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Thread: oh shit, bad mistake...

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    Veteran Member knp001's Avatar
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    Default oh shit, bad mistake...

    like I mentioned in other posts, I have recently moved to Sydney (but just for a few months) and I've been getting a little crazy-craze.
    I only just lost my virginity to my boyfriend last fall (october, maybe?) and i discovered i really, really love sex!
    we broke up when I left the states (I miss him more than anything ), and I've been in sydney for 1 month. since then, I've slept with 7 guys. Please don't judge me for that, or for what I'm about to say.
    with those guys, I was ALWAYS safe. however, last night i did something incredibly stupid and had sex with a guy (who claimed he as 27 but looked at least around 33) without a condom. I was drunk, I was stupid. I remembered this morning he said that he's had sex with around 40 people. oh fuck. he said he'd been tested and asked me as well, but honestly, now that I'm sober...40 PEOPLE?!?! what the hell was i thinking? goddammit. now, I'm freaking out because I know the incubation period for some stds is up to 6 weeks, and for hiv it can be as long as 6 months. i will go crazy waiting that long. is there anything I can do now?
    also, any advice as to stop myself from sleeping with guys is welcome. i don't know why I am. I mean, I know I love sex, but i think I'm also looking for the intimacy that comes with a relationship, that intimacy that I had with my boyfriend.

    oh and ps: he didn't cum inside of me, but still. I know that I could still catch something.
    Last edited by knp001; 03-20-2009 at 08:46 PM. Reason: forgot something
    Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect."
    - Shakespeare




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    Veteran Member justifymylove's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    I know you're freaking out, it is a scary feeling but honestly, what's done is done and I don't think there are many people who can claim to have been perfect in their sexual activities. I mean, there are STIs you may contract even with a condom, so even the super-careful can get unlucky. Get tested and all that, and get to know the signs of STIs that you should be looking for, and most importantly, take this as a lesson. The momentary lapse is not worth this worry, is it?

    You're probably right about your sexual appetite being linked to a need for intimacy. Might I suggest looking for an ongoing friends with benefits situation? That can provide you with physical stimulation but also offers a tiny bit of stability, wherein you can build a measure of trust and rapport with someone without necessarily getting into a relationship. Not only that, but there is something to sex other than the initial thrill and excitement of a new person, which can only be discovered by really getting to know someone and letting them get to know you. It doesn't even sound like you got to be sexually active with your boyfriend for that long after all.

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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    Often, how we learn not to do dumb things is by doing them, and experiencing the consequences. We gain wisdom through our experiences. In this matter you now have wisdom! That is good.

    Try not to dwell on the worst case scenario here. When we tell ourselves scary stories about future outcomes, we live those moments over and over, with all the attendant emotions of anxiety and fear etc. It's far better to live it once, if even at all. When you find yourself thinking about what awful thing might happen, notice the feelings and the thoughts, and then concentrate on your breathing. By doing these things you will return to the present...a far kinder place to dwell.

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    Senior Member inferior wine's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    The chances are you're fine, but still, wait for a month or so and go get tested. There's no harm in it. And try to stay sane. Good luck.


    Supertheory of supereverything

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    Senior Member patchouli's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    Quote Originally Posted by knp001 View Post
    also, any advice as to stop myself from sleeping with guys is welcome. i don't know why I am. I mean, I know I love sex, but i think I'm also looking for the intimacy that comes with a relationship, that intimacy that I had with my boyfriend.
    Why do you want advice on refraining from sex if you love it? Here's how I see it. You discovered you love sex and realized how important it is to be safe. You also recognize you want intimacy. Now carry that knowledge with you and have fun. Seriously. Women have been suppressing their sexuality since the beginning of time. Others have been saying "fck it" and enjoying life. Only you can decide how much is too much, and at what point you want to wait until you become sexual with someone. If you're enjoying it, keep doing it. If you're looking for more, go for it.

    Also, don't worry about the STD/STI thing. Just get yourself tested now and periodically (also after each partner), and use protection. Worrying won't get ya anywhere! So hang in there.

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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    well, i feel that the std worry isnt worth sleeping around. and i dont want drama. so my solution was to buy a jack rabbit and not bother with people. not the cheap kind, the really nice ones. i feel it's much less headaches, stress and heartache. all i need is batteries, which is cheaper than condoms and std tests.

    i am fortunate enough to have some kick ass friends. they are not and never will be fwb. ever. but we are like siblings. it is an amazing bond. so i'll just be grateful for my friends, no drama, no awkwardness, all fun.

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    Work on boosting your immune system. Even if he did have something, even some of the worst STD's can be defeated by strong immune system.

    1. Do a basic cleanse. Be sure to eat clean during your cleanse and replace probiotics in your system.

    2. Drink green tea. It is very immune boosting and will offer caffeine to help with any withdrawals you may have from giving up soda or coffee while boosting immunity.

    Don't worry about your partner's numbers. I've been with way more partners than he has been with and have never contracted an STD. It is more important to be safe than to be prudish. I had a virgin roommate that got Chlamydia after sleeping with only the second person ever.

    If he was safety conscious enough to ask you if you were disease free, then you are probably okay. It still doesn't hurt to build up a little more immunity, just in case.


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    God/dess verfolgung's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    Quote Originally Posted by knp001 View Post
    ... and I've been in sydney for 1 month. since then, I've slept with 7 guys. Please don't judge me for that, ...

    As I read these words, I couldn't help but think of the double standards within our societal perceptions. If this were a guy would be made to worry about how others might percieve him?
    If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.


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    Veteran Member knp001's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    Quote Originally Posted by verfolgung View Post
    As I read these words, I couldn't help but think of the double standards within our societal perceptions. If this were a guy would be made to worry about how others might percieve him?
    too true! I've hid the real # from my roommates - they think I've only been with 2, and they still think I'm a slut.
    Thanks for the advice to all of you - it's really nice to come to a place where I can get a lot of support and good advice, and none of the judging!
    Paris - thanks! I will try that. do you have any brands/vitamins that you recommend? And is there a thread or website that gives a good outline on how to do a basic cleanse? I've never done one before
    also, has anyone heard that if you get HIV medication if you've been/think you've been exposed to the virus and it may protect you from it (but only within 72 hours)? I've heard stuff like that, but I don't know...has anyone else heard of this?
    Last edited by knp001; 03-21-2009 at 11:13 PM. Reason: had another q
    Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect."
    - Shakespeare




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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    knp,

    I strongly recommend going to a doctor and explaining what happened, and ask for advice. It would also be a good idea to get tested regularly for HIV and other STD's for the next 6-12 months. I hope everything turns out okay for you.

  12. #11
    Veteran Member knp001's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    ^yes I'm going tomorrow. ahhhhhhh I'm sooooo stupid!!
    also, I forgot to mention this, but it seems a little sketchy the more I think of it - he said he had drunk too much, and couldn't get hard, so he just wanted head. ok, check. then I was like "you're hard now." and he's like "I can only stay hard without a condom."
    fuck. WHY AM I SO STUPID?!?!?
    Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect."
    - Shakespeare




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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    knp001, I don't know what is available to you in your region, but if you go to a health foods store or a Naturopathic doctor you can get some good advice on doing a cleanse. There are also some threads about it in Body Business, but I recommend you do your own research,too. Everyone's body responds differently, so you need to do what works for you.


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    Featured Member echomadison's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    Everyone has good advice. Just chill. Also if he was 33 years old I dont think 40 people is that many at all. It may seem like alot to YOU but in reality thats prolly less than the average for a good looking man.

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    Senior Member patchouli's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    Quote Originally Posted by knp001 View Post
    ^yes I'm going tomorrow. ahhhhhhh I'm sooooo stupid!!
    also, I forgot to mention this, but it seems a little sketchy the more I think of it - he said he had drunk too much, and couldn't get hard, so he just wanted head. ok, check. then I was like "you're hard now." and he's like "I can only stay hard without a condom."
    fuck. WHY AM I SO STUPID?!?!?
    You're not stupid. You're just learning, like all of us still are.

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    Veteran Member knp001's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    ok so I went to the doctor, and he was a DICK.
    he did like nothing, told me I probably wouldn't get the HIV medication just to prevent it, looked at this spot I have (that could be a pimple, ingrown hair, or herpes spot) and told me there was no way to tell and that I should come back in 3-4 months. he was so cold about it!
    ok so in addition to that spot, I have slight slight spotting (not on my period) and felt/feel the urge to pee, but nothing comes out. my abdomen feels funny, like very slight cramps. ideas?
    also, can I get the HIV medication? or was he right - that I wouldn't be given the medication if i did go to a hospital to get it?
    I know I should relax, but I just can't! I am freaking out!
    Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect."
    - Shakespeare




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    Veteran Member knp001's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    also, I just had a mini-epiphany. I would obvi be very upset if I had an std, but the only thing I keep thinking of is telling my ex about it if we decide to get back together. I am so in love with him still goddammit. I can't imagine telling him
    Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect."
    - Shakespeare




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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    Do you think you can convince your partner to get tested and show you the results?

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    Veteran Member knp001's Avatar
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    Default Re: oh shit, bad mistake...

    haha, very doubtful! it was a one-night stand. and tbh, I've used condoms with others, but that doesn't fully protect.
    but I dunno, maybe if I call him or something...fuck. awkward turtle!
    Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect."
    - Shakespeare




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