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Thread: NO sex drive after dancing

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    Senior Member blueyedmiss18's Avatar
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    Thumbs down NO sex drive after dancing

    wow since ive started dancing i have like no sex drive what so ever... the last thing i want is anyone touching me after being groped by nasty old drunk guys for most of the night

    does anyone else have this problem? or how to get through it?

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    Featured Member Winged Dinghy's Avatar
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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    Yes, I have this problem. I had a low sex drive to begin with, and now, after grinding cock all night, the last thing I want is to get another boner jammed into me by my BF.

    What has helped me is developing my fantasy life. It turns out I have a weakness for gay (male) sex. So I get my BF to talk about how he wants to "experiment." And I'm also going to use a strap-on on his butt.

    Sorry if this is TMI. I think that the reason this works for me is because the fantasies I'm using are sexual acts that are not REMOTELY similar to anything that occurs in the club. And therefore, they are more arousing to me.

    Good luck. I'm looking forward to see how other people cope with this problem, too.

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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    im the same way...eh

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    God/dess verfolgung's Avatar
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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    Trust me, you're not alone. It is a fairly common problem.
    If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.


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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    I have the same problem, and like Winged Dinghy I also tend to have a low sex drive (except the first two weeks after I'm dating someone!). I despise being groped and when a guy immediately pushes his boner into my leg whenever he wants sex. What helps me is telling a guy to let me set the pace, and focusing on emotional intimacy before physical intimacy -- feeling a strong bond with someone is what turns me on these days.

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    Senior Member blueyedmiss18's Avatar
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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    i had a very high sex drive before and for it to seem like it completely dissapeared had me freaking out... but whew! im glad im not the only one

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    God/dess verfolgung's Avatar
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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    No you're certainly not. Heh.

    I'm sure before you started dancing you weren't likely spending excessive amounts of time in a sexually charged environment.

    Dancing can be a strain both physically and emotionally. It can certainly be a challenge after a long shift to then make the physical and emotional commitment towards sex. Just like military soliders returning from an operation you likely just need some time to debrief. Different ladies break free of their jobs in different ways. You and your partner may simply need to come to an understanding that the days you work, may not be the best time for intimacy. Or perhaps you just need your time to shower or bathe to "wash the club off of you" and then gather yourself together again before you can turn to your bf.

    Hopefully you'll be able to find what will work for you.

    Take care.
    If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.


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    Featured Member exotica268's Avatar
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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    I completely have the same problem. As someone else mentioned, I'll be really horny the first couple of weeks I meet someone, or even a month, and then it greatly tapers off. This really presents a problem, bc my boyfriend is, understandably, confused. He wonders how I could go from wanting sex 7x/day each day...to being able to go without it for months :-/

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    God/dess verfolgung's Avatar
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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by exotica268 View Post
    ... He wonders how I could go from wanting sex 7x/day each day...to being able to go without it for months :-/
    Well IMHO this isn't so shocking. Lobster and filet mignon may be great to have for dinner, but if you eat it every night eventually you may get a little tired of it. The challenge is to keep things interesting. Variety is the spice of life. ... Even so, you may still find there are times when you take a break, but then as they say, "absense can make the heart grow fonder."
    If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.


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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    I used to have this problem. In fact, due to Detroit being so hands on, I actually lost sensitivity in my nipples for about 3 or 4 years. However, after a break and changing my rules with custys, I find I'm much more horny when I get home. An active fantasy life is ESSENTIAL though.

    And when you're in the mood? Make it the best you can. You can always make a crack about, baby you wore me out! I can only handle you so often! My man hears this one a LOT, lol

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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by callista View Post
    I used to have this problem. In fact, due to Detroit being so hands on, I actually lost sensitivity in my nipples for about 3 or 4 years.
    This happened to me too, only not for as long. I worked at a full contact place in Kansas for about 8 months and it was really rough. The customers were very handsy and very aggressive with the touching too--not just gentle caresses, but full on grab and pull! It sucked a lot and that REALLY killed my sex drive! I didn't have sex the entire time I worked there, and it ended up leading to a breakup.

    I've found the more touching there is the more my sex drive goes down. I think it's from just an overload of being touched, and not even in a sexual way. It's like you are in this crowded bar and everyone feels like it's ok to touch and grab you and the last thing you want when you get home is to be touched and grabbed. In fact, for me, I don't even want to have a conversation when I get home because I've been talking all night over the loud stereo and my voice hurts. I also don't like going out to bars anymore--when you work in one, it gets OLD. I don't like being around crowds of people anyways, but by forcing myself to be at work, it makes me LESS likely to want to try it in my spare time.

    But even in non-touching places, a lot of the time at the end of the day, I feel drained of all of my sexualility. There is the random day that giving dances pumps me up but it's usually once in a blue moon that that happens. I just see sex all around me all the time, all day long, sex sex sex, talking about sex, seeing sexual organs, all that, so it cheapens the sexual thrill. Dancing makes sex seem so stupid sometimes too--all of these men, spending thousands of dollars, just because our society constructs these intricate rules about what sexuality can and cannot be and who is allowed to perform it and where. It makes sex seem like it's a lot of talk and hullabalu about nothing really. Because we all have sexual parts to us and we all use them--so what? Dancing messes with my head like that, so then I just basically get bored with sex, with dealing with it, with having to engage in it or talk about it.

    The only exception, like people have said, is fantasies. I find that while my drive for just plain ol' sex goes down, my fantasies about certain sexual things go up. To get through it, I try to think about crazy weird things and weird sexual stuff to do with my gf/bf. It's like the further away from the typical fantasy that I provide at work the better. Nothing too weird, but stuff such as spanking, handcuffs, ect. I've also found that if I come home to a gf vs. a bf, it's easier with the girl to still remain interested in sex, because it's, again, so different from what I have to do at work.

    Plus, I've found that dancing makes me hate men. Really. I know it's a cliche, but it's true in my case. I see the worst of them all the time and it just disgusts me a lot and turns me off to the whole sex. Customers ask me all the time if I ever dance for a guy and find him attractive enough that I get turned on too. NEVER EVER EVER. It just doesn't work that way for me.

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    Senior Member blueyedmiss18's Avatar
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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by black_widow View Post
    .Plus, I've found that dancing makes me hate men. Really. I know it's a cliche, but it's true in my case. I see the worst of them all the time and it just disgusts me a lot and turns me off to the whole sex. Customers ask me all the time if I ever dance for a guy and find him attractive enough that I get turned on too. NEVER EVER EVER. It just doesn't work that way for me.

    i am completely with you on this one. the more im in the club the more i hate men and i was some what of a man hater before i started working at the club...now i see men all day every day who are married with kids or have gfs that come in and end up in the CR doing god knows what it just confirms my opinion that not all but most men are dogs...

    dealing with the sex drive has become a little easier and im learning ways to cope lol definitly coming home and washing the club off of me taking a long hot relaxing shower and pushing my mindset as far away from the club helps...

    it just seems for me the busier at work i am the less sex drive i have when i get home due to more groping and more nasty custies i have to deal with
    the slower we are the easier it is for me to come home and shake everything off..

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    Featured Member Winged Dinghy's Avatar
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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by blueyedmiss18 View Post

    it just seems for me the busier at work i am the less sex drive i have when i get home due to more groping and more nasty custies i have to deal with
    the slower we are the easier it is for me to come home and shake everything off..

    I notice that, too--also, when I worked in a clean club with a very strict no-touching policy (as in the custies couldn't touch you but you could touch them), where they fired anybody caught using drugs or prostituting, and where you wore pasties and didn't take off your clothes for a lap dance, it was easier to feel like "myself" after a shift.

    It was a wonderful place to work; unfortunately, the money wasn't wonderful at all.

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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by Winged Dinghy View Post
    I notice that, too--also, when I worked in a clean club with a very strict no-touching policy (as in the custies couldn't touch you but you could touch them), where they fired anybody caught using drugs or prostituting, and where you wore pasties and didn't take off your clothes for a lap dance, it was easier to feel like "myself" after a shift.

    It was a wonderful place to work; unfortunately, the money wasn't wonderful at all.

    Yah, there is some stuff that goes on upstairs in VIP in my club, but thankfully for the most part the girls are pretty hands off (and so are the customers). However, at least a couple times a day, you get the touch-feely, boob-grabbing guy that comes in. The confusing part is where to draw the line. If you don't have any contact at all, you make no money and nowadays, these are the only guys that seem to be spending. Things have been unusually slow lately on both the day and night shift, so you don't want to let a good-money custie go by not being intimate/affectionate enough with him, but you don't wanna be touched either. Ugh. This economy is doing some crazy stuff to our earnings potential here in Dallas.

    I've started really having problems with having men around. I spend a lot of time by myself these days, where just a few weeks ago (before I started dancing again) I was dating all the time, trying new restaurants, partying, etc. Now I already feel like I can't stand them and that they are all sex-craving, grabby douchebags. It's feels like everywhere I go, guys can tell I'm a stipper, but I dress the same and do my makeup the same as always. I walked into the Keg to have desert tonight with a guy (I tried to go on a date, but he was irritating the crap out of me. They all do now.) and all the other men in the bar started scoping me out. Normally this would make me feel good, but now all I wanna do is just go back home and sleep. Ugh.

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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    My sex drive has come to a screeching halt in the past six months or so, and I've been dancing for about a year and a half. Don't know if it's the job or the relationship I'm in, but it definitely sucks. It's gotten to the point where I'm living vicariously through racy NC-17 fanfiction online...and that is truly rock bottom.

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    Member bettyboop09's Avatar
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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    I haven't had sex for a long time and I had a really high sex drive before dancing.

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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by blueyedmiss18 View Post
    i had a very high sex drive before and for it to seem like it completely dissapeared had me freaking out... but whew! im glad im not the only one

    some nights I am horny and I just cant wait to get home...that if Im having a good night and guys were not gross.. other nights I just want to be alone..


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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    The truth about dating a stripper.

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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by Earl_the_Pearl View Post
    The truth about dating a stripper.

    So, your saying we all are liars.. Nice.

    You have a hard day at work, do YOU feel like bumping uglies when you get home?
    No, you want to sit down. Eat, have a beer - watch some TV and not do much of anything.

    Guess what, it's the same with us.

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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    ^ I think he was just making the point that strippers are made out to be constantly-horny sex bombs (the stereotype), when we're actually very real and diverse people who react to our jobs much differently than one might expect.

    Could be wrong though.

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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    ^ I think he was just making the point that strippers are made out to be constantly-horny sex bombs (the stereotype), when we're actually very real and diverse people who react to our jobs much differently than one might expect.

    Could be wrong though.
    Somehow, I very much doubt that.

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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    ^ Really? It actually makes sense to me. I mean we're stereotyped as these constantly "on" women: it's supposedly the holy grail of dating to date a stripper. There's a great deal of irony in the fact that our jobs complicate how we view sexuality at home, sometimes resulting in serious sexual identity issues and whatnot.

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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    ^ Really? It actually makes sense to me. I mean we're stereotyped as these constantly "on" women: it's supposedly the holy grail of dating to date a stripper. There's a great deal of irony in the fact that our jobs complicate how we view sexuality at home, sometimes resulting in serious sexual identity issues and whatnot.

    That's a porn star. The stereotypical can't get enough type deal..

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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    ^ True...they may be stereotyped more. But considering how most people outside of the sex industry group us all in with one another, I think the stereotype extends across such boundaries as stripper/pornstar/prostitute (generally).

    /end threadjack

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    Default Re: NO sex drive after dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    ^ Really? It actually makes sense to me. I mean we're stereotyped as these constantly "on" women: it's supposedly the holy grail of dating to date a stripper. There's a great deal of irony in the fact that our jobs complicate how we view sexuality at home, sometimes resulting in serious sexual identity issues and whatnot.
    Oh Charlie I totally agree. I don't think that's what Earl was referencing.

    Then again I could just be in a terrible mood.

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