Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Any recovery from being a psycho?

  1. #1
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    St. Louis
    Posts
    815
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 43 Times in 31 Posts

    Default Any recovery from being a psycho?

    Some of you may remember my post from a few months back about a falling-out with my dancer friend. Very short version, I was her ITC customer for 1 year, then OTC club friend (with no ITC or $$ in or out of the club) for 1 year.

    Then I pushed her for more (not romance, it's hard to explain), she got cold and cut off contact, and I got obsessive and spent several weeks trying to contact her when she didn't want me to. All cyber -- not physically stalking or anything. Dropped something for her at the club a couple of times (purposely didn't see her) when I wasn't sure if she was seeing my e-messages.

    Well, objectively, I've been kinda nuts. She did a lot wrong too, but I can only work on myself. Have stopped trying contact for the last few weeks.

    So the question for the ladies is -- is there any way to recover from being a pseudo-psycho? Or once I have that label (fairly), is the only thing to do is move on with my life, write her off as a friend forever, and let it be a lesson to myself never to get that way again?

  2. #2
    Veteran Member *~Angel~*'s Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Middle of Nowhere, Wisconsin
    Posts
    411
    Thanks
    21
    Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts

    Default Re: Any recovery from being a psycho?

    Obviously if she got cold it means she doesnt want you in the same way you want her. Maybe you should cool things off, let her make the first contact when and what she wants to say. If you let her initiate the contact then you know she feels comfortable to talk to you. Just be careful in things like this. Let her take it as far as she wants, and how long she wants. You obviously like her, but you might have to be careful with your steps, and let her make the moves if she wants to.

    You do understand right? Clearly she feels uncomfortable, and you have to let her get her feet back again, and let her feel more comfortable with you and the situation. It takes time, I guess. Good luck.

  3. #3
    God/dess JayATee's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2008
    Location
    In your nightmares...
    Posts
    4,861
    Thanks
    1,334
    Thanked 2,291 Times in 1,133 Posts
    My Mood
    Devilish

    Default Re: Any recovery from being a psycho?

    Quote Originally Posted by Everyman View Post
    So the question for the ladies is -- is there any way to recover from being a pseudo-psycho? Or once I have that label (fairly), is the only thing to do is move on with my life, write her off as a friend forever, and let it be a lesson to myself never to get that way again?
    You kinda already answered yourself with this last sentence.

    I don't think there is any recovery in terms of your relationship with her. The damage is done. She's never going to look at you the same way again, and quite frankly, you shouldn't want someone that doesn't want you the same way, or makes you turn into some crazy, obsessed, alter-ego. This is a life lesson moment. Use it to learn what you shouldn't do the next time, because this might've played out very differently for you, and you could've still had a great friend even if she didn't want the "more" side of it.

  4. #4
    Veteran Member bsteve's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    306
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts

    Default Re: Any recovery from being a psycho?

    Dude, I know that you didn't ask a guy's opinion, but I'd say just forget it. Aren't there like hundreds of similar girls like her that you can start off with a clean slate? It's better for you, it's better for her.

  5. #5
    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    2,520
    Thanks
    348
    Thanked 878 Times in 506 Posts

    Default Re: Any recovery from being a psycho?

    You can't fucking come back from that. Sorry, but it's true. If some girl stalked you and scared the crap out of you...would you ever wanna be friends again??? You might eventually stop calling the cops when you saw her... but that's as good as it'll probably get.

    Eek... you weren't sure if she was seeing your e-messages? Yeah, right. She won't buy that either. You came by her work, even though you knew she didn't want to see you, but you were nice enough not to actually see her. Tell it for what it is! Don't be that big a pussy!

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to princessjas For This Useful Post:


  7. #6
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Feb 2005
    Location
    florida
    Posts
    1,864
    Thanks
    83
    Thanked 457 Times in 287 Posts

    Default Re: Any recovery from being a psycho?

    move on.

    from what you described, it seems like the dynamic between the two of you lead to you going a bit nuts. it wasn't soley you. especially if she just cut off contact very abruptly, that was very mean and a bit unneccesary. of course, if she took the time to explain things to you, then you are completely at fault for continuing to bother her. i don't know. it sounded like she was abrupt from your description.

    but you can walk away. it'll take time. when we don't have closure, moving on can be hard.

    assuming it was an abrupt thing on her part, you can definitely recover from being kinda psycho. next time someone abruptly disappears from your life like that, accept it and walk away. that is who they are. it isn't necessarily your fault, and there is likely nothing you can do to bring them around...and if there were, it would just be a constant cycle of drama, and who wants that.
    -love everyone but keep them far from your soul-

  8. #7
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    St. Louis
    Posts
    815
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 43 Times in 31 Posts

    Default Re: Any recovery from being a psycho?

    Quote Originally Posted by she sells sanctuary View Post
    move on.

    from what you described, it seems like the dynamic between the two of you lead to you going a bit nuts. it wasn't soley you. especially if she just cut off contact very abruptly, that was very mean and a bit unneccesary. of course, if she took the time to explain things to you, then you are completely at fault for continuing to bother her. i don't know. it sounded like she was abrupt from your description.

    but you can walk away. it'll take time. when we don't have closure, moving on can be hard.

    assuming it was an abrupt thing on her part, you can definitely recover from being kinda psycho. next time someone abruptly disappears from your life like that, accept it and walk away. that is who they are. it isn't necessarily your fault, and there is likely nothing you can do to bring them around...and if there were, it would just be a constant cycle of drama, and who wants that.
    All responses helpful, but this one nailed pretty exactly what was going on. We ALREADY had a cycle of drama. She did this once before a few months ago, and through persistence I was able to "bring her back" after about a month. And funny thing, after I brought her back we were closer than we've ever been -- talking about very personal things; she would send me semi-nude pics of herself even though we had nothing sexual/romantic between us. More like bragging about "I look hot here."

    So then she cut off contact abruptly again when I brought up That Which Shall Not Be Talked About. And I thought high pressure & persistence would bring her back again. And it didn't...so I kept turning up the heat.

    Clearly, she's kinda nuts, but being nuts in return wasn't the answer. What's the nut version of two wrongs don't make a right?

    "Let it go" is what everyone's saying, and I think everyone is right.

  9. #8
    Member
    Joined
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    51
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Any recovery from being a psycho?

    Quote Originally Posted by Everyman View Post
    "Let it go" is what everyone's saying, and I think everyone is right.
    True, but easier said than done bro. Lack of cloure for me led to a touch of psycho I didn't know was in me. Time does not heal all wounds, but it does allow for understanding and forgiveness to more easily come into play. With my personal train-wreck situation last year, where I was seeking only rational thought, communication and closure, I found that letting a few months go by led to a cordial relationship as opposed to ice-cold silence or fake smiles. This did not come until I could "let it go" and move on.

    For the next couple of weeks (the length of time depending on how OC you are), write on your bathroom mirror with soap "LET IT GO." It may help to see it every morning.

    Good luck,

    MH

  10. #9
    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    4,969
    Thanks
    1,811
    Thanked 597 Times in 382 Posts
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default Re: Any recovery from being a psycho?

    This is what can happen when you find yourself living more and more in your head, identifying with your thoughts, and your ego. It invariably leads to suffering. Your thoughts are all about the past and the future...not the present. It's all I should have done this or she should have done that in the past, or omg how will I get on without her in my life, in the future. But life is lived in the now.

    When you find yourself obsessively thinking about the girl, just notice the thoughts, and the feelings associated with those thoughts (the emotions of fear or sadness are our bodies physical reactions to our thoughts), and concentrate on your breathing. Meditate. Just the noticing is usually enough as that is something that can only take place in the present. Be the observer of your thoughts rather than "being your thoughts".

  11. #10
    Veteran Member dreamer1980's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    401
    Thanks
    197
    Thanked 89 Times in 72 Posts

    Default Re: Any recovery from being a psycho?

    Quote Originally Posted by hockeybobby View Post
    This is what can happen when you find yourself living more and more in your head, identifying with your thoughts, and your ego. It invariably leads to suffering. Your thoughts are all about the past and the future...not the present. It's all I should have done this or she should have done that in the past, or omg how will I get on without her in my life, in the future. But life is lived in the now.

    When you find yourself obsessively thinking about the girl, just notice the thoughts, and the feelings associated with those thoughts (the emotions of fear or sadness are our bodies physical reactions to our thoughts), and concentrate on your breathing. Meditate. Just the noticing is usually enough as that is something that can only take place in the present. Be the observer of your thoughts rather than "being your thoughts".
    excellent advice . the way you feel emotionally is a direct result of your thinking. thoughts bring a chemical reaction in your body, good or bad. people that suffer from anxiety/depression usually are negative thinkers, thats why therapy can be effective as it teaches the patient the benefits of positive thinking and thought/feeling separation. what hockeybobby said is spot on!

Similar Threads

  1. Psycho Customer
    By J.D. in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 05-28-2009, 08:10 PM
  2. My ex is psycho. Really.
    By TheLioness in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 07-14-2008, 03:25 PM
  3. American Psycho
    By Tart in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 07-01-2006, 01:48 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •