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Thread: Dancer "buy out"

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    Default Dancer "buy out"

    Ladies, seeking your infinite wisdom here.

    Situation: I met DancerX at a club and have seen her at club on 3 different visits. I travel to this town about monthly. Every night I have been at the club it has been slow. On my most recent visit, she was complaining about slow business and that she is considering changing clubs. She then casually mentioned she would be down for a buy out, meaning we could meet OTC and "I cover her club fees plus whatever... " and later said "like $100 plus 'whatever'." She gave me her name and number. I've never done this before so I had no frame of reference to define "whatever." This is new territory for me.

    Next time I was in town, we met up midweek and hung out for 4 hours. Lots of fun, relaxed, no sx. Lots of drinks, food, some pool; only wierdness was when we drove around 20 minutes to get some "meds" she wanted. (That trip was separate cars!) During the night, while I'm trying to figure out an respectful amount for "whatever" she hinted that it could mean what I normally spend ITC on dances. But then she went on to say she knew a girl that got $1K for a night but that it must have included sx. I did not get the impression this was my test drive for being an SD. She claimed to have never done this type of OTC either. She seemed good with what I gave her, but...

    My question: How much should I have given her? Please no flames like "If you have to ask, you should not have gone out."

    MH

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Do you feel better now that you've bragged about paying for companionship? Wow, you are so the man paying women to pretend to be your friends, I am sooooo impressed.

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Pay what she would make at work on a good day. Its always better to flat out ask her for an exact number. If she hems and haws about it, name your own number.

    Incomes vary from state to state, so its hard for us to tell you.
    I'm getting my Dial-A-Stripper service up and running again. If you are in NYC or NJ and are interested in private party dancing, email [email protected] with your SW handle, contact info, photo (if you have one) & best time to call and I'll get back to you asap.

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Quote Originally Posted by AkashaM View Post
    Pay what she would make at work on a good day. Its always better to flat out ask her for an exact number. If she hems and haws about it, name your own number.

    Incomes vary from state to state, so its hard for us to tell you.
    Thanks Akasha - good rule of thumb. I did ask - she did hem and haw, so I gave her what I planned from the start. If there's a next time, maybe a bit more.

    MarvelGirl - I'm not bragging... just wanting to do the right thing by her. What I did and what custies do ITC is no huge difference except that 1) I saw no naked women that night and 2) I had more fun OTC than ITC. She probably did too. Of course I may never know because I don't have a pretend-o-meter.

    MH

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    I think you got really lucky to get her OTC for $100. Please don't take offense, but that is the exception, and definitely not the rule. Most dancers would never consider it at that rate...

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    ^^^

    Depends what the dancers motive is.

    If it was her night off, she's got a free nights entertainment + a $100 tip.

    If she's treating the night partially as relaxation, maybe she was happy with the arrangement.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Just to clarify, it was $100 plus "whatever." For me, I covered all expenses for the night (of course) and "whatever" = an additional $100, so total was $200...

    Update: heard from her today and she wants a repeat next time I'm in town, so she must be cool with everything. For me it's better than a night alone ITC.

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Technically speaking you did not buy her out unless she works seven days a week. What she did was not schedule herself to work that night, she simply scheduled herself on other nights. I only mention this to put into perspective what we are actually talking about in terms of your financial obligation. She didn't lose a night's revenue from the club unless, as I said, she normally works seven days a week.

    Drinks, dinner, maybe some dancing. whatever. For a three or four hour date with no sex involved I would be thinking in the ballpark of $500. Now mind you I wouldn't do it but if I was the lady I would be looking for at least that much.

    Honestly, I would never get involved in any sort of P4P without knowing up front exactly what she was expecting...
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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Yoda beat me to it.

    The cost of the nights entertainment is the cost of business. It does not deduct from her pay, or add to the total of her pay. It's best to get a fixed price upfront because IMO 200 is shocking. If she sees you again, then you know it wasn't to her.

    Also, when she slipped the 1k out, sometimes, that is a hint. Asking for the 100+ whatever assured her at least a few bucks if the other didn't pan out.
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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Thanks all for the feedback and perspectives. Being a newbie at this, it is very helpful. I guess it's obvious I asked the question because the amount I paid felt a bit low in retropsect. But like I said, she is cool with it and wants to do this again. Phil and Yoda, good point about this possibly not being a "buy out" - I don't know her schedule.

    Next time I'm thinking about paying up front and letting her know she can leave whenever. That way its her call. It matters to me that the person I'm with has fun, so if she bolts after an hour or closes the clubs with me... either way I learn something and am fair to her. No, I'm not looking for a gf and have been accused before of being too much of a Mr. Nice Guy. My motive is a fun night, and if it happens to evolve into extreme fun, cool.

    I also considering "letting slip" at some point that I have never paid for sex an never will... but maybe that would be TMI and may pour ice on the whole thing. Welcoming feedback here or PMs. Feel free to start with "Dude, you have a lot to learn!"

    MH
    Last edited by Mr. Happy; 01-25-2009 at 09:36 AM.

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Happy View Post
    I also considering "letting slip" at some point that I have never paid for sex an never will... but maybe that would be TMI and may pour ice on the whole thing. Welcoming feedback here or PMs. Feel free to start with "Dude, you have a lot to learn!"

    MH

    Dude, you have a lot to learn. If she doesn't bring it up, neither should you. That would not be a good thing to let slip, especially due to the context it will be in (regarding her). If she's happy without it, you could be to.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Snark View Post
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    The note that began all can also destroy

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    The sixty four thousand dollar question is what her motives are:

    - If she's doing P4P on a working night, she'll probably be wanting more money.
    - If she thinks its a fun (and free) evening out on her night off she may be entirely happy with the situation.

    One thing's for sure though. She'll set the rules - and she'll very rapidly turn into a block of ice if you try and step outside of them. Best by far to go with the flow.

    It's also easy to overlook the fact that dancers generally behave quite differently at work and IRL. Exactly who turns up for for your next meeting will depend on what side of the equation she thinks her time with you falls on. The real her may be different from the one you think you know.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Phil and Glambman - Thanks for your insights. I tend to always have a plan; however, during my first OTC with her I pretty much went with the flow. My plan this time will be again not to have one...

    Nobody commented on paying up front... perhaps again, I should just go with the flow.

    MH

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Well, you should always pay up front when it comes to OTC. She earned her money when she showed up. Ladies who do P4P regularly will be a lot more fun when they already have the cash and know that there is not going to be an awkward moment at the end of the night having to ask you for it.
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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    $200? Wow that's cheap!! I agree with the other girls, ask her how much she wants or name a figure you're comfortable with. When I was single and used to hang out w/ customers OTC I would charge $500 for a few hours at a bar. There was no sex, no kissing , except on the cheek. I just treated them like a friend. I got a night off from work, free drinks, and they got the envy of every guy in the bar,plus an intelligent conversation

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Quote Originally Posted by holly07 View Post
    $200? Wow that's cheap!!
    Why the negativity? She wasn't as forthright as she should've been.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Snark View Post
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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Thanks Holly and others. Yeah, it seemed a bit low... Now there's a new spin. We talked today and she has our next evening planned out... she called from a guy's house who is "a very close friend" and the plan is for me to meet with her, him and a bartender I met last time out. The bartender is a nice ol'gal. Later in the evening we would meet wp with others... Drinks, clubbing, food, pool, party. It's about what I had in mind, but just with her, not a small and possibly growing crowd.

    I'm not into hangin with groups of people I don't know, and if "very close friend" is her bf... wtf? I'm still in new territory here. I know I can cancel and I know I can say no to the tag-along friends. When I didn't sound too excited about the idea, she did say "you're the one getting me out of work, so whatever the hell you want." (Not said in an angry tone, but clearly she expected me to react all excited about her plan).

    Part of me is saying go with her plan and go with the flow, it still could be fun. The other part is saying NOT.



    MH

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    You need to get on the same page with her. Tell her what you want, and ask her what she wants.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Snark View Post
    But then I suppose the sort of people who write this kind of crap generally don't allow their opinions to be tainted by things like "facts" and "reality".
    Distortion becomes somehow pure in its wildness
    The note that began all can also destroy

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    If you're fine with the prospect of making some new friends, and maybe having a great time, go ahead and give it a shot. But if you're uncomfortable with the situation, which it sounds like you are, just let her know that you're looking to relax during your occasional visits, and you're more comfortable either one on one with her, or you may just hang out at the club that night. I agree with glambman that you should both be on the same page, and if you can't get there, just call it off this time around and try again next time.

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Happy View Post
    Thanks Holly and others. Yeah, it seemed a bit low... Now there's a new spin. We talked today and she has our next evening planned out... she called from a guy's house who is "a very close friend" and the plan is for me to meet with her, him and a bartender I met last time out. The bartender is a nice ol'gal. Later in the evening we would meet wp with others... Drinks, clubbing, food, pool, party. It's about what I had in mind, but just with her, not a small and possibly growing crowd.

    I'm not into hangin with groups of people I don't know, and if "very close friend" is her bf... wtf? I'm still in new territory here. I know I can cancel and I know I can say no to the tag-along friends. When I didn't sound too excited about the idea, she did say "you're the one getting me out of work, so whatever the hell you want." (Not said in an angry tone, but clearly she expected me to react all excited about her plan).

    Part of me is saying go with her plan and go with the flow, it still could be fun. The other part is saying NOT.



    MH
    If you're paying her to hang with you this seems like a shit deal. From a business perspective this makes no sense to me. I would never ask a client of mine to come hang out with my friends on his dime, unless it was his idea.
    I'm getting my Dial-A-Stripper service up and running again. If you are in NYC or NJ and are interested in private party dancing, email [email protected] with your SW handle, contact info, photo (if you have one) & best time to call and I'll get back to you asap.

    If you're having a party and need strippers, email me with the details and any questions you have. Thanks!

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Hmm.. unusual. It's always difficult commenting on these things from a distance and this is definitely heading into new territory.

    I guess I'd fall into the close male friend (not bf) category, and I'd never expect to asked to tag along when a guy is paying for the dancers time. (a) it's not my business, (b) the guy is not going to be pleased if he's paying for her time and I'm not and (c) as I pick up the dancers I'm friends with from work, she's not going to encourage the idea that you can see her at work and be friends with her outside of it.

    I would definitely want to know what the relationship is between the dancer and this guy. He might be her friend, he might be her bf, he might be the bar tenders bf, but it would be appropriate to know.

    I'd also gently ask 'Dancer X' what her intent is behind the evening. It looks more like an evening with friends than a P4P. If you're paying her costs, plus tipping her and everyone else is paying costs on a 'friends' basis, it could be an odd situation.

    If she's excited about it, it means she's thinks she'll enjoy it and hopes you will also. Such behavior is more typical of going out on a friends basis than P4P. I'd gently ask her what her expectations are for the evening - is she expecting a similar (but larger) version of the first night, or is it going to be a gang of friends going out.

    I wouldn't get your hopes up, but every now and then dancers do meet people they want to see outside of work. I'm not saying this is the case, but it is one scenario that does fit the facts.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    100 plus whatever means more obviously. depending on the length of the night i charge 300-500 plus whatever you are paying for dinner,etc and no sex, kissing, akward intimacy.

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Thanks all,

    I am now on the same page with her... we talk every few days. Going to see her soon. We mutally agreed on a flexible plan for the evening. I guess I'll know more about where this might go after the coming evening. I don't want her to lose $ by hanging with me. It's not like strippers get paid vacation. I do plan to give her more $ for springing her from work. Phil-W could perhaps be right, this is feeling more like a night out between possible friends (feels like we already are, but yeah, I know... I fell for that once before).

    More later...

    MH

    PS. "Pre-paying the night" thread has been a helpful read as well.

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    Jeez MH, next thing you know you'll be buying out her night and hanging out with her while she does her laundry or something. I don't know, in my opinion it's better to keep it in the club.

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    Default Re: Dancer "buy out"

    When she talks about bringing others along I see it as her expecting you to foot the bill for the entire gang and being treated like a chump as they get buzzed.

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