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Thread: Fuck my life.

  1. #1
    Veteran Member knp001's Avatar
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    Duh Fuck my life.

    ok, I am sorry if I sound bitchy in the following post. I am not mad at anyone - only myself. This is a semi-rant, semi-pathetic beg. Here goes:

    I am fucking DONE with diet and exercise. Whenever I try to eat healthier, I wind up eating WORSE. This may be bingeing, bingeing and purging, or starving myself. Lately, I had been attempting to eat SIMPLY in a HEALTHY manner. Not to loose weight, just healthier. This has lead to a weeks-long binge that has added 10 pounds to my fat ass, caused me to rethink going back to an eating disorder that I thought was PERMANENTLY in my past, and sent me into a shitty, funky depression that I had been overcoming.

    Secondly, I FUCKING DESPISE ORGANIZED EXERCISE. And if there's one thing I learned in eating disorder treatment, it is to only do exercise you like. I enjoy dancing (haha, obvi) and simply walking around. I HATE jogging, pilates, and any other shit that will make me think *OMG EXERCISE* But I do the fun stuff that I actually DO enjoy (and sometimes even ACTUAL exercise like running and weight lifting) when I am out of this bingeing funk.

    So, to summarise so far:
    me + diet = no diet and no exercise
    me + no diet = healthy eating and exercise

    Now, say what you will about what I am about to say, but just know that you will not change my mind:
    I KNOW my body. I've been living with this bitch for 20 years. I KNOW that in order to get out of this funk I'm in, I need to stop thinking about food. And I know the best way to do this is to lose this weight. But if I try to lose it on my own (with a diet), I'll just stay in this binge mode. See the vicious circle?

    I want some diet pills. Preferably phentermine.
    This has worked for me before. But I went to the doctor today and he told me that I was too healthy (BMI-wise) for the pills. I walked home and just started SOBBING. And now I'm starting to do it again. FML. But doesn't he understand!?!?!? WTF??!?!?!! I'm just like, "Fine, fuck you. I'll come back when I'm fat. Way to help, doc." He just told me to watch my diet even though I told him EVERYTHING I've just typed out. FUCK HIM. FUCK EVERYTHING.

    My question is, where is a doctor in Sydney, AU who will prescribe me what I want? This is my last resort. I am done with everything else. I am sick of trying to explain this to idiot doctors who tell me I simply need to "watch my diet" or "exercise more" after I've told them everything I've just typed out.

    Sorry for the rant. Thanks for reading. I'm going to go cry then eat some chocolate, and prolly a ton of other shit that I don't need. FML
    Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect."
    - Shakespeare




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    Default Re: Fuck my life.

    well i dont know what to say. but i did read your post so someone is listening if it makes you feel better. i'm sure one of these other ladies can offer some good advice. i bet that you dont look fat at all. youre just being too hard on yourself.

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    Veteran Member angelicat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fuck my life.

    I think you just need to realize that eating/exercising is a mind over matter issue. If you tell yourself that you hate traditional exercise programs, you will. Instead, tell yourself that you enjoy exercise. If you do it enough, your brain will start to believe you. If you can stick to something for 21 days, you can stick to it period... This is how long it takes for your brain to form a habit.

    As for eating, I have posted here before saying that eating shouldn't be for enjoyment. Food is fuel for your body- that's it! So, before you eat, ask yourself if what you are about to eat is good or bad for your health. Shop the outside of the grocery store, not the aisles so that you are eating fresh foods. Learn how to cook healthy AND delicious foods.

    I guarantee that once you eat healthy (less sodium, no refined sugars, no alcohol, only healthy fats, grains, lean protein, tons of vegetables and fruit and WATER) for a period of time you will no longer have any food cravings. If you eat healthfully you will not feel the need to purge. Healthy eating habits will stop you from bingeing as well.

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    Featured Member Jezzebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fuck my life.

    knp, you sounded extremly wise about it all till you said you wanted diet pills.

    Diets suck, excersise you dont like sucks. Life is too short for either. If you really know how to listen to your body and what it wants, you wont need diet pills either.
    A civilian spends money to look good
    A stripper looks good to make money
    A civilian may be after your wage
    A stripper laughs at your wage

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    Member Cat2008's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fuck my life.

    Phentermine is not really good for your heart. Please don't go there for sake of losing few pounds which I am sure more psychological want to lose rather than medical need for that.
    With motivation like that I am sure you can overcome dislike for exercise. Just need to exercise everyday without skipping to form habit as has been said before. I'm sure straight 30 min of jumping with jumping-rope in front of your favorite TV show will not take too much time of your day. It will also decrease desire to eat. Also good for you and prevent cellulite from forming (which diet pill WILL NOT).
    I am not too big on diets either, it make me overeat as well.

  8. #6
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fuck my life.

    Quote Originally Posted by angelicat View Post
    As for eating, I have posted here before saying that eating shouldn't be for enjoyment. Food is fuel for your body- that's it! So, before you eat, ask yourself if what you are about to eat is good or bad for your health. Shop the outside of the grocery store, not the aisles so that you are eating fresh foods. Learn how to cook healthy AND delicious foods.
    Actually, eating is pleasurable when foods are prepared correctly. A big exception is that food manufacturers put chemicals in food to make it taste good, but really the chemicals are very unhealthy (like trans fats and HFCS). The pleasure we get from food is a survival instinct so that we don't eat poison, yucky=poison.

    Knp001, please consider seeing a mental health professional. It sounds to me like you are obsessed with your weight. Your Dr. has told you that you are of a healthy BMI. What if you have to live in your body the rest of your life? Can you be happy with your natural, healthy body? The title of your post suggests that maybe you aren't very happy being healthy and are willing to sacrifice your health for what you perceive as physical perfection.

    You might also consider plastic surgery to sculpt your body. I was very unhappy with my figure until I got boobs. I was so strict with diet and exercise to the point that my friends would just roll their eyes when I decline a slice of pie or a glass of wine because it wasn't on my "approved" foods list. After I got my boobs, I started exercising in a way that I found fun (dancing, biking, yoga) and eating what I wanted. I didn't gain any weight! I stopped killing myself at the gym 4 days a week and eating real food. I love stuff like coffee with cream and cheese on everything. Fattening foods are not going to make you fat if you eat them in moderation. You will actually get trace nutrients from the "bad" stuff that you might not get otherwise.

    Believe it or not, I actually have more energy and am healthier than I've ever been. I'm almost 40 and not at all worried about what I eat anymore. I thank plastic surgery for freeing my mind to accept my body.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Veteran Member knp001's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fuck my life.

    ^^ I've already had some work done. I dunno, my moods with my weight like this have come and gone over the last 5 or so years. I'm just so sick of this cycle. I tried eating healthily today and i just binged.
    Also, I cannot afford to see anyone right now (mental health wise). my insurance won't cover it. And i've seen people in the past; it's worked shit. I just want to be happy with my weight again. this is the most frustrating, upsetting feeling in the world!
    Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect."
    - Shakespeare




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    Veteran Member Lklucky's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fuck my life.

    Quote Originally Posted by knp001 View Post
    ^^ I've already had some work done. I dunno, my moods with my weight like this have come and gone over the last 5 or so years. I'm just so sick of this cycle. I tried eating healthily today and i just binged.
    Also, I cannot afford to see anyone right now (mental health wise). my insurance won't cover it. And i've seen people in the past; it's worked shit. I just want to be happy with my weight again. this is the most frustrating, upsetting feeling in the world!

    I take over the counter phenylalanine from GNC (ingrediant that is in diet coke) and that works like phentermine for me and I have a HUGE appetite usually.

  11. #9
    Senior Member patchouli's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fuck my life.

    Quote Originally Posted by knp001 View Post
    ^^ I've already had some work done. I dunno, my moods with my weight like this have come and gone over the last 5 or so years. I'm just so sick of this cycle. I tried eating healthily today and i just binged.
    Also, I cannot afford to see anyone right now (mental health wise). my insurance won't cover it. And i've seen people in the past; it's worked shit. I just want to be happy with my weight again. this is the most frustrating, upsetting feeling in the world!
    I don't think you can afford *not* to see a therapist at this point. You're suffering and you deserve to feel good about yourself.

  12. #10
    Veteran Member knp001's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fuck my life.

    ^^ awww, thanks for the cyber hug!
    thanks everyone, I think I just had super terrible PMS, i've just moved to a different country, and I think it was all the stress of that plus school that just gave me a mini-meltdown - ugh!
    lklucky, I'll try that. I think that after being on prescription meds for so long, I want to try a *relatively* natural approach!
    today, I am semi-back on track with eating, thanks to you all and SW!! I am just going to try and eat normally, cos that's actually when I lose the most weight! but thanks all
    Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect."
    - Shakespeare




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    Veteran Member Miss Chevious's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fuck my life.

    deleted
    Last edited by Miss Chevious; 06-27-2014 at 10:41 PM.

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