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Thread: #!$%@in Full Moon

  1. #1
    Veteran Member anelia's Avatar
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    Duh #!$%@in Full Moon

    So Monday night I did something I have never done once since I started dancing - walked out on a shift. I blame the full moon.

    Basically it was fucked from the beginning.

    10 below zero and bunch of snow on the road, so no customers except for a couple regulars (not mine), a couple stage-tippers, a few gawkers and some douchebag car salesman who tried to tip us with sticks of trident gum and empty gum packages. I repeatedly kicked gum off the stage/tip rail, started cussing ("Are you fucking KIDDING me?" to no-one in particular) and spit two pieces of gum on this guy's chest.

    Story about this guy: During my entire stage, he wandered around looking at all the Olivia paintings in our club like he was in a museum, pointedly ignoring me. Then he went to the bar and talked shit about me to his friends. Then he came and sat down at the stage and tried to tip me one dollar and a stick of Trident gum. I told him I already had gum, thanks, and kicked it off the tip rail. When he put it back up, I repeated that I had gum thanks (while the DJ is saying on the mic "We tip dollars here...the girls can buy their own gum or whatever, dude"). After he tried to put it back on the rail, I spit my gum that I had in my mouth when I got onstage. He was so stupid he didn't even notice (how do you not notice that?). He put the gum BACK onstage, told me I needed it, and so when I got done with a pole trick I sat in front of him, took the gum and smiled like I appreciated it, chewed it dramatically until it was mushed to my satisfaction, and spit it on his chest.

    Then I crumpled up his dollar, threw it in his face, and then took the empty gum pack his friend tried giving me and threw it in HIS face. Then I told them if they came back to me, I would fart on them, and after I got off I informed them that they needed to go to the special retarded people place at the local hospital.

    These are things I have NEVER EVER EVER done on stage (I am a grin-and-bear-it hustler and RARELY reprimand customers, even guys that say rude things such as "I'd eat that bitch with a yeast infection!") and never dreamed that I would....

    One of the other dancers asked me if I spit gum on them, and when I said yes gave me a hi-5. My friends/coworkers (god love them) were very successful in cheering me up and we eventually talked to the guys again. A friend of the two gum-tipping douchebags whom I hadn't seen yet at all (and who was apparently telling them to knock it off the whole time) tipped me 5 bucks. My friend who has been dancing a lot longer than me was making fun of them so hard, every chance she got, and after a while everyone was like haha, that shit is funny. Yeah...it actually was pretty funny. Right? I can suck it up and work past a false start like that.... right?

    No.

    Only lapdance I got for the next several hours was part of a triple-dance, wherein the lapdancee requested that we not dance, but get topless and beat the everloving shit out of him.

    Slapping, punching, kicking (legs, nuts, everything), stomping, biting, removing belt and whalloping, choking, etc. One of the girls (a big Amazonian blonde) did most of the inflicting, while me and the other girl pretty much laughed our asses off while trying to stay out of her way. I didn't do much aside from slap him a bunch, stomp on his foot, and choke him with my thighs and knee him in the face...which I sometimes do (GENTLY though) to customers as part of my normal "dance." But it was still totally weird and kooky, and he stuck around getting dances from girls and being a total nut. (Asking girls to pee on him, etc)

    The only other customers aside from several oldschool regulars tipping every girl generously on stage were some thuggy Dominicans trying to find a sugar mama who enjoys having her time wasted, so I bailed.

    Out in the parking lot I discovered the lock on my car door was broken (from someone trying to break in????), so I had to get in on the passenger side. Then on the way home I almost got backed into by a massive snowplow.

    I half-expected a black cat to run across the road in front of me, and frogs to start falling out of the sky.

    "I'm teaching fools some basic rules. / I believe in the Golden Rule. The man with the gold rules. / I made a little money.
    And like the Bible says, I was enjoying the fruits of my labor. This is my comeback. This is me doing what I love to do." -- Mr. T

    "In the street I am my divine self. In the club I am a stripper, portraying a fantasy.
    That's not to say anybody can do or say anything to me but it's acting. Playing a role. That simple." -- Pure


    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #2
    Veteran Member lexi2008's Avatar
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    Default Re: #!$%@in Full Moon

    OMG what a night! Thank god it's over!
    Originally Posted by MarvelGirl
    I am, however, very concerned about hair syphillis. I can't seem to find any information about this horrible disease caused by high heels. Somebody please, help me out here before I catch it.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    What you think about and thank about, you bring about. xox Lexi

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    Default Re: #!$%@in Full Moon

    full moons are wierd for me. I either make really good money, or none at all. never in between.

  4. #4
    God/dess JayATee's Avatar
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    Default Re: #!$%@in Full Moon

    OMG you poor thing! <<hugs>>

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    Default Re: #!$%@in Full Moon

    full moons last 3 nights, good thing this kinda thing doesnt happen all the time. good for you for spitting it back out on his chest lol

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    Default Re: #!$%@in Full Moon

    wow. that sucks so much.
    -love everyone but keep them far from your soul-

  7. #7
    Veteran Member Ruby Ruckus's Avatar
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    Default Re: #!$%@in Full Moon

    you know, that would explain my night too.

    we had about ten customers, maybe, the entire night. i spent several stage sets doing things like hanging upside down for entire songs, or just laying on the stage and looking up at the mirror, because there would be two people in the bar, and they were watching tv, or playing the computer games, or pretty much anything other than tipping and paying attention.

    i slapped one customer, and ignored most of the rest of them. in the one conversation i started having with someone, i asked if he wanted to do a lapdance and he said he wasn't in the mood. i went up on stage, and lo and behold, this girl that every single other dancer hates (steals customers, talks shit on us to customers, is incredibly rude to coworkers, probably does extras) approached and took him back for dances. i don't know how that bitch does it. if it's not extras, it's hypnotism.

    eventually this foot fetish guy came in and paid me 70 bucks to rub my feet and talk to him for a couple hours. otherwise i would have made 5 dollars.
    "If she wants to dance and drink all night, well there's no one that can stop her. She's going til the house lights come up or her stomach spills onto the floor. This night is gonna end when we're damn well ready for it to be over, worked all week long, and now the music is playing on our time. Yeah we do what we do to get by, and then we need a release!" - Against Me!, "Thrash Unreal"

  8. #8
    Featured Member Otoki's Avatar
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    Default Re: #!$%@in Full Moon

    I lol'd. That was an awesome rant, OP.

    Incidentally, I'm really glad I didn't work.

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    Default Re: #!$%@in Full Moon

    ^ fer real. me too.
    -love everyone but keep them far from your soul-

  10. #10
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: #!$%@in Full Moon

    It also was an eclipse, which intensifies things


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

  11. #11
    Veteran Member angelicat's Avatar
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    Default Re: #!$%@in Full Moon

    I NEVER work full moons. This is why.

  12. #12
    Featured Member rusdancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: #!$%@in Full Moon

    We also always have the weirdest people come out on full moons!

  13. #13
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    Default Re: #!$%@in Full Moon

    man I got in my first car accident, damn full moon (just a little one)

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