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Thread: Avoiding Eye Contact

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    Default Avoiding Eye Contact

    Why do some dancers avoid eye-contact? A lot of the dancers that I've gotten dances from, when I've look directly at their face, and specially their eyes,... they will immediately use their hands to direct my gaze to their breasts or crotch, instead.

    Is there some unwritten code of etiquette that says a custie should not look directly at a dancer's face or make eye contact during the dance? Is this like invading their private space?

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    No, and if they aren't using intense eye contact they are probably making a lot less money than those of us to do. Most men love eye contact.
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    Senior Member GeorgeBailey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2 View Post
    No, and if they aren't using intense eye contact they are probably making a lot less money than those of us to do. Most men love eye contact.


    Amen.

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Why do some dancers avoid eye-contact?...
    Nerves. Especially for new dancers. Also, sometimes customers mistake girls looking at themselves in mirrors as narcissism, and sometimes it is, but other times it's new dancers who are uncomfortable with their surroundings checking to make sure they are not about to fall over or hit anything.

    Don't forget, it is a two way street. Some dancers just get used to working with lots of customers who never make eye contact with them and get mezmorized with other body parts.

    The real pros can shake their booty at one customer, shake their rack at another, and still smile and make eye contact with a third!
    If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.


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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Quote Originally Posted by verfolgung View Post
    The real pros can shake their booty at one customer, shake their rack at another, and still smile and make eye contact with a third!
    I so want to steal that for my signature line here!
    Very, very true!
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    Veteran Member chris91's Avatar
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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    I was pretty nervous and shy when I first started dancing, and it took me a long time to get used to making eye contact.

    What you're talking about doesn't sound like nervousness though. If a girl is too nervous to look you in the eye, then she probably won't have the balls to grab your head and move it. They may be just trying to let you know that you don't have to be polite and you can stare right at the tits/ass. Or maybe you're creeping them out.

    I do find it weird when a guy stares right at my face through a whole dance. Actually, it's pretty creepy when anybody in any situation stares right at my face for too long.
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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Eye contact play a major role in body language - it has a lot to do with the way we signal our emotions.

    A strip club is a very artificial environment where we obey a set of (unwritten) rules that are outside social norms.

    IRL, we only see someone of the opposite sex naked when we have an intimate relationship with them. Inside a strip club, we can (for due payment) see those parts of a woman that only a sexual partner would normally see. This is the first explanation for why a dancer would avoid eye contact.

    Some dancers (normally new ones) have not managed to divorce themselves from real world rules. Accordingly, they feel a degree of embarrassment at being naked in front of a stranger and deal with that by avoiding eye contact - minimizing the perceived 'social' interaction with the customer.

    Women (in general) have far better social skills than men. They are adept at picking up signals from body language, conversation, etc, as to what a customers true (as apposed to stated) intentions are.

    Accordingly, the customer may feel he's moving subtly towards his unstated long term objectives, but in reality all he's doing is making the dancer feel uncomfortable. This might be because the customer wants too high a degree of contact, has been too explicit in their comments or has tried (in conversation) to create a impression of personal intimacy that the dancer doesn't want.

    In the real world, a dancer could just walk away from someone that made them uncomfortable. In a strip club, walking away is far less of an option.

    The alternative is to avoid eye contact, and in effect 'shut the customer out' of their thoughts. Instead of regarding the customer as a person, the dancer becomes very robotic in what she does, and avoids the unwanted feeling of intimacy that way.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    i like to mke eye contact with my customers. so i don't know why other girls might not.

    but a lot of guys make me uncomfortable by seeming uncomfortable with eye contact (looking down when i catch their gaze, etc), so i figure some people are just like that. i dunno. they're back there spending and are usually pretty nice, so maybe that's just how they are.

    as a customer myself at times, though, if a dancer looked away during the dance and didn't want to meet my gaze, i would assume she didn't want to do the job and just really needed the money, maybe even felt dirty about it. i don't know if that's true. but that's the impression that i've gotten.
    -love everyone but keep them far from your soul-

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W View Post

    The alternative is to avoid eye contact, and in effect 'shut the customer out' of their thoughts. Instead of regarding the customer as a person, the dancer becomes very robotic in what she does, and avoids the unwanted feeling of intimacy that way.

    Phil.
    ^^That too. I still do this sometimes with guys who have done something creepy like grab my face and try to stick their tongue in my mouth.
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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Quote Originally Posted by she sells sanctuary View Post

    as a customer myself at times, though, if a dancer looked away during the dance and didn't want to meet my gaze, i would assume she didn't want to do the job and just really needed the money, maybe even felt dirty about it. i don't know if that's true. but that's the impression that i've gotten.
    This captures my feelings exactly.

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Getting a dance is a fantasy that your experiencing. When you have an amazingly beautiful girl dancing for you and she's staring at the wall it makes me feel like she's thinking of what she needs to do tomorrow. Or if she's looking at the guy beside me she's sizing up the people, deciding who will take her for a private.

    My favourite dancers are the ones that hold your gaze, make you feel like your the one they are dancing for. I know its a fantasy but girls not holding your gaze makes you remember they are working. When that happens it sort of shatters the fantasy.

    One of the most successful dancers at my club (and my favourite) makes you feel like your the most important person in club. She does this with every customer. I understand it is a hard thing to learn but if you can you will BANK!!

    John

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Japanese men don't like eye contact from their strippers. Do you visit a club with a Japanese businessman clientele base? It could just be habit from the girls in that club if they are used to dancing for Asian guys.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    There are some cultures even here in the U.S. that consider eye contact rude, disrespectful, or aggressive. In the years I spent in a predominantly Nicaraguan neighborhood I developed the habit if not making eye contact. In that neighborhood it was considered agressive. My abuela (grandma) also would never let me look her in the eye as she considered it disrespectful to her. Not all cultures are the same. So that dancer not looking you in the eye may be doing so out of respect.
    I suggest that if you want eye contact ask for it. Most dancers will be happy to comply with a simple request.
    "Can we read it on the Smoking Gun? "

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Intimacy...

    Some people can't handle it. Like some sex workers wont kiss their clients. Way to intimate.

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    To me lack of eye contact feels like that there is lack of interest. I don't think that I ever gotten more then 1 or 2 LDs with a dancer who kept her eyes looking elsewhere.

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Quote Originally Posted by Crow2 View Post
    Intimacy...

    Some people can't handle it. Like some sex workers wont kiss their clients. Way to intimate.
    True!Insecurities as well...I still do eye contact,but maybe different levels with different guys,some like it more,some less.Try to figure out what level what person prefers by their own eye contact and body language.
    A few times I've had guys (and women custies sometimes) look with a wide eyed stare,without even blinking or moving,was very creepy and uncomfortable.In these cases I just can't look back for some reason.

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Quote Originally Posted by Crow2 View Post
    Intimacy...

    Some people can't handle it. Like some sex workers wont kiss their clients. Way to intimate.
    Exactly. It's very very personal to look into someone's eyes like that in that kind of situation.

    Remember, on our end it's a business thing. We're just doing our job.

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Quote Originally Posted by chris91 View Post
    What you're talking about doesn't sound like nervousness though. If a girl is too nervous to look you in the eye, then she probably won't have the balls to grab your head and move it.
    They don't grab my head... This is what happens -- As soon as our eyes meet, they will touch themselves (breasts, butt or crotch) in a way that obviously draws my visual attention to other parts of their bodies. If our eyes meet again (because I love staring into a woman's eyes) she does the same thing, again, to draw my visual attention elsewhere. Its happened a few times with different dancers...

    Quote Originally Posted by chris91 View Post
    They may be just trying to let you know that you don't have to be polite and you can stare right at the tits/ass.
    Maybe that's it... I'm not a regular and I tend to do the polite thing... I've had other dancers grab my hands and place them on their breasts. Are they trying to tell me I am too polite or too passive?

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    They don't grab my head... This is what happens -- As soon as our eyes meet, they will touch themselves (breasts, butt or crotch) in a way that obviously draws my visual attention to other parts of their bodies. If our eyes meet again (because I love staring into a woman's eyes) she does the same thing, again, to draw my visual attention elsewhere. Its happened a few times with different dancers...




    Maybe that's it... I'm not a regular and I tend to do the polite thing... I've had other dancers grab my hands and place them on their breasts. Are they trying to tell me I am too polite or too passive?
    Please forgive my bluntness ( since I am a Texas gal after all ) .. Honey are you that dim? It's part of the show.. touching ( the dancer touching herself ) is just that - drawing your eye to that part. Playing coy is also part of the show. Teasing look to get you to look at her


    Neither. If that's the usual behavior where you are at, they are trying to get you to participate. It's not a lot of fun when one is doing it all by ones self.

    You are over analyzing. Stop it.

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Quote Originally Posted by Crow2 View Post
    Please forgive my bluntness ( since I am a Texas gal after all ) .. Honey are you that dim? It's part of the show.. touching ( the dancer touching herself ) is just that - drawing your eye to that part.
    I am dim , specially when it concerns women... But, really,... it was obvious that they did not want me gazing at their eyes... Its hard to explain because, like you said, dancers are always doing things with their hands and touching themselves during a lap dance. ... But, it was like,... if EVERY time you look into a certain person's eyes, that person looks down and scratches their head... or starts snapping their fingers, nervously... Sometimes, you just get that feeling that someone is uncomfortable (or even offended) with eye contact... It is something you can sense, even if they act "normal"...

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Quote Originally Posted by Crow2 View Post
    Neither. If that's the usual behavior where you are at, they are trying to get you to participate. It's not a lot of fun when one is doing it all by ones self. You are over analyzing. Stop it.
    Okay, Crow2,... I will stop analyzing... and just enjoy myself...

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    Veteran Member chris91's Avatar
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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    I think crow is probably right about you over-analyzing. Either way, there are lots of reasons a dancer may avoid eye contact, and most of them have nothing to do with her hating you or her job.

    You should just assume that she can't look at you because you are so good looking that it makes her nervous. Now, sit back and enjoy the fantasy.

    Also, strip club etiquette regarding eye contact is the same as real world etiquette. Just don't bore holes in her head with your stare.
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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Quote Originally Posted by chris91 View Post
    You should just assume that she can't look at you because you are so good looking that it makes her nervous.
    Well, this is the most likely explanation of them all...

    Okay,... I just wanted to make sure I wasn't violating a - stare at my tits and ass all you want, but don't you dare gaze at my face or look penetratingly into my eyes - rule.

    BTW - I grew up in NYC where gazing into people's eyes could get you stabbed.

    Quote Originally Posted by chris91 View Post
    Now, sit back and enjoy the fantasy.
    Yes, maam.

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Okay, Crow2,... I will stop analyzing... and just enjoy myself...
    Yay! Good man.

    It is true, sometimes if I find myself attracted to a man I am doing a dance for I can't always look him RIGHT in the eye. I mean really - a girl can't give away all her secrets right off. Yes?

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    Default Re: Avoiding Eye Contact

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Why do some dancers avoid eye-contact? A lot of the dancers that I've gotten dances from, when I've look directly at their face, and specially their eyes,... they will immediately use their hands to direct my gaze to their breasts or crotch, instead.

    Is there some unwritten code of etiquette that says a custie should not look directly at a dancer's face or make eye contact during the dance? Is this like invading their private space?
    Yeah, sounds like a newbie to me or someone who just didn't want to look at you...

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