








I read somewhere that the only thing women hate more than being treated as a sex object is NOT being treated as a sex object...Maybe it was Confucious that said this...
But, seriously,... I think if a women is already getting too much sexual attention... She will prefer a man who will validate other aspects of herself, like her intelligence... On the other hand, a woman who does not get enough sexual attention (e.g., because she is married to a low-libido guy, is too busy with her school or career, is a busy single working mother, is living in a very repressed environment or is getting a little older) will be very receptive to a man that is excited by her and validates her sex appeal...




^There's a big space between not being treated as a sex object adn being treated as a sex object. If instead of saying you want a better look at her boobs you just told her she looks great, she would have got the message, especially if she was hanging out for it herself.





Sorry I missed church. I was too busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.
"If you're good at something, never do it for free." The Dark Knight
"you conjunctively engender an intoxicating combination of wicked, wholesome & insanely intelligent" - a friend describing me
Blessed Be





She told me she had just had a boob job and, with what she was wearing,... she was obviously showing them off to the world... I could have responded with, "They look nice." in a gentlemanly fashion... But, that would have made me sound lame...
When I moved my chair to get a better look at her boobs I did it in a very excited and humorous manner that made her laugh and blush... Also, the comfort and chemistry was already established, before I did this...
^I think at least my original point was that when you DON'T have a pre-established rapport with someone that the "You're hot" would be less appropriate than "You've got pretty eyes, nice smile, etc...". Of course, that in itself is a generalization, because many different factors play into any interpersonal interaction.
In your example, it sounds like there was already some kind of comfort level established, so it was probably more appropriate, and she obviously liked it well enough (although your description doesn't discount Jay's point about low self-esteem).
Babble, babble, babble... sorry for rambling.





I agree that you need to have some rapport, but you can get that really fast... If during 5 minutes, she laughs at all your jokes... you have rapport...
Again, I think it has to do more with the kind of validation she needs... if she is already getting too much sexual attention and you say to her "you're hot"... she'll probably reply, "no shit, jerkoff!" But, an over-worked single mom who doesn't get to dress up and go out much might enjoy that "excited" comment... She already gets the polite "You've got pretty eyes, nice smile, etc." from her friends and family... She wants to know that she still has the sex appeal to turn a guy wild...
Then, again, who knows?.. You might get slapped...
^I do understand what you're saying, I just would never take that approach myself. I would use my voice and body language to indicate something more sexual WITH the "You've got amazing eyes" rather than something more blatant. But I've never been much of a player, so it's never been an issue for me. To each their own.





I'm not sure... You may come across incongruent and therefore creepy or sinister, if your verbal language is polite, but your body language is sexual... I think it was Paris who talked about verbal/body language incongruity and she was dead on...
I'm not a "player" either... I'm just very sensitive to "validation" needs because I've got plenty of my own...
I wonder why no woman has interjected her opinion on this issue... Though, I would suspect that most dancers would be in the "already gets too much sexual attention" category and prefer other types of recognition and validation... So, they would probably agree with you... But, if we went to a more general woman's forum it might be more mixed... Some women want to be told they have sex appeal in a very direct manner.








You mean it only works when you are lying about it? Even a hot, over-worked, single mom sees herself in the mirror after she steps out of the shower each morning.
I agree that in finve minutes you can have rapport, if you are a smooth or entertaining guy. What you are saying is if she already likes you after a short time, she doesn't mind how overtly sexual your comments are.




I still think we all must agree that the first compliment out of our mouth on meeting a girl for the first time should not be "your boobs are nice" or "you have a great ass" or "a rockin' body". It might work if you are both dancing at a night club and you've both been drinking. Then again, maybe not.
Okay point about incongruity of body language and speech, but I don't think V had in mind letting your tongue hang out or grinning like a dirty old uncle.





That's not true. There are plenty of potentially "hot" women that do not feel sexy because they're too busy working (or with kids) and they don't dress up or go out often... They wear frumpy clothes... But, when they put on a sexy little dress and high heels... they are hot...





That probably should not the very FIRST thing that comes out of your mouth upon FIRST meeting her. In my example, it was our first DATE,... we had met already... but, we were just getting to know each other.
If he is being very polite verbally, but he is staring at her tits (even without his tongue hanging out)... That is worst because it shows he is only ACTING like a nice guy and gentleman... (The incongruity is creepy.) Whereas if I am being overtly sexual in a funny and joking manner (and congruent), I'm just a regular funny and horny guy. (Not creepy.)





I don't think so... She was a secure and happy person overall... I think it was more like insecurity... But, everyone has insecurities... We're strong and secure in one area, but feel inadequate and insecure in another...
An insecure person just needs a little encouragement and validation... A low self-esteem person cannot be encourage... She has resigned to a state of low self-worth...








Still sounds like they are just disguising themselves as hot. A genuinely hot body is hot all the time. But I do think that many attractive women just don't know they are attractive, in or out of sexy clothes. Women are either criticalof themselves or just have a wrong or narrow idea of what attractive is for a man.


















^Hopper has done a good job of speaking for me.




^Hey, I have a life sometimes. I'm not going to retype everything you said... oh, right, that's cuz I'm lazy. Good call.
^For the record, I was talking about the more classic "flirty" behaviors: prolonged eye contact (reasonably prolonged), smiling, maybe a touch on the shoulder or hand if it seems appropriate, leaning towards, playing with your hair (oh, wait, that's for the female to do...). I agree leering at breasts while talking like Byron could be construed as creepy (but entertaining to any outside observers). Also, the nuance of voice can completely change the meaning of a phrase (again, wanting to avoid creepy); "You have amazing eyes" can be said in a way that communicates both "You're hot" and a respect for the woman (or guy, if that's what you're into; not that there's anything wrong with that).
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