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Thread: approach anxiety...

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    Veteran Member dreamer1980's Avatar
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    Default approach anxiety...

    i was at a topless club a few nights ago and noticed lots of girls seemed to have approach anxiety. some would walk right up and stand next to a guy at the bar, not say anything and fidget around. usually the guys never noticed them. during the night i noticed one dancer heading right in my direction, so i avoided eye contact to see what she would do. it looked like she was going in for the kill but at the very last possible moment bailed. i know i dont stink , lol.

    what are some of the common fears? being rejected or not having anything to say? its like the tables have turned inside a SC. a good looking girl IRL would have tons of guys approach her, but now that same girl has to do the approaching and cold feet sets in.

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    God/dess verfolgung's Avatar
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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Just a comment for one part of your post ...

    It's not surprising the dancer veered away when you looked away. If you look away when a dancer is approaching you, you are giving a physical que that you are not interested. Many dancers will read this and not bother with asking you for a dance assuming they are not your type, and their time will be better spent with a better prospect. If no other easier targets are readily available, then she might try a different approach on you.


    ETA: http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthr...52#post1721152
    If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.


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    Veteran Member dreamer1980's Avatar
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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by verfolgung View Post
    Just a comment for one part of your post ...

    It's not surprising the dancer veered away when you looked away. If you look away when a dancer is approaching you, you are giving a physical que that you are not interested.
    i never made eye contact with her so i couldnt have looked away. i saw her from the corner of my eye and it looked like she was on a mission coming my way. almost as if she pumped herself up and got cold feet at the last moment. im guessing she was new . if so, then those other dancers i saw must have been new too?

    i like those ninja dancers. the ones that are all stealthy and sit next to you without you noticing then whisper something in your ear and/or start touching you. startles the shit out of me ! but it sure does get the blood flowing .

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    I never knew dancers could be self conscious. Don't they know it is just a business and nothing personal.

    If they truly disdained the PLs that frequent the clubs why would they give a hoot about hustling us?

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by Earl_the_Pearl View Post
    I never knew dancers could be self conscious. Don't they know it is just a business and nothing personal.

    If they truly disdained the PLs that frequent the clubs why would they give a hoot about hustling us?
    Do all strippers disdain all patrons, just because they are patrons? I don't see why they necessarily would. Depends how they individually view the strip club situation and how they feel about stripping.
    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    we are all perverts in the SC in my opinion. Hes a pervert, you're a pervert, I'm a pervert.

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by dreamer1980 View Post
    i was at a topless club a few nights ago and noticed lots of girls seemed to have approach anxiety. some would walk right up and stand next to a guy at the bar, not say anything and fidget around. usually the guys never noticed them. during the night i noticed one dancer heading right in my direction, so i avoided eye contact to see what she would do. it looked like she was going in for the kill but at the very last possible moment bailed. i know i dont stink , lol.

    what are some of the common fears? being rejected or not having anything to say? its like the tables have turned inside a SC. a good looking girl IRL would have tons of guys approach her, but now that same girl has to do the approaching and cold feet sets in.
    Strippers/lapdancers are being rated primarily on their physical attractiveness, which women are naturally very sensitive about, so it's natural that they have anxiety about approaching patrons for lapdances. It's not entirely logical though, since there are other reasons the guy might decline a lapdance other than not liking the girl and guys have widely varying tastes in women. It would also be the same problem anyone in sales has with approaching customers - being afraid of messing up a potential sale.

    Right about the tables being turned. Normally the girl only flirts and waits for the guy to apporoach her. Approaching patrons must go against their natural psychology to some extent, combined with the attractiveness issue. But in the end they are being paid to act, not behave or think like they do in normal interaction. I'd hope that the girls could all just be professional about it and put on a good show without letting their anxieties or egos interfere.

    Not having anything to say shouldn't be a big problem. Essentially all they have to do is introduce themselves, ask how the guy is etc. and ask him if he wants a lapdance.
    Last edited by Hopper; 05-02-2009 at 03:16 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    we are all perverts in the SC in my opinion. Hes a pervert, you're a pervert, I'm a pervert.

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    Veteran Member chris91's Avatar
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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    I definitely have approach anxiety from time to time. It's not fear of rejection really. I"ve just never been a smooth chick. Even as a kid, I had to psych myself up just to order ice cream from the damn truck.

    Stripping has been a huge help for me in overcoming those issues. It's taught me how to push through the anxiety and not let it show. There are times though, when I'm about to approach a dude, and my mind goes crazy thinking about all the bad things that could happen. The clubs are getting dirtier here, so mostly my head fills with horrible scenarios where the guy licks me or touches me in a gross way.

    For me, it's totally irrational. It's less like a fear of rejection, and more like a fear of everything and anything that might happen ever.
    - SW members get 10% off with code SWEB

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by chris91 View Post
    I definitely have approach anxiety from time to time. It's not fear of rejection really. I"ve just never been a smooth chick. Even as a kid, I had to psych myself up just to order ice cream from the damn truck.

    Stripping has been a huge help for me in overcoming those issues. It's taught me how to push through the anxiety and not let it show. There are times though, when I'm about to approach a dude, and my mind goes crazy thinking about all the bad things that could happen. The clubs are getting dirtier here, so mostly my head fills with horrible scenarios where the guy licks me or touches me in a gross way.

    For me, it's totally irrational. It's less like a fear of rejection, and more like a fear of everything and anything that might happen ever.
    It would be hard for a girl to deal with behaviour she doesn't like and still be nice to the guy. Particularly if he crosses the line in some way and the girl is obliged to set him straight. The thought of that would put her off of approaching patrons. In one club I saw a guy go over and sit really close to the girl dancing on stage and smile and gawk at her and talk to her. Looked creepy. Then three of his friends came over and joined in. It was like they'd never seen a girl before.
    Last edited by Hopper; 05-02-2009 at 06:07 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    we are all perverts in the SC in my opinion. Hes a pervert, you're a pervert, I'm a pervert.

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Body language - Example: Last evening, early - there was only a few of my co-workers and a couple of guys. This one guy was drinking soda, sat by himself - did not smile and kept his eyes almost in a militant forward first fashion. When he sat he hunched over, steepled his fingers when he put his hands together and still had a sour look on his face.

    I'm fearless when it comes to these sorts of guys - so I trot my happy behind over and begin to try and chat him up. He was mean, rude and almost seemed to be irritated that I was bothering him.

    I left him alone - he did not stay very long and did not smile or show any sort of pleasure at even being out in the world. He did not talk to anyone, did not tip and got one more soda before he left.

    Body language - if you want the dancers to come say Hi, you have to act like you WANT them to. Look at them, smile, say Hello - be pleasant. Take the initiative and go and GET ONE.. we love that!


    Sometimes a bad evening can be made so much more happier by a smiling face.

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    Featured Member vmurphy252's Avatar
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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    ^See, I'm an introvert by nature, and almost pathologically shy when it comes to women, so I'm the guy that looks perpetually pissed off in the club, and I only drink water and maybe a beer. However, if a girl approaches me, I will at least perform the pleasantries, and, if we connect (I connect with her, I guess; I know she's just selling), I've been known to spend $500+ on LD/VIP. I am not trying to make it difficult for you guys, but I just can't be that forthright.

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by vmurphy252 View Post
    ^See, I'm an introvert by nature, and almost pathologically shy when it comes to women, so I'm the guy that looks perpetually pissed off in the club, and I only drink water and maybe a beer. However, if a girl approaches me, I will at least perform the pleasantries, and, if we connect (I connect with her, I guess; I know she's just selling), I've been known to spend $500+ on LD/VIP. I am not trying to make it difficult for you guys, but I just can't be that forthright.

    See, that's right. Your not a big Meany.

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    The girl that I was so impressed with looked like she was a bit shy and anxious when she was approaching guys. I wasn't too sure if it was a hustle or genuine.

    It's probably the reason I acted like such a sap and bought so many dances from her.

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Not exactly on topic, but anyway:

    Every new girl I meet I always have a brief (under 60 seconds) chat with her if she approaches. During this chat I make a few key points: I'm pleased to meet you and glad you stopped by, I'm not looking for a dance at the moment, and if I want a dance in the future I will approach you. This of course all said with a friendly smile, and as pleasantly as if she were an old friend. I've never had anything but a friendly reception to this type of intro. Their nervousness is usually obvious, and quite endearing.

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by Crow2 View Post
    Body language - Example: Last evening, early - there was only a few of my co-workers and a couple of guys. This one guy was drinking soda, sat by himself - did not smile and kept his eyes almost in a militant forward first fashion. When he sat he hunched over, steepled his fingers when he put his hands together and still had a sour look on his face.

    I'm fearless when it comes to these sorts of guys - so I trot my happy behind over and begin to try and chat him up. He was mean, rude and almost seemed to be irritated that I was bothering him.

    I left him alone - he did not stay very long and did not smile or show any sort of pleasure at even being out in the world. He did not talk to anyone, did not tip and got one more soda before he left.

    Body language - if you want the dancers to come say Hi, you have to act like you WANT them to. Look at them, smile, say Hello - be pleasant. Take the initiative and go and GET ONE.. we love that!


    Sometimes a bad evening can be made so much more happier by a smiling face.
    We should, but not everyone does. Bottom line is that you are the hosts and you want to get paid. I find that many girls think too much about the treatment they would like instead of doing their jobs professionally. They forget that they are not patrons themselves at a regular night club, where it's the guys who are trying to pick them up. Some take patron's behaviour too much at face value and take it to heart. I guess it's hard finding a balance between avoiding being totally impersonal toward patrons and being thick-skinned about their behaviour.
    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    we are all perverts in the SC in my opinion. Hes a pervert, you're a pervert, I'm a pervert.

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    Featured Member vmurphy252's Avatar
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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by Crow2 View Post
    See, that's right. Your not a big Meany.
    ^Was it thought that I was?

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by Hopper View Post
    I find that many girls think too much about the treatment they would like instead of doing their jobs professionally. They forget that they are not patrons themselves at a regular night club, where it's the guys who are trying to pick them up. Some take patron's behaviour too much at face value and take it to heart. I guess it's hard finding a balance between avoiding being totally impersonal toward patrons and being thick-skinned about their behaviour.
    That doesn't change the fact that a fair few customers are downright rude and/or mean, and even with a thick-skin, some of what they say and do can really hurt, particularly on a bad night. I would always be polite to bar staff at any other club, or any other kinda of salespeople, and I would hope most guys would too. All I'm (and many of the girls I work with) hoping for is to be treated with that basic level of courtesy you would expect in ANY job. Strippers have feelings too, guys.

    In response to the OP, for me at least, aproach anxiety comes from three main things a) Fear of unwanted groping and/or verbal abuse b) Frustration on a slow night - not wanting to hear another no (so I take a break from asking till I calm down) or c) Just plain rudeness (see above).

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by Jessamin View Post
    That doesn't change the fact that a fair few customers are downright rude and/or mean, and even with a thick-skin, some of what they say and do can really hurt, particularly on a bad night. I would always be polite to bar staff at any other club, or any other kinda of salespeople, and I would hope most guys would too. All I'm (and many of the girls I work with) hoping for is to be treated with that basic level of courtesy you would expect in ANY job. Strippers have feelings too, guys.
    I treat dancers with courtesy and I still get some with hang-ups. That's what I was talking about. I know you can't do anything about the idiots. Remember also that some dancers (and other staff) behave wrongly toward patrons and that comes back on the rest of you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jessamin View Post
    In response to the OP, for me at least, aproach anxiety comes from three main things a) Fear of unwanted groping and/or verbal abuse b) Frustration on a slow night - not wanting to hear another no (so I take a break from asking till I calm down) or c) Just plain rudeness (see above).
    Someone recently started a thread here asking for suggestions from dancers about how guys should approach girls, drawing upon their experience with approaching patrons. Maybe the dancers could use some pointers from men, since we have to deal with rejection from women all the time. I just hope it doesn't make you more like men.
    Last edited by Hopper; 05-03-2009 at 07:07 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    we are all perverts in the SC in my opinion. Hes a pervert, you're a pervert, I'm a pervert.

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by vmurphy252 View Post
    ^Was it thought that I was?

    No. Did I say you were? Of course not.
    Your assumption.

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by Crow2 View Post
    No. Did I say you were? Of course not.
    Your assumption.
    No one said I was, and then you pop in with me not being one. That presupposes an assumption that SOMEONE thought I was. Great, now by brain's going to explode. Hope you're happy.

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by vmurphy252 View Post
    No one said I was, and then you pop in with me not being one. That presupposes an assumption that SOMEONE thought I was. Great, now by brain's going to explode. Hope you're happy.

    Funny, I actually laughed at that. The image of some big man with an exploding brain. * Bwahahaha *

    Lookit.. I'm a simple individual and blond. So that means I don't speak with forked tongue. And just because you need this sort of explanation - Innuendo.

    Christ. No one thought you were or are mean. Calm down and get your tidy whites outta yer bee-hind. Lord have mercy - and men say women are weird.

    YES, I SAID YOU ARE WEIRD.

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    Featured Member babybambi08's Avatar
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    WWW Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by Earl_the_Pearl View Post
    I never knew dancers could be self conscious. Don't they know it is just a business and nothing personal.

    If they truly disdained the PLs that frequent the clubs why would they give a hoot about hustling us?

    I am very self conscious.. I usually dont have a hard time going up to people but I usually go up to the guys that tip me on stage first and just go with the flow but there are many times Im very worried they are going to reject me..


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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by Crow2 View Post
    Funny, I actually laughed at that. The image of some big man with an exploding brain. * Bwahahaha *

    Lookit.. I'm a simple individual and blond. So that means I don't speak with forked tongue. And just because you need this sort of explanation - Innuendo.

    Christ. No one thought you were or are mean. Calm down and get your tidy whites outta yer bee-hind. Lord have mercy - and men say women are weird.

    YES, I SAID YOU ARE WEIRD.
    Pretty sure he's just playing. Not weird.
    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    we are all perverts in the SC in my opinion. Hes a pervert, you're a pervert, I'm a pervert.

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    Featured Member vmurphy252's Avatar
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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    ^I think she's just trying to play on my insecurities. Women are evil that way.

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by vmurphy252 View Post
    ^I think she's just trying to play on my insecurities. Women are evil that way.

    Another funny.. You are getting better.

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    Default Re: approach anxiety...

    Quote Originally Posted by vmurphy252 View Post
    ^I think she's just trying to play on my insecurities. Women are evil that way.
    Was that another joke?
    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    we are all perverts in the SC in my opinion. Hes a pervert, you're a pervert, I'm a pervert.

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