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Thread: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

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    Duh My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

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    Last edited by Nuclear Martini; 01-20-2022 at 08:26 AM.

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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    I think the answer is relatively simple really. He can't mess up anything you don't allow him to. I understand that the beginning of a relationship is a very exciting period, but you just have to keep focused on what's important...

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    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    ^^^ good words. You need set boundaries and make some rules.




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    Veteran Member Ruby Ruckus's Avatar
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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    your job is your job. it's nice that he's taking you out to dinner, but unless he's paying your bills you need to go to work.
    "If she wants to dance and drink all night, well there's no one that can stop her. She's going til the house lights come up or her stomach spills onto the floor. This night is gonna end when we're damn well ready for it to be over, worked all week long, and now the music is playing on our time. Yeah we do what we do to get by, and then we need a release!" - Against Me!, "Thrash Unreal"

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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    took an expensive trip to bahamas with him after 2 months? i hope he paid for half at least. (been with my man for 5 years and we havnt gone aannyywhere

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    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    ^ Tell me he paid for himself and you paid for you ...........

    Tell him " I need to make xyz per month to not feel anxious about money and meet my goals. Usually I can do this with 4 shifts per week. Since we are in a recession .... it might require an extra shift here and there, but I'm aiming to work 4 times a week."

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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    oh maaaaan.....
    i can sooooooooooo relate to this!
    the guy i was seeing when i started dancing was a bit of an asshole / player. i didn't really have any shame when it came to my behaviour in the club...i could talk filthy / act horny / use hands on flirtations / and put up with minimal grabbing without being too bothered about it... but now i just started seeing this really really genuinely "nice guy" who i absolutely adore.... and it has totally fucked with my head / my hustle!

    this past two weeks i've really tried to keep my distance from grabby customers which in the past i used to be able to manipulate to stack LD's .... now its just kind of... finish the 1 dance and get the hell outta there cause if they try to grab my ass again i feel like im gonna vomit....

    last night i got someone in the vip...(for the first time since i started seeing him) and had to FORCE myself to sit in the custy's lap / cuddle / be flirtatious to drag it out as long as i could.... and in the end i felt a bit dirty.... to make it worse when i got out of the club and checked the time on my phone i had a text from him saying "hey honey! hope you're having a good night! i miss you heaps! xoxox" dunno why...i mean he knows what i do and is totally cool with my job... but i felt really bad about it

    i know from experience that it's easier said than done... but i just tell myself (while working) that this is my job, and that i'm not doing anything wrong because at the end of the day, he's the man i love and he's the one i give myself fully to... not these idiots at the club... it doesn't stop me from feeling shit after work... but it helps me stay focused and keep on trying to hustle... sometimes...

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    Member AnnKatherine's Avatar
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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    Brand new relationships have a way of "altering" one's thought processes......what has helped me in the past has been, "leave my personal life in my car when I get to work". If you're expecting to talk to your s.o. while at work, make a point to only check your phone periodically while working.........also, take it easy on the alcohol during this "mental upheaval"(I speak from personal experience)

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Meleania View Post
    took an expensive trip to bahamas with him after 2 months? i hope he paid for half at least. (been with my man for 5 years and we havnt gone aannyywhere
    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    ^ Tell me he paid for himself and you paid for you ...........

    Tell him " I need to make xyz per month to not feel anxious about money and meet my goals. Usually I can do this with 4 shifts per week. Since we are in a recession .... it might require an extra shift here and there, but I'm aiming to work 4 times a week."
    lol we're thinking alike. I too was thinking, "oh shit, PLEASE tell me she didn't pay for both of them.

    Anyway, I suggest you put your cell in your locker and don't take it out. Recently, I started making a bad habit of keeping my phone on me while I'm on the floor (in my stripper purse)







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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    The honeymoon is over doll. I skipped out on a lot of Saturday nights to hang out with my man so he understands now that he should be making other plans as the weekend rolls around. Unless we are traveling or there are important plans on a Saturday night he knows the deal. Just like I know where I can find him mon-fri 9-5.

    BellaItalia said: He can't mess up anything you don't allow him to.

    Never feel guilty because of a grabby customer. He is your puppet you are not his.

    If your BF sends you encouraging texts when you are at work that's wonderful. Things like "hope you make lots of money' or "I can't wait to see you again" etc then that's a bonus. The only way to combat expecting a text is to know if you are meeting him or not after work. Set it up before you walk into the club then you know what to expect.

    I'm sorry why did you spend shit loads of money in the Bahamas??????????????????????????????????

    My bf insisted on a last minute trip for a week I think I spent like 60 bucks.




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    Featured Member greggy's Avatar
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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    How do you deal with it? Stop.

    I remember in "I Think I Love My Wife" with Chris Rock, his boss had said to him, "You can lose a lot of money chasing women, but you'll never lose women chasing money." Same goes for us women.

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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    Prioritize your life.

    Set goals, right them down.

    Successful people make decisions quickly, and change them slowly.
    Unsuccessful people make decisions slowly, and change them quickly.
    Rebecca Avalon







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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    It sounds to me like you two need to have scheduled date nights so that it won't interfere with the nights you are suppose to work, and he'll know that you've put aside time devoted to him. Like the others said, you should also just keep your phone in your locker to keep yourself from looking at it all the time.
    Don't you ever sleep?
    Not at night...that's when the stars have rather better things to do. They're coming out, shining, that sort of thing.
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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    This exact thing has happened to me before (except for the feeling guilty part, I almost never feel guilty, I guess I don't have a conscience when it comes to guys and relationships, lol). After the newness of the relationship wears off, things will go back to normal. But in the meantime, try to set boundaries for yourself and make an honest effort to stick to them, like only check your phone AFTER you've done a lapdance or VIP, and setting up a schedule with nights you want to work and be diligent in sticking to it no matter what. If making money needs to be your top priority right now, then you need to work hard to keep your priorities on the right track.

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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    I never keep my phone on the floor with me and check it maybe twice a night only to see the time! If there happens to be a message or a missed call I will text back an answer if it's a question or just leave it for after work. If you're already dressed, made up, paid house, why waste your precious hustling time on checking your phone?

    This goes hand in hand with wasting time on ordering food, calling half the ppl in your phone book and helping 5 other girls in the dressing room with their hair. WHY WASTE YOUR TIME ON THIS?????

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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    I have a routine set for most nights. Stage, organize myself after stage, hustle all over the room twice, then take a break to smoke and txt cute things to my awesome boyfriend. After that, it's time for either more hustle or stage again. He knows what I do and is amazingly supportive of it, and knowing this helps both of us be ok with me not txting back right away.

    I don't let customers do anything I wouldn't let a flirty friend do (my tolerance ends at high priced ass-grabbing; my friends and I grab each others' asses for free all the time), and my guy is clear on that to the point where I can even tell him those stories like, "I had to kick a guy at work today for trying to grab my cooter, can you believe people are so rude???" without him freaking out.

    The only thing I ever feel bad about is when customers ask me if my boyfriend is ok with what I do. I want to say "yeah, he likes it that we can take turns spoiling each other," but I never make as much money when I admit he even exists.

    Wooo, bit of tangent, sorry. My point is that you might need to clear some air with your guy. Is he talking you out of working just because he likes spoiling you, or because he feels insecure about your job? He has to understand that your job is not who you are, and that you have been you for this job longer than you have been you with him. If it's just that he likes spoiling you, give him a night of the week that's all for you guys, and get back to work on the other nights!

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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    The first two problems are easy fixes. Turn off your phone at work and leave it off until the club closes. If you know you'll be tempted to turn it on and text during your shift, leave it in the glove compartment of your car. Just don't turn it on at work, ever.

    Also, you just have to be disciplined about going to work. Decide which nights you want to work every week and stick to it. If you've already decided to work on Friday night and something else comes up, you're just going to have to say no. Or substitute another night of work if you do change your plans and miss a night. If you know you need/want to work four nights a week, then make it happen.

    I don't know what to tell you re: feeling bad about grabby customers b/c it's never bothered me. I mean, I've never felt like I was doing anything wrong at work or being disloyal to a boyfriend or anything like that. As far as I'm concerned, it's just another acting role for me. I don't care for customers, and my boyfriend knows this.

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    Featured Member Otoki's Avatar
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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    If grabby customers bother you, make them stop grabbing you. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

    HOWEVER, don't give up working for the sake of someone who isn't supporting you financially. Unless he picks up the slack, you have to work.

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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    He's not fucking up your hustle. You are. Just stop doing it. Go to work, stop looking at your phone, don't spend too much money, and don't let customers grab you. Take responsibility and have some self control. Problem solved.
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    Featured Member Otoki's Avatar
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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by chris91 View Post
    He's not fucking up your hustle. You are. Just stop doing it. Go to work, stop looking at your phone, don't spend too much money, and don't let customers grab you. Take responsibility and have some self control. Problem solved.
    While I think you could have worded that a lot more tactfully, the basic idea is correct. Take care of yourself, your financial needs, and your health, and hang out with him when you're not at work.

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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Otoki View Post
    While I think you could have worded that a lot more tactfully, ....
    I could have, but it seemed like it had been said tactfully by a few people before me and it wasn't getting through.
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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Nuclear Martini View Post
    My house has officially turned into a weed den.
    and as long as you allow it, so shall it be.

    LAY...DOWN...THE...LAW...WOMAN!!!

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    Featured Member Otoki's Avatar
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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by chris91 View Post
    I could have, but it seemed like it had been said tactfully by a few people before me and it wasn't getting through.
    Good point

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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    I would either find a different job if you really like this guy or lose the guy and work at your club. sounds like you cant have both. I have been there believe me. Some guys just cant cope.

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    Default Re: My new boyfriend is messing up my hustle! Help!

    it seems to me that you don't really want to change your situation.. your response to the threads was "my sitch is worse and I live in a weed den??!!" Come on.. get clear or get gone.

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