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Thread: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

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    God/dess J.D.'s Avatar
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    Default Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    I have been on and off dating this guy for a year and a half, and guess what???!!??

    Last night after he fell asleep (he pretty much lives with me; he stays the night at least 5-6 nights a week) his phone kept beeping, so......

    And I know I shouldn't have, but I looked, and it was a girl!!!! So I called her back and ended up speaking to her for quite a while.

    As it turns out, he has been hooking up with her since October, and heres the icing on the cake: He hooked up with her yesterday afternoon!

    So let me break this down, he woke up yesterday, had sex with me, left and hooked up with her and then came back and hooked up with me in the late afternoon, during which he told me how much he loves me and how he wants to be with me forever, etc. etc. To my knowledge, he didn't even shower in between being with us.

    I feel like I'm really spilling my guts here, but I am so upset, I don't think I have EVER been done wrong like this. It hurts so much I physically got sick in my bathroom.

    Since all this, so much has unraveled, after talking to friends who know us both, I found out so much more, basically he "doesn't talk to me anymore", according to him.

    I honestly thought this was the one, we had such a great connection and I honestly love him and thought he loved me...

    What now???
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    God/dess J.D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    Thanks for a smart ass reply to an otherwise serious thread
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    What now???
    Let me try again, fare good riddance to him. There are many more fish in the sea, and one fish isn't worth stressing over.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Snark View Post
    But then I suppose the sort of people who write this kind of crap generally don't allow their opinions to be tainted by things like "facts" and "reality".
    Distortion becomes somehow pure in its wildness
    The note that began all can also destroy

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    What do you mean, "What do I do know"? You kick this loser to the curb. All guys don't act like this. The losers do. They may seem charming and sweet, but if he could be willing to do this to you, he's not worth your efforts.

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    Featured Member saphire123456's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    if this were me, his crap would be on fire in the middle of my driveway, as i am changing the locks
    These days I like to count my money. I like to wash it delicately and iron it. Sometimes I dry it with some bounty to make it all nice and cuddly. I love my money... did I say that out loud?

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    God/dess J.D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    Of course Im completely done with him, that is a given. But how do I cope with this? I am not the "eye for an eye" type, in fact in general Im too forgiving to people. Any tips or suggestions, as I know the pain has not even begun to set in yet. Everyone tells me to key his car or hook up with another guy, but IMO thats just self destructive. And its irritating that everyone I talk to is telling me "time heals all wounds", what do I do NOW, I can't even function Im so hurt....
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    I wish there was some easy recipe for recovering. There isn't.

    I dated a guy for two years. We were even engaged. I thought we were the movie-type couple; we clicked so well, he was so sweet to me, all that.

    I went away for one weekend. Sunday morning, I was up early and surfing Facebook, and I saw he had been tagged in a few photos. I clicked on them, only to find that they were pictures of him in the process of cheating on me. Kissing her, on top of her...yeah.

    I was crushed. And like you, I really had no idea how to cope. I had so many plots of revenge, but I knew that after it was done, I wouldn't feel any better (heck, if I keyed his car, I'm still the girl who was cheated on, AND I'd have a reputation as a psychotic bitch).

    My best advice to you is give yourself time to grieve. Seriously, map it out on a calendar. Give yourself one full week where you will be furious, cry, hit pillows, binge eat, whatever. After that week, you need to force yourself to get up again.

    The most important thing is to keep yourself busy. Surround yourself with people you trust and you know care about you. Take up a new hobby. Take a kickboxing class (will help get out that anger too!)

    There's no quick or fast way to move on. You will think about him, and what he did, a lot. But one day you'll be going through your routine, and you'll realie you're thinking about it less. And another day, you'll stop all together.

    *hugs* best of luck.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    What now???
    Now you take back your life, that's what...

    Look, it's not easy breaking up with someone you love, even if you find out they were really an asshole or a bitch all along, and you just missed the signs. God knows I was a basket case the first time it happened to me.

    Then after a few months go by, you start to realize how much better off you are than you were with that person, and how you'd never in a million years get back with them again. You wonder why the hell you ever actually missed the person at all, much less wanted them back.

    Then the next time it happens the same process has to be gone through all over again--only it's much easier. And even easier the next time. By the fourth time it's a piece of cake, lol...

    My dad tried telling me this the first time, it didn't really sink in, but later I understood.

    You have gotten some good advice already. I second the kickboxing or other exhaustive, aggressive sport. Exhausting yourself through exercise not only makes you too tired to care about some lying sack of shit, it also pumps endorphins into your bloodstream--nature's own best sedatives and mood boosters combined. Travel is also an excellent remedy.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    I agree with what the others said - give yourself some time to grieve, and then move on with life. Use what you've learned from this and be the better person.

    And really, that guy fucking sucks! What is wrong with some guys?!


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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    Yes. This is a learning experience for you, but likely not for him. I hope you get over your anger and hurt very soon, since it turns out he was not worth it. I hope you have had some nice sex from him to have made the time lost worth something.

    For the future... One thing to do is to find a way to communicate with someone you're getting involved with, at an appropriate time. You probably will know when that time is for you, but not for him. At that time find out his direction in a situation when sex is pretty far removed from consideration. It seems many guys lie about whatever to get sex, not thinking that if they could start a great relationship overall, they would not have to worry about if they were gonna get it or not.

    If you get cynical about all of this, you will miss some chances of enjoying what could be a great part of your life. Yes, a lot of women on SW are very cynical about men, mostly because the ones the dancers come in contact with are there at the club because of SEX, not because of them. This is a bad environment to interact with men in, and it influnces them and makes a lot of them miserable. Don't get caught up in that clique.

    (This gives me an idea for an interesting poll.)
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    God/dess J.D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    how is this not a learning experience for him? He has already shown no remorse, he won't respond to my text messages and won't call me. I went out last night with the "other girl" because she felt so bad for me. She was really cool to me, but he has since changed his number and won't even acknowledge me. I just don't get it. I just want to understand why he did what he did but it is becoming more and more clear that I never will.

    how can a guy in a perfect relationship do this to someone? Seriously, this was probably the most perfect relationship I have ever been in.
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    Veteran Member Ruby Ruckus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    some guys don't like perfect. for some guys, one is never enough.

    everyone's given you great advice already, and i wish i had more to add, but i can't think of anything to tell you that hasn't already been said.

    do you believe in karma? or energy at least? every action has an equal and opposite reaction, it's a law of newtonian physics. this awful thing happened to you, but hopefully you'll be able to achieve some personal good from it.

    conversely, one day, when he's really in love, this exact same thing will probably happen to him, and break his heart, and he won't be as strong as you are, and he won't know how to deal with it either.
    "If she wants to dance and drink all night, well there's no one that can stop her. She's going til the house lights come up or her stomach spills onto the floor. This night is gonna end when we're damn well ready for it to be over, worked all week long, and now the music is playing on our time. Yeah we do what we do to get by, and then we need a release!" - Against Me!, "Thrash Unreal"

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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    how is this not a learning experience for him? He has already shown no remorse, he won't respond to my text messages and won't call me. I went out last night with the "other girl" because she felt so bad for me. She was really cool to me, but he has since changed his number and won't even acknowledge me. I just don't get it. I just want to understand why he did what he did but it is becoming more and more clear that I never will.

    how can a guy in a perfect relationship do this to someone? Seriously, this was probably the most perfect relationship I have ever been in.
    Why care about what he should be experiencing? Why try to even contact him. Are you actually going to believe anything he tells (as to why he cheated/ did this), even if it happens to be the truth.

    It's not worth the aggravation. Just cut the cord and be done with him.

    If you read your OP, just the fact that it was an off/ on again relationship shows it wasn't a perfect relationship.

    Don't keep someone in your life longer than absolutely necessary. He is no longer necessary in your life.
    Last edited by glambman; 02-12-2009 at 10:28 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Snark View Post
    But then I suppose the sort of people who write this kind of crap generally don't allow their opinions to be tainted by things like "facts" and "reality".
    Distortion becomes somehow pure in its wildness
    The note that began all can also destroy

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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    how can a guy in a perfect relationship do this to someone?
    Because most of us are nice people and sometimes the small percentage of people who are not nice take advantage of us. That's the trouble with being nice: we assume other people will behave with similar courtesy - and sometimes that gets us kicked in the teeth.

    Most of us are satisfied with simple, uncomplicated relationships (if I may call them that). For others it is the thrill of the forbidden fruit.

    Unfortunately in your case, I suspect part of the thrill for this guy was living dangerously and not being caught.

    Life can be a little like a game of snakes and ladders. It looks like you found a pretty big snake (in both senses of the word). As things average out over the long term, you're sure to find a compensating ladder.

    Sorry....

    Phil.

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    Veteran Member lexi2008's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    how is this not a learning experience for him? He has already shown no remorse, he won't respond to my text messages and won't call me. I went out last night with the "other girl" because she felt so bad for me. She was really cool to me, but he has since changed his number and won't even acknowledge me. I just don't get it. I just want to understand why he did what he did but it is becoming more and more clear that I never will.

    how can a guy in a perfect relationship do this to someone? Seriously, this was probably the most perfect relationship I have ever been in.
    Sweetheart, just because someone does something absolutely despicable in the opinion of any normal person does not mean that they will feel any remorse for it. There are many people out there who have no regard for other people's feelings, lack empathy and are extremely self-centered. If he was someone you were meant to be with or deserved to be with you he 1) would have never used either of you girls like he did 2) lied to your social group that he never spoke with you anymore 3) lied to YOU when he said he wanted to be with you forever 4) would show that he had some remorse or regard for you and pick up his phone to face what he did instead of being a coward.

    Everything about this situation is heart breaking for you and speaks volumes about his lack of character! He is a user. He probably got off on all the attention he was accruing for himself between you and this other girl. He probably told you both the same lines, because people like that know how to be a chameleon - they know exactly what you want to hear and they will say it to get the reaction they want. They almost never mean it are the farthest from genuine you could find.

    I'm sorry if this all sounds so harsh, but I've had a lot of personal experience with someone just like this in my life. I don't want to see you go through this grieving process without realizing on some level, that you are grieving for the relationship you SAW (because of what he created for you to see) instead of the REALITY of it (because he manipulated both of you girls and lied constantly).

    It's absolutely a good idea to give yourself time to grieve and take the great advice by the ladies in this thread. It's also a good idea to realize what a TOXIC person he was in your life. If he was that comfortable hurting you so deeply at this point in your relationship, don't hesitate to believe that his antics would have only escalated in the future when he felt even MORE cocky because he was getting away with so much! People like him thrive on the constant attention from SOMEONE, ANYONE and the excitement of the whole thing. Narcissistic much?? Yes probably.

    Take some time to let yourself grieve and then, BELIEVE and KNOW that you are meant to be treated like a queen and there ARE men who will treat a woman like that. You are going to survive and you are going to THRIVE. You are stronger because of this and healthier without his toxic presence in your life. You are an amazing woman and still have a full and fulfilling life without him. You deserve the best and HE is the only one who should be grieving right now - because his life is only going to spiral downwards and yours can only get better without him.

    Many hugs and Haagen Dazs
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    God/dess J.D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    thank you for all the advice and support, you have no idea how badly I needed to hear it. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, and in the end I will be happier without him. But, the girl he cheated with he found as a hooker on craigslist, and paid her a hundred dollars. That just makes me sick to my stomach. At least she was nice, but a complete meth user. It was really disgusting, and she is much much older than me. I guess every guy cheats for a reason, but come on! And then i get no response, explanation, nothing. He just changed his number, so I conclude that he never loved me at all, even though I was so sure he did. I feel like a complete fool. The sad part is, if he came to my house right now apologizing I would probably take him back, thats how much I love this guy.... I feel like I have lost my confidence and self respect.

    Looking back, the guy is a master manipulator, he played off my weaknesses. He made me feel badly about being a dancer. He told me he wanted to marry me and have a family with me, (something I never had and always wanted). It goes on and on, can anybody out there relate to this?
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    Isn't it wonderful that you found out about him when you did? It's like the Universe wanted to protect you from this bastard. I'm sorry that you're hurting right now. Everything is going to be ok J.D.

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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    I hate statements like "Why do guys suck so much"

    Guys don't suck. This guy sucks. Dump him and move on.

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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    It goes on and on, can anybody out there relate to this?
    jd, everyone can relate to you in one way or another. believe me when i say most of us have experienced some type of heartbreak that we thought we would never get over. but you want to know the funny thing?... in time, we always wind up getting over it. time will heal a broken heart even when you don't want it to. so when that time comes for you, use this experience to empower yourself. learn from it and you will become smarter and stronger than ever before.

    hang in there.

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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    What it sounds like to me is you're trying to comprehend how he could shut you out when HE fucked up.

    Some people truly have no conscious. They feel nothing and experience no remorse. It is completely disgusting that he could have sex with someone and come home to you as if nothing happened.

    I'm sure you're going to have many questions trying to understand why and how he could act the way he did.

    But I have a theory on why he shut you out. He doesn't want to feel the guilt. He doesn't want to talk to you because he knows you can make him feel bad. So it's much easier to block you out and pretend nothing ever happened. Denial is a very strong defense mechanism.

    What worked for me during a bad break up with similar overtones was researching how my girl could act the way she did. I eventually found my answer that made everything OK.

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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    Oh shit. That soooo sucks.
    Can you get away for a week? Book yourself a flight and hotel through a travel agent to an all inclusive resort and chill on the beach. Pina colada in hand. You need a HUGE break.
    I know it goes w/ out saying, but get tested too.
    You're never at fault for being a good person and getting sucked in by being told what you want to hear. That's what manipulators do.
    You don't have to get revenge on him. Let some crazy bitch do it for you. He will meet one sooner or later. AND if it makes yu feel better I personally wish impotence on him and if that fails I wish his dick to fall off!!!

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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    Trying to get him to tell you why he cheated on you may not be productive. He may not know, especially if he is not terribly introspective. It may just be what he does.

    I'm reminded of the old story about the turtle and the scorpion. The short version is the scorpion asks the turtle to give him a ride on his back across a stream. The turtle declines, saying that he is afraid the scorpion will sting him. The scorpion assures him that he won't because then they would sink and they would both die. So the turtle agrees to give him a ride. In the middle of the stream, to scorpion stings him. "Why did you do that?" the turtle asks, as he is sinking. "It's my nature," says the scorpion.

    Any kind of breakup is painful. Going from being in a seemingly perfect relationship to no relationship just like that, as well as the pain of being cheated on, is the worst.

    I wish you the best of success in healing. And I second what DJoser (a wise man) said about exhaustive, aggressive exercise.

    Lynn

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    Featured Member veronicachick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    My heart def goes out to you. I haven't been in the same exact situation but I too had a boyfriend that really put me through so much. I remember crying my eyes out.... feeling terrible.... so betrayed. But time heals all wounds. with time, slowly but surely I got over it. It didn't seem like I'd ever be able to cope with the heartbreak but I did it. The whole thing was certainly a learning experience for me. Try to keep yourself busy.. I know it's hard but just throw yourself into work... or a hobby... Everyday gets easier to cope with the pain. I promise.

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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    I think you need to ask yourself some questions..

    Do you want to stay with him?
    Will you be able to forgive him?
    Does he seem sorry, or just sorry he got caught?
    Is he willing to try to rebuild a relationship?

    You can't play the victim. Tell him 'I forgive you for not being the person I expected you to be, and I set you free'. The more you say it the better you'll feel. Just my two cents

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    Default Re: Why do guys suck so much??? Please help

    Quote Originally Posted by kenitajonez View Post
    I think you need to ask yourself some questions..

    Do you want to stay with him?
    Will you be able to forgive him?
    Does he seem sorry, or just sorry he got caught?
    Is he willing to try to rebuild a relationship?

    You can't play the victim. Tell him 'I forgive you for not being the person I expected you to be, and I set you free'. The more you say it the better you'll feel. Just my two cents
    No
    No
    No, he doesn't care at all, this guy has no soul.
    No

    I totally feel like Im playing the victim, I got drunk last night and cried and felt sorry for myself.

    I actually am starting to feel better, so thanks so much to all of yall for the advice!!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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