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Thread: Boyfriend being a jerk

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    Senior Member LittleMissy's Avatar
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    Default Boyfriend being a jerk

    Have you ladies ever dated a guy who would nonchalantly make jokes about your dancing job to throw it in your face?

    I don't know if it's my time of the month or I've just been super sensitive these days.. but I'm feeling hurt!!

    I take care of the bills as in paying them - we split half of everything and today I read out to him the bills I was paying and he said what he gave me should cover it that he doesn't take his clothes off so he can't give me extra.

    I was on youtube earlier playing the song by Dan Diamond "Titty dancer" and he walked passed me and was like.. "oh does that make you proud??"

    Am I just being too sensitive because he normally doesn't say things like this...

    I don't talk about work nor do I bring it home... he's been fine with it but lately it seems to be bothering him.. I'm kind of confused
    "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone - just as wild - to run with."







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    Featured Member Otoki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    ^^He sounds like he's being a huge douche. I'd go all Dan Savage and say DTMFA, but maybe talk to him first...

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    Senior Member achickonspeed's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    It sounds like he is feeling jealous, and maybe a little insecure. He might need some reassurance that there is nothing for him to worry about with you being a dancer...because otherwise he will keep lashing out like a child.

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    Senior Member LittleMissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    I kinda blew up yesterday and told him sternly "You need to stop throwing that in my face... *silence*"

    I think he realized what he was doing to me. We've been on good terms since then.. but we haven't talked much about anything.. he's not a big talker when it comes to feelings. He refuses to talk and keeps changing the subject.

    No one had to deal with guys being phases of jerky boyfriends? I'd like to hear about how you ladies dealt with it.
    "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone - just as wild - to run with."







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    Featured Member Ms. Mia Roberts's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    my last ex.... did the same thing... i dumped him....


    ugh.... mayb not that helpful.... sorry





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    Member SuzieQ523's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    ^^ My recent ex did the same shit, and I met him in the club!! I was like wtf, I was doing this when you met me. Umm hello?? If he keeps it up I'd tell him to hit the road.

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    Member SpecialK's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    I think most dancers have had this problem with a boyfriend and one point in time. Sometimes I think we forget how hard it must be to be in a relationship and inlove with a woman who is a nude dancer for her career. That is no excuse for men to start taking cheap shots at us because of we do.
    I have just seperated from my partner and he blames my career for EVERYTHING that is wrong with the relationship and me. In an argument we had he ended up saying that he was fine at the beginning of the relationship because he knew he could "FIX" me in the end.
    Theres a good lesson in that... Love someone for what they are not what you hope to change in them......

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    Member Celia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    I have been in emotionally abusive relationships before and from what you've said, he is showing signs. If I had listened to my gut instead of friends saying 'he doesn't mean it' 'he is insecure' blah blah blah, I'd have a lot less baggage and would have dumped the bastard before things got bad. I don't know you or your situation, but don't put up with anything you don't deserve. And i don't think you deserve such derogatory comments.

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    Featured Member Otoki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    My boyfriend has blamed dancing for some of my problems before. Sometimes he's right (lower sex drive) but most of the time he's wrong.

    I just point out that I'm not quitting anytime soon, so if dancing is the problem we're not going to get a solution, and should move on. That usually ends the conversation quite abruptly.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    ^^ Same deal. Sometimes, if I am tired of being grabbed at, my boy will say "dancing is taking my girl away".. and pout for a bit.

    He met me dancing, he knew what he was getting into, and he knew me a year PRIOR to being with me, so I say tough shit.

  11. #11
    Senior Member LittleMissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    Quote Originally Posted by Ms. Mia Roberts View Post
    my last ex.... did the same thing... i dumped him....


    ugh.... mayb not that helpful.... sorry
    hahaha but it made me laugh..

    Quote Originally Posted by SpecialK View Post
    I think most dancers have had this problem with a boyfriend and one point in time. Sometimes I think we forget how hard it must be to be in a relationship and inlove with a woman who is a nude dancer for her career. That is no excuse for men to start taking cheap shots at us because of we do.
    I have just seperated from my partner and he blames my career for EVERYTHING that is wrong with the relationship and me. In an argument we had he ended up saying that he was fine at the beginning of the relationship because he knew he could "FIX" me in the end.
    Theres a good lesson in that... Love someone for what they are not what you hope to change in them......
    He doesn't really think that he can 'fix' me because he knows I'm the type of person thats going to do what I want reguardless of what he says. It's just lately he's been throwing it in my face over and over and it's starting to beat me up inside.

    What made you finally decide to seperate from him??

    Quote Originally Posted by Celia View Post
    I have been in emotionally abusive relationships before and from what you've said, he is showing signs. If I had listened to my gut instead of friends saying 'he doesn't mean it' 'he is insecure' blah blah blah, I'd have a lot less baggage and would have dumped the bastard before things got bad. I don't know you or your situation, but don't put up with anything you don't deserve. And i don't think you deserve such derogatory comments.
    Thats EXACTLY what my girl friends tell me too.. that he doesn't mean it and it's just scared so he says things like that.. I tell him upfront that it's not okay in my books that he says things like that and we just end up giving each other the silent treatment..


    The problem is - we're in a pretty serious relationship.. we've been living together for more than 2 years now and our lease wouldn't be up for another year + / I don't want a boyfriend turned xbf to roommate but at the same time if things go on like this - I don't see another option..
    "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone - just as wild - to run with."







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    Featured Member greggy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    Oh My God, leave him! If he's throwing it in your face, then he obviously doesn't really respect you and your profession. And just b/c he stopped for now, doesn't mean his opinion has changed. And if it makes you feel bad, then it's abuse.

    He probably resents you, doesn't trust you and for all you know, will use that to justify cheating on you.

    I say this b/c I went through this with my ex. It was horrible and I even tried quitting for him (nothing changed).

    Find someone to take your 1/2 of the apartment for the remainder of the lease and get your ass out.

    P.S. I like your signature btw. You should re-read it and then go find someone else.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    My ex used to throw dancing in my face to try to cover his bad behavior. Is he perhaps trying to use this to cover his own shortcomings or to force a split with you? He may not like talking but you really need to sit down and talk - even if it's just you talking - because things can't go on with him throwing this at you all of the time.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMissy View Post
    Have you ladies ever dated a guy who would nonchalantly make jokes about your dancing job to throw it in your face?

    I don't know if it's my time of the month or I've just been super sensitive these days.. but I'm feeling hurt!!

    I take care of the bills as in paying them - we split half of everything and today I read out to him the bills I was paying and he said what he gave me should cover it that he doesn't take his clothes off so he can't give me extra.

    I was on youtube earlier playing the song by Dan Diamond "Titty dancer" and he walked passed me and was like.. "oh does that make you proud??"

    Am I just being too sensitive because he normally doesn't say things like this...

    I don't talk about work nor do I bring it home... he's been fine with it but lately it seems to be bothering him.. I'm kind of confused
    wow he is a dick. dump him!!!

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    Featured Member pixierocksonthepole's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    my ex did that for 2 and a half years. screw that shit. i worked hard and came home to him everynight and being at the club the custies were all my "other bfs". All done and we had talked about it many many many times.





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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    I've gotten lucky with my boyfriend, who I started seeing very shortly before I started dancing. Before I started, I kind of included him in the decision making process, and he went with me to the club and checked it out. We've been together for a year, and he's never had anything nasty to say about it. But even if I hadn't done that, I don't think he would say anything about it anyways.
    My ex, on the other hand, has been spreading very, very nasty rumors about me, about how I'm a prostitute, or a coke addict, or that I give $75 hand jobs (?) at work. He would call and leave nasty voice messages about how he knew I wasn't answering cause I was doing some custie or whatever. But my ex was very abusive, and my boyfriend isn't at all. I don't know, I guess it just depends on the guy. And to be honest, I'm concerned that if Noah and I break up, meeting a new guy will be hard. In my experience, guys are either really, really disgusted when they find out I'm a stripper, or they're waaay too into it. And I'm not comfortable lying about it or trying to hide it. It's a difficult situation, no doubt.

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    Member SuzieQ523's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    My ex, on the other hand, has been spreading very, very nasty rumors about me, about how I'm a prostitute, or a coke addict, or that I give $75 hand jobs (?) at work. He would call and leave nasty voice messages about how he knew I wasn't answering cause I was doing some custie or whatever.
    My ex did the same exact thing, he would even hack into my myspace account and alter my profile (which is viewable to my friends and family who did NOT know I danced) saying I have STDs, I'm a stripper whore/prostitute/slut, I meet custies OTC and screw them, etc etc. He was a sociopath and I got rid of him immediately. I should have seen that coming as he constantly took shots at me for dancing, which was the only thing he could really "hold against me" even though it didn't bother me seeing as how he looked like a jackass when he would say things that couldn't have been farther from the truth.

  18. #18
    Member SpecialK's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    I so understand how you feel.... Have you guys been together for a couple of years? Have you sat down and clearly explained how it makes you feel when he says things like this? I know you said he doesnt like talking about feelings but unfortunately for him thats part of being in a relationship. Ask him what the matter is..... If he is serious about this relationship then he will have to be an adult and COMMUNICATE to you what the problem is. Its not worth beating yourself up over babe...

    My boyfriend just got WAY too much he was checking my phone reading my messages.. he made me feel so ashamed and in the end I started going out and seeing friends behind his back then I would end up lying to him and it just spirralled into a big mess.
    You are not doing anything wrong you are just doing your job so dont take any shit!!! Lay it down on the line....

    sorry I got a bit carried away

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    Featured Member pixierocksonthepole's Avatar
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    Skull Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    Quote Originally Posted by SpecialK View Post
    My boyfriend just got WAY too much he was checking my phone reading my messages.. he made me feel so ashamed and in the end I started going out and seeing friends behind his back then I would end up lying to him and it just spirralled into a big mess.

    Sounds a lot like my last situation. He tried to make me feel bad for the friends I had and went through my phone, my myspace, my email, my facebook, he even talked to people as if he were me under my sns on aim and LJ. Creepo.





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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    ^^^ Doesnt it drive you crazy!! I used to get sooo angry at him that I would say and do things I would regret and then he would use that against me as well. I left 2 months ago and it is so great being able to text and call anyone without worrying if my phone would be checked. I used to take my phone with me to the bathroom!!! ha ha ha

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    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    Leave him. There are a shit ton of quality guys who are ok with this job, most of them like it if you work at no contact clubs though.

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    Featured Member pixierocksonthepole's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    Quote Originally Posted by SpecialK View Post
    ^^^ Doesnt it drive you crazy!! I used to get sooo angry at him that I would say and do things I would regret and then he would use that against me as well. I left 2 months ago and it is so great being able to text and call anyone without worrying if my phone would be checked. I used to take my phone with me to the bathroom!!! ha ha ha

    Hell yeah it did. I left him almost a year ago. my husband now doesn't do any of that. Funny thing is that I met my husband at the last club I danced in and it didn't bother him. I spent a whole year and a half getting to know before we did anything about it and the whole time we talked he treated me a million tiems better than my ex. I don't have any worries about my privacy anymore. I have nothing to hide from him and he has no desire to find out if I do. It is amazing!! My phone with me everywhere too - bathroom, work, my parents, the next room. Stayed on me at all times. Once he actually thought I was asleep and took my phone with him into the bathroom and went through all of my texts with my now husband. I knew a long time ago that last relationship was over but it took me over 2 years to end it. Didn't have the guts or good enough reason I guess.





  23. #23
    CarlyMIA
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    After reading this... where do you girls find these idiots and psycos??? A rhetorical question obviously...

    I say leave him.

  24. #24
    Featured Member pixierocksonthepole's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    Quote Originally Posted by CarlyMIA View Post
    After reading this... where do you girls find these idiots and psycos??? A rhetorical question obviously...

    I say leave him.

    What is nuts about my ex, found him when I was in high school and he was a marine. Nuts.

    Love the military boys but that one was just a blockhead.





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    Senior Member JPremium's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend being a jerk

    After living together for two years, you prolly would've noticed if he was a psycho/abuser/whathaveyou. And besides, I always hate when everyone jumps on the "Leave him!" bandwagon instantly.

    Have you been working a lot of extra shifts lately? Or maybe just being bummed out when you get home because the economy's in a slump? Because sometimes the job makes me personally into a crazy, paranoid, snappy bitch. But I've never been in an abusive relationship either, so maybe I'm just talking out of my bum on this one.

    I guess my point is... try to talk it out, give him some reassurance, ask him to open some jars and stuff to reassert his manliness, and then talk it out.

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