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Thread: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

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    Veteran Member crazybeautiful28's Avatar
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    Crossfingers The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    Ok, so here's the scenerio: I've been seeing this guy now since mid October. Things are going great, we have a lot in common, we have the same views and beliefs on subjects, and we have a blast together.

    As far as I know, he's been open & honest with me about his past relationship with his ex wife whom he divorced in 2004. He's told me that he sometimes teaches classes at her gym she owns; a gym he's also invested in. He's told me that when they divorced they shared custody of their dog, trading him weeks at a time (almost like custody over a child). He also told me that when they were together (for 7 yrs) they never fought ONCE-- Not once, (that's a lil strange isn't it?). He said she was the only one out of his friends and his family that truly understood him, and that he really loved her, yadda, yadda, yadda...

    Now...he says that he has no intention of getting back together with her. In fact, she's tried to get back together with him after their divorce but he didn't allow it. Now she's supposedly getting engaged to the guy she's been with. He said the reason they broke up was because, "She couldn't fully be herself with out me around." Apparently they got together when she was 19, and she was never really able to become herself with out him. I dunno....I sort of understand, but I dunno.... He speaks very highly of her and their past realtionship, as well as expresses his serious distaste for unfaithful or unhappy relationships.

    I honestly don't know why I'm worried. I suppose if he wanted to be with her, then he would be right? This is just my first experience in this kind of situation and I always tend to be cautious. Should I be worried?

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    God/dess FBR's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    Sounds like he is over her dishonest qualities and appreciates your honesty. Actually he is way more forthcoming than I would ever have been so I would say you have a lock unless you nag him about it.

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    Veteran Member crazybeautiful28's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    See, but he didn't say she (or he for that matter) did anything wrong. Granted, she prompted the divorce because she wasn't happy because she felt she needed to be herself with out him, there was no harm, no foul...

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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    Quote Originally Posted by crazybeautiful28 View Post
    Should I be worried?
    Worrying never helped anything. Telling yourself scary stories about what may/might/will happen in the future is only going to spoil the present for you. There are an infinite number of possible outcomes in your future, why dwell on the negative ones?

    If your thoughts about the future are making you feel uneasy, notice them, and come back to the present....where you have no problems.

    Everything is going to be allright.

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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    The ladies will offer you better advise than I can. Hope it all works out for you.

    FBR
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    Veteran Member crazybeautiful28's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    Quote Originally Posted by hockeybobby View Post
    Worrying never helped anything. Telling yourself scary stories about what may/might/will happen in the future is only going to spoil the present for you. There are an infinite number of possible outcomes in your future, why dwell on the negative ones?

    If your thoughts about the future are making you feel uneasy, notice them, and come back to the present....where you have no problems.

    Everything is going to be allright.
    See, I KNOW that's what I should be focused on- the present. It's so easy to understand, but so hard to apply. Errr. Damn me and my insecurities.

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    Veteran Member MissAlethea's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    It sounds like they parted amicably- emphasis on the *parted*. I know I'd rather date someone who has the past of "Yeah, we just decided that it was best that we weren't in a relationship anymore, so we split up" than "OMG it was crazy traumatic and I have lots of baggage from it". (Not to say that people can't also recover beautifully from splits like that, too)

    He sounds like a pretty steady guy, and at least this way you don't have to listen to vitriolic snarling about the ex. I wouldn't sweat it.
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    It seems that they still have a business relationship and yes, a dog is a lot like a child and so those two things mean that they have to be adult and amicable in their dealings with each other. Be glad that he is able to carry on with his business without her being an obstacle.

    If he wanted to still be with her then they wouldn't be divorced and in other relationships, it sounds as though he is attracted to your confidence in who you are so please don't allow this to dissipate through worrying over his past. Enjoy your present, he sounds like a good guy.

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    Veteran Member crazybeautiful28's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    I understand I should give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him when he says he has no intention of going back to her, or the desire. But....it's still a little uneasy when he speaks so highly of her. It's like, well what on earth did you let her go for if you're as in love with her as it seems? Ya know?

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    Featured Member saphire123456's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    Just because a guy has a high opinion about a another girl doesn't make them remotely compatible. i don't understand, why you would rather date a guy who talks smack on all his exes and passionally hates every girl he dated. THAT to me spells a problem. i think its very mature of him to be able to have a relationship like that with his ex. were all your break ups bitter and hateful? you know it is possible for people to have an amicable breakup and remain friends. i think this has to do less with him, but more with your own insecurity. so far it doesn't sound like he's done anything remotely shady or has been dishonest with you in any way. try getting to know his ex- maybe you'll feel better about the situation
    These days I like to count my money. I like to wash it delicately and iron it. Sometimes I dry it with some bounty to make it all nice and cuddly. I love my money... did I say that out loud?

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    Veteran Member crazybeautiful28's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    Quote Originally Posted by saphire123456 View Post
    Just because a guy has a high opinion about a another girl doesn't make them remotely compatible. i don't understand, why you would rather date a guy who talks smack on all his exes and passionally hates every girl he dated. THAT to me spells a problem. i think its very mature of him to be able to have a relationship like that with his ex. were all your break ups bitter and hateful? you know it is possible for people to have an amicable breakup and remain friends. i think this has to do less with him, but more with your own insecurity. so far it doesn't sound like he's done anything remotely shady or has been dishonest with you in any way. try getting to know his ex- maybe you'll feel better about the situation

    That's a good idea. Yes, I know it's my own insecurities, and it's a bitch. I hate it. I know it's very mature of him to have that sort of relationship with her, and it IS better than a guy who condescends his ex's. I guess I kind of look at it like dating an alcoholic who's gone through rehab. I'm just afraid he'll "relapse."

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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    Have a little faith... he invested in her gym that is okay for him to use it... he will probably always feel for her in some sort of way. But the fact is he stayed with you.. and he did not get back with her.

    Worrying will cause distrust and resentment after extended measures of time... have some trust... and welcome and become more open with him. Be free with him and connect with him on higher levels.

    My friend has a Ex that he is close to... and he has a new girlfriend... but the fact is his new girlfriend is so jealous that it is ruining there relationship. He would never get back with his Ex and I know this.

    Its human to be jealous of suspect something... but remain positive.. he sounds like a good guy... treat him like one -- Truth

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    Member goodkittie396's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    I don't know if you want to listen to the man hater (me) or not, but I've known a few divorcee guys and I would put 100% into the relationship and try to get past the ex-wife thing. So far the only thing that I have learned is that men always get back with their ex's. I hope you found a better guy than I did, I really do. It would not help to be suspicious though, so if you liked him then I would just try to go with it. For some reason I just always find the bad ones, but I do believe that good guys exist. Do you have a guy feeling? Go with that.

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    Member Tony Batman's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    I do know one thing, I am good friends with my Ex wife, and we still work in the same business and get along just fine.

    The problem only come in when she has a boyfriend or I have a girlfriend. Our new other halves do not understand our friendship and always make a bigger deal about it than it is.

    It is not crazy to be friends with your Exes and not want to be in a relationship with them.

    With the world the way it is, the more support for one another the better.

    Just make friends with her, or double date a few times.
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    Veteran Member crazybeautiful28's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    Quote Originally Posted by Tony Batman View Post
    I do know one thing, I am good friends with my Ex wife, and we still work in the same business and get along just fine.

    The problem only come in when she has a boyfriend or I have a girlfriend. Our new other halves do not understand our friendship and always make a bigger deal about it than it is.

    It is not crazy to be friends with your Exes and not want to be in a relationship with them.

    With the world the way it is, the more support for one another the better.

    Just make friends with her, or double date a few times.

    That's cool that you two can do that. But, have you ever desired to get back with her? Or have you ever felt those old feelings pop up again? Or has SHE ever relayed to you that she still feels for you?

    Or is it strictly business and a platonic friendship?

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    Featured Member saphire123456's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    Quote Originally Posted by crazybeautiful28 View Post
    That's cool that you two can do that. But, have you ever desired to get back with her? Or have you ever felt those old feelings pop up again? Or has SHE ever relayed to you that she still feels for you?

    Or is it strictly business and a platonic friendship?

    omg, i don't see how whether he does or doesn't reflects on your relationship anyway. unless batman's relationship is the only standard path of ALL relationships. dude, you clearly need to just talk to your bf or smthg cause clearly this is not going away.or maybe you should just dump him and save yourself the constant paranoia
    These days I like to count my money. I like to wash it delicately and iron it. Sometimes I dry it with some bounty to make it all nice and cuddly. I love my money... did I say that out loud?

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    Veteran Member crazybeautiful28's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    Quote Originally Posted by saphire123456 View Post
    omg, i don't see how whether he does or doesn't reflects on your relationship anyway. unless batman's relationship is the only standard path of ALL relationships. dude, you clearly need to just talk to your bf or smthg cause clearly this is not going away.or maybe you should just dump him and save yourself the constant paranoia
    I was just making conversation there. I know his relationship with his ex will be a completely different thing compared to what my guy has with his ex- I was just asking how that worked out for him.

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    Member Tony Batman's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    At first.. Maybe the first year if felt confusing, but as time went on that went away and we just know that part of our lives is in the past.

    You do need to talk about it with your guy without being nagging. You have to trust him to go anyplace with the relationship anyway..

    Ask once, and it you get an answer then that should be there, Time will bring everything to light.

    Enjoy yourself, it should be a good feeling and not I have to know this feeling...

    Hope it helps and good luck, either way, you are still good ole you and that's what really counts right??
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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    This has got to be the mellowest s.o.-and-ex story that I've ever heard. It just sounds so much better than the usual sex-with-the-ex, psycho-ex or apocalyptic breakup stories.

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    Veteran Member crazybeautiful28's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    Quote Originally Posted by dlabtot View Post
    This has got to be the mellowest s.o.-and-ex story that I've ever heard. It just sounds so much better than the usual sex-with-the-ex, psycho-ex or apocalyptic breakup stories.
    lmao, "apocalyptic breakup stories" haha....true that.

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    Member Tony Batman's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    LOL... That's just cause I've practiced a few hundred times....

    Oh your not suppose to have sex with your exes....

    OK Never mind I'm out of this conversation...LOL
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    Veteran Member crazybeautiful28's Avatar
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    Default Re: The guy I'm seeing is really close to his ex wife...

    Quote Originally Posted by Tony Batman View Post
    LOL... That's just cause I've practiced a few hundred times....

    Oh your not suppose to have sex with your exes....

    OK Never mind I'm out of this conversation...LOL
    If sex with exes is a sin, then "forgive me father, I've been a naughty girl!"

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