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Thread: New girl :)

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    Member Morigan's Avatar
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    Default New girl :)

    Hey everyone!!Well the title kinda says it, however I am not a dancer as of right now. I am very interested though. I am married, not very happy with life or my marriage right now not to mention my husband would not let me do this (dance). I just don't know what I want in life right now if I want to continue school, work at burger king for the rest of my life or just be a bum haha. I have always wanted to try dancing and I have a good friend who dances in Tuscon but she doesn't talk much about it to me. Im sorry for this post which probably sound pathetic but I am so lost. I live in northern Arizona and am 21 yrs old. Advice, suggestions, talking is always appreciated. I would love to know what dancing is like for you girls. Thanks for listening hope to hear from ya soon
    Edit: I have been reading through the forums and am excited and very intrigued. I am learning a lot. This site seems to be full of helpful and friendly people
    -Morigan

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    Veteran Member *~Angel~*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: New girl :)

    This site is amazing if you are interested in dancing. Just read the threads, and if you have questions ask them. Im sure people would love to help you, you just have to asl.

    Welcome to SW by the way.

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    Default Re: New girl :)

    Welcome to SW. At the risk of being a male putting his foot in it, some thoughts.

    Quote Originally Posted by Morigan View Post
    I am married, not very happy with life or my marriage right now not to mention my husband would not let me do this (dance).
    SO's who are unhappy with their other half dancing can be an emotive subject on SW. Whatever the rights and wrongs of your marriage, it looks like dancing might be the end of it. Something to put into the scales when you make your decision.

    Quote Originally Posted by Morigan View Post
    I just don't know what I want in life right now if I want to continue school, work at burger king for the rest of my life or just be a bum haha.
    I've known a number of dancers over the years. Some look set to walk away from dancing with something to show for it, some don't. It's possible to make a good income from dancing - what are you going to do with it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Morigan View Post
    I have always wanted to try dancing and I have a good friend who dances in Tuscon but she doesn't talk much about it to me.
    Dancing is a subject people can be very judgmental about, even if all they know is anecdotal. It's a good reason for dancers to be cautious about what they tell people.

    Quote Originally Posted by Morigan View Post
    I'm sorry for this post which probably sound pathetic but I am so lost. I...am 21 yrs old.
    So that's the overwhelming majority of your life to come then. And the desire to change your situation is always a good starting point. Nothing pathetic about that.

    Phil.

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    Member Morigan's Avatar
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    Default Re: New girl :)

    Thank you very much Phil, you are very insightful and I appreciate your input. You have a valid point about if I were to dance it could possible be the end, it might end up being over even without the dancing but I should set my priorities straight and figure my relationship out first. If the relationship would come to an end though I have no job right now, I am a student so I would be screwed for bills and a roof over my head which is another reason why I am looking into stripping, not simply for "fast cash" but as something I am interested in and somewhere to start out if I really am in need. Its good to be prepared. Thank you again you really did help!

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    Veteran Member *~Angel~*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: New girl :)

    It could very well be the end yes. Some guy don't mind if there girl strips, but if you have one that refuses. And he figures it out, very well could be the end. It's really up to you. How do you want it to go? It is a good way to earn money, maybe not at first very well. But stick to it. Don't give up a relationship over it though, try to work things out. Stripping is good for your body too. But try to work things out as he suggests. Because if you two can work things out, I think a relationship might be more important in terms of things. But the choice is yours. Welcome to the site again

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    Default Re: New girl :)

    Glad to help.

    If you want more comment, particularly from the ladies, there are other forums on here you could consider putting a post in.

    (a) Ladies only - if you want replies just from dancers.
    (b) Life support - if you want more general advice.

    Coming Out tends to be 'low visibility', so you'll probably get more replies in those two forums.

    Some other thoughts for you (and please remember I'm not a dancer - so can only comment from the other side of the fence)....

    Dancing [like many other things in this life] has its pluses and minuses. Pluses obviously include the chance to earn good money, a lot of personal independence, etc. Minuses can include spending a significant amount of time dealing with a**holes at work and being on the wrong end of crude comments.

    There's a lot of good info on this forum. I'd read it carefully and continually think to myself "how would I react in this situation?" You need to decide whether the pluses are going to outweigh the minuses.

    For all the advice you'll get on here, the only person who can really decide what's right for you is yourself.

    Phil.

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    Member Morigan's Avatar
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    Default Re: New girl :)

    And thank you too Angel Yea there is no way I would give up a relationship for a job but the relationship is already falling apart. I am trying to work on it and I probably wouldnt strip unless it ended or we were doing better and i convinced him. *sigh* lol

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    Member Morigan's Avatar
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    Default Re: New girl :)

    That is good advice to put myself in those situations to help me better understand myself and the job itself. And believe me I have been reading a ton on this site!!

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    Default Re: New girl :)

    Some thoughts:

    There would seem to be three separate but overlapping problems:

    (a) What is the state of your marriage?
    (b) If your marriage is beyond salvage, what will you do for money and shelter?
    (c) Is dancing the solution to your problems?

    Your first problem is to decide if your marriage is salvageable - and indeed if you want to salvage it. One option on that front is to ring up a marriage guidance councilor and ask for advice. They should be able to give you a far better perspective on your problems than I can.

    If your marriage is not salvageable, it sounds like you are going to have to give some thought as to how you pay your bills and where you stay.

    As to the bills, have you done a rough budget as to how much money you'll need every month? You could do it in the form of a simple list, then just tot up the costs.

    - Food: $xx
    - Transport: $xx
    - Electricity: $xx

    As to where you could stay, do you have family, relatives, or friends who could help out for a while?

    Finally, you need to give some thought as to whether dancing is for you. You don't want to jump out of the frying pan (failing marriage) into the fire (don't like stripping after all).

    Based on posts on this website, the details of dancing vary considerably depending on what city you are in.

    Firstly, there's the degree of nudity - this can range from bikini to fully nude. Secondly, there the degree of contact, which can range from none to high. Finally, you have to consider if you can take the inevitable idiotic behavior - dancing is not for those with fragile egos.

    If you know the city where you'd consider dancing, I'd research the type of clubs you'll work in and see if the degree of nudity and contact is within your personal limits.

    If you think stripping is the answer to your problems, then good luck to you. However, please look before you leap.

    Phil.

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    Member Morigan's Avatar
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    Default Re: New girl :)

    ** Sorry for the really long post **
    a.) We feel that we don't have that much in common (I know I know shouldn't we have figured that out BEFORE marriage?) we don't seem to get along that much anymore and generally we are not happy. We tried marriage counseling once or twice but lack of funds made it a short attempt. We do have money problems like everyone, both are going to school, about to move into a new apartment this weekend because of our current living situation is a major stressor. We had a long talk last night, it was civil and overall a good talk that was needed.
    b.) Depending on what we decide if it does not work out then I have until the summer pretty much to find a new place, work etc because he said he would not kick me out if it comes to that. I would most likely travel down to Tuscon where my friend is stripping and she said she would help teach me and overall help me get on my feet if I needed it (she didn't say that exactly but she is a very good friend so I am assuming) I might just move there because now I live 4 hours away.
    c.) I don't think stripping would be my ONLY option but it would be one that would greatly help me money-wise especially with divorce debt.

    Thank god my only bills are cell phone ($50) and car insurance ($130) and I am on a diet anyway so I don't need that much food :p but your right I might be fucked if I don't figure this out . I really do love him and I always will but I just am not sure if we really are compatible as a couple.
    My family and I are not on very good terms and most of my good friends are in CA but that friend I was telling you about is somewhat close.

    Three seems to be a good amount of dancing in the Phoenix area and I really could care less about the nudity thing as long as I get into better shape which I am working on I am not a prude or someone with a ton of morals. Although I do have some :p
    I have looked at all the rated clubs on this site in AZ so I am at least researching that!
    And you seem to have a little bit of a opposition to turning to stripping why is that?

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    Default Re: New girl :)

    Hi Morigan,

    OK, I can see why you said you were feeling a little lost in your first post. Sometimes it all piles up on top of us and we wonder how we are going to find a way out.

    What works for me is listing the problems and concentrating on just one or two at a time. When I've sorted those, I'll move onto the next problem. Maybe something similar will work for you - list out what you have to do, and just try and finish one or two actions at a time.

    A little explanation as to my attitude towards stripping. I have for some years now counted several dancers as friends. Two have become particularly close - to the extent that the time I spend with them is mainly outside of work. As a result I have seen the stress they feel because of dancing (and sometimes have had to comfort them).

    Some dancers make a very good living out of it. You'll find two of the moderators on this website retired from dancing with a fair bit of financial security. And I know a number of dancers in the UK who'll retire owning property. So from a monetary point of view dancing can be very rewarding.

    The problem is more how you'll deal with the minority of your customers that'll behave in a gross, stupid or obnoxious manner. Some girls have the degree of mental detachment to treat such customers as background noise, and some girls get very stressed about it - hence my cautionary comments.

    If you do decide to turn to dancing, I'll (genuinely) wish you the very best of luck - and a profitable career.

    Phil.

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    Member Morigan's Avatar
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    Default Re: New girl :)

    That sounds like a good idea to list things I need to do. I usually do but funds get in the way most of the time unfortunately.
    It makes sense that it can be very stressful for having guys be that way towards you most of the time. I do like attention and I am pretty sure that I would be able to brush it off as them just being horny unless it got scary. But I guess we will see. If I do start dancing and you are in AZ you should stop by or I will at least keep in touch if you like you have been very nice and extremely helpful. Best of luck to you as well!

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    Default Re: New girl :)

    Unfortunately I'm unlikely to be passing Arizona shortly (I'm on the wrong side of the Atlantic).

    I would be interested in hearing how you get on - feel free to post (or PM me) when you have some news.

    Phil.

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