Results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: Is there such a thing as too confident?

  1. #1
    Veteran Member bella du jour's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Location
    NJ
    Posts
    397
    Thanks
    7
    Thanked 51 Times in 30 Posts

    Default Is there such a thing as too confident?

    Sorry- kinda long


    Scenario: Friday night, I've been working for 6 hours and made bumpkiss. I'm psyching myself out... is it my outfit? is it my makeup? do I smell funny? I'm getting all wound up and don't even want to approach customers at this point.

    I gather the courage to walk up to a guy and start my standard sales pitch "hiya, what're you guys up to, ooh where are you from, blah blah blah" after a minute he tells me I'm wasting my breath because he's been waiting for a dance from me all night. Oh, ok.

    As the dance ends he pipes up: "You know what your problem is? You know that you're just hot sh*t. You walk around here looking so confident, we all know you make more money than any other girl here" etc etc. HUH?

    Obviously I'm not feeling very confident at this point, but I do make a concerted effort at all times to project an air of confidence and control. My theory has always been that men want sexy, self assured dancers and if you act like you deserve the best they will give it to you. I walk through the club with a slow but determined stride, I keep my chin up and my chest out, I look men in the eye and when we converse I don't play dumb.

    After the lapdance I go up to another customer (college kid, been there for a while, bought one or two dances but rejected many offers, in my POV he's gotten stale at this point). I try to take my confidence down a notch. I alter my body language, I look down a bit, I act goofy. Within 5 minutes he's asking me for a VIP room!

    Is there a lesson to be learned here or was it just a coincidence that as soon as I changed my game the entire night turned around? Has acting confident ever come between you and your money?




    All about my boobs...

  2. #2
    Senior Member inThePine's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    178
    Thanks
    21
    Thanked 24 Times in 18 Posts

    Default Re: Is there such a thing as too confident?

    Odd. I think it really just goes to show you not to doubt yourself since you were attracting attention from the first customer without even trying - So it's like you accomplished your goal of being confidently sexy in a roundabout way. But really it just depends on the custie, since imo a lot of college age guys just happen to dig the brainless ones..
    I think there's nothing wrong with your approach, confidence is NEVER a handicap to you! There are just a lot of douche bag that get intimidated by strong women who know their own worth. It's one less thing they can give to you or take away.
    Basically, keep doing what you're doing and make that money lol

  3. #3
    Veteran Member chris91's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    705
    Thanks
    28
    Thanked 411 Times in 203 Posts

    Default Re: Is there such a thing as too confident?

    I think it depends on the customer really.

    Some guys are intimidated women. Our insecurities make us vulnerable, and I think when dudes can sense them, it makes us seem more human and less intimidating. I'm sure there are dudes who also realize that insecure girls are easier to take advantage of. It's the whole point of the mystery methods "negs".

    Confidence works too on guys who are not intimidated by women. Confident men want confident women and vice versa. You just have to be able to figure out what kind of dude you're dealing with and act accordingly.
    - SW members get 10% off with code SWEB

  4. #4
    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Some Fat guys Lap!
    Posts
    9,647
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 90 Times in 67 Posts

    Default Re: Is there such a thing as too confident?

    OP, as far as the first guy who said you were to confident. Fuck him, cause ya know what...he was obviously attracted by the high confidence. If he wasn't, then he wouldn't have told you to stop wasting your time to sell him, since you'd sold him the minute he laid eyes on you ya know.
    Quote Originally Posted by chris91 View Post

    Confidence works too on guys who are not intimidated by women. Confident men want confident women and vice versa. You just have to be able to figure out what kind of dude you're dealing with and act accordingly.
    See, I kind of find the opposite to be true. The insecure guys, want that excitement from a confident dare I say spontaneous. They want that extra push to have a good time, relax, and get dances. The confident guys want to be either the white knight or the initiator. He knows he wants dances, and he knows who from.







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


  5. #5
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Feb 2005
    Location
    florida
    Posts
    1,864
    Thanks
    83
    Thanked 457 Times in 287 Posts

    Default Re: Is there such a thing as too confident?

    i think it depends.

    for a guy to say that, i'm guessing you must be pretty attractive, conventionally speaking. a lot of guys (but far from all) are fucked up losers who have no clue about women. they assume that if we are attractive, we are greedy bitches who get everything we want and don't do shit for it. this says more about them than it does about us. but it can suck for money.

    in general, i think its better to not seem too confident. a guy who said what that guy said, i'd've totally gotten straight up cocky on him, because that's the only chance to get guys like that to spend more.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Nov 2007
    Location
    In my head
    Posts
    188
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts

    Default Re: Is there such a thing as too confident?

    First of all, if a guy started telling me what my "problem" was, especially if it was thinking that I'm "hot shit," I'd probably tell him to try living a night in my platforms without hyping up my confidence, and see how far that gets him. Then I'd point out that he was the one paying me for a dance, which means he probably thinks I'm "hot shit" anyway, which proves his theory wrong!

    As for the other guy, sometimes it is better to play down your inner diva. I find that if you can strike a balance by being confident but also accessible in your approach, then you can either play up or play down your persona during the actual conversation depending on the vibes that you are getting from the customer. Be aware of how he reacts to those subtle changes in your attitude, and then go with whichever one he seems to gravitate to.

  7. #7
    God/dess britneyireland's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2002
    Location
    Dallas
    Posts
    2,568
    Thanks
    283
    Thanked 602 Times in 340 Posts
    Blog Entries
    1
    My Mood
    Inspired

    Default Re: Is there such a thing as too confident?

    There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance.

    The distinction is usually found not in WHAT you say, but HOW you say it.
    Rebecca Avalon







  8. The Following User Says Thank You to britneyireland For This Useful Post:


  9. #8
    Veteran Member bella du jour's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Location
    NJ
    Posts
    397
    Thanks
    7
    Thanked 51 Times in 30 Posts

    Default Re: Is there such a thing as too confident?

    True, normally if a guy feels the need to tell me "what my problem is" I'll just tune out, finish the dance and bounce. The reason I paid it any attention was because A) I wasnt making any money and B) I started making money immediatly afterwards.

    The funny thing is he based this assumption on my appearance/ body language alone (or so it was implied). If I feel the crowd is stale I generally wont bother hustling at all. I try to walk around, look hot, act friendly on stage and see if anyone is receptive. In my mind there's nothing fun or sexy about being the tenth girl in a row trying to cold sell some poor guy only to get rejected. Maybe this aloofness reads as overconfidence? For me it's just a means of securing my sanity when things are slow.

    Thanks for the responses, it's given me something to think about




    All about my boobs...

  10. #9
    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Denver & San Fran
    Posts
    6,907
    Thanks
    181
    Thanked 2,002 Times in 1,285 Posts

    Default Re: Is there such a thing as too confident?

    Quote Originally Posted by britneyireland View Post
    There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance.

    The distinction is usually found not in WHAT you say, but HOW you say it.
    Britney nailed it! Although I was going to say ego and not arrogance... but it's pretty much the same. I hate people that have an ego! It's one thing to be confident in your work enough to stand up for it, it's another to think you are better than everyone else and say that up front. Modesty is normally best!

    My question would be, why didn't you approach him sooner in the evening? Customers hate seeing a dancer they want to talk to walking around, and not talking to customers when they are obviously confident. A lot of dancers need to learn to approach all the customers, even if they don't think that customer is going to say yes to a private dance or be interested. I literally tripled my money when I learned to do that!
    Don't you ever sleep?
    Not at night...that's when the stars have rather better things to do. They're coming out, shining, that sort of thing.
    - Blog -
    My PM box fills up quick. If you have a question please with your username.
    Congrats to Pryce on doing some much needed tending in his garden!
    - -


  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Kylea2 For This Useful Post:


  12. #10
    Featured Member CherryBomb954's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    1,541
    Thanks
    265
    Thanked 242 Times in 138 Posts

    Default Re: Is there such a thing as too confident?

    Sometimes even the littlest bit of confidence can intimidate some customers. I try to find a happy medium, tone it down when I need and bump it up a few notches when I need.

    I find that with some customers acting a little insecure/dumb works. Alot of guys who have shitty self esteem can be intimidated by even a hint of confidence from a beautiful girl. It's almost as if I have to come down to their level. For some reason these types of guys have seemed to be the ones with the $$$ lately....

    Then you have the guys who LOVE bitches, and the more arrogant I act the better. They get off on being pushed around and dominated....

    It's all about learning to read people, I think.

  13. #11
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    235
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: Is there such a thing as too confident?

    Quote Originally Posted by bella du jour View Post
    Sorry- kinda long


    Scenario: Friday night, I've been working for 6 hours and made bumpkiss. I'm psyching myself out... is it my outfit? is it my makeup? do I smell funny? I'm getting all wound up and don't even want to approach customers at this point.

    I gather the courage to walk up to a guy and start my standard sales pitch "hiya, what're you guys up to, ooh where are you from, blah blah blah" after a minute he tells me I'm wasting my breath because he's been waiting for a dance from me all night. Oh, ok.

    As the dance ends he pipes up: "You know what your problem is? You know that you're just hot sh*t. You walk around here looking so confident, we all know you make more money than any other girl here" etc etc. HUH?

    Obviously I'm not feeling very confident at this point, but I do make a concerted effort at all times to project an air of confidence and control. My theory has always been that men want sexy, self assured dancers and if you act like you deserve the best they will give it to you. I walk through the club with a slow but determined stride, I keep my chin up and my chest out, I look men in the eye and when we converse I don't play dumb.

    After the lapdance I go up to another customer (college kid, been there for a while, bought one or two dances but rejected many offers, in my POV he's gotten stale at this point). I try to take my confidence down a notch. I alter my body language, I look down a bit, I act goofy. Within 5 minutes he's asking me for a VIP room!

    Is there a lesson to be learned here or was it just a coincidence that as soon as I changed my game the entire night turned around? Has acting confident ever come between you and your money?
    I think those guys feel pretty shitty about themselves. so, den, um, you go, and like, phhhaaaaaarrrt in der face. cuz like, they be um, full of shit, yea der be logic in dat.

    um, yeah they're shitty, never mind them, be confident

Similar Threads

  1. Completely & Utterly UN-Confident!
    By kaylani in forum Newbie Board
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 08-12-2011, 09:33 AM
  2. showing some class "support thread" for confident women
    By jadenraine in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 06-09-2011, 07:14 PM
  3. How to Feel Confident at the begining of shift
    By Nuclear Martini in forum Hustle Hut
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 01-21-2011, 10:53 PM
  4. Is side-boob a good thing or a bad thing?
    By ferox in forum Body Business
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 11-10-2008, 08:24 AM
  5. Sneaky, but Confident
    By Serenity19 in forum Newbie Board
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 02-29-2008, 09:30 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •