Results 1 to 15 of 15

Thread: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

  1. #1
    Curious Guest
    Joined
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    4
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    Last night I did really well, but it was because I took advantage of some one big time. I know this guy wasnt all there. You could barly understand what he was saying and he did basically whatever i said.... I knew I shouldnt have been taking his money because he kept saying he had $800 for food and talking about all the bbq and fried chicken he could eat. I also knew if i didnt some other girl would just sit down with him and take his money. So I got him to tip me $20s on stage ( i also got him to tip a few other girls too) and i got him to buy me drinks all night and buy lots of private dances. Now that its the next morning and I realize this guy probably doesnt even have money to eat now. I was just so in work/hustle mode it didnt even hit me then. Now I just feel like an ass, almost to the point where i wanna track him down and bring him groceries or something. Has any one else been through this? what did you do/how did you deal?

  2. #2
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    6,345
    Thanks
    168
    Thanked 801 Times in 419 Posts

    Default Re: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    Was he an adult? If so, then the money was his to spend as he pleased. It isn't your job to tell a customer how to behave with his money. Unless you were lying to him (like telling him he'll win the UK lottery if he tips you more, or pulling a short change scam or something), then I don't see anything to feel guilty about. He was at a strip club doing exactly what strip clubs are intended for.

    I had a customer once buy a room for 30 minutes, then promptly passed out not even 5 minutes later. I stayed with him the entire 30 minutes while he slept then had the bouncer help him into a cab. I did my job and if the guy wanted to sleep in the VIP, then that's his problem for not knowing his alcohol limit.

    Besides, you never know if this might be catalyst that helps this guy get over getting wasted in public. Some people need a seriously painful wake-up call to turn their lives around.

    One caveat to this: if he was mentally challenged, that wouldn't have been right. I don't consider a person with downs syndrome or other mental retardation issue as having the ability to know how to handle their money properly.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  3. #3
    Curious Guest
    Joined
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    4
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    Thats what I am starting to wonder about. As I look back on it I am thinking it might have been more that he was mentally challenged than just drunk...though he deff was drinking a LOT...because for every fake drink i got and acted drunk he was really drinking. Idk, im just really doubting myself now

  4. #4
    Veteran Member Ruby Ruckus's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    524
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 38 Times in 31 Posts

    Default Re: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    like paris said, an adult can spend their money any way they please. and like you said, if you hadn't taken his money, somebody else would have.

    if you feel that bad about it, take some of the money you made off of him and donate it to a food bank or a homeless shelter to keep others from going hungry, or to an organization for mentally disabled people.
    "If she wants to dance and drink all night, well there's no one that can stop her. She's going til the house lights come up or her stomach spills onto the floor. This night is gonna end when we're damn well ready for it to be over, worked all week long, and now the music is playing on our time. Yeah we do what we do to get by, and then we need a release!" - Against Me!, "Thrash Unreal"

  5. #5
    Banned
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    11,037
    Thanks
    1,891
    Thanked 5,124 Times in 3,086 Posts

    Default Re: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    I agree with everyone saying he's an adult, and unless he was mentally challenged I wouldn't feel bad. One thing to keep in mind is many guys will pull the pity party so you'll give them more, or give it back. I've had guys try to ask for money back because their kids need it, it was their paycheck, etc. Either they felt guilty or they wanted a freebie. Tough luck. Once you give it to a dancer it's hers.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    119
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    If the guy was mentally disabled to the point where he couldnt be trusted with money, then he'd probably live with a carer or in a kinda accomodation thing,not allowed to wander about, going to strip[ clubs with $800...

  7. #7
    God/dess CKXXX's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2008
    Location
    in my head
    Posts
    3,467
    Thanks
    20
    Thanked 300 Times in 181 Posts

    Default Re: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    Dont stress. He was adult enough to have money and be there. How he spends it is not your concern. If he went to a restaurant and ordered $800 worth of food..hed have to pay it. He came in looking for something and you gave it to him.

    Not to mention...guys lie. You have no idea if ANYTHING he told you was true.

    Managing other peoples lives is not your concern. You did your job and got paid for it. Period.

    Quote Originally Posted by lexilou View Post
    "I'll picklepunch you in your twatwaffle!"

  8. #8
    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Denver & San Fran
    Posts
    6,907
    Thanks
    181
    Thanked 2,002 Times in 1,285 Posts

    Default Re: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    Ruby took the words right out of my mouth! If you feel that guilty about it, and it really was for food, you could donate a portion or all of it to a food bank... of course since you're doing your taxes that means you also get the tax write-off. It's the best of both worlds!
    Don't you ever sleep?
    Not at night...that's when the stars have rather better things to do. They're coming out, shining, that sort of thing.
    - Blog -
    My PM box fills up quick. If you have a question please with your username.
    Congrats to Pryce on doing some much needed tending in his garden!
    - -


  9. #9
    Senior Member Gwennnnnn's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Brooklyn
    Posts
    114
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    This is how I look at situations like these: Step back and realize that stripping is a very intense/kinda "out there" job. You ARE gonna have some wild nights. You are going to meet some wierdos. You are dealing and entertaining with men who are trainwrecks/horny/drunk/lonely sometimes(most of the time!) and getting paid to do it. Once in a while something like this is bound to happen and it can be hard on your emotions, especially if you are very sensitive. (I know I am and sometimes I take on a lot of emotional burden from customers even though I've been dancing for awhile.) Take a few days off to regroup. Don't feel guilty about the money, this man is an adult and paid you for your services. He probably wasn't mentally challenged...like someone else said, he'd most likely be in a home if he was.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Feb 2005
    Location
    boston
    Posts
    198
    Thanks
    14
    Thanked 17 Times in 13 Posts

    Default Re: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    Please don't feel badly. If he were truly mentally challenged,someone else would have his power of attorney(control of his finances)and it would be impossible or extremely difficult for him to get access to 800 for a night at the club. I'm glad that you are sensitive. Keep the gentle spirit and good soul that you have,but don't beat yourself up over this. Warmest Wishes, Harlow

  11. #11
    God/dess pookie's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Germany
    Posts
    3,508
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 36 Times in 6 Posts

    Default Re: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    Don't worry. Some guys act weird, lie and do all sorts of things to manipulate strippers. Its part of the game. Even if he was mentally challenged, I dont think he should be deprived.

    I know this sounds harsh but even mentally challenged people can manipulate, and I have danced for one who was a little impaired and he would try to get away with shit he knew wasn't ok. He wasn't stupid.




  12. #12
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Oct 2008
    Location
    New York City
    Posts
    148
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 12 Times in 8 Posts

    Default Re: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    The reality is, society/men judge, criticize, abuse us (verbally, emotionally etc) everyday. 99% of men (and non adult industry related women) look at us as WHORES.

    You are a dancer. You are ENTITILED to this money. This money is the reason you put up with the abuse society inflicts upon the adult entertainment industry.

    If they want to call us "whores" "hookers" "gold diggers" "survivors of child abuse/incest" "drug addicts" etc.. We might as well take their money.

    Sorry if this doesn't come across as "PC" but the reality is, we are judged and abused every day. If some guy wants to give you his rent/food money, take it. If YOU didn't NEED money for your own rent/food, would you be shaking your boobs in some stranger's face? Probably not.

    If your real name is Michelle and your stage name is "Candy", you need to understand that while Michelle may feel guilty for "taking advantage", Michelle is NOT working at the club. "Candy" is. Michelle is NOT a stripper. She is a mother, sister, daughter, friend, student, wife, etc. "Candy" on the other hand, is there to TAKE MEN'S MONEY.

    If you want to be successful in this business, you need to realize that the moral and ethical dilemmas "Michelle" faces are NOT the same ones "candy" does.

    Take his money. He's a grown man. If you continue to allow these PL's financial situations to cause you guilt, you WILL fail. PL = Pathetic Loser. When dealing with a PL, you are interacting with them as "candy". Candy's job is to take their money. Forget about what the "real" you would do. These PL's aren't paying for the "real" you. The "real you" is in sweats with no make up, has hair that hasn't been washed in two days, a headache and your period. They would never pay for the "real" you (or me or any other girl, for that matter). So, as the "fake" you (the fantasy that they're paying for) you have the RIGHT to take their money.

    Get over it. You're a stripper. Take men's money.

    I guess I'm venting. BUT, to the OP, that DOESN'T mean that what I wrote above is not the truth. I've been dancing in NYC (Scores, Hustler, etc) since I was 16 (don't ask..).. Either get over your guilt, or get out of this business.
    Last edited by hl1986; 11-28-2011 at 04:48 AM.
    NYC Female Dancer -- Retired
    Private Bachelor Party Stripper Agency Owner -- Current
    www.sinfulstrips.com
    www.bachelorpartystrips.com
    www.philadelphiastrippers123.com
    www.atlanticcitysuperstrippers.com
    "Always hiring strippers in New York, Philadelphia & Atlantic City!"

  13. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to hl1986 For This Useful Post:


  14. #13
    Member NikitaDarling's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Brooklyn, New York
    Posts
    15
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    I completely sympathize with where you're coming from. I've been dancing for 2 1/2 years, and I still feel guilty sometimes. I feel like I'm exploiting these men way more than they're exploiting me. Don't worry though, it gets a little easier to deal with, eventually. These men came to the strip club, paid money to get in, and took out cash. The dancer/client relationship should be obvious to all parties involved, but that's not to say it always is. Especially in this case, because your guy obviously had some mental issues. Just remember, if he is "well" enough to have a job, make money, and get to a gentleman's club, he is mentally-competent enough to say, 'no thanks.' He obviously enjoyed your company and was willing to spend money to keep it, and that is something most smart, successful patrons don't get....
    Everyone sells sex in some way or another, be it through commercials, billboard advertisements, or sleeping their way to the top of their field. It is just the way things are, and it's not going to change anytime soon. By dancing at club, you are at least being honest and upfront about your role: you are paid to be an unattainable fantasy.
    Anyways, try not to feel too guilty about this. Feel guilty about farting a few feet from someone's face, don't feel guilty about doing your job! :p

  15. #14
    Featured Member Naida's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2008
    Location
    East Texas
    Posts
    1,461
    Thanks
    2,450
    Thanked 1,396 Times in 595 Posts

    Default Re: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    I have to agree with the other girls- you did your J-O-B.

    I've known lots of people with adult children who are truly incapable of caring for themselves because of some form of retardation. If the person really is incapable of caring for themselves and handling their finances, they would not recieve the money- their caregiver would be given the money to care for them.
    So don't worry about it if he had his own money. Spending it all on you was his own damn fault, not yours. I'm really empathetic, just like you, but you have to consider the reality of it all. If a guy wants to spend his money on a girl, he's going to, whether it's you or some one else. Just be glad it's on a girl who's thoughtful and not some one who doesn't give a rat's ass either way.
    Exotic dancing is like any other job.
    If you work in an office, you wear dress shoes and a suit.
    If you work in a restaraunt, you wear skid resistant shoes and a uniform.
    If you work in a strip club, you wear 7" stilettos and lycra g-strings.

  16. #15
    Veteran Member lexi2008's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Paradise
    Posts
    256
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 15 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: advice for a newbie dealing with guilt?

    Quote Originally Posted by NikitaDarling View Post
    I feel like I'm exploiting these men way more than they're exploiting me.
    I agree with you on this point. It's very ironic how many people tell us, "Ohhh, you poor little abused stripper. Why would you subject yourself to being exploited and used like that?"

    Every time I hear something akin to that comment, inwardly I roll my eyes and switch the word stripper with customer.

    Dancing is all a mind game ... it's hard at first and you will feel guilty. That's good. It means that the normal, everyday you has a conscience and morals. That conscience doesn't always have a place at work, though. It can give you this kind of guilt over something that you don't deserve to worry over. Do you think when we run into asshole customers who piss us off that they go home at night and feel guilty? I highhhhhly doubt it.

    As all the other ladies said, barring the customer was suffering from some mental incapacity, they came to YOU and asked for a service. You didn't stalk some poor, unsuspecting man on the street with your money-detection equipment and con him into handing over his cash. All's fair in love and stripping!
    Originally Posted by MarvelGirl
    I am, however, very concerned about hair syphillis. I can't seem to find any information about this horrible disease caused by high heels. Somebody please, help me out here before I catch it.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    What you think about and thank about, you bring about. xox Lexi

Similar Threads

  1. Any Advice for Dealing with Teenagers???
    By ModelJolie in forum Life Support
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 12-10-2011, 09:52 AM
  2. Any Advice for Dealing with Teenagers???
    By ModelJolie in forum Camming Connection
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 12-10-2011, 09:52 AM
  3. So what advice would you give to a guy dealing with his gf as a stripper?
    By Justin_Kredible in forum Customer Conversation
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 10-26-2004, 02:55 PM
  4. So what advice would you give to a guy dealing with his gf as a stripper?
    By Justin_Kredible in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 10-26-2004, 02:55 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •