this is long, but I need to vent really bad. Thanks ahead of time for reading.
I met my boyfriend almost two years ago. I saw him dancing by himself at an eighties bar and I thought he was hot and bold. One of the first things I said to him was "I'm a stripper, I just want to be upfront about that"
He was so cool about my dancing and he always has been. He is the quietest nicest kindest person I've ever met. He recycles literally everything he touches and helps strangers all the time. He was raised as a Jehovahs witness, though no longer practices.
Our relationship started great, of course. I never thought it would last though. He was just so quiet and introverted. Tendencies towards depression and dark moods. He has long hair and likes the rock, goth scene.
Ok, ... well... heres where it gets f'd.
I am his second girlfriend. He was 30 when we met. His first girlfriend was a stripper that he met at the club. She was goth, and a cutter. He tried really hard to help her and get her out of dancing. She broke his heart and basically dumped him for not accepting her.they dated about 3 months over a one year period. He went into therapy for a year to get over her. this is why he's so cool with me dancing. He has really worked on his "issues" with it.
Anyhow, We date for about a year and I move in with him. Literally the week I move in, he is diagnosed with testicular cancer. He always had a very low sex drive, which always bothered me. He goes through surgery and cancer treatment. I am upset (understandably) and I fall apart at times worried about him. This makes him withdraw from me.
he tells me that he can't stand me depending on him and needing him because it makes him feel overwhelmed and guilty. If he died, I would be so sad,,,,,
So we stay together for a few more months but things aren't right. We get along extremely well, and from the outside we look like the perfect couple. But we aren't really having sex. I'm tall, blond, big boobs playboy looking. He likes the whole dark look. I'm obsessed with this issue, but not to the point of changing my look.
Moving on.
One day, about two months ago, he says, "I can't live with you anymore" "I love you like I love my parents" "I need space"
I'm angry, but ok..... I'll move out.
so I move in with my parents. We continue dating. Things are going ok.
Ok... but not great. he keeps pulling away. He says he loves me. He treats me wonderful. I drive his car still. He brings me care packages. He listens to all my problems without judging me. He has never said a mean thing to me or called me any insulting name ever. He tells me he loves me all the time. He is so extremely sweet to me. The other day he wrote me a list of all the reasons he loves me and is afraid of losing me.
But when I asked him last night if he wants to be in this relationship, he says "sometimes"
I can't help but think he is still hung up on his ex. He Its so stupid because I go to work and all these men are vying for my attention but I can't seem to get it (sexually) from my boyfriend.
He tells me he loves me and in the same breath he needs space and time apart. He also told me he understands if I want to date other people
I'm 29. I want babies!!!!! not right now, but I do want a family in a few years. I don't know if I should just move on or stay and work on it.
When I re read what I wrote, it makes him sound flaky. He is not flaky,, and he is actually a really deep metaphysical old soul. he is very serious about not wanting to hurt me. He's just been alone most of his life and I am by far his longest most serious relationship.
If anyone has any opinion or advice, I would LOVE to hear it. anything. Especially from a guy.
Thank you for listening



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