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Thread: Please tell me I'm not a bitch for being angry... (a bit long)

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    Veteran Member zippyelf's Avatar
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    Default Please tell me I'm not a bitch for being angry... (a bit long)

    So, me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 3 years. We have, generally, a great relationship. I mean, we have ups and downs and fights like any other couple. Lately, we haven't seen each other a lot due to both of us working and being full-time students. He works as a projectionist at a movie theatre.

    So, while I've been working, he's been hanging out with his friends from work. There's this girl he works with, we'll call her S, and I know a year ago when he started working there, she had a bit of a thing for him. (Let me also tell you that she just turned 17 and is still in high school and my bf is 21). But honestly, she got over it and has a boyfriend now....

    So, my boyfriend recently got texting on his phone and he texts nonstop with his coworkers, S being one of the most frequent. I started getting kind of suspicious and confronted his about it and he told me that she just texts a lot.

    Then, he was supposed to drive up to Chicago with two of his guy friends for a day trip. I find out later that it ended up being him, S and his guy friend Josh. I flipped out and confronted him again. He told me I was being crazy. Big fucking mistake. We had a huge fight.

    So lately, the texts and stuff have stopped coming as often, etc. I thought I finally got through to him.... apparently not. Apparently it was guilt. I got a call tonight from one of his coworkers telling me that I should check out the situation between them, that they were getting too close at work. So I call him and ask him to give me a completely honest answer about whether or not there is anything going on with them. He tells me that around Thanksgiving time, she was over at his house (wtf!?) and they kissed. They immediately decided to stop it and nothing has happened since.

    ...

    This happened about a half an hour ago. He has to work tonight but, apparently, is trying to get out of his shift. I told him that his ass had better be at my house the second he gets off of work and he is going to tell me exactly what happened and why.

    So, he's going to be here in a bit and I have no idea what to say to him. I love him, I really and truly do... but I don't trust people easily and this just shattered everything. I feel so betrayed. He couldn't even do me the courtesy of telling me about it. I had to find out from a coworker that I don't even know. I'm hurt and broken and I don't know what I'm going to do.

    I don't know if I can trust him anymore. Am I freaking out too much about a kiss or am I justified in being this upset?

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    Featured Member greggy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please tell me I'm not a bitch for being angry... (a bit long)

    Quote Originally Posted by zippyelf View Post
    So, he's going to be here in a bit and I have no idea what to say to him. I love him, I really and truly do... but I don't trust people easily and this just shattered everything. I feel so betrayed. He couldn't even do me the courtesy of telling me about it. I had to find out from a coworker that I don't even know. I'm hurt and broken and I don't know what I'm going to do.

    I don't know if I can trust him anymore. Am I freaking out too much about a kiss or am I justified in being this upset?
    That's exactly what you tell him. You have the right to be upset. Even if it's just a kiss, he betrayed your trust and that's a difficult thing to get over. Take the time you need to figure out what's best for you.

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    Veteran Member Fenriswolf's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please tell me I'm not a bitch for being angry... (a bit long)

    See, it's not "just" a kiss IMO. It doesn't matter whether genitals were involved, it's the trust that is at issue and the fact that he was spending time with her behind your back whilst guilt-tripping you about their relationship!

    Personally I wouldn't be able to trust someone who would go behind my back like that but if you explain where you're coming from and he seems like he's being genuine and not just saying what you want to hear give it a go.

    Good luck with that.

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    Veteran Member Fenriswolf's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please tell me I'm not a bitch for being angry... (a bit long)

    Oh and yeah I am the same person who said I'd rather not be monogamous. That's why to me a kiss is not just a kiss... anything outside of the bounds of what you've mutually agreed to be comfortable with is absolutely not OK and that may be kissing, it may be fucking, it may be fucking if you're not there. Everyone has a boundary and deserves to be respected and at the very least told if their partner fucks up!

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    Veteran Member cadencetyme's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please tell me I'm not a bitch for being angry... (a bit long)

    Ummm you should be freaking out you called him on building a relationship of sorts w/ her and he lied and turned it around on you (callin you crazy) only to have you be right!

    He cheated on you. If you dont think cheating is a big deal then..i guess you shouldnt freak out, otherwise id be soooo pissed.

    Its worse when someone cheats and you see it coming.

    I doubt this thing is over as so many people love to do the flirting w/ coworker thing and its easy for them to build their feelings as they work together :0(

    Im nosy though keep us updated i wanna know what you did and are deciding to do. I hope you let him have it.

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    Featured Member Brooke's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please tell me I'm not a bitch for being angry... (a bit long)

    He's full of shit that it was just a kiss... the coworker wouldn't have called about that.

    ****They already went on their first vacation together****

    He'll probably escalate the fighting because he has already moved to the next relationship. By painting you a crazy bitch he can take an easy way out and not feel responsible for trashing a relationship by being unfaithful.

    Are you a bitch for being angry? FUCK NO. The man is cheating on you under your nose with a minor. I think you have every right to be angry. You have every right to be single too. You also have every right to report him to the authorities, or at least that kids parents. And his employer would love to know - he's not remotely discreet and he's a harrassment suit waiting to happen.

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    Default Re: Please tell me I'm not a bitch for being angry... (a bit long)

    Quote Originally Posted by Brooke View Post
    He's full of shit that it was just a kiss... the coworker wouldn't have called about that.

    ****They already went on their first vacation together****

    He'll probably escalate the fighting because he has already moved to the next relationship. By painting you a crazy bitch he can take an easy way out and not feel responsible for trashing a relationship by being unfaithful.


    Are you a bitch for being angry? FUCK NO. The man is cheating on you under your nose with a minor. I think you have every right to be angry. You have every right to be single too. You also have every right to report him to the authorities, or at least that kids parents. And his employer would love to know - he's not remotely discreet and he's a harrassment suit waiting to happen.
    I agree with this completely.

    He can be all "boo hoo, my ex is a psycho! I ran into S's arms!" and it makes him look like a saint.

    I'd ditch his ass in a hot second.

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