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Thread: Question for all you women out there:

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    Default Question for all you women out there:

    My ex GF broke up w/me some 5+ yrs ago, then, moved back to the city we met in, a few months later, moves to TX, and within a yr, is married to a guy, and has a kid.

    My questions to you are this:

    Do you think this is a rebound marriage(as I doubt that only knowing someone for such a short time, especially after getting out of a LTR), and she was trying to rush to find someone else?

    She used to tell me all the time how she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life w/me. Sure we had problems like every other relationship did, but why so fast on the rebound? Why tell me that stuff, and then do something like this? is she psycho?

    Do you think this will last(it's been 4 years that she's been married & now has a kid by him)? Also, she is a manic depressive and will go off @ the slightest of things.

    I dont wish any ill will on her, but I was wondering if any of you girls think it will last? or, do you think she'll self destruct? Also, w most "first marriages ending in divorce" @ an alarming rate, do you see this marriage working? They say the average 1st marriage lasts about 6-10 years, before one or both are unhappy. She was unhappy @ times and would cry for no reason @ all, and she's very emotional.


    So, what do you all think?

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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    This really has nothing to do with dance or strip clubs, so I'm not sure why you are posting it here unless she was a dancer?

    Anyhow, if she's been with him for four years the chances are that she's over you. You lost your golden opportunity. Try to be happy that she found someone and just pray that he's good to her.

    IF If if - they happen to divorce, you better be by her right away and telling her you were sorry for not doing everything in your power to keep her the first time - and propose. Really the kicker is that women simply get tired of waiting around for guys to "be ready". If sounds like she knew what she wanted and that was marriage, which you apparently hadn't offered her yet.

    Personally, I would guess that she won't be getting divorced any time soon if she married him that fast.
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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Oh yeah, forgot to mention she was a stripper.

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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Chances are she won't be back for you... or at least not on her own. I hate to say it, but one of the good things about dancers is that they tend to think better of themselves and usually "upgrade". Even if she divorces him, she'll probably have another guy that is better lined up that is even better.

    Basically don't count on anything, because you shouldn't set yourself up for disappointment. About the most you could do is maintain some sort of friendship with her so that IF she ever divorces him, you might stand a chance with her again.
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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Quote Originally Posted by BIGJosh View Post
    My ex GF broke up w/me some 5+ yrs ago, then, moved back to the city we met in, a few months later, moves to TX, and within a yr, is married to a guy, and has a kid.

    My questions to you are this:

    Do you think this is a rebound marriage(as I doubt that only knowing someone for such a short time, especially after getting out of a LTR), and she was trying to rush to find someone else?

    She used to tell me all the time how she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life w/me. Sure we had problems like every other relationship did, but why so fast on the rebound? Why tell me that stuff, and then do something like this? is she psycho?

    Do you think this will last(it's been 4 years that she's been married & now has a kid by him)? Also, she is a manic depressive and will go off @ the slightest of things.

    I dont wish any ill will on her, but I was wondering if any of you girls think it will last? or, do you think she'll self destruct? Also, w most "first marriages ending in divorce" @ an alarming rate, do you see this marriage working? They say the average 1st marriage lasts about 6-10 years, before one or both are unhappy. She was unhappy @ times and would cry for no reason @ all, and she's very emotional.


    So, what do you all think?

    In my opinion...none of the above sentences in bold have anything to do with anything...at least not in the way you seem to think that they do....just because she is manic depressive does not mean her marriage is going to fail. Just because she said certain things to you and then a year after you two break up and she moves on does not mean that she didnt mean those things that she told you, and it definitely does not mean she is psycho...come on now.

    sounds like for whatever reason things between you two went south and she moved on in which ever way was best for her, and you in turn have not moved on...why? why are you so concerned with whether or not she is in a stable marriage and whether or not it will last? is she the 'one that got away'? did she tell you why she was breaking up with you?

    either way it's been five years and you should really move on...if you had something to say to her, you should have done it a looooooong time ago...sitting around thinking about her and her marriage is not going to get you anywhere, regardless of whether or not her marriage turns out to be a success. and if her marriage doesnt last....so what? but it seems to me you are hoping or looking for hope that it may fail, and that's not cool, even if it is because you want her back (not saying that you do, but come on, you know it sounds that way by your post.)...

    let it go. you are wasting time and energy...

    just my opinion. no offense intended...but ive been on both sides of a situation like this before...

    good luck
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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    The question is..why are you obsessing over it? Its been FIVE years. Let it go...shes with someone else,they have a kid. She isnt yours anymore and hasnt been in a very long time. Move on.

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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Quote Originally Posted by BIGJosh View Post

    Do you think this is a rebound marriage(as I doubt that only knowing someone for such a short time, especially after getting out of a LTR), and she was trying to rush to find someone else?


    So, what do you all think?
    Sometimes "rebounds" actually provide a kind of clarity that you can only possess after getting out of another relationship. It's usually at this point where you're like "I know exactly what I DON'T want, and I'm going to find something that I DO want."

    For me, these are the times when I'm not putting up with anyone's bullshit, so I can find someone who is actually a better choice for myself.

    My current relationship started as a rebound, but it's the longest relationship I've ever been in.

    And I'd agree with whoever said that you should get over it. Don't waste your time, don't waste her time. You're becoming that guy who can't get over the relationship from five years ago, ya know?

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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Quote Originally Posted by BIGJosh View Post
    My ex GF broke up w/me some 5+ yrs ago, then, moved back to the city we met in, a few months later, moves to TX, and within a yr, is married to a guy, and has a kid.

    My questions to you are this:

    Do you think this is a rebound marriage(as I doubt that only knowing someone for such a short time, especially after getting out of a LTR), and she was trying to rush to find someone else?

    She used to tell me all the time how she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life w/me. Sure we had problems like every other relationship did, but why so fast on the rebound? Why tell me that stuff, and then do something like this? is she psycho?

    Do you think this will last(it's been 4 years that she's been married & now has a kid by him)? Also, she is a manic depressive and will go off @ the slightest of things.

    I dont wish any ill will on her, but I was wondering if any of you girls think it will last? or, do you think she'll self destruct? Also, w most "first marriages ending in divorce" @ an alarming rate, do you see this marriage working? They say the average 1st marriage lasts about 6-10 years, before one or both are unhappy. She was unhappy @ times and would cry for no reason @ all, and she's very emotional.


    So, what do you all think?
    I'm not a woman but I do have a theory.. incase you are wanting to get back with her. One of the advantages you have over her current husband is you were with her first and have been with her longer (so far) Sometimes old flames always burn...

    I guess having a kid gives you slightly less odds of you 2 ending up together but it can still be done. She broke up with you for a reason... there was something about you which wasn't fulfilling her needs. I don't believe that saying 'its not you - its a me problem'. That is just a nice way of her not hurting your feelings.

    Like that Kylea girl said... strippers upgrade... well the good news is you can upgrade too and use self improvement to maximise your desirable qualities I love it when hearing stories about a woman who breaks up with a guy because he is going nowhere or is a loser. Few years later he is a millionaire while her circumstances are exactly the same or worse

    The question to you is do you really want her back? you should watch Oceans 11 which contained a good storyline involving this exact scenario.
    You don't have to rob a casino though to win her back lol.. you just need to show her how much you changed.

    oh.. there are techniques to sabotage her current marriage too... but if the marriage is well and good your chances become slimmer.

    'Impossible is just a state of mind'....

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    Veteran Member missmays1983's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    ^no no no no no nononononononononononononoooooooooo!
    Last edited by missmays1983; 02-10-2009 at 01:57 PM.
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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Wow, great post Lucifer911. You are true to your name!

    Sabotage her marriage? What the fuck? She has a CHILD with this man and has been with him for four years.

    BigJosh, your energy spent wondering whether or not your ex's new relationship will work could be better spent moving on with your life, improving yourself, and meeting someone new.
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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucifer911 View Post
    Like that Kylea girl said
    Thanks hun... I'm going to remember that and start refering to you as that "Lucifer boy". LOL

    Quote Originally Posted by noelle View Post
    Wow, great post Lucifer911. You are true to your name!
    Yes, apparently he is trying to live up to it!
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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    I married my husband after knowing him for 6 months, we'll have been married for 9 years in June. Still happy.

    I was dating a guy who I had broken up with a week before meeting my husband. I had never thought of my marriage as a "rebound marriage" but I bet that's the way my ex boyfriend saw it. Can't really say that I care though, as I haven't thought of him until I read your post.

    You bring up her mental issues, but you need to look into your own problems. She's happily married and has a child and you're pining away for her and trying to come up with reasons as to why her marriage is doomed 5 years later?

    Maybe if you stop giving off the creepy stalker vibes, you'll be able to hold onto the next one.

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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2 View Post
    Thanks hun... I'm going to remember that and start refering to you as that "Lucifer boy". LOL
    you do that sweetie

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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucifer911 View Post
    you do that sweetie
    I will! I'm just concerned that you might like it too much.
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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    This is becoming a battle, I think most of us would agree you should move on. I mean she obviously, decided to have a kid and get married with this guy for a reason. Whether she is manic depressive or not, she must have loved him to marry him. With as much as this is bothering you, maybe you should just ask if she would like to go to dinner, and discuss things and make it non-threatening more at a casual dining place, not somewhere romantic. I hope that you resolve your problem soon, because your young & wasting your time worrying about something that has a slim chance of happening. I think ruining a marriage will only come back on you, karma will fuck you up when you'd never expect it. If she would leave her husband of four years, and man she has a child with, that easy what do you think she'd do to you? She didn't marry you, or have a kid with you that makes their bond stronger. You don't want that to happen to you! You just want answers to your questions. Get the answers and move on! Come on, she's not the only fish in the sea.
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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Quote Originally Posted by redhothoney View Post
    This is becoming a battle, I think most of us would agree you should move on. I mean she obviously, decided to have a kid and get married with this guy for a reason. Whether she is manic depressive or not, she must have loved him to marry him. With as much as this is bothering you, maybe you should just ask if she would like to go to dinner, and discuss things and make it non-threatening more at a casual dining place, not somewhere romantic. I hope that you resolve your problem soon, because your young & wasting your time worrying about something that has a slim chance of happening. I think ruining a marriage will only come back on you, karma will fuck you up when you'd never expect it. If she would leave her husband of four years, and man she has a child with, that easy what do you think she'd do to you? She didn't marry you, or have a kid with you that makes their bond stronger. You don't want that to happen to you! You just want answers to your questions. Get the answers and move on! Come on, she's not the only fish in the sea.
    back up there Missy

    Since when is there bad karma being committed when a guy (in this case ex) pursues his old partner? I don't like the saying there are plenty of fish in the sea. Its nonsense because not every girl can generate those special feelings in a guy.. and how often does a guy come across these types of women? please note being beautiful isn't the only prerequisite here because if it was I'd be falling in love every saturday night.

    A great man once told me... if I want a Mars Bar then I'll HAVE A MARS BAR and not settle for a damn snickers bar. The fact is he was with her first in a longterm relationship too.

    Ok you mention the child? what happens if the husband happens to be a deadbeat while Josh is a successful man and better provider?

    At the end of the day it is her choice to reconsider him if he wants her back. Bad karma is nonsense... so many guys do bad things yet can score beautiful women and live a great lifestyle.

    I think the belief in karma is for people who are afraid of their own shadow. What you believe and think about inside your head will come true. Like if you constantly think paranoid thoughts something will get you in some form or another. I am not advocating doing bad things but sometimes you just need to run through walls to get what you want

    If you think about a special woman for a period of time.. somehow.. someway you will run into her again somwhere... this has happened to me twice this year so far infact.

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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucifer911 View Post
    back up there Missy

    Since when is there bad karma being committed when a guy (in this case ex) pursues his old partner? I don't like the saying there are plenty of fish in the sea. Its nonsense because not every girl can generate those special feelings in a guy.. and how often does a guy come across these types of women? please note being beautiful isn't the only prerequisite here because if it was I'd be falling in love every saturday night.

    A great man once told me... if I want a Mars Bar then I'll HAVE A MARS BAR and not settle for a damn snickers bar. The fact is he was with her first in a longterm relationship too.

    Ok you mention the child? what happens if the husband happens to be a deadbeat while Josh is a successful man and better provider?

    At the end of the day it is her choice to reconsider him if he wants her back. Bad karma is nonsense... so many guys do bad things yet can score beautiful women and live a great lifestyle.

    I think the belief in karma is for people who are afraid of their own shadow. What you believe and think about inside your head will come true. Like if you constantly think paranoid thoughts something will get you in some form or another. I am not advocating doing bad things but sometimes you just need to run through walls to get what you want

    If you think about a special woman for a period of time.. somehow.. someway you will run into her again somwhere... this has happened to me twice this year so far infact.
    Yes you can still want your ex up to a point. This doesn't mean that years later you should be stuck in the same place pining for her when she's obviously moved on. There's nothing to say that the man she married is a bad provider for her and her child. All this sounds like at this point is a guy who can't seem to get past a relationship that's long been over. It's got nothing to do with whether or not he was with her first because she is with her husband now. If there were problems in the marriage, if they were seperated or anything to indicate he might have a chance at getting back with her I might agree with you but there isn't enough info in the OP for me to see that as a possibility. And in terms of there only being one woman out there for a guy because she's the only one who "lights you up a certain way" I gotta say that I couldn't disagree more. There are too many people in the world to think that way. Relationships begin and end. People grow and change. The person you want to be with now isn't necessarily the same person you want or need 10 yrs from now. It's why some people never settle down and it's why other people find love again in their 2nd, 3rd and even 4th marriages. Just because you love someone at this moment doesn't mean they're the only one for you.

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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Quote Originally Posted by JayATee View Post
    Yes you can still want your ex up to a point. This doesn't mean that years later you should be stuck in the same place pining for her when she's obviously moved on. There's nothing to say that the man she married is a bad provider for her and her child. All this sounds like at this point is a guy who can't seem to get past a relationship that's long been over. It's got nothing to do with whether or not he was with her first because she is with her husband now. If there were problems in the marriage, if they were seperated or anything to indicate he might have a chance at getting back with her I might agree with you but there isn't enough info in the OP for me to see that as a possibility. And in terms of there only being one woman out there for a guy because she's the only one who "lights you up a certain way" I gotta say that I couldn't disagree more. There are too many people in the world to think that way. Relationships begin and end. People grow and change. The person you want to be with now isn't necessarily the same person you want or need 10 yrs from now. It's why some people never settle down and it's why other people find love again in their 2nd, 3rd and even 4th marriages. Just because you love someone at this moment doesn't mean they're the only one for you.
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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucifer911 View Post
    back up there Missy

    The fact is he was with her first in a longterm relationship too.
    So? So what? What are we,in middle school? "I saw her first!" Ridiculous.

    Kylea makes a good point. It looks like she was interested in getting married. It sounds like the OP was happy just dating for 5 years. she found a man who could give her what she wanted. Why should she leave that?

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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Quote Originally Posted by lucifer911 View Post

    oh.. There are techniques to sabotage her current marriage too... But if the marriage is well and good your chances become slimmer.
    what goes around comes around! just remember that.

    let the woman be...you realize that when you say "sabotage her current marriage", that you are talking about interferring or possibly destroying the relationship between two people that have a commitment, two people that took vows and now have a child together and are as far as any of us know, are perfectly happy...do you realize you have suggested to the OP to interfere in a father and sons relationship? they do not deserve that, and the OP could really cause a whole heap of heartache by trying to "sabotage" his ex's marriage...

    go ahead and see how quick you can split up the marriage and give their kid a broken home. can ya do it by next X-mas?

    HOW COULD YOU EVEN SUGGEST THAT!

    SHAME ON YOU LUCIFER911! and i'm not even joking. you need to take your own advice and BACK YOURSELF UP MISTER SISTER!
    Last edited by missmays1983; 02-12-2009 at 02:04 PM.
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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucifer911 View Post
    If you think about a special woman for a period of time.. somehow.. someway you will run into her again somwhere... this has happened to me twice this year so far infact.

    This ALWAYS seems to happen to me, no matter what. I'd have some girl who broke up with me years earlier, and we wouldn't see each other for so many years, then, when I'd least expect it, I'd "run into" her & she'll like me again.

    Thanks for the advice everyone.

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    Veteran Member Brooke's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Five years. She's over it. Your turn.

    Seriously, she moved away, got married and had a child. She doesn't even think about you anymore.

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    Senior Member exoticxx33's Avatar
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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    I agree with Brooke, just go on with your life, the more you dwell on the past the harder it will for you to live your life. I wish all the best, good luck

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    Default Re: Question for all you women out there:

    what goes around comes around?

    so do you care to explain to me why OJ Simpson got let off the hook after committing murder? I can think of countless of other scenarios.. especially when it comes to guys with money. Sometimes what goes around doesn't come around!!

    The OP can do whatever he likes... frankly if I was in his situation and the girl was worth the pursuit and challenge I might go for it. The amount of times women have played with my head (in very inappropriate ways) will justify being a bastard every now and then...

    and last msg to the OP

    Don't worry about what most people say.. most of them don't even know whats good for them. Just follow what your inner voice is telling you and trust your intuition.

    Quote Originally Posted by missmays1983 View Post
    what goes around comes around! just remember that.

    go ahead and see how quick you can split up the marriage and give their kid a broken home. can ya do it by next X-mas?

    HOW COULD YOU EVEN SUGGEST THAT!

    SHAME ON YOU LUCIFER911! and i'm not even joking. you need to take your own advice and BACK YOURSELF UP MISTER SISTER!

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    Duh Re: Question for all you women out there:

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucifer911 View Post
    The amount of times women have played with my head (in very inappropriate ways) will justify being a bastard every now and then...

    Uh-oooohhhh.

    We got a busted one here, folks. Step away if ya know what's best for ya, ladies.
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    As Katherine Hepburn put it so eloquently " Nature is what we were put here to rise above"

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