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Thread: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

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    Default Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    Question for the dancers...

    A small but significant minority of customers behave badly towards dancers - being 'grabby' when it's unwelcome, making disparaging comments, etc.

    Any dancers care to share their opinion as to why men (whom I hope don't behave that way out in the real world) suddenly feel it is acceptable to behave in that manner inside a strip club?

    Phil.

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    eh...

    irl, they are either just as obnoxious or total wimps who come to the clubs to take it out on someone. or they're so drunk/high they don't know what they fuck they're doing.

    in the club...
    -maybe they just think that we aren't human beings and they can act how they want
    -maybe they know we're human beings and want to get us mad or upset
    -maybe they're looking for the tough bitch who'll put them in their place so they can spend their life savings getting kicked in the balls
    -maybe they read some pua shit and think that we'll fuck them if they neg us enough
    -maybe they're bitter because some girl led them on and hurt them and think we are all exactly the same
    -maybe they're with the boys and egging each other on and have reverted to elementary school behavior (nothing says "i think you're pretty" like pulling a girls hair and shoving her into a puddle)

    depends on the guy
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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    I would guess that very few of them actually feel it is acceptable to act that way. They do it anyway because they think they can get away with it.

    Dudes act like assholes in strip clubs for the same reason they act like assholes in real life. Because they're assholes.
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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    I like to relate things like this back to a sarcastic and awesome customer statement made when I was explaining the rules to him in VIP: "Well, I thought I was paying to do whatever I want!"

    Some guys do think like this. They think that the money makes it okay to treat us badly. And it's not necessarily that they want to treat women badly, we just happen to be women. They'd do it to men if they were in the club with us. They just want to feel like the boss. The king (the tyrant, that is). It's a power thing.

    On the other hand, some of the men who need to come into clubs ARE mad at women. And when they get a taste of having the upper hand, they want to see how much they can get away with--I'll teach you to drink the wine I bought you and still not give me your number!!

    I don't think many of them realize that clubs are still in the real world--sexual laws still apply. Even if you're paying a girl to dance, that doesn't mean that if she says no to something else you can take it anyway. It's still rape. But in a situation that gives the illusion of us selling our bodies rather than our IMAGE, that doesn't register.

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    Phil, thanks for posting this great question. It is really insightful how the dancers think that the customers think.

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    I think that it's really simply the chemistry to a man's brain. That neanderthal side that sees naked women and goes crazy. Men are really visual creatures, naked women = sex. It's possible that that the thought process is no longer rational and goes something like "if theres a naked woman in front of me, obviously that means she wants to have sex with me".

    Also, men can objectify women (especially naked women) very easily. And since we all know that to some, stripper is synonymous with whore, well why would you treat a whore with respect?

    There are also the guys that just want to see how much they can get away with, or how much they can get for their money. I mean come on, you can get anything when the price is high enough right? And we're just lowly strippers, I mean, we should be jumping at ANY opportunity to make money (this philosophy goes back to the "all strippers are whores mentality).

    Now I'm not saying that every single guy who walks into a sc is no longer going to be able to control himself, or is just a complete self absorbed asshole. On the contrary, a lot of my customers are very well behaved, but there are always a few who try to grab at me, or touch me, thinking that because Im taking my clothes off for money I must want it. The truth is that you can sit here analyzing til your blue in the face, some guys just don't give a damn about how they treat ANYONE. Not to mention, that it's not just guys who behave badly in a sc setting. Women can be downright nasty.

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W View Post
    Question for the dancers...

    A small but significant minority of customers behave badly towards dancers - being 'grabby' when it's unwelcome, making disparaging comments, etc.
    - because they are drunk
    - because they have low self esteem, and making strong beautiful women feel ugly, dirty, or cheap makes them feel better
    - because normal women don't have sex with them, so they'll take any chance they get to cop a feel
    - because they have mommy issues
    - because they have overt misogynistic tendencies and treat all women badly
    - because they have latent misogynistic tendencies and treat women in the "real world" well but feel that we are lesser, and that we deserve or like to be abused
    - because they feel like they've paid for the right to do so/ they don't know the difference between a stripper and a prostitute
    "If she wants to dance and drink all night, well there's no one that can stop her. She's going til the house lights come up or her stomach spills onto the floor. This night is gonna end when we're damn well ready for it to be over, worked all week long, and now the music is playing on our time. Yeah we do what we do to get by, and then we need a release!" - Against Me!, "Thrash Unreal"

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    ^ lol.

    i also feel like it's necessary to add (once again) that the best money always comes from the customers who are easiest to deal with, even enjoyable. maybe that isn't the universal experience, but it's very much my experience. as soon as a guy i'm talking to becomes annoying, i usually just walk away.
    -love everyone but keep them far from your soul-

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    Quote Originally Posted by she sells sanctuary View Post
    ^ lol.

    i also feel like it's necessary to add (once again) that the best money always comes from the customers who are easiest to deal with, even enjoyable. maybe that isn't the universal experience, but it's very much my experience. as soon as a guy i'm talking to becomes annoying, i usually just walk away.
    Truth.
    As soon as he gets annoying, it becomes this battle, to finish what you started (close the sale, finish the dance, etc), and any more than that becomes this struggle to force yourself to do something you hate.
    It's hard for me to spend more time with a guy and seem like I'm enjoying it if I don't want to anymore, and I'm sure they can tell.

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    To answer the OP, i'm adding that i think some guys get grabby or behave badly because they completely misunderstand dancers and what they want. They have ideas that Dancer A works here because she's so horny, shes probably a nympho, Dancer B is works here because she's stupid and can't handle any other jobs, Dancer C is desperate because she has kids, and then they're these amateur psychologists who think they can see through the girls and know what they really think and want.

    Me: "Will you calm down? I really can't keep dancing if your tongue and your hands are everywhere."
    Him: "Well, but you're still smiling! Haha! You want it. You're so sexy and you know it!

    But that's me thinking I know that they're thinking they know what we're thinking. So now it's just confusing and probably all wrong.

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    Cause anywhere else in their life.
    Their probably the biggest loser.
    No respect, no friends.
    And they feel like they can make a dancer's life miserable, with bad comments etc.. to make them self feel superior.
    But you know what, i dont even sweat it.
    Cause end of the day, i got your money.
    And you can go back home with a hard on and live your miserable life.

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    Oh they act like that outside of the club.

    The number one reason is low self-esteem.

    Also the majority of men and women think that the opposite sex thinks like they do.

    Guys think that since strippers are half naked they are there to be groped, are horny and high all the time and can't find a husband to take care of them.

    Last time I checked most half naked women were there to make a living and it has nothing to do with being horny, a drug habit, marital status or doing ANYTHING for money. We make the rules not the guys.

    My body, my rules.

    Some men don't seem to understand that in or out of the clubs.




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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    • The rules of strip clubs are ambiguous at best. I think a fair share of customers just don't really know what the social protocol is supposed to be and try to define that for themselves based on past strip club experiences or pop culture ideas of strip clubs.
    • They come to the clubs specifically to objectify women. Objects, by their nature don't have feelings.
    • Instant asshole- just add alcohol
    • Projection of negative feelings toward an ex is taken out on a stripper instead.

    My biggie is that strippers are no longer "untouchable" stage only entertainers. Lap dancing changed the whole vibe of a strip club into something that customers can purchase for their personal enjoyment, instead of tipping a stage entertainer en masse.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    All that Paris said!
    I view it like this, when the guys walk in through the club door any respect they might have for us goes out the same door they came in. They think of every rap video and corny mafia strip club movie they have seen and assume we are all cheap whores who will do anything for a buck or even really really want to be groped since we are all sex addicts.
    Strangely though, all that gross behavior seems to melt away when they leave.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    Everyone in here is making really great points.

    I was actualy explaining this to a younger girl in my club just a couple of weeks ago. She was all offended for me about some nasty thing a guy had said to me, and I was feeling pretty blase about it. I told her that sometimes, we just have to ether smile and be nice, or walk away. Because, "look at these guys. They're physically unattractive, they often smell like corn chips, they're broke, and they're paying $5 on a Sunday night to look at girls who would never talk to them for free. They really feel like they need to be better than somebody." On the other hand, sometimes, but only sometimes, it's totally cool to kick them in the face with your pointy heel.

    It might be an inner city Mexican thing, but I also find that I get a lot of guys who are honestly flabbergasted that I'm not a prostitute. "Don't you want to make money?" Me: "Yes, but I make enough doing just dancing." "How do you make any money doing this?" To them, looking at girls on stage, or even getting a lapdance is just the appetizer for what they view as the REAL point, finding out who will go home/to the hotel with them for the least amount of money.

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    Thanks for the replies... FWIW, my thoughts.

    I think there are two problems, stereotyping and cognitive dissonance.

    Quote Originally Posted by lilymiaomiao View Post
    To answer the OP, i'm adding that i think some guys get grabby or behave badly because they completely misunderstand dancers and what they want. They have ideas that Dancer A works here because she's so horny, shes probably a nympho, Dancer B is works here because she's stupid and can't handle any other jobs, Dancer C is desperate because she has kids, and then they're these amateur psychologists who think they can see through the girls and know what they really think and want.
    Many guys never see behind the scenes. All they see is a dancer's work persona - and innumerable documentaries and articles about coke-addicted exhibitionists. So, they come into SC's with a complete misconception about dancers. So, as has been commented, they think a different standard of behavior is acceptable because of the stereotype they have of dancers.

    Quote Originally Posted by gypsy_girlchild View Post
    Strangely though, all that gross behavior seems to melt away when they leave.
    Add in cognitive dissonance - if they're aware that their behavior is unacceptable in the real world, they'll find a way of rationalizing them doing it inside a SC. We rarely knowingly act wrong - we find a way of reconciling that wrong action with our belief system first.

    Quote Originally Posted by JayATee View Post
    There are also the guys that just want to see how much they can get away with, or how much they can get for their money. I mean come on, you can get anything when the price is high enough right? And we're just lowly strippers, I mean, we should be jumping at ANY opportunity to make money (this philosophy goes back to the "all strippers are whores mentality).
    And there are sadly predatory individuals as well - who find fertile ground to behave badly inside SC's. I'm sure a percentage of guys walk in with the intent to get away with as much as they can - short of a beating from the bouncers. And they're definitely a-holes in real life as well as inside SC's.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    Quote Originally Posted by she sells sanctuary View Post
    eh...

    irl, they are either just as obnoxious or total wimps who come to the clubs to take it out on someone. or they're so drunk/high they don't know what they fuck they're doing.

    in the club...
    -maybe they just think that we aren't human beings and they can act how they want
    -maybe they know we're human beings and want to get us mad or upset
    -maybe they're looking for the tough bitch who'll put them in their place so they can spend their life savings getting kicked in the balls
    -maybe they read some pua shit and think that we'll fuck them if they neg us enough
    -maybe they're bitter because some girl led them on and hurt them and think we are all exactly the same
    -maybe they're with the boys and egging each other on and have reverted to elementary school behavior (nothing says "i think you're pretty" like pulling a girls hair and shoving her into a puddle)

    depends on the guy
    Wow. I think that pretty much sums it up.

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    Most ( note I said most ) men are little boys in big people suits.

    Add Liquor, their friends and half or naked women mix well and you have a recipe for idiotic behavior.

    Men that have been married for a lengthy amount of time forget how to treat other woman - especially women that they think are attractive. So, to cover their ineptitude they use bravado and machismo. Then you have stupidity.

    Quite simple really.

    Or you have the man who thinks all women should be barefoot and pregnant and that man simply put has no place in a strip club - because after a short visit he is bound to get his ego and feelings hurt. Badly.

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    Quote Originally Posted by lilymiaomiao View Post
    To answer the OP, i'm adding that i think some guys get grabby or behave badly because they completely misunderstand dancers and what they want. They have ideas that Dancer A works here because she's so horny, shes probably a nympho, Dancer B is works here because she's stupid and can't handle any other jobs, Dancer C is desperate because she has kids, and then they're these amateur psychologists who think they can see through the girls and know what they really think and want.
    So true.. They love placing us into stereotypes. That way they "understand" us.

    Many guys think of us as nothings they can talk to however they want and treat like crap so they feel better about their own lives...

    One reason is for sure SEXUAL FRUSTRATION!

    I'd also agree it is true that the ones that treat us with the most respect are often the ones who spend more money. Mean guys are generally not worth the hassle.

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lilymiaomiao
    To answer the OP, i'm adding that i think some guys get grabby or behave badly because they completely misunderstand dancers and what they want. They have ideas that Dancer A works here because she's so horny, shes probably a nympho, Dancer B is works here because she's stupid and can't handle any other jobs, Dancer C is desperate because she has kids, and then they're these amateur psychologists who think they can see through the girls and know what they really think and want.
    One of my majors was in psych and i find all people interesting and like to find out how everyone ticks. With that said regardless if i am in the club or out--i find myself always analyzing my partner in conversation. I do not ask you stupid questions like why you went this way or how does that make you feel---but it is extremely hard not to notice ways people handle themselves and how they react to certain situations. I find it enjoyable to see someone that has done this for years and have the art down to a science. I have the upmost respect for a dancer that has made this their living and has put food on the table and saved for retirement. How can you not respect that as long as they have self respect in what they do. I found some very intriguing intellegent women in clubs over the years.

    Some of the smartest people i know never graduated from college and some not even high school, but that has not stopped them becoming very successful at what they do. OTH i have met some very educated people that are just dumbasses all the way around. Any customer that goes into a club thinking that he has a bunch of ladies that couldnt do anything else but dance for him is just and idiot and is clueless about real life.

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    Default Re: Question for the ladies - reasons why customers behave obnoxiously?

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W View Post
    Question for the dancers...

    A small but significant minority of customers behave badly towards dancers - being 'grabby' when it's unwelcome, making disparaging comments, etc.

    Any dancers care to share their opinion as to why men (whom I hope don't behave that way out in the real world) suddenly feel it is acceptable to behave in that manner inside a strip club?

    Phil.
    I think a lot of this has to do with media influences. The media tends to group everyone in the sex industry into one: prostitutes/strippers/porn actors/etc. The second you step into the industry, you're move to the fringe of society. This results in people thinking that it's okay to cross lines.

    Other reasons (to echo other responses in this thread)

    1) As a mindfuck: they want to see to what extent we'll ignore things.

    2) They want to see how far they can get, whether because they want to tell their friends about it later or just because they're ornery.

    3). To try to put us in our places. Women are whores. Proof? Customer just got away with touching us inappropriately. Which leads to...

    4) Women issues. Whether they didn't date the pretty women in high school or because they still experience disdain from women, they feel like it's our time to "pay up" for the problems they've had.

    5) They feel entitled to it. They paid X amount of money and therefore now deserve whatever they'd like.

    6) Because it feels good to them, and they want to make the dancer feel good too.

    7) Because they feel awkward in the one-sidedness of the dance experience and want to try to engage the dancer in a sexual exchange.

    8. Because they're horny, drunk, and not thinking.

    Endless reasons... Many of which I don't even think the customers are aware. Men tend to simplify themselves, and their feelings require a strong lens to decipher. And, of course, multiple reasons can occur in one person.

    Regardless, I honestly try to sympathize with them. Everyone has a reason for doing what they do. My job is to read them quickly and try to prevent them from crossing any lines they seem inclined to cross.

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