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Thread: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

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    Default Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    So basically he use to be the one making the money and would treat me out occasionally (by that i mean like fast food and sometimes better) but would always buy himself like $100-300 shit that he likes. One I started making more money the first time I spend around $300 on him for a nice dinner and "toys" he wanted. And I would always think of what "we" wanted or whats something "he" would like. Because making him happy makes me happy.

    It's almost my 21st and valentines coming up before that he tells me he wants to do something nice for me "if he can save up enough money". Then today we come back from class and what do you know...a huge fucking monitor he bought online which was around $200. He told me he wanted to take me to a nice spa for my 21st but he probably wont save enough to afford it. Okay...if you didnt keep fucking buying shit compulsively for yourself you MIGHT just MIGHT have enough money to do SOMETHING nice for me.

    I feel really hurt because I always think of him when I do something and it seems like he's being so selfish, just buying stuff for himself, and never anything for me. He even owes me $2,000....

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    Veteran Member missmays1983's Avatar
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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    CUT HIM OFF....

    He owes you $2000.

    first of all, the fact that he is making lavish purchases for himself when he owes you such a large sum of money is SELFISH AND DISRESPECTFUL. do not allow him to keep taking advantage of you...because that is exactly what he has done.

    second, if he really wanted to do something nice for you, or for your 21st birthday, he would have...he'd find a way, curb his spending, pick up extra hours at work, etc....WHERE THERE IS A WILL, THERE IS A WAY! him using the 'if i can save enough money' line is utter b.s.

    you deserve better...and you know that.

    GET YOUR $2000 AND A NEW BOYFRIEND.

    i'm definitely not trying to be harsh or unsympathetic to your situation, as i have been there many times before so i do understand how you feel. and i know all this is easier said than done when you have feelings for the other person, but when in a relationship you have to know what you will and won't stand for. have a talk with him, explain your side and your feelings, and if things don't change then you know what to do. it's in all caps above... ;-)

    Best of Luck and Happy 21st!

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    haha thank you! problem is...we live in a house together, with 5 other housemates since we all go to the same college. i'm too emotional to talk to him so i wrote a letter and decided to not talk to him all of today. hopefully things will get better because i dont want to find another place to live. it is really selfish, i wish he could see that.

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    Veteran Member missmays1983's Avatar
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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    good idea with the letter....when you do sit down to talk to him (if you do), it will work out better with a clear, calm head...i've learned that from experience as i tend to get waaaay emotional and it just breaks down the communication if everyone is in a huff and getting worked up...so with writing the letter you can organize your thoughts and feelings and what it is you want to say. remember the 'I' statements (I feel, I want, I think) instead of the 'YOU' statements (You this, You that, You the other)...

    and chances are he has no idea how big of an ass he has been and having a talk with him may enlighten him and he will change...everyone deserves a second chance (most of the time anyway...)

    if you care about him then definitely take the time to address this situation, and if he truly cares for you he will make great efforts to correct the problem.

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    Veteran Member vonniestarrr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    awww babe, im sorry your bf is acting like an ASS...but i would just EX him out for your birthday AND V-day and treat YOURSELF to a good time. reward YOURSELF for all your hard work. go to the spa, get a massage...nails, feet, hair, etc. go out to eat with your girlfriends. don't be all pooped out because he doesn't show any appreciation on your special days. and why can't he like cook you dinner himself and run you a bath and papmer you at home since he "can't afford it?" sorry, but it sounds like he's just making bullshit excuses to blow off your b'day and valentine's day...

    hugz, love

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    He owes you $2000, but buys shit for himself? And you're with him...why?

    UPGRADE!

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    he wrote back and apologized, saying he sees what i mean now. i really hope so...because even my friends are pissed off by his behavior. vonnie you have a point, i think i will treat myself out =]

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    ^^^

    In relationships it's often a case of "better the devil we know". We're reluctant to break away and start afresh because that seems more daunting than the imperfect relationship we're in.

    I think you need to sit down and decide if things will improve and if your bf will learn to treat you in a different and better way or whether he'll continue in the same old vein.

    I've got to say his behavior to date has not been that of a caring individual. Does he have it in him to change?

    Over to you...

    Phil.

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    I think everyone is selfish to some degree, but when your in a relationship you have to think on the others behalf sometimes. I almost feel like I'm one of his possessions. He likes his bike, airsofting, gaming, his brother, and me. He has $500 to spend, he would rather spend $400 on his hobbies, $70 on his brother, and $30 on me. He comes first, then family, then me. Its her perception of worth that bothers me. I'm worth less, my happiness is worth less, than the things that will bring HIM more joy.

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    Quote Originally Posted by trixforyou327 View Post
    I'm worth less, my happiness is worth less, than the things that will bring HIM more joy.
    Somehow, I think you deserve someone more caring and sensitive than your present bf.

    But most of us are reluctant to hurt another persons feelings by saying "this isn't working out" and take that first step into the unknown. The great tendency is to say "I'll talk to him tomorrow", and keep putting things off.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    Going to give him another chance. Hopefully he wont goof up again. This is our first fight in 6 months.

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    Quote Originally Posted by trixforyou327 View Post
    He has $500 to spend, he would rather spend $400 on his hobbies, $70 on his brother, and $30 on me. He comes first, then family, then me.joy.
    And that's the way it will be.

    Quote Originally Posted by trixforyou327 View Post
    This is our first fight in 6 months.
    Maybe the first fight, but it seems like his attitude has been going on since you've been together.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Snark View Post
    But then I suppose the sort of people who write this kind of crap generally don't allow their opinions to be tainted by things like "facts" and "reality".
    Distortion becomes somehow pure in its wildness
    The note that began all can also destroy

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    You're a giver; he's a taker. The solution is yours.

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    Quote Originally Posted by trixforyou327 View Post
    Going to give him another chance. Hopefully he wont goof up again. This is our first fight in 6 months.
    Well whoopdeedoo! Who CARES if it's your first fight? This isn't the first time he's acted like this; there's a pattern of behavior. And who can blame him? You obviously tolerate it, so what's the point of him changing it?

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    Well we had an argument over it. Besides, we talked about it and finally he spilled. Apparently for Valentines day he made an appointment for a half day spa treatment for both of us. Costing a total of like $400-500...he didn't want to tell me. The reason why he owed me money was because his car insurance company accidentally charged him for something he didn't want. So once they returned the money to him he can give it to me. He told me he might not have enough saved because for my b-day he wanted to take me to AZ for a 2-3 day vacation/spa resort. Since he didnt tell me any of this and i just heard "i might not save enough to do stuff for you" and then buy the monitor made me think "fucking selfish bf"

    Guess it was all a bunch of misunderstanding. I think a lot of fights in relationships are due to misunderstanding. He was kind of upset afterwards since all the suprises are ruined.... =[

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    Veteran Member Rockell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    Ugh....that kind of selfish behavior makes my freaking blood boil. I would sit him down and have a serious talk with him and explain your feelings to him if I were you. I dated a guy like this last year for like, 3 months, and that's basically why it only lasted for 3 months. I couldn't stand that shit.

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    Quote Originally Posted by trixforyou327 View Post
    Well we had an argument over it. Besides, we talked about it and finally he spilled. Apparently for Valentines day he made an appointment for a half day spa treatment for both of us. Costing a total of like $400-500...he didn't want to tell me. The reason why he owed me money was because his car insurance company accidentally charged him for something he didn't want. So once they returned the money to him he can give it to me. He told me he might not have enough saved because for my b-day he wanted to take me to AZ for a 2-3 day vacation/spa resort. Since he didnt tell me any of this and i just heard "i might not save enough to do stuff for you" and then buy the monitor made me think "fucking selfish bf"

    Guess it was all a bunch of misunderstanding. I think a lot of fights in relationships are due to misunderstanding. He was kind of upset afterwards since all the suprises are ruined.... =[
    Honey...you're being stupid. There's NO reason he needed to buy himself an expensive monitor when it means forgoing giving you a nice gift AND he owes you money??? There's no misunderstanding. He's financially taking advantage of you and you're falling for his BS.

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    Quote Originally Posted by trixforyou327 View Post
    Well we had an argument over it. Besides, we talked about it and finally he spilled. Apparently for Valentines day he made an appointment for a half day spa treatment for both of us. Costing a total of like $400-500...he didn't want to tell me. The reason why he owed me money was because his car insurance company accidentally charged him for something he didn't want. So once they returned the money to him he can give it to me. He told me he might not have enough saved because for my b-day he wanted to take me to AZ for a 2-3 day vacation/spa resort. Since he didnt tell me any of this and i just heard "i might not save enough to do stuff for you" and then buy the monitor made me think "fucking selfish bf"

    Guess it was all a bunch of misunderstanding. I think a lot of fights in relationships are due to misunderstanding. He was kind of upset afterwards since all the suprises are ruined.... =[

    So he'll spend 400-500 bucks...when it's for him too. And he'll pay you back if he gets the money fromt he insurance company, but in the mean time, you go without your money and he buys himself shit?

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    I just feel like maybe I'm being too materialistic. I'm getting upset because he spends more money on himself than me. I mean, its not like we're married. Yes I know he owes me money but I know hes not the type to not pay back. Man...whats the opposite of pussy whipped? I'm probably that right now because I fell too hard lol...

    Oh and the money he used to buy himself a monitor was money his mom gave him for Chinese new year...so I guess technically its not out of the money he owes me right? I'm not trying to defend him, but I'm hoping to see both sides of things. Like what went on through his head when he did all this and why it might be justifiable.

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    How someone acts before marriage is a good indication of how they will act after marriage.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Snark View Post
    But then I suppose the sort of people who write this kind of crap generally don't allow their opinions to be tainted by things like "facts" and "reality".
    Distortion becomes somehow pure in its wildness
    The note that began all can also destroy

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    ...he owes you money. He had money. He spent it on something else.

    How do you THINk he's going to pay you back, if not "out of the money he owes me"? What, you're going to loan him more for him to pay you back?

    If he treats you like shit, who cares what goes through his head?

    Why do I even bother? You don't care, and you'll keep letting him take advantage of you.
    Last edited by kandie_kitten; 01-29-2009 at 08:27 PM.

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    Quote Originally Posted by trixforyou327 View Post
    Well we had an argument over it. Besides, we talked about it and finally he spilled. Apparently for Valentines day he made an appointment for a half day spa treatment for both of us. Costing a total of like $400-500...he didn't want to tell me. The reason why he owed me money was because his car insurance company accidentally charged him for something he didn't want. So once they returned the money to him he can give it to me. He told me he might not have enough saved because for my b-day he wanted to take me to AZ for a 2-3 day vacation/spa resort. Since he didnt tell me any of this and i just heard "i might not save enough to do stuff for you" and then buy the monitor made me think "fucking selfish bf"

    Guess it was all a bunch of misunderstanding. I think a lot of fights in relationships are due to misunderstanding. He was kind of upset afterwards since all the suprises are ruined.... =[
    His first priority should be paying you back, rather than buying toys. This guy reminds of my brother. He can do anything and get away with, but if I did something like that I would be looking for another gf.
    I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars

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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    hun, im sorry to be so blunt, but this guy reeks of arrogance. he cares about himself first, and your happiness doesnt even factor in. this is his nature, and he wont change without something drastic to snap him into reality of how to treat other people.this is the way he is, and he will always come first. this may be the first fight, but im sure it wasnt the first time that this happened, and by your post id guess it happens alot. you keep rationalizing and minimising the behaviour and making excuses and talking yourself out of what your gut is telling you. he cares more about himself than he does about you. flat out. and he thinks its okay. he will not stop doing this. im sure he'll be real nice for a few days until hes back to his same old self absorbed selfish self. so the question is, can you be with someone who doesnt care what you want, who doesnt care about making you happy? im sorry that youre in this situation, but his wants will always come before your needs, and his whims will come before your wants. you need to drop him. you derserve to be happy. again sorry to sound like a bitch, i just cant stand men who walk around with such a false sense of entitlement, it just screams of only child syndrome to me...

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    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    You need to put that boy on a payment schedule, because right now, his actions are suggesting that he's not going to pay you back. He'd rather spend his money on himself.

    Don't be another dancer who lets a douchebag bf take advantage of her.

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    Veteran Member missmays1983's Avatar
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    Default Re: Argh stupid bf!!!!! *rant*

    Quote Originally Posted by glambman View Post
    How someone acts before marriage is a good indication of how they will act after marriage.


    clear, concise, and very f-ing true....and let's all keep that in mind.

    i must say i find it refreshing that the above quote came from a male.

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