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Thread: how to explain d/s to your lover

  1. #1
    Member GoLightly's Avatar
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    Default how to explain d/s to your lover

    edited for privacy
    Last edited by GoLightly; 04-13-2009 at 11:35 AM.

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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    they said the best time to ask is when you're having sex since you're in the moment. so when he's choking you and stuff, just be like, "i want you to [email protected]%#$#".

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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    sorry, i meant when he's slapping you cause if he's choking you, you can't really say much...

  4. #4
    goldengrl69
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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    Im the same way OP. Im a natural take charge female and enjoy the same in a partner.

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    Veteran Member knp001's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    mmmmm....I have no advice for you, but I just wanted to say, I am exactly like that as well!!! but my ex wouldn't do it
    but I agree with baby q, in the moment is how I've always done it, and it worked for me! (besides with my ex, that is)
    Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect."
    - Shakespeare




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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    yeah I'm the same. I'm such a strong character in life, I need someone who can at least equal me in the bedroom...

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    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    Get some toys to play with...like a hot collar and leash, or handcuffs, and just tell him you have fantasies about being HIS toy.

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    Featured Member Jezzebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    Quote Originally Posted by GoLightly View Post
    you know how people say what you hate in life, you love in sex?

    i absolutely cannot stand authority, being told what to do, power struggles in my daily routine... i avoid confrontation and any type of constraint, at all times.

    however, in sex, i loooooooooove all of the above! i recently started to date this guy and we have great sexual chemistry. we have gotten rough (choking, slapping). Now mind you, I do not allow just anyone to do those things to me, i really have to respect and like you and feel you are worthy to dominate me.
    Wow, I could have written this myself!

    I agree with all the posts here already. And will add, that with one of my current fuck buddies, what I do is piss him off (not for real-obviously). But all day I txt him, IM him or whatever, really wind him up, by the time he gets to my house he is a powerhouse. Calling him a C*** really seems to fire him up.

    Feel free to try
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Vodka Keeps Me Sane's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    Definitely gotta tell him what you want and like. Either you can do that during sex, or bring it up in a conversation. Start off the topic by asking him what kinds of things he likes in bed. Once he tells you, you may not be so shy about telling him what you'd enjoy.

    With my husband, there was some things where I just kind of tested the waters during sex. I remember when I wanted him to put his hand on my neck during a certain position, I just put it there myself to see what his reaction would be. Luckily he took to it, lol. And from there we just went upwards in the things we did in bed...mostly by talking about it.

    I'm the same as you though. I definitely enjoy the things in bed that I wouldn't normally like in every day situations.

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    Member GoLightly's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    edited for privacy
    Last edited by GoLightly; 04-13-2009 at 11:37 AM.

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    Veteran Member knp001's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    Quote Originally Posted by Jezzebelle View Post
    Wow, I could have written this myself!

    I agree with all the posts here already. And will add, that with one of my current fuck buddies, what I do is piss him off (not for real-obviously). But all day I txt him, IM him or whatever, really wind him up, by the time he gets to my house he is a powerhouse. Calling him a C*** really seems to fire him up.

    Feel free to try
    oh YES! I LOVE pissing them off. ummm I don't know if this is weird or not but whatever. once, during a one night stand, we were...going at it, and I told him to slap me, so he complied. it just escalated until I was "struggling" to get away, and I would spit on him. is that fucked up? whatever. it was hot.

    I think that if you do get him to do little things, usually, it should just escalate. good luck and let us know how it goes!! (if you want to, haha)
    Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect."
    - Shakespeare




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    Veteran Member knp001's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    Quote Originally Posted by Jezzebelle View Post
    Wow, I could have written this myself!

    I agree with all the posts here already. And will add, that with one of my current fuck buddies, what I do is piss him off (not for real-obviously). But all day I txt him, IM him or whatever, really wind him up, by the time he gets to my house he is a powerhouse. Calling him a C*** really seems to fire him up.

    Feel free to try
    oh YES! I LOVE pissing them off. ummm I don't know if this is weird or not but whatever. once, during a one night stand, we were...going at it, and I told him to slap me, so he complied. it just escalated until I was "struggling" to get away, and I would spit on him, and he would "punish me" by slapping me or choking me. is that fucked up? whatever. it was hot.

    I think that if you do get him to do little things, usually, it should just escalate. that is my experience, at least. good luck and let us know how it goes!! (if you want to, haha)
    Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect."
    - Shakespeare




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    Member Idmonstre's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    hmm. i am the same way. i make my lovers watch Secretary with me. do the same.
    -Crimson

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    Member GoLightly's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    edited for privacy
    Last edited by GoLightly; 04-13-2009 at 11:35 AM.

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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    I don't want to sound silly or prude, but please be careful you don't get injured doing any of these types of activities.

  16. #16
    Senior Member patchouli's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    Quote Originally Posted by GoLightly View Post
    i absolutely cannot stand authority, being told what to do, power struggles in my daily routine... i avoid confrontation and any type of constraint, at all times.

    however, in sex, i loooooooooove all of the above!
    That is interesting! I was about to say, "same here!" but then I realized I also like the opposite.. I think it's the Gemini in me. I like everything when it comes to sex.
    edit: forgot to post my advice. haha I'd just come out and demand whatever you want him to do, and do it when he's in a dominant position. That might sound contradictory but it will let you both play with the power and go back and forth .. it will strengthen his intentions. have fun

  17. #17
    Featured Member Brooke's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    Men are visual. Show him pictures and tell him you want to try that, with an emphasis on WITH HIM. He won't be able to resist you.

    I am also very "in charge" in life and submissive in bed. PM me if you want to talk more about it.

  18. #18
    Veteran Member StuartL's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to explain d/s to your lover

    If he has even a little natural dominance in his personality, he won't need asking twice...

    The girl I am currently dating is quite a high-profile journalist in her home country, a real go-getter. But I simply make my demands of her and she loves to comply!! She sometimes seems a little disappointed if I don't boss her around. But in other areas of life, she would fight to the death for her opinions or rights. So it seems that you aren't alone.

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