hurt.... he will probably end up like your guy
    lol I have made the mistake of telling him to hurry up a few times. Believe me don't do that it really hurts their feelings lol.

    [quote=Butrcup98;1761035]Having an orgasm is as much mental as it is physical. If you are constantly stressing about cumming, then you are never going to.quote]
    I know stress has made my problem worse.It's hard for me to fully enjoy sex with the added pressure of my bf expecting me to cum.

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowfast View Post
    No shame on telling each other "You are doing it wrong, come here lets try it this way instead"
    I wish it were that simple. Im all for communication, but my bf is extremely sensitive about this topic.Im scared to tell him he's doing anything wrong, without his ego getting hurt even more.

    [quote=ArmySGT.;1761133]There is a technique that will help you both. It is called the coital alignment technique.quote]

    Sounds really complicate to actually perform.I suck at following directions and i'll probably be all stressed and worried while Im trying to get it right. But thanks for the info.
    Quote Originally Posted by sshackt View Post
    Hi, this is my first post, and I don't know anyone here yet, but I do have experience with this issue, so here is my 2 cents:

    (1) Both of you need to get out of the "Blame Game" - it isn't anyone's fault, unless (a) you aren't telling him what feels good, or (b) he is ignoring you.

    (2) You need to become more familiar with what makes you come by masturbating in various ways. Then you can show him what works. It is also a weird fact that the more you have orgasms (no matter how), the easier it becomes to have them. Kinda like practice makes perfect.

    (3) Some women can only come with clitoral stimulation, some vaginal, some both. In a kind way, you need to educate your boyfriend that YOUR orgasms do not follow HIS (or any one else's) rules. Maybe you could tell him that your vagina is all for it, but your clit is deaf.

    (4) Try removing the pressure by making love, but NOT trying to come - just focus on making it feel good. That can include you rubbing your clit, him rubbing you clit, using a vibrator, and with or without intercourse. Remember, while doing this, the point is NOT to come - the point is just to feel good. If you keep that up for a few times, sooner or later, you will come by accident!

    (5) Communicate openly, honestly, and with kindness - but don't let him make you feel guilty or "less than" in any way.

    Good luck, and don't give up! Sorry if I went on too long or offended anyone.
    Everything you said is so true and helpful

    Quote Originally Posted by MissAlethea View Post
    It may be that you're simply not aroused enough to start off with-
    Again, a lot of this is predicated on both of you being open and honest and communicative with each other. There might be some resentment or macho posturing on his part, and you might find yourself being angry too. I know it was really hard for me to learn to wrap my head around the fact that I had "special needs" sexually, especially since modern culture portrays women as either walking cocksockets (sorry to be crude) with no needs of their own, or perpetually horny nymphs who get off by the mere thought of a penis. I felt almost defective is some way, but it turns out that's completely normal.

    Sorry so long, this is just sort of a topic that's near and dear to my heart...
    After reading all of the responses I relized that the lack of foreplay might be the main reason why its hard for me to orgasm, because even though Im always open to having sex Im not always aroused enough when he enters me.Our foreplay is like 10mins max, that includes kissing, him going down on me, and me on him.It's always been this short.
    And your right I am angry.I don't blame him for not being able to make me orgasm, but I am angry at the fact that he is not listening to what i say to him.I tell him it's not his fault,I tell him I NEED clitoral stimulation,and i tell him that he doesn't have to make me cum on "his own",that he should be happy that at least i cum sometimes.But he doesn't listen! He seems to think he knows best.

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    [quote=ArmySGT.;1761133]There is a technique that will help you both. It is called the coital alignment technique.

    Sounds really complicate to actually perform.I suck at following directions and i'll probably be all stressed and worried while Im trying to get it right. But thanks for the info.
    Not really complicated at all. In the missionary position all he needs to do is scoot up so he can plant a kiss on you forehead. This makes it so that his penis is penetrating at a shallow angle. More toward your kidneys then upward toward you lungs. This will increase friction at the top center of your vaginal opening and possibly stimulate your G spot too.

    This could be why so many women like tall men, built in CAT method.

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    When you put it that way it makes sense.My bf is really tall 6'3 and Im only 5'2' lol.

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    Quote Originally Posted by jezebel17 View Post
    When you put it that way it makes sense.My bf is really tall 6'3 and Im only 5'2' lol.
    With that height difference he is probably scooted down so you can kiss and look into each others eyes. This makes for a steep angle and the top of his penis is causing little friction in the right spot for you. With the CAT your going to kiss his neck and pectorals but the increase in stimulation will be worth it. Hang on for the ride.

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    Default Re: My boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me anymore!!

    Lots of good replies here but just gotta say... OMG, I feel your pain so hard. He starts stressing cause he can't make you cum, and then you are stressing because he is stressing and that makes it even harder for you to cum, and then he feels bad, and then you feel bad for "making" him feel bad. And I wish guys would get it throug their collective heads that sex without an orgasm is perfectly okay for us non-orgasmic wimmens. We know how to do it if we really need to just clean the pipes out.

    A lot of guys have this like, military mentality of staying in there until the job is done. AN ORGASM IS NOT A GAME OF WILL, PEOPLE! Sheer determination is not going to make you cum.

    /end rant.

    It's hard. I reckon you're just going to have to train him to do it right, if that's possible. Or just give him the ol' reverse guilt trip about him making you feel bad for making him feel bad because you're physically incapable of performing this feat.

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