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Thread: my delimma...it's kinda long

  1. #1
    Veteran Member la petite sexy's Avatar
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    Sad my delimma...it's kinda long

    So I just broke up with my fiance and my car died shortly after that. The car thing would've been fine. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later so I started saving for it. Then things started getting really slow at work and I started dipping into my savings account to pay bills and not being able to pay myself back. I am now down to $595 which is not enough to fix my old car or buy a new one. I am a massage therapist and the company I work for sends us to different hotel spas as needed so I need a car for work or I'll lose out on the little money that is available. As far as the fiance thing goes we've known each other since high school. We've always had a 'thing' but never really dated, especially as adults (problem number 1). He moved to L.A. in August from Ohio so we could be together and against the warnings and advice of both our parents we moved in together (problem number 2). He also has a really hard time dealing with the fact that I use to dance (problem number 3). So he's never been away from home, lived on his own but his parents were still helping him...it's just a maturity thing (although I guess most guys aren't very mature at 24). Add in the fact that I'm a tad bit older than him and the difference in life experience, we moved too fast etc... you get my point. So we had this really huge blow out and I though it was over (although for some reason I didn't feel like it was). I felt like I just needed to get away and think. I thought maybe I would finally take that trip to Guam so I could lay on the beach and sort things out and come home with some cash saved and in a better position...after all it was over and not that it really mattered but it's not like he would've ever known anyway. But then a couple of days ago we had this 5 hour long conversation and well it's really not over. I mean we're not 'together' but he's moving out when the lease is up (which we'd planned a long time ago anyway) we're gonna take time to press reset, focus on ourselves, and just...date when things settle a bit and see where things go from there. The relationship is very salvageable and he really does want/try to be just a better man (i.e. grow up cuz I'm not his mother) in general. So I have quite a few delimmas here. If I start dancing again I feel like it would be a slap in the face for him. Like were suppose to be working on getting back into a relationship (of some sort) and I go and do the ONE thing that he has the hardest time with. And he still lives here so how would I keep it from him? But on the other hand I feel like I shouldn't put my needs on hold for a guy. Also since I don't have a car I couldn't even get to a decent L.A. club. I thought about going to Vegas for a couple of days since it's MM and telling him (if he asks, we're still in a very weird phase right now) that I stayed with a friend but I haven't danced in like a year and a half and I'm afraid of taking the little money I do have and spending it on travel, house fees, and renewing the business license and working and not making it back or not being able to work at all b/c I'm no longer on the roster since I haven't worked in so long. Then I started thinking about all the bullshit I would have to start putting up with again. Guys trying to grab, kiss, lick, suck, finger me etc., asshole/racist management, I could go on but we already know how bad the situation is out here. I was feeling great about my life when I was working at my no contact, party atmosphere club in Ohio. When I started dancing in L.A./Vegas that shit wore on me! I just don't know what to do.... I thought about maybe going to Guam anyway so I could keep things separate, you know still live a normal life on the mainland, but how the hell would I explain a 3 month absence?! I have a friend of a friend that use to dance in Hawaii... I guess I could try Hooters so I wouldn't have the stress of dancing again, although I know nothing about it. Maybe cocktail waitress part time somewhere until things at work pick up? Ladies I clearly just don't know what to do!
    Last edited by la petite sexy; 03-17-2009 at 11:36 AM. Reason: I hope I put this in the right forum?

  2. #2
    Featured Member Brooke's Avatar
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    Default Re: my delimma...it's kinda long

    What if you got a job as a waitress at an SC? How would your guy feel about that? He might take it better than dancing, and it helps with your money problems.

    I don't recommend going behind his back IF you want to salvage the relationship. It's not right to pretend you are trying to fix things with him when you know in your heart that you are not respecting his boundaries.

  3. #3
    Veteran Member la petite sexy's Avatar
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    Default Re: my delimma...it's kinda long

    The waitress thing is a good idea. If I remember correctly they made pretty good money. Thanks for the idea! You're right about not going behind his back. I wouldn't want him to do that to me and I don't wanna be that girl. He isn't perfect but he is a good guy and now that I'm looking at things objectively it would be pretty fucked up for me to do that!

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