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Thread: Romance on the Job

  1. #26
    Veteran Member SteveSmith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Romances happen on occasion in the SC but it's not something you look for and it's a total random thing. Trying to pick out a dancer for a relationship would be extremely difficult.

    I know a couple of guys (neighbor, and a friend of a friend) who met dancers at the strip club and they eventually married. A business associate of mine met a waitress at a SC and they married.

    Crushes, dating, hook-ups, marriages, etc., in SCs are not as rare as some people on this forum make it out to be (not super common, either, but somewhere in between). Not that you go looking for that in the SC, but it happens.

    Put men and women together in close physical contact and this is bound to happen. Some dancers never date customers and some do. One dancer may date only one customer in all the years she's been dancing and may never do it again. Again, totally random.

    That being said, the guy usually has to be close to the dancer's level when it comes to looks, physical shape, personality, etc., for an attraction from the dancer to occur. There are all kinds of exceptions to this rule, though.
    Last edited by SteveSmith; 03-14-2009 at 01:00 PM.

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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    What Steve said... Also, Mediocrity and Cat... and I "third" Yoda's comment. I met a dancer at a club and was not looking for a date or OTC relationship.

    We now date (I think that's what I would call it) when I'm in town. It's a somewhat odd but working relationship. The meetings started as "buy outs" but evolved to no $$ exchange unless I want to see her more than one night in a week.... in that case, the second night cuts into her earnings because she would actually be taking a night off to be with me... plus she has to hire a sitter for any night out. I've started covering the sitter's cost.

    She later defined buy out as what I would normally spend in a club, not based on what she would make on a good night, or even an average night. See "Dancer buy-out" post for more details. It's still going great, fun; no pressure or sexpectation. Following excellent advice on this board, I'm just going with the flow. We are planning a couple of trips together.

    Point of my ramblings: it can happen. Best not to look for it and be yourself and let it evolve. Let the OTC be her idea.

    MH

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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveSmith View Post
    Crushes, dating, hook-ups, marriages, etc., in SCs are not as rare as some people on this forum make it out to be (not super common, either, but somewhere in between). Not that you go looking for that in the SC, but it happens.
    I get to hear a fair bit of dancer gossip, so I'd say that relationships that start in a SC are fairly rare.

    I think your chances are better if you're an infrequent visitor to SC's. If you're a regular (once or twice a week) visitor, your chances are very poor indeed.

    That's because the frequency of visits is signaling a fair bit about your motivations/personality to the dancers.

    Phil.

  5. #29
    Veteran Member commanderadama's Avatar
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    It has been my experience that it is no harder getting the affections of a stripper than getting the affections of any other single woman with similar levels of attractiveness and social class in her work environment, for example... waitresses.

    Although, in my recent trips out to various clubs in my region I've noticed a disturbing trend of disrespect directed towards the ladies working in these establishments. Since the clubs in my area are Hard Contact too many of the customers treat the ladies like whores. I often wonder how the women cope with being fondled for money. You figure, to make a decent buck, 600 per night, they'll get fondled by 10 strange men. Each encounter they have to worry about him trying to penetrate her while at the same pretending to be intimate with him. It has to take a toll on their psyche.

    Add this social dynamic to the hookup culture of the non-strip clubs and it's understandable why the 20 somethings are seriously confused... Well considering the person who started this thread is 30 something, I guess a lot of people are just confused.

    So, what I'm trying to convey is that strippers are women who are no more or less jaded than any other women in our society. I do both club scenes and the women are basically the same. The like me for my money. LOL

  6. #30
    Veteran Member SteveSmith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W View Post
    I get to hear a fair bit of dancer gossip, so I'd say that relationships that start in a SC are fairly rare.

    I think your chances are better if you're an infrequent visitor to SC's. If you're a regular (once or twice a week) visitor, your chances are very poor indeed.

    That's because the frequency of visits is signaling a fair bit about your motivations/personality to the dancers.

    Phil.

    Rare to me means 1 out of a 1000. That would mean that only 1 out of a 1000 dancers have dated a customer during their time as a dancer.

    Take 100 dancers who've danced for 7 years and I'd say that 30% have dated at least one customer in that 7 years. Probably at least half have had a mad crush or two on a customer in that time.

    30% is not rare, 1 out of a 1000 is.

  7. #31
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    "That's because the frequency of visits is signaling a fair bit about your motivations/personality to the dancers. "
    It would be probably funny to date someone who is a regular but consider also this. If someone comes to strip-club often, dancers can get his money anytime: there is no need to go extra mile to get him interested. If he is do not come often maybe it is worth to recruit him as a regular by faking affection. Yes, I am cynical. Bottom line is, I doubt that dancer will respect regular less than the one who is come in clubs seldom. I, for example, don't. But again, I do not look for a date.

    Commanderdama, IMHO, there two holes in your logic. First, do we speak about true love/romance or hookup? The second, your experience may not reflect population average. Maybe with your money/generosity you stand so far apart from crowd that it is only true for you. I bet some famous rock star would not found any problems with dating stripper neither. Maybe, being rich or famous or whatever is not only attractive because of money but also open door to fantasy world and fantasy experiences which would not be otherwise available. From how author of topic put why he want to date dancer it sounds like he wants the same thing: a fantasy woman who leads exciting life (in his mind or not). Maybe he wants excitement he himself do not have. And this does not sound promising date-wise. Sorry for being discouraging and what not. It is just an opinion.

  8. #32
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    SteveSmith, I would look at this another way. What is your number tell about acceptance rate? Does your number 30% suggest that any particular guy have 30% of chance to get date!? If not, these numbers are do not have any meaning attached. You really have to see how many customers who wanted date dancers and how many out if this number actually got the date? And this will be success rate.

    Lets see, dancer worked for 7 years and dated 1 customer. Take random number of 100 guys per year (which is totally random and probably too low) proposing date with her multiply by 7 years and you will receive 0.14% f chance to get date with her and her specifically . Let say there is 100 dancers in club and guy asked out ALL of them, not only this particular dancer. When he will succeed to get date in 14%. OK...maybe not too low but who going to ask out 100 dancers!?!?

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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by Cat2008 View Post
    SteveSmith, I would look at this another way. What is your number tell about acceptance rate? Does your number 30% suggest that any particular guy have 30% of chance to get date!? If not, these numbers are do not have any meaning attached. You really have to see how many customers who wanted date dancers and how many out if this number actually got the date? And this will be success rate.

    Lets see, dancer worked for 7 years and dated 1 customer. Take random number of 100 guys per year (which is totally random and probably too low) proposing date with her multiply by 7 years and you will receive 0.14% f chance to get date with her and her specifically . Let say there is 100 dancers in club and guy asked out ALL of them, not only this particular dancer. When he will succeed to get date in 14%. OK...maybe not too low but who going to ask out 100 dancers!?!?
    You deserve a round of applause.

  10. #34
    Veteran Member SteveSmith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveSmith View Post
    That being said, the guy usually has to be close to the dancer's level when it comes to looks, physical shape, personality, etc., for an attraction from the dancer to occur. There are all kinds of exceptions to this rule, though.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cat2008 View Post
    SteveSmith, I would look at this another way. What is your number tell about acceptance rate? Does your number 30% suggest that any particular guy have 30% of chance to get date!? If not, these numbers are do not have any meaning attached. You really have to see how many customers who wanted date dancers and how many out if this number actually got the date? And this will be success rate.

    Lets see, dancer worked for 7 years and dated 1 customer. Take random number of 100 guys per year (which is totally random and probably too low) proposing date with her multiply by 7 years and you will receive 0.14% f chance to get date with her and her specifically . Let say there is 100 dancers in club and guy asked out ALL of them, not only this particular dancer. When he will succeed to get date in 14%. OK...maybe not too low but who going to ask out 100 dancers!?!?
    I've excluded 90% of the guys in the top paragraph.

    Guys that really want to date dancers is not as high as you think:
    http://forum.stripperweb.com/poll.ph...ts&pollid=1447

    Most of that SC banter like, "I love you," "will you go out with me," is Customer Shit (CS): Passive aggressive mind fucking.

    Many times, when a guy is not talking CS, then, "will you go out with me" usually means will you fuck me. Guys that really want to date a dancer usually get to know the dancer first and feel some chemistry with her. Then at that point, I'd consider the dating proposal serious. I wouldn't take a guy seriously if he just met a dancer and said, "will you go out with me." Customer Shit (CS).

    In my first post, I was saying that dating/hook-up/crushes were not as rare as some people on this forum says it is.

    I was talking more about what Mediocrity was saying in her post:
    http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?t=130656

    Not the silly, 100 times a week the dancer hears, "will you go out with me," CS.
    Last edited by SteveSmith; 03-15-2009 at 05:04 PM.

  11. #35
    Veteran Member commanderadama's Avatar
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by Cat2008 View Post
    "That's because the frequency of visits is signaling a fair bit about your motivations/personality to the dancers. "
    It would be probably funny to date someone who is a regular but consider also this. If someone comes to strip-club often, dancers can get his money anytime: there is no need to go extra mile to get him interested. If he is do not come often maybe it is worth to recruit him as a regular by faking affection. Yes, I am cynical. Bottom line is, I doubt that dancer will respect regular less than the one who is come in clubs seldom. I, for example, don't. But again, I do not look for a date.

    Commanderdama, IMHO, there two holes in your logic. First, do we speak about true love/romance or hookup? The second, your experience may not reflect population average. Maybe with your money/generosity you stand so far apart from crowd that it is only true for you. I bet some famous rock star would not found any problems with dating stripper neither. Maybe, being rich or famous or whatever is not only attractive because of money but also open door to fantasy world and fantasy experiences which would not be otherwise available. From how author of topic put why he want to date dancer it sounds like he wants the same thing: a fantasy woman who leads exciting life (in his mind or not). Maybe he wants excitement he himself do not have. And this does not sound promising date-wise. Sorry for being discouraging and what not. It is just an opinion.
    Hi Cat:

    I dated one dancer about 10 years ago. So I'm no player. I'm just saying getting her to hang out wasn't any harder than getting a waitress to hang out. I think women who work in such environments can tell who is sincere and who is insincere. So the formula I suggested to the original poster is a tested method to get a woman interested but it's not the formula that seals the deal it's the sincerity in which you execute it that counts. As you point out and as I suggested I doubt this guy has a chance because he's a pedestal man, that is he places women on pedestals and wants to be amazed by them. Which I agree is not a good foundation with which to build a relationship. I think reciprocity is key.

    Unfortunately, experienced players can fake sincerity, so YMMV.

    Besides, what do I know, I'm just a middle aged man who likes to fondle 20 somethings occasionally.

  12. #36
    Veteran Member SteveSmith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveSmith View Post

    In my first post, I was saying that dating/hook-up/crushes were not as rare as some people on this forum says it is.

    I was talking more about what Mediocrity was saying in her post:
    http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?t=130656

    Not the silly, 100 times a week the dancer hears, "will you go out with me," CS.

    While we're at it, let's add this thread to what I was talking about:

    http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?t=131168

  13. #37
    Veteran Member MissMynxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    I know of nearly NO dancers who will date someone that's come into the club as a customer. The minute you walk through that door, you've just fucked yourself.

    Of course, there are exceptions to the rule - and just by making this thread, Jack, you've proven that you are not, in fact, one of the exceptions. You are the type who (no offense) will get brushed off, laughed about in the dressing room, and will ultimately succeed only in pissing whatever poor girl you go after off.

    My current boyfriend is the exception to the rule.

    He walked into the club, saw me, and decided I was his new "stripper crush". We went back for a half-hour VIP; which he tipped me VERY well on (best way to a stripper's heart is through your wallet, my friends.). He kept his hands to his damn self, and focused on my face and what I had to say through the dance. In fact, I think I got about 5 minutes of dancing in before I was crashed out on the couch next to him with my shoes off talking about life.

    He left that night, not asking me a DAMN thing about my personal life, and only being grateful for what I deigned to share with him. He came back in a few nights later. I hadn't been able to stop thinking about him. He was respectful to a near-fault, attractive, secure, stable, and didn't try to impress me with bullshit and I didn't feel the need to give him a load of stripper shit either. I broke the rules, and blurted out my real name. His friend could tell I was interested, and got my phone number from me to give to him. He never asked me, and was actually a bit aghast that I'd done such a thing. He actually tried NOT to get my number.

    ... well, one thing lead to another and now we live together. It was his absolute disinterest and his having NO INTENTION of catching a date or fucking a stripper that made him so attractive to me, and made me look past the fact that we'd met in a club.

    ALL the other girls I know who have boyfriend/husbands/whatever that they met in a SC? It went down pretty much the same way. Strippers are not retarded, we can tell when a guy is feigning disinterest, and when he's genuinely disinterested.

    So, you kinda fail just by posting this thread. Anyway.

    </rant>
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    ...sweet things alone are not enough. Seduce me with more fire."

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    Veteran Member chris91's Avatar
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveSmith View Post

    Take 100 dancers who've danced for 7 years and I'd say that 30% have dated at least one customer in that 7 years. Probably at least half have had a mad crush or two on a customer in that time.

    30% is not rare, 1 out of a 1000 is.
    Where are you getting these numbers from? Even if you polygraph tested 100 strippers and found that 30 of them had dated customers, it wouldn't be a big enough sample to represent all of the strippers in the world or even the usa.

    Also, I don't think having a mad crush counts as a willingness to date customers. I've had many crushes that I never followed through on, because I knew it was a bad idea.
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by commanderadama View Post
    Jack:

    But I'm bored, so why don't you tell us about this special women you saw at a strip club. I'm guessing you've already developed a crush?
    I've had two crushes actually...

    I'm not a regular at a SC. I'll go maybe 10 to 12 times in a year... Mostly, when I am really depressed about a relationship. I don't believe in psychological analysis, so I seek my therapy at the SC.

    I've had strippers that have made me feel even worst then when I walked into the SC, because they are so cynical and went straight for the wallet... But, I've had a few that really nursed my wounds, listened to me and gave me very sound advice. Even without the lap dance, they made me smile and feel better. They were smarter and nicer than the college-grad career women that I usually associate with. Of course,... the lap dances made things even better...

    Now I'm not completely stupid, I know that what they did was for money, but you hear about people having crushes on their nurses, doctors and psychotherapists... Those people show care and affection for money too, don't they?

    My first crush said she was going to go out with me... I didn't really believe her, so I didn't pursue it seriously, but we talked about it and talked about things we could do together on a fun date... She had a daughter and I told her to bring her daughter kayaking with us... Everytime she saw me she would leave her company to come see me. I was not a big spender, but she treated me like a VIP. The last time I went to her SC looking for her, I was told she had been killed in a car accident. Obviously,... I was devestated.

    My second crush was a dancer I met on my way out of the SC. She was depressed because some customers had laughed at her choice of song... She asked me to buy her a lap dance and I told her I had already spent all my money and was leaving... But, she was so beautiful and looked sad,... I told her I would only buy one dance only. I only paid for one dance, but we talked for a long time afterwards. I also gave her a neck and shoulder massage and then we cuddled for at least 45 mnutes while I continued to caress her neck. It felt so nice cuddling with her. I finally told her I had to go... We kissed and I told her I would be back. I have gone back to that SC several times to find her, but never saw her again...

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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by MissMynxx View Post
    best way to a stripper's heart is through your wallet, my friends.
    This is the truest statement. With over six years of dancing under my belt, the only two men I've ever dated out of a SC spent a LOT of money on me, no hassle, no personal questions asked. I ended up marrying one of them. Honestly, he was truly cruising for a hot stripper-wife. He just has a thing for women who look like strippers (big hair/boobs/ass) and I was just right. He just happened to have a great approach.

    Now that you've put out your sob-story about falling for dancers, I'd say you're not stripper-dater material, either. As much as you'd love to believe it about finding a sex-worker/feminist/intellectual, it's not. You've got issues around dating women with the job. You're sentimental and it looks like you'll be banging your head against this brick wall for a while.

    Seriously, dude, enroll in a Women's Studies class, write a paper about how much you love strippers and watch a few of your little, nerdy classmates out themselves as strippers to you. There's your stripper-girlfriend, right there. I can tell right now you can't afford to meet anyone inside a club.
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    But ultimately I was the one who intiated the first date.

    Basically, be a gentleman, spend money, and let her come to you
    .

    Mediocrity,
    This is what i have seen over the years. As a customer i will never initiate anything in a club. Dating a stripper is not conducive to my lifestyle, hell dating anyone is not conducive to my lifestyle. My company is my life and unfortuantely i have no room for anything else. Yeah i know sad but hell i have grown to accept it.

    Anyway----------i have had a number of dancers initiate otc-----in all sorts of ways. Granted this is over many years and if your only entertainment is the clubs then it is bound to happen i guess. Why does this happen---i do not know but i agree with you 100%.


    the sad thing is that no matter what we say if a guy is going in the club to find a girlfriend there is nothing we can say that will change his mind and attitude. I truly believe that you are set in your thoughts and ways pretty quick in life. But hey at least he will support the arts for years to come....lol

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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by vivianbear View Post
    Now that you've put out your sob-story about falling for dancers, I'd say you're not stripper-dater material, either.
    Fuck it,... you're right... I treat women with respect and don't abandon them with a baby, so they have no choice, but to strip... I can be a little bit of an asshole believe me, but not that much... so, I'll never have a stripper girlfriend... I guess I'll just have to accept that.

    Quote Originally Posted by vivianbear View Post
    Seriously, dude, enroll in a Women's Studies class, write a paper about how much you love strippers and watch a few of your little, nerdy classmates out themselves as strippers to you.
    That is actually an excellent idea.

    Quote Originally Posted by vivianbear View Post
    I can tell right now you can't afford to meet anyone inside a club.
    That's bullshit. I'm not rich, but I'm a lawyer and I could spend a lot of money on strippers if I wanted... The reason I don't is because I am very tight with money and have other priorities -- I have investments and two homes - one of which is a beach house just steps away from the beach. These possessions last longer than a lap dance and get me all the free sex I want (love is a little more complicated, though).

    Two to five dances is all I need to go home and masterbate to a fantasy involving my favorite stripper. Will my masterbation get any better if I get 10 lap dances in the VIP room instead of 5 on a regular dark corner of the SC?... Not really... So what's the point?... Would you spend twice as much on legal fees as you have to in your next divorce or child custody battle?... I didn't think so.

    Also, around here, $300 - $500 could get you a full service at an upscale "Gentleman's Club", so its stupid to spend that much on dances.

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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    The fail-proof formula for getting any and every stripper to go home with you:

    1) Cop a feel during a private dance with your favorite stripper. You KNOW I like how you touch me in that special, manly way of yours.

    2) Spend every dime you've ever owned. Sell your assets. Buy me cars. This is the only way I'll be sure you're truly committed to our budding relationship.

    3) Propose to me in the middle of the club. This is very romantic and every stripper secretly desires to be propositioned for any number of things....especially marriage!1!!111!







    In all seriousness, it's weird enough that anyone would go into a club with the mindset of trying to pick up a stripper. It just shows you're more interested in her job than in the person. You can find stunningly, stunningly beautiful women who do NOT work in a strip club...so what's the point? Anyway, every woman is different...so trying to find the formula for success is pointless, IMHO.

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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Well... After all wisdom, negative thinking and lack of illusions keeps us from stupid mistakes but offer us no fun. The irrational and optimistic dreams are what we remember and cherish the most...

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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    In all seriousness, it's weird enough that anyone would go into a club with the mindset of trying to pick up a stripper.
    I explained my fondness for strippers... Its like you getting hurt in an accident, being rescued by a paramedic and developing a crush on him and a general attraction to paramedics,... even though the guy only rescued you because it was his job to do so...

    I've had two crushes involving dancers because they both rescued me when I was at low points in my life... I'm not saying I want to date ANY stripper... I wouldn't date any girl if that is all she had to offer... Its far easier to pay for a regular girlfriend to take stripping classes... I would only date a stripper with dreams, passions and ambitions beyond stripping... stripping has to be a mere stepping stone to something greater.... But, the fact that she has been a stripper shows her strong feminine spirit, sexual power, confidence and determination.

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    You can find stunningly, stunningly beautiful women who do NOT work in a strip club...so what's the point?
    Yes, I know, I married one... beautiful, smart, educated, traditional, conservative... After three years, she became a woman I paid to constantly beat the shit out of my ego... I decided I would rather pay women at the SC to massage it.

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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Fuck it,... you're right... I treat women with respect and don't abandon them with a baby, so they have no choice, but to strip... I can be a little bit of an asshole believe me, but not that much... so, I'll never have a stripper girlfriend... I guess I'll just have to accept that.
    what a nice passive aggressive cut down.
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    Veteran Member commanderadama's Avatar
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Yes, I know, I married one... beautiful, smart, educated, traditional, conservative... After three years, she became a woman I paid to constantly beat the shit out of my ego... I decided I would rather pay women at the SC to massage it.
    OK this is very interesting. Please expand on this topic...

    [ Is it just me or is Jack showing some misogynistic tendencies? ]

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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by velvet View Post
    what a nice passive aggressive cut down.
    You're right, Velvet,... Sorry... Delete that comment...

    I appreciate all the comments received on this thread... except the sarcastic comment regarding a friend who passed away.

  25. #49
    God/dess verfolgung's Avatar
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Is it true that dancers will never date a customer?
    Have you ever made an exception?
    What, if anything, could a customer do to sweep you off your feet... romantically speaking?

    Your first mistake is talking in absolutes. Is it NEVER true? Of course not. Just like most situations in life, there are usually some exceptions.

    Your second mistake, is to presume that being a dancer somehow makes one different than simply being a women.
    If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.


  26. #50
    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Romance on the Job

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    ... I can be a little bit of an asshole believe me, but not that much...
    As customers, coming to this website seeking wisdom, there comes a time for all of us...often after starting a thread just like this... when we come to the sad, inevitable realization that, yes indeed, I am just an eensy beensy bit of an asshole.

    It's ok though jack.
    It's ok.


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